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| Born | Refuses to answer
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| Country |  United Nations |
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| Current location | Not a galaxy far far away |
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| Time zone | Spacetime |
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| Ethnicity | Jewish |
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| Race | None |
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| Height | Kind of tall |
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| Weight | I'm just big boned |
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| Hair | Follicle challenged |
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| Eyes | Incapable of actually seeing my eyes |
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| Sexuality | Approximately 1.2147 |
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|
| Marital status | Unmarried as a protest for my LBGT brethren and sistren |
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| Spouse | Single |
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| Girlfriend | Yes |
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| Boyfriend | Not really |
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| Children | Yes, 1 |
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|
| Occupation | Shill, Amateur, Lame, I wish |
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| Employer | I refuse to be a slave to the man |
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| Education | Studied science |
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| High school | Bussed |
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| Religion | The Absence of Evidence IS Evidence of Absence |
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| Email | Don't count on a response. Unless you're Kirsten Dunst. |
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—
United Nations