Douche and Turd

"Douche and Turd" is the eighth episode of the eighth season of the animated television series South Park, and the 119th episode overall. Written by series co-creator Trey Parker, it first aired on Comedy Central in the United States on October 27, 2004, shortly before the 2004 United States presidential election, which the episode satirizes.

The episode follows South Park Elementary holding an election to determine the new mascot for the school. The two candidates—a Giant Douche and a Turd Sandwich―are respectively suggested by Kyle and Cartman, and each purports that their nominee is superior to the other. Stan, who sees the election as pointless, refuses to vote and is consequently exiled from South Park.

During a pep rally at South Park Elementary, demonstrators for PETA protest the use of a cow as the school's mascot. As a result, South Park Elementary has to adopt a new mascot, for which the students are told to vote. Embarrassed by the bland choices, Kyle Broflovski jokingly suggests that one of the choices be a "giant douche", while Eric Cartman instead suggests a "turd sandwich". Eventually, the two joke candidates get the most votes, so an election is scheduled to be held. Kyle and Cartman aggressively promote their respective candidates, using bribery and fear mongering to gain support.

Stan Marsh does not see the point in the choice between a giant douche and a turd sandwich and declares his refusal to vote. Stan tells his family about it at dinner, but his parents stress the importance of voting to Stan and argue over who he should vote for. Kyle, meanwhile, informs Sean "Puff Daddy" Combs, who, along with his entourage, intimidates Stan with threats to shoot him dead. Stan agrees to vote in response to the threats, but when he is about to vote for Turd Sandwich, Kyle demands Stan to vote for Giant Douche instead. Disgusted with everyone's actions, Stan again refuses to vote. The school administration decides that Stan must be exiled from town until he realizes the importance of voting. Stan is publicly shamed by the townspeople, bound with a bucket over his head, and placed on a horse, which leaves the town to roam while carrying Stan.

Stan and the horse are eventually approached by PETA members, who lead them to their compound. Stan finds that the compound's inhabitants live closely with the animals, practicing bestality and interbreeding with them. Stan explains his banishment to the PETA members, who explain to him that an election is always between a "douche" and a "turd" because they are the only candidates who adulate enough to get that far in politics. Combs appears to kill Stan, but is distracted by a PETA member who stains his fur coat. Combs and his entourage retaliate by murdering all the PETA members, while sparing the animals. Stan is wounded by a stray bullet but manages to escape.

Returning to South Park, Stan is finally convinced to vote and casts a ballot for Turd Sandwich. Despite his vote, Giant Douche still wins the election, 1,410 to 36. Stan incredulously points out that his vote did not matter, but Randy and Sharon tell him that all votes matter, even if it is for the losing candidate. Mr. Garrison arrives at school and alerts everyone of the PETA members' murders. As a result, the cow is reinstated as the school mascot. Randy tells Stan that "now" his vote did not matter, leaving the latter irritated and feeling that the election was indeed pointless.

Slate described the episode as being "the epitome of everything great about the show".^[1]

"Douche and Turd", along with the thirteen other episodes from South Park's eighth season, was released on a three-disc DVD set in the United States on August 29, 2006. The set includes brief audio commentaries by series co-creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone for each episode.^[2]

According to Nick Gillespie of Reason magazine, this episode "pretty much sums up how most libertarians approach politics".^[3] Douche and Turd are used again in the season 20 episode "Member Berries" and subsequent episodes of the season, in which they refer to Donald Trump (represented by Mr. Garrison) and Hillary Clinton, respectively, in the 2016 presidential election.^[4]

The episode has been used to demonstrate the near-zero value of an individual vote, the intrinsic value individuals place on the act of voting itself, problems arising when voters must choose amongst undesirable candidates rather than issues, and the role of political campaigning.^[5][6]

• "Trapper Keeper", a South Park episode about the 2000 U.S. presidential election
• "About Last Night...", a South Park episode about the 2008 U.S. presidential election
• "Obama Wins!", a South Park episode about the 2012 U.S. presidential election
• "Oh, Jeez", a South Park episode about the 2016 U.S. presidential election

• "Douche and Turd" Full episode at South Park Studios
• "Douche and Turd" at IMDb