read this if you want. this is more a cry for help than anything.

i have a really hard time finding motivation to make anything, i have tons of ideas in my head for things like animations and music but i don't have the energy to execute any of them. every time i put pencil on paper or plug in my guitar i find myself doing the same shit and making zero progress. they say insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.

if i did make anything would it even matter? would my hard work and effort even be appreciated or just be ignored and go to waste?

i'm very lonely. almost nobody to bounce ideas off of except myself, nobody to give constructive criticism towards my endeavors, nobody to relate to, nobody to feel comfortable talking to without mockery. a while back i self-isolated myself from most social media platforms and people i knew IRL to "escape brainrot" and i only managed to make it worse and permanent.

truly a living corpse. doing the same shit every day, wasting my life and time, constantly thinking "oh i could do this or that and i'll be happy" and then never getting around to it, almost incapable of independent thought, neurotic, angry, spiteful, apathetic, ugly, tired. and who do i have to blame for all of it? myself.

i hate being alive.