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Latest comment: 2 years ago13 comments2 people in discussion
I thought I would start a section here for Sportsfan77777 to discuss this edit, which undoes some copyedits I made. I'll post some highlights below, so we can discuss the edits.
"In doubles, she was undefeated with her usual partner Elizabeth Ryan, highlighted by another six titles at Wimbledon." Highlighted? I'm really not sure that's the best word.
1: to throw a strong light on "highlighting featured merchandise on the shelves"
2a: to center attention on : EMPHASIZE, STRESS "The speech will highlight the need for education reform."
b: to constitute a significant or especially interesting part of : to constitute a highlight of "His trip to Europe was highlighted by a visit to Vatican City."
3a: to mark (text) with a highlighter
b: to cause (something, such as text or an icon) to be displayed in a way that stands out on an electronic screen (as of a computer or smartphone) "highlighted the sentence and deleted it"[1]
We are talking about meaning 2b here, but the other meanings create a clash in the reader's mind here, and it may come down to what the sources say. Do they describe her six Wimbledon victories as a highlight of her doubles partnership? If they do, this would be ok. But it still might be better to pick a different word. If not, we can't.
"Coached by her father Charles throughout her career, Lenglen began playing tennis at age 11, becoming the youngest major champion in history with her 1914 World Hard Court Championship title at age 15." The repetition of "at age", twice within a sentence, looks and sounds a little plodding.
"After the war delayed her career four years, Lenglen was largely unchallenged." We can't say "After the war delayed her career four years...". We could say "by four years", or "for four years".
"Afterwards, she began a 179-match win streak,..." "Win streak" doesn't sound right in British English, which this article is supposed to be written in. I think we would say "winning streak". I see there are 10 instances of "win streak" in the article. As far as I can see, this phrase does not occur in EngvarB. There are also four instances of this in two sentences in the 'Achievements' section, which is unfortunate writing. It is unlikely to meet Wikipedia:Featured article criteria 1c.
I don't really buy that. Other British editors have looked at the article and no one has pointed this out. I'm not so convinced that it's not used at all in British English. For example, here is an article written by a British author in Europe that uses "win streak". It's more concise. And I also think it's more accurate. Sportsfan77777 (talk) 09:25, 9 July 2022 (UTC)Reply
"She quickly showed enough skill to convince her father to get her a proper racket from a tennis manufacturer within a month." So this happened both "quickly", and also "within a month". I think this is a tautology, and saying it once would be enough.
There are two things that happen in this sentence. The emphasis should be on the first, not the second. It's not like it literally says "quickly" twice. Sportsfan77777 (talk) 09:25, 9 July 2022 (UTC)Reply
"towards the end of autumn" What does this mean, and how does this conform with WP:SEASON? If we know the exact date, let's include the exact date. If we don't, unless it is connected with the season, for example if she slipped on fallen leaves or an early frost, let's just leave it out.
This article is decent, but hardly incapable of improvement. Let's try to improve it. In all seven instances above, I think there are minor problems with the writing. Let's try to make them better. Wubslin (talk) 17:07, 7 July 2022 (UTC)Reply
Also, it seems like you are trying to copyedit as many TFAs as possible and disputing reverts already on similar types of edits. I don't think that's advisable even for an experienced editor, let alone a brand-new editor like yourself trying to hide your past. If you think are good at writing, prove it by writing on your own FAs. If people respect you, then maybe they'll welcome your input more. Sportsfan77777 (talk) 21:21, 8 July 2022 (UTC)Reply
Hi there Sportsfan and thanks for replying. I appreciate your comments and will think about your suggestions. Anything specific to say about my suggestions? None of my edits or suggestions have anything to do with STYLEVAR, which recommends discussing concerns in article talk, hence this section. I'm not especially fussed about respect, just trying to improve a few articles. Wubslin (talk) 22:36, 8 July 2022 (UTC)Reply
level-4 vital article is rated FA-class on Wikipedia's content assessment scale.
