Talk:B. Jayaram

B. Jayaram was a Sports and recreation good articles nominee, but did not meet the good article criteria at the time. There may be suggestions below for improving the article. Once these issues have been addressed, the article can be renominated. Editors may also seek a reassessment of the decision if they believe there was a mistake.

Article milestones
Date	Process	Result
August 29, 2022	Good article nominee	Not listed

A fact from this article appeared on Wikipedia's Main Page in the "Did you know?" column on November 17, 2021.

The text of the entry was: Did you know ... that Indian cricketer Bangalore Jayaram's English styled Mashie Lodge, was named after his favourite golf club, the Mashie Niblick?

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Did you know nomination

The following is an archived discussion of the DYK nomination of the article below. Please do not modify this page. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page (such as this nomination's talk page, the article's talk page or Wikipedia talk:Did you know), unless there is consensus to re-open the discussion at this page. No further edits should be made to this page.

The result was: promoted by SL93 (talk) 01:18, 13 November 2021 (UTC)[reply]

(

Comment or view
Article history

)

... that Bangalore Jayaram, who had played with W. G. Grace and was a part of the Indian cricket team that toured England in 1911, was the first Indian member of the Bangalore Gymkhana? Source: https://www.cricketcountry.com/articles/bangalore-jaya-ram-wg-graces-colleague-who-also-went-on-the-first-all-india-tour-to-england-278084

https://archive.org/stream/old-bungalows-in-bangalore-janet-pott/OLD%20Bungalows%20in%20bangalore%20-%20janet%20Pott_djvu.txt

- ALT1: ... that Indian cricketer Bangalore Jayaram's English styled Mashie Lodge, was named after his favourite golf club, the Mashie Niblick? Source: https://archive.org/stream/old-bungalows-in-bangalore-janet-pott/OLD%20Bungalows%20in%20bangalore%20-%20janet%20Pott_djvu.txt

Reviewed: Template:Did you know nominations/KOPR-TV

Created by Ktin (talk). Self-nominated at 05:55, 27 October 2021 (UTC).[reply]

Under review by Bermicourt (talk) 11:14, 30 October 2021 (UTC)[reply]

General: Article is new enough and long enough
New enough: Long enough:

Policy: Article is sourced, neutral, and free of copyright problems
Adequate sourcing: Neutral: Free of copyright violations, plagiarism, and close paraphrasing:

Hook: Hook has been verified by provided inline citation
Cited: Interesting:

QPQ: Done.

Overall: This is a neat and interesting little article. It is new enough, long enough and well cited. I've added quote marks in one place where the text is a direct lift from the source, but it was clearly cited in the first place. The hooks are interesting. I recommend we add "Cricket Club" to the first one since it was the cricket club he joined and not a gymkhana. ALT1 is also fine provided we change "Moshie lodge" to "Mashie Lodge". Some may argue that "Mashie Niblick" ought to be in lower case, but the source uses title case, so I don't have a problem with it. Finally the QPQ needs to be completed. Bermicourt (talk) 11:47, 30 October 2021 (UTC)[reply]

@Bermicourt:. Thanks. Completed QPQ and have updated the link above. Also, thanks for spotting the typo on Mashie in ALT1. Updated the text to say Mashie rather than Moshie. Please have a look. Thanks. Ktin (talk) 01:15, 31 October 2021 (UTC)[reply]

@Ktin:. Well done. IMHO this article is GTG. Bermicourt (talk) 08:11, 31 October 2021 (UTC)[reply]

GA Review

Unsuccessful. ♠PMC♠ (talk) 22:04, 29 August 2022 (UTC)[reply]

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

This review is transcluded from Talk:B. Jayaram/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.

Reviewer: Premeditated Chaos (talk · contribs) 19:42, 17 August 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Dibs, I usually get around to doing reviews within a week or so; ping me if it takes longer. ♠PMC♠ (talk) 19:42, 17 August 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Sorry! Here we go. Reviewer schpiel so you know what you're getting into: I review like a FAC reviewer going through the article top to bottom. I focus on prose, especially conciseness and context. I am generally open to discussing suggestions if you disagree with them for any reason.

Lead

Per MOS:LEAD, this is too short. It needs to summarize the whole article. (See for example the leads at Andy Ganteaume and Malcolm Jardine, both of comparable length to this article)
Caption for infobox image?

Early life

First sentence feels a bit jammed up in itself explaining the geographical situation. Can I suggest "Jayaram was born on 23 April 1872 in Bangalore, in the Kingdom of Mysore, a former princely state in the southern region of modern-day India." or something along that vein? It moves the explanation to the end, which flows a little better.
Do we know when he went to college? (If not in any sources, just say so and it's no problem - and same applies to any other fact questions I may ask)

Okay, I'm going to stop here, because I went to look at the source to check on the college thing and noticed that this article appears to be a really close paraphrase of the Cricket Country source. Many paragraphs have the same structure and order of facts but use slightly different words - the Early life section in this article precisely mirrors the Early Days section from the source, for example. In another example, the article uses the phrase "was a regular at the club's nets", which was almost word-for-word from that same source - "was a regular at London County nets". There's more, but those are some examples of what I'm talking about.

The article needs to be rewritten to remove this close paraphrasing. In its current state, it shouldn't be a GA, and I'm going to have to quickfail. You can always renominate once that has been addressed. ♠PMC♠ (talk) 22:04, 29 August 2022 (UTC)[reply]

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.