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Black Dynamite

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Black Dynamite is the story of 1970s African-American action legend Black Dynamite. The Man killed his brother, pumped heroin into local orphanages, and flooded the ghetto with adulterated malt liquor. Black Dynamite was the one hero willing to fight The Man all the way from the blood-soaked city streets to the hallowed halls of the Honky House.

Directed by Scott Sanders. Written by Michael Jai White.
He's super bad. He's outta sight. He's Black Dynamite. (taglines)

Black Dynamite

[edit]
  • Shh, mama, you gonna wake up the rest of the bitches.
  • Tiny, get pimpin’ Jake out of my trunk, tell him, “the rest of my money by Wednesday or I’ll make him stick himself.”
  • Mama, you can bet yo sweet ass and half a titty whoever ordered the hit on you has already got the pigs in they back pocket.
  • Who the hell’s interrupting my Kung Fu?!
  • I know I was the best CIA agent the CIA ever had, but I thought I told you honkies from the CIA that Black Dynamite was out of the game!
  • Listen sucka. I’m blacker than the ace of spades and more militant than you and your whole damned army put together. And while you’re out there chanting at rallies and brow beating politicians, I’m taking out any money frontin’ sucker on a humble that gets in my way, so I'll tell you what. When your so-called Revolution starts, you call me and I'll be right down in front showing you how it's done. But until then, you need to SHUT THE FUCK UP when grown folks is talkin!
  • The worst thing about these dealers getting children addicted to this new smack, is that these children are ORPHANS…. And orphans don’t have parents.
  • It may be bigger than you and it may be bigger than me, but it’s not bigger than you AND me; can you dig it?
  • (after killing a donut costume-wearing assassin) Donuts don’t wear alligator shoes.
  • I’d like to take the credit but dig mama, there’s no “I” in “revolut” …in “team.”
  • Now that the man has our backs to the wall, I ain’t gonna let em hurt the kids.
  • You can hit the sheets or the streets, it don’t make me no nevermind. Now that’s your bag, baby. You can go or you can come, can you dig it?
  • I shoulda known you'd be behind this, Fiendish Dr. Wu. Your knowledge of scientific biological transmogrifications is only outmatched by your zest for Kung Fu treachery!
  • (after Bullhorn is killed) Fiendish Dr. Wu, you done fucked up now!!
  • (throws eyeballs at Fiendish Dr. Wu) You told him to keep an eye out for me.
  • You diabolical dick shrinkin' motherfuckers!
  • Haha! I threw that shit before I walked in the room!
  • Do you see where I'm coming from you jive motherfucker!
  • (firing missiles at an island from a helicopter) Take that, you dick-shrinkin' island!
  • Three inches to the left and they would have missed my black ass.

Bullhorn

[edit]
  • You know he came around here about a week ago, with some cats that I had never seen before. Man I mean these cats looked mean! Meaner than two fat motherfuckers wrestling over pork chops and greens, can you dig it?
  • Go get Chicago Wind before he disappears. I'll take care of this gorilla eatin' goon here!
  • Oh, you's a corn-fed fool with a lot of muscle mass. But it's time for Bullhorn to get up in that ass!
  • Let everybody know and suckers be warned that this is the outcome when you mess with Bullhorn!
  • Man, them honkeys gonna be runnin' for cover! when us brothas get—ge-- get-- (struggles to make a rhyme for "cover", then gives up) Hmm.

Other

[edit]
  • O'Leary: I’ve already taken the liberty of re-issuing your license to kill.
  • Gloria: I hope you don’t think that means you can have some of this cookie because if I offered you some of this cookie, this cookie might kill you.
  • Honeybee: Black Dynamite, I want to thank you for taking care of us when we was down and out, and didn't have no pimp.
  • Honeybee: They replaced the chain on your nunchucks, and oiled the bearings.
  • Captain Yancy: My God, men. Do you know what this means? Do you know whose brother... ? This ghetto is gonna be turned upside-down, I tell you, upside-down. The streets are gonna run crimson with the blood of the men responsible for his brother's death. Man I'm speaking of is a veritable one-man army. And if you get on his bad side, brother, you're done for. It's only a matter of time before he finds out. And when he does, no matter where he is, get ready, gentlemen, because hell's a-coming. Coming, coming, coming...
  • Rafelli: That black son of a bitch! He killed my best dealer! I want Black Dynamite dead, and I want him dead now!
  • Creamed Corn: Stick with me, baby, I'll have you fartin' through silk.

Dialogue

[edit]
Black Dynamite: All right. What's wrong, Honey Bee? I've known you too long. Now, if something's bothering you, why don't you lay it on me?
Honey Bee: Black Dynamite, I got to go to the hospital. It's my little nephew Bucky. He OD'd.
Black Dynamite: Where is Bucky and what has he had?
Honey Bee: It's that new drug on the street. All the kids are falling prey to it. What we gonna do, Black Dynamite?
Black Dynamite: I know what I'm gonna do. (slaps his desk and stands up) I'm gonna fight. The only way I know how. Ever since I was a boy, all I knew was how to fight. Fight, fight, fight. And when I got tired, I would fight some more. And now that the Man has got our backs to the wall, I ain't gonna let him hurt the kids. I'm gonna take him down. I'm gonna take them all down.
Black Dynamite: Excuse me, brothers.
Militant: (Reading both his stage directions (what he is supposed to do) and dialogue (what he is supposed to say) at the same time): The Militants turn, startled! This is private. How'd you get in here?
Black Dynamite: I walked in.
Militant: So, you one of them sneaky brothers, huh? Or maybe you're an undercover pig. Or maybe you're just a federal hitman.
Black Dynamite: If I was, you cats would already be dead. Now, let me speak to the man in charge.
Militant: (still reading both) Sarcastically, I'm in charge.
(Black Dynamite parks his car and enters his home. Inside, he stores his handgun on a bear statue wearing a holster before sitting down and reading a newspaper. Meanwhile, O'Leary and his men sneak into Black Dynamite's house from the back entrance towards the living room. They point their guns, only to see the bear statue sitting on the couch, wearing Black Dynamite's bathrobe. Black Dynamite appears on the other side of the room, pointing his gun at the agents.)
Black Dynamite: Freeze, Turkeys!
O'Leary: I see you haven't lost your tough, B.D.
Black Dynamite: O'Leary? (uncocks handgun)
O'Leary: The old 'pie in the windowsill' trick. I can't believe I fell for that. That was the same trick you used in 'Nam to save my ass. B.D. took our fatigues and put them on two dead gooks. I remember we circled back and turned the tables.
Black Dynamite: I guess you forgot about the time you and Bravo company left my black ass for dead, huh? But I remember. I remember everything. I remember Vietnam like it was yesterday. I remember that village in Tainan that we cut down. It was a massacre. All the dead Chinamen we left in our tracks. I remember the faces, the children. This one child I'll never forget. Poor little bastard was still alive. His little Chinese legs were blown clean off! Still see his little shins & feet hanging from the ceiling fan across the hut. He was charred from his head down to his little Chinese knees. He tried to get up, but he fell over when what was left of his right leg broke off. As he laid there, flat on his face, he looked up at me. His little Chinese eyes burned right into my stomach, deep into my soul. He said something to me in Chinese like, 'Boo coo sow!', sounded like some cartoon shit. But I understood it to be a question that he was asking me. And I don't have to know how to speak Chinese to know what that question was. 'Why, Black Dynamite? Why?'
(Long pause)
O'Leary: We're a long way from 'Nam. Look at this place. It must have an eight-track player in every room. What's going on today is a smack problem of epic proportion. Corruption is running rampant and we don't know who to trust. We need you, Black Dynamite, now more than ever.
Black Dynamite: I know I was the best CIA agent that the CIA ever had, but I thought I told you honkies from the CIA that Black Dynamite was out of the game.
O'Leary: You're never out of the game.
Black Dynamite: I've known you for a long time. And there's something you're not telling me.
O'Leary: Okay. We heard about your brother's death. The last thing we need is you running through the streets creating a river of blood.
Black Dynamite: Tell me who did it and I'll just leave a puddle.
O'Leary: We don't know who killed Jimmy. But I do know this. You step out of line, friendship or not, and I'm gonna take you down. Because in case you forgot, when you left the agency, you relinquished your license to kill.
Black Dynamite: Well, you do what you have to. Just don't get in my way.
Honey Bee: Black Dynamite, you ain't got to worry about Gloria. She gonna be safe in here. I been keeping the girls up on their kung fu like you told me to. Now, they find her up in here, we will fricassee they honky asses.
Gloria: Dynamite, are you sure about this? Maybe we should call the police.
Black Dynamite: No, Mama. You can bet your sweet ass and half a titty whoever put that hit on you already got the cops in their back pocket. You be cool, Mama. Bee here will keep you tight and out of sight. I'm gonna shake the tree from the roots and rake up the fruits, rip it up out of the ground, find out what's going down. Don't worry about tomorrow, Mama, because tonight-
Euphoria: Dynamite’s gonna make it all right!
Black Dynamite: Euphoria, shut the fuck up! I know that was you! I ain't even gotta look! I should send your ass back to Crenshaw Pete with his hot-ass coat hangers, bitch! Would you like that?!
(Euphoria shakes her head in fear and walks away. There is a long silence between Black Dynamite and Gloria.)
Gloria: Black Dynamite, I know that we just met, but somehow I feel that I can trust you. I'll be waiting here till you come to get me. [Kisses Black Dynamite] Thank you for saving my life.
Black Dynamite: You be cool, Little Mama. I'll be back before too long.
Gloria: So you’re one of those Tom Slick brothers that think they can get by on good looks, a wink and a smile, huh?
Black Dynamite: Tom Slick – no. But thank you for the compliment.
Gloria (trying to cover): No, I didn’t mean that. Not that I think you have good looks. I just mean, y’know these guys with their-
Black Dynamite: Winks and smiles?
Gloria: Yeah
Black Dynamite: [winks]
Gloria: Well what about the smile?
Black Dynamite (deadpan serious): I am smiling
(Black Dynamite and his gang storm into Gunsmoke's apartment, only to see Gunsmoke in shock after the many bottles of Anaconda malt liquor shrinks his penis.)
Black Dynamite: Anaconda malt liquor gives you a little dick. Should we kill him?
(Bullhorn pulls out his gun and points it at Gunsmoke.)
Bullhorn: Man, do you want to live?! Do you want to go on?!
(Bullhorn puts Gunsmoke out of his misery by shooting him.)
Bullhorn: Man, these crackers have gone too far!
Afroditey: I get off in 15 minutes!
Black Dynamite: You right about that, sugar, you right about that.
Valet: Bullhorn, do you want anything?
Bullhorn: Yes, I would like some of that ass.
Doctor: Black Dynamite, I mean really!
Black Dynamite: Hey man, you shouldn’t have sent her in here with them titties. What did you expect? So how's my x-ray?
Doctor: You’re lucky, Black Dynamite. Three inches to the left and we wouldn’t be having this conversation.
Black Dynamite: Three inches to the right and he would’ve missed my black ass.
Black Dynamite: I'm declaring war on anybody who sells drugs in our community.
Chocolate Giddy-Up: But Black Dynamite, I sell drugs to the community!
Black Dynamite: Bullhorn, Cream Corn says he can help us find the men we’re looking for. What do you think?
Bullhorn: I think we should put our ankles in it!
Shawanda: My Mama said my Daddy’s name is Black Dynamite.
Brikwilla: So did my mama.
Black Dynamite: Uh, hush up little girls, lotta cats have that name.
Fiendish Dr. Wu: You should try the Wu family Red Silk kung fu.
(Dr. Wu demonstrates his skills in front of Black Dynamite before doing his fighting stance. Black Dynamite shows Dr. Wu skills of his own.)
Black Dynamite: Black Dynamite Panther Fist!
Black Dynamite: I should have known it was you all the time. I should have asked myself, 'Who's the man so wicked, so cruel, that he could serve smack to the orphanage, kill my brother Jimmy, and put out a drug to shrink black men's dicks?' Only one man. That's you, Tricky Dick! So I'm here to deliver you one presidential ass-whupping!
Richard Nixon: Black Dynamite, there's a perfectly reasonable explanation for that...
(Nixon pulls out his nunchucks out of a drawer and jumps on the desk)
Richard Nixon: Showtime, motherfucker! Fucking think you can fuck with me, Black Dynamite?! Who the fuck would stop me, piece of shit?!
(After the ghost of Abraham Lincoln knocks the gun off Richard Nixon's hand, Black Dynamite takes the president down with a foot sweep and pummels his face with a barrage of punches.)
Black Dynamite: You had enough, Mr. President?
Richard Nixon: You'll never get away with this!
Black Dynamite: Watch me, you little insecure cracker. You think by shrinking our johnsons, it's gonna make your situation any better? That's your problem, Tricky Dick. You are paranoid. Like sending those two-bit crooks to Watergate. For what? For these?
(Black Dynamite throws some photographs of Nixon tied up and engaged in an S&M session.)
Black Dynamite: Look at you. You lost it all, turkey.
Richard Nixon: Kill me.
Black Dynamite: Say what?
Richard Nixon: Kill me!
Black Dynamite: No. That's the easy way out for you. Now, unless you want the rest of this freaky shit to hit the news, I suggest you take good care of me and my people. Can you dig it?
(Nixon nods)
Black Dynamite: I said, can you dig it?!
Richard Nixon: Yes, I, I can dig it!
Black Dynamite: I thought you could.
(Black Dynamite walks away)
Black Dynamite: First Lady, I'm sorry I pimp-slapped you into that china cabinet. I used excessive force. Oftentimes, I cross the line, but I try to do so in the name of what's right. Most of the time, the ends justifies the means. But in this case, I feel like I betrayed my own code of ethics. And for that, sugar, I apologize.
Patricia Nixon: But I shot at you. I tried to kill you, Black Dynamite.
Black Dynamite: This is true, but you did not connect. You shot a plate. Had you connected, pimp-slapping you into that china cabinet might have been justified. But I feel I crossed the line. And for that, please accept my apology.
Patricia Nixon: I do. I do, it's just... oh, Black Dynamite, you're so righteous.
Black Dynamite: This is also true. Because whenever there's injustice, [stands up] wrongs to be...
(Gloria suddenly appears and embraces Black Dynamite)
Gloria: Oh, Black Dynamite!
Patricia Nixon: (tugging Black Dynamite's pants) Go on, honey.
Black Dynamite: (pulls out his handgun and points it straight ahead) Because whenever there's injustice, wrongs to be righted, (as Gloria sits down, holding Black Dynamite's left leg) innocents to be defended, Black Dynamite will be there, delivering ass-whuppings. and I will not hesitate to lay the hammer down on any clown that comes around. (pulls out his nunchuks) Because if they wanna fight, they best come see me, because I'm Black Dynamite.
(Pat Nixon proceeds to approach Black Dynamite and hold his right leg.)

Taglines

[edit]
  • He's super bad. He's outta sight. He's Black Dynamite.
  • He's a powder keg of black fury that's about to explode!
  • Hundred dollar suits. Ten thousand dollar cars. Million dollar ladies.

Cast

[edit]
[edit]
Wikipedia
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