Talk:Relational dialectics

"Social life is an ongoing dynamic tension between forces of unity and difference, order and disorder. This interplay cannot be reduced to a single, static binary opposition - centripetal and centrifugal focres are multiple, varied, and ever-changing in the immediate context of the moment. The tension between centripetal and centrifugal themes, beliefs, ideologies, and values take concrete form in the everyday interaction practices of social life" (Baxter and Montogomery, 1996)

• The Interpersonal Communication theory proposed by Leslie Baxter and Barbara Montgomery (1996), highlight the tensions, struggles, and general messiness of close personal ties and relationships.
• The basic premise of this perspective is that personal relationships are a ceasless interplay between contrary or opposing tendencies (Griffin, 2006)
• Contradication (or tug-of-war) is the core concept of Relational Dialectics
• In other words, it is the abstract process of "the dynamic interplay between unified oppositions" (Miller, 2005) - such as a man and a woman both feel the contradiction toward intimacy and independence.
• These contradictions are inevitable and can be constructive for relationships.

• A backdrop concept can be rooted to the Yin and Yang (Baxter and Montgomery, 1996).
• Thus, "the dark Yin and the light Yang of the universe are in constant interplay and motion...when either the yin force or the yang force reaches an extreme, it contains the seed of it's opposite" (p. 20)

• Greek philosopher Heraclitus
• "The deepest reality was change that comes from opposing forces; reality was like the simultaneousley desruptive and creative power of fire." (Baxter and Montgomery, 1996, p. 21)
• The ancient seeds of dialectic approachs are apparent from Eastern and Western philosophy.

• Mikhail Bakhtin - one of the most influentual intellects in the 1920's-1930's was the dialectic tension as the deep structure of all human experience (Griffin, 2005).
• He identified that the tension between unity and difference is in all aspects of social life.
• He saw dialogue consisting of at least two different voices with distinct tendencies: Centripetal (forces of unity) and Centrifugal (forces of difference).
• His ideals clearly illustrate oppositions have no ultimate resoluation. The only certainty is uncertainty. Relationships are always in flux (Griffin, 2005).

• This is the core concept of Relational Dialectics
• It is the dynamic interplay between unified oppositions
• A Contradiction is formed "whenever two tendencies or forces are interdependent (unity) yet mutually negate one another (negation)" (Miller, 2005).
• For example, in a relationship one can simultaneaously desire intimacy and distance. Or may want a close relationship with the significant other and also seek to be their own person.

• Totality suggests that contradictions in a relationship are part of a unified whole and cannot be understood in isolation.
• In other words, the dialectics cannot be separated and are intrinsically related to each other.
• For example, the tension between dependence and interdependence cannot be separted from the tension between openness and privacy - both work to condition and define the other.

• Dialectics must be understood through social processes
• Movement, activity, and change are fuctional properties (Rawlins, 1989).
• For example, Instances such as an individual fluctuating between disclosure and secretiveness; while some couples may move between periods of honest and open communication (Miller, 2005).

• The Dialectic tensions are created and re-created through the active participation and interaction.
• This considers the choices individuals make in the midst of dialectical tensions. In turn, the choices and actions create, re-create, and change the nature of dialectical tensions.
• For example, relationships are never constant, the only constant is CHANGE.

• Baxter observed three main contradictions that challenge/affect almost every close relationship (1998).
• According to Griffin, as most of us embrace the ideals of closeness, certainty, and openness in relationships, the communication is NOT a straight path towards these goals - we are drawn to the exact opposites (autonomy, novelty, and privacy) (2005).
• The Communication scholars outline tensions that exist within a relationship. It is important to note there is NO finite list of Relational Dialectics.

• This is the primary strain in all relationships.
• If one side wins this me-we tug-of-war, the relationships loses!
• No relationship can exist unless the individuals sacrifice some individual autonomy.
• Too much connection can destroy the relationship due to the individual indentities become lost.
• For example, one women may want expect to be with her significant other every night during the week; while the other other may only want to spend three nights a week together. How will they manage this tension?

• Baxter and Montgomery acknowledge the need for both Interpersonal certainty and novelty (1996).
• Relationals and individuals need a touch of spontenaity, a bit of mystery, and the occasional surprise.
• Without these, relationships can become bland, boring, and emotionally dead.
• In addition, a couple's relationships with others takes the form of Conventionality vs. Uniqueness.
• For example, a traditional family the wife cooks almost every evening, by surprise; the man learns to cook and helps his wife in the kitchen four times a week for a hobby.

• Relationships aren't on a straight line to intimacy.
• Couples see pressures for openness and closedness waxing and waning like phases of the moon (Griffin, 2005).
• For example, Jill keeps her personal goals to herself, but Jack feels sharing his goals is something to keep a relationship strong and open.
• A couple can also face Revelation and Concealment of what to tell others or the public. For example, Brittany Spears and her first husband chose to 'go public' and announce their mistaken elopement in Las Vegas.

Miller, K. (2005). Communication theories: perspectives, processes, and contexts.(2nd ed.). New York, NY: McGraw-Hill.

Griffin, Em. (2006). A First Look at Communication Theory. (6th ed.) New York, NY: McGraw-Hill.

Baxter, L., Montgomery, B.M. (1996). Relating: Dialogues and dialectics. New York: Guilford.

Montgomery, B.M., Baxter, L. (1998). Dialectical approaches to studying personal relationships. Mahwah, NJ: Lawrence Erlbaum.