Happy Days

Happy Days (1974–1984) was a popular United States television sitcom on the ABC television network about the Cunningham family who lives through the 1950's with help and guidance from the lovable, handsome, and almost superhuman greaser, Fonzie.

Richie: We played chess.

Fonzie: You played with her chest?

Howard: What's a Fonzie?

Richie: Arthur Fonzarelli. He dropped out of school.

Richie: All we had was some beer - in teeny-weeny glasses.

Howard: How many teeny-weeny glasses did you have?

Richie: Seventy-two.

Howard: I think it's time for some teeny-weeny cups of coffee.

Sergeant: [speaking to kids rounded up at an illegal drag race and Howard, who tried to stop it] Ah, it's the children's hour. Now, this isn't a nice way to spend the evening, is it? We could all be home, in our nice little beds, but you had to go out and have a nasty, old drag race. Now, in case you haven't heard lately, drag racing is a no-no in this state. [speaking directly to Howard] Ah. You don't make me very happy, kids. [taps Howard on shoulder] You're a little old for this kinda thing, aren't you, sonny?

Sergeant: Aw, Fonzie. I'm ashamed of you. I never expected to see you in here for draggin' - especially against Skizzy. Now, don't tell me you lost your cool.

Fonzie: Hey, he insulted a friend. I just thought it was my duty to drive, you know?

Sergeant: Well, I guess chivalry ain't what it used to be.

Richie: You make school sound like good fun.

Fonzie: Well, school's got good points. I mean, smoking in the bathroom, cutting classes, showing my tattoo to the chicks.

Marion: What do you plan to do when you get out of school?

Fonzie: Oh, I was thinking I might become a cop.

Marion: That's very admirable.

Fonzie: I mean, it's the only job I know where they pay you to drive a motorcycle.

Richie: Arlene, we've only been going together for two weeks. It's not like we're married.

Arlene: Richie, one week is a crush. Two weeks is a commitment.

Howard: Richard, there is one thing that women like men to do. It's what they call "a romantic gesture." We men call it "eating crow."

Richie: You know, here we are, two able-bodied men with no money. Why?

Potsie: Because we're lazy?

Joanie: Today is Junior Chipmunk father/daughter outing.

Howard: Marion, can't you go?

Joanie: Oh, great. The only event I'll win is the prettiest father.

Potsie: What's the world coming to when you can't bribe your best friend?

Howard: What are you going to wear to Ralph's costume party?

Richie: I haven't decided yet.

Marion: How about something like Donald Duck?

Richie: Oh, Mom!

Marion: What's wrong with Donald Duck?

Joanie: Mom, it's hard to neck with a beak.

Richie: Why did you let me kiss you if you didn't want to go steady?

Cindy: Because whenever I study with boys, all they think about is how to kiss me. So, I give them one kiss, and then we can concentrate on the books. It's a study system.

Marion: Your father once even sent me a five-pound box of candy on Valentine's Day anonymously. He was a devil.

Howard: I never ever sent you a five-pound box of candy.

Marion: You didn't?

Howard: No, I didn't.

Marion: Then I must have married the wrong man.

Marion: How was the Junior Chipmunk meeting, dear?

Joanie: It was good. Barbara Jo Allen ate a fly.

Howard: Well, with beef at 68 cents a pound, I can't blame her.

Fonzie: You gotta have cousins and in-laws and stuff. I mean, all those people! I got nothing against marriage, but how am I gonna get them all on my bike at the same time?

Howard: Marion, do you remember our wedding night?

Marion: Howard, we've been married twenty-one years. You can stop apologizing now.

Fonzie: Hey, Cunningham, which is cooler? The mirrors up like this at an angle or down like this, straight?

Richie: Well, I think you can see better with them down at an angle.

Fonzie: Hey, I don't wanna see where I've been. I wanna see how cool I look getting there!

[The Cunninghams are inspecting the plans for the bomb shelter]

Marion: Don't you think we should move the bathroom somewhere else so that, when people drop in, it won't be the first thing they see?

Howard: Marion, we're not trying to get into Better Homes and Gardens. We're trying to survive a nuclear attack.

Marion: I know, but we can survive with good taste.

Fonzie: Like I always say, you live fast, you die young, you leave a good-looking corpse.

Potsie: Hey, that's cool.

Richie: Nick Romano said that in Knock on Any Door.

Fonzie: I think I said it better.

Richie: Now we're gonna do what we came up here to do: neck.

Gloria: Oh, anything you say, Richie.

[They begin to kiss when the alarm clock goes off, signaling that Gloria must go home]

Gloria: Maybe we'll have time for a goodnight kiss at my door.

Richie: The story of my life is kissing at the door.

Potsie: This girl's got potential. I took her to the drive-in the other night, and she's still talking to me.

Howard: Considering everything that's happened, why don't you go paint the car red again?

Richie: Thanks, Dad, that'll be terrific.

Howard: But no "Love Bandit!" Your mother may be driving it.

Richie: Fonzie, did your family ever have a second car?

Fonzie: Nope. But we got four motorcycles. We even got a sidecar for my grandma.

Fonzie: I went out with a girl like that once. Broke up with her in two and a half minutes.

Richie: How did you do it?

Fonzie: Well, I wrote a note and threw it through her window. Of course, it was wrapped in a brick.

Richie: She said she'd do something desperate.

Ralph: How desperate can you get in a ladies' room?

Richie: Do you know what's in a ladies' room?

Ralph: No, do you?

Ralph: I really dig intellectual girls, especially that one. I love the way her mind fills her sweater.

Marion: No one on my side of the family ever went to a psychiatrist.

Howard: Well, my side of the family is perfectly normal, Marion. I mean, they don't even have to read Dear Abby.

Marion: What about your Aunt Louise who lives in a bomb shelter?

Howard: When the big one drops, who'll be crazy then?

Joanie: [after Richie rushes out of the Simpson house] You really look scared, Richie.

Richie: I am not. Don't be ridiculous. I just want to get home. I'm hungry.

Joanie: You'll have a hard time eating with your heart in your throat, Richie.

Richie: Ha, ha, ha.

Fonzie: You got nothing to fear but fear itself.

Richie: Didn't somebody else say that?

Fonzie: Well, if they did, they got it from the Fonz.

Potsie: Now, I'm desperate. Can't you set me up, Ralph?

Ralph: Oh, sure. I got a great girl for you.

Potsie: Who?

Ralph: Her name's Marlene.

Potsie: What if she has a date?

Ralph: Who would date Marlene?

Richie: What's going on with Joanie? Yesterday, all she cared about was who was gonna pay for the popcorn, and, now, she's talking about necking.

Howard: [to Marion] What did you say to her?

Marion: Well, Howard, you told me to talk to her.

Howard: Yes, talk, but not tell her anything.

Joanie: Boy, I wish the man would finish fixing our TV set.

Marion: Well, he promised to get our picture tube back in seven to ten days.

Joanie: Yeah, but I'm not gonna last that long. I'll go stir crazy.

Howard: Do what you did before we had television.

Joanie: I sat around wishing we had a TV.

Marion: I remember during the war there was a war-bond rally, and Mickey Rooney showed up, and he helped them make thousands of dollars. Do you remember, Howard?

Howard: I sure do. It's the last time I felt tall.

Richie: I don't know that much about Hamlet, Fonzie, but I'll teach you everything I know.

Fonzie: Go.

Richie: All right.

Howard: So, you're gonna play the "Melancholy Dane," huh?

Fonzie: Hey, wait a minute! I don't play animals!

Marion: What would we do without you, Fonzie?

Fonzie: Well, you'd be up a creek, Mrs. C.

Richie: Yeah, our car'd be stuck in the snow, our tree'd be out, and our Santa Claus would be mugging the neighbors.

Howard: We're gonna have fun. Look, we'll, we'll pop popcorn, and we'll toast the marshmallows, and we'll drink some cider and trim the tree, and then, later on, I'll read The Night Before Christmas.

Joanie: [singing] Jingle bells, jingle bells, boring all the way.

Howard: No singing at the table, Joanie.

Howard: What is it you did last night?

Richie: Do you wanna hear what really happened or the lie we're gonna tell everybody else?

Howard: Start with the lie. It's probably more interesting.

Richie: You know what my idea of a perfect girl is, Fonz?

Fonzie: [rolling eyes] I have no idea. Thrill me.

Richie: I like a girl... with a cute face... a cute build... and a nice personality.

Fonzie: No, you don't say.

Richie: What's your idea of the perfect girl, Fonzie?

Fonzie: 45-22-34... with her own Harley.

Howard: You realize we're probably gonna have to sit through six other strippers before she comes out.

Richie: If we hurry!

Richie: Burglar, meet my friends, Ralph and Potsie.

Burglar: You need to widen your circle of acquaintances. These are the most useless friends I've ever seen.

Burglar: You know, I could use a good, strong kid like you. Ever think of becoming a burglar?

Ralph: If I don't get into dental school, you'll be the first one I call.

Richie: Since when is politics the key to sex?

Ralph: Are you kidding? I heard about a guy who was canvassing in '52. He rang a lady's doorbell and didn't come out till '54.

Richie: I know I'm right. Why should I have to apologize?

Marion: Because he is your father.

Joanie: Right or wrong, I always apologize. It keeps my allowance coming in.

Richie: We're gonna go cruising and see if we can catch onto some new talent.

Potsie: Why don't you drop Mary Anne, and come with us?

Bag: Not me. You know the old saying, "A bird in the hand ..."

Ralph: Yeah, but what you have is a dog on a leash.

Ralph: I don't get it. Two red-headed gods and she picks Potsie Weber. Maybe she feels sorry for him.

Richie: No, she doesn't know him the way we do.

Richie: I'm gonna interview Howdy Doody.

Potsie: How are you gonna do that?

Richie: I'm gonna pull a few strings.

Ralph: With a divorcée, all you gotta do is establish a relationship.

Richie: With a glass of water?

Ralph: It's a start, Rich, it's a start. It gets you inside the house. Then, you charm your way into her private quarters. From there, you're just one subtle move away from paradise.

Richie: You go from a glass of water to paradise?

Richie: Mom, you're not still mad, are you?

Marion: I'm not still mad because I never was mad. You ordered this meatloaf, Richard.

Richie: You're mad. You always call me "Richard" when you're mad.

Joanie: Don't feel bad. When she's mad at me, she calls me "brat."

Fonzie: Yeah, just wait 'til my bongo solo.

Ralph: [glancing at the others] We don't have a bongo solo. [Fonzie glares at him] Oh, but we'll put one in, Fonz! Right guys?

Potsie: We didn't get the job, I know it.

Ralph: You'd better be wrong. I already spent the money we didn't earn from the last job we didn't get.

Marion: What's bothering you, Richard?

Richie: Nothing, Mom. Why?

Marion: Well, I always know when my children are troubled. You see, Joanie sucks her thumb, you stand holding the basketball and you don't shoot, and Chuck just sucks his thumb.

Ralph: What do you think we should do?

Fonzie: I think we should rake him over the coals until he cries wolf.

Potsie: Isn't that a mixed metaphor?

Fonzie: Do you think he's gonna know the difference?

[Richie studies the dedication Fonzie wants him to read out on the radio]

Richie: "To the Drysdale sisters, Beth and Jenny, from Fonzie and Sam."

Fonzie: Yeah.

Richie: Who's Sam?

Fonzie: Oh, that's me. I don't want the Drysdale sisters to know they're competing.

Ralph: Are your glands swollen?

Richie: Well, I don't go around feeling my glands.

Ralph: [to Potsie] Irritability, that's another symptom! [feels behind Richie's ears] Could be swollen. Why didn't I wear rubber gloves?

Howard: Who's the girl?

Richie: Denise Hudson.

Howard: The one with the terrific perfume? Oh, you've got good taste.

Richie: Except she's Fonzie's girl, and I was supposed to be keeping the other guys away from her while he's gone.

Howard: Good taste and bad judgement.

[Ralph believes two of his teachers are having an affair]

Ralph: Last week, I went into Pinney's office. He was blowing in her ear! He tried to cover up by saying he was demonstrating his perfect pitch.

Richie: You just have a suspicious mind.

Ralph: My mind's not suspicious, just dirty.

[Ralph and Potsie have to share a bed]

Ralph: If you snore, you're gonna get a pillow down your throat.

Potsie: Well, you'd better stay on your side of the bed.

Ralph: What's that supposed to mean?

Potsie: I don't know. That's what my mom tells my dad.

Fonzie: Hey, Mr. Cuningham, it's all over. Would you join us, please?

[Richie storms into Fonzie's "office"]

Fonzie: What's wrong with the kid?

Potsie: His date walked out on him.

Arnold: OK, I looking for another loud-mouth volunteer. [brief pause] No volunteer? Good, very good.

Fonzie: Cunningham, with that Howdy Doody face, you could only be so tough. But I'll tell you somethin'. I'll tell you somethin'. Now, with a li'l practice, there's always hope.

[brief pause, then Richie grabs a hold of Fonzie's shirt real tight]

Richie: [screams bloody murder] DON'T EVER GRAB ME AGAIN!!!!

Fonzie: What?!

[Richie lets go of Fonzie's shirt]

Richie: [in a pleasant tone] Just practicin'.

Fonzie: Well there. You see, it wasn't bad. It's not good, either. Wasn't bad. Now, listen; what you gotta do is you gotta, like, don't yell. You gotta keep it low, see? Now, make it more threatening.

Richie: [threateningly] Don't ever grab me again.

Fonzie: All right, now, clench your teeth.

Richie: [clenches his teeth with his lips] Don't ever grab me again.

Fonzie: Not your lips, your TEETH!

Richie: [clenches his teeth with his entire teeth] Don't ever grab me again.

Fonzie: Hey, that's good. Now, raise up your chin and look me square in the eye.

Richie: [looks up at Fonzie in the eye and clenches his teeth] Don't ever grab me again.

Fonzie: All right, now, saunter. Saunter!

Richie: [saunters right to the door and still clenches his teeth] Don't ever grab me again! [Vivian appears, and Richie looks up at her like the Fonz told him] Don't ever grab me again!

Vivian: [shocked] I've lost counts. Do you want, I mean, I should start over again?

Richie: [still clenches his teeth at Vivian] I mean, don't come back for another hour! [Vivian disappears, scared and shocked, and Richie smiles to show Fonzie how it works] Hey, how's that, Fonz?

Fonzie: [worries about Vivian] Well, I wanted her back now.

[Richie appears at the breakfast table in the kitchen]

Joanie: Hey, Rich.

Marion: Good morning, Richie. Would you like Corn Flakes for breakfast, dear?

Richie: [clenches his teeth at his mother] I never want Corn Flakes again. Oatmeal.

Marion: Well, I thought you liked Corn Fla--

Richie: [slaps the table, then screams at her] OATMEAL!!!!

Marion: I'll make oatmeal. [storms to grab a canister of "Quaker Oats" oatmeal, then looks at her son, shocked, with her hand to her heart]

Howard: [shocked, then angry] What kind of a way is that to talk to your mother?!

Richie: [sweetly] Oh, I'm sorry, Mom. Corn Flakes are OK. You see, I tried out some of the advice that the Fonz gave me the other night. And he said that if you sound tough, people listen, and it works!

Howard: Boy, I say! [to Marion, pointing to Joanie and Richie from right to left] This one with her "hi-schow" and this one yelling like King Kong! [throws his napkin on the table and storms to the door] Who could eat breakfast around here?! I'm going down to the store.

Marion: You're going nowhere. Sit down! [Howard sits right back down] And start eating, Howie! All of you, EAT! [smiles and has her thumb up] And chalk one up for the Fonz.

Fonzie (with one or both thumbs up): AAAAAAAY!

Fonzie: WHOA!

Fonzie: Correct-amundo.

Various characters: Sit on it!

Richie: Hey, Bucko!

Richie [singing like Fats Domino]: I found my thrill, on Blueberry Hill.

Richie: Yowsah, Yowsah, Yowsah!

Ralph: I still got it!

Al: Yeeeep, yep yep yep yep yep...

Chachi: Wah, wah, wah!

Joanie: What a hunk!

Marion: Are you getting frisky, Howard?

Howard: Jiminy Crickets!

Various characters: You've got to get a name. (This is in reference to Richie's nameless rock band)

• Ron Howard - Richie Cunningham (Seasons 1–7)
• Henry Winkler - Arthur "The Fonz/Fonzie" Fonzarelli (Seasons 2–11; recurring: 1)
• Tom Bosley - Howard Cunningham
• Marion Ross - Marion Cunningham
• Erin Moran - Joanie Cunninham (Seasons 3–11; recurring: 1–2)
• Anson Williams - Warren "Potsie" Weber
• Donny Most - Ralph Malph (Seasons 2–7; recurring: 1)
• Al Molinaro - Al Delvecchio (Seasons 5–9; recurring: 4)
• Scott Baio - Chachi Arcola (Seasons 5–11)
• Lynda Goodfriend - Lori Beth Cunningham (Seasons 8–9; recurring: 5–7)
• Cathy Silvers - Jenny Piccalo (Seasons 10; recurring: 8–9)
• Ted McGinley - Roger Phillips (Seasons 10–11; recurring: 8–9)
• Linda Purl - Ashley Pfister (Season 10)

• Encyclopedic article on Happy Days on Wikipedia
• Media related to Happy Days on Wikimedia Commons
• Happy Days quotes at the Internet Movie Database
• Encyclopedia of Television