Talk:The Keys of Marinus/GA1

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Reviewer: Aoba47 (talk · contribs) 18:42, 25 March 2018 (UTC)Reply

• Grabbing this for a review. I apologize for taking so many of your articles. >< Reading your articles makes me really interesting in Doctor Who, specifically the older serials. I really need to watch more of this show one day (I have only seen "The End of the World"). Aoba47 (talk) 18:42, 25 March 2018 (UTC)Reply
  • Certainly no need to apologise! I very much appreciate your comments, and the thoroughness of your reviews. Working on the articles is very fun and interesting, so I'm glad you enjoy reading them—it's a great show! Looking forward to your comments. – Rhain ☔ 05:29, 26 March 2018 (UTC)Reply
    • Thank you for the response! I will try to get to this review in the later half of the week if that is okay with you. Aoba47 (talk) 19:24, 26 March 2018 (UTC)Reply

Lead and infobox

• I am not certain about the usage of the infobox image. It is a non-free image, and I have been frequently advised to keep usage of non-free media to a minimal. I have been told that non-free media for this context should illustrate something to the reader, ideally something from either the production or critical commentary, beyond the prose. I do not see a clear connection in the caption to justify the usage of the infobox image. I would either expand on the justification for the image or remove it altogether.

Plot

• For this part (Keeper of the Conscience of Marinus), I am not certain if the word “keeper” needs to be capitalized.
• This is the first sentence of the section (The Doctor, his granddaughter Susan Foreman, and her teachers Ian Chesterton and Barbara Wright arrive on a small island on the planet Marinus, where Arbitan, Keeper of the Conscience of Marinus—a vast computer developed as a vast justice machine which kept law and order across the entire planet—explains that the society of Marinus is in danger, as the Voord, humanoid creatures protected by amphibian-like black rubber wet suits, are seeking to enter the tower to take control of the Conscience.). It s rather long and contains a lot of information. I would split this into multiple sentences (at least two) to make it more digestable for the reader.
• For this sentence (To control the Voord, the Conscience requires five keys, and Arbitan asks the Doctor and his friends to gather the keys.), I would change the verb “control” as you have used the same word in a previous sentence. I would also replace “the keys” with “them” as it is clear from the context and the repetition of the word “keys” is somewhat stilted.
• For this sentence (Unable to access the TARDIS, they are coerced into aiding Arbitan.), do you think that you should explain why the do not have access to the TARDIS.
• For this part (and the plot is uncovered. The Doctor uncovers the final key, hidden in the murder weapon, and Ian is freed.), I would avoid the repetition of the word “uncover” in such close proximity.

Production

• This is a clarification question. For this sentence (The Keys of Marinus was written to replace a different script, Dr Who and the Hidden Planet by Malcolm Hulke, which was deemed problematic and required rewrites.), do you have any information on why it was “problematic”?
• For this part (while Gorrie was unhappy with the quality of the scripts, he agreed to direct the serial to advance his career), I think that “even though” instead of “while” would be better.
• I am not certain about the placement of this sentence (The tank-top worn by Susan in the serial was knitted by Carole Ann Ford's mother.). The flow/organization of the “Characters and casting” section seems a little odd. Maybe this would fit more in the “Music and design” section with the information on the set designs?

Reception

• This part (DVD Talk's J. Doyle Wallis attributed the serial's weakness was attributed to the Doctor's absence,) needs to be revised.
• I think that you can separate the paragraph in the “Critical reception” section in two, with this sentence (However, the story and its structure was met with some positive reception.) as the topic sentence for the second paragraph.
• For this part (derided Susan's character for "devolving into a bit of a shrill”), I would add a comma at the end.

Commercial releases

• Please add ALT text for the image.

Final comments

• Great work with this. Once my comments are addressed, I will pass this as a GA. Hope you are having a great week. Aoba47 (talk) 20:51, 27 March 2018 (UTC)Reply

Thanks for the review, Aoba47! I've gone through and addressed your concerns. I replaced the image with one that better represents an important plot element (specifically highlighting the criticism at the trial scene, but the praise of Hartnell's performance). A few more points regarding your comments:

• "Keeper" is capitalised in the source, as it is the official title.
• I couldn't find any information about why Dr Who and the Hidden Planet was problematic, only that it required several rewrites so was pushed back.
• Splitting the Critical response paragraph into two results in a very short second paragraph. I feel as though keeping the paragraph as one isn't too excessive.

Let me know if you have any more concerns. Thanks again! – Rhain ☔ 05:23, 28 March 2018 (UTC)Reply

Verdict

• Thank you for addressing everything. I will ✓ Pass this. Aoba47 (talk) 16:17, 28 March 2018 (UTC)Reply