Mario
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 It's-a-me, Mario! | |
| Born |
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| Died |
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| Nationality | Italian-American |
| Other names | Super Mario |
| Occupation | Gangsta, plumber |
| Years active | 1981 – 2020 |
| Known for | Drug traffic |
| Notable work | Super Mario Bros. |
Mario Mario, better known by the nickname Super Mario or simply Mario, was a notorious Italian American criminal gangster that terrorized the streets of New York City. He was best known for his fruitful career as a magic mushrooms dealer, the first of his kind to become unfathomly rich while only selling one kind of drug.
Early life[edit | edit source]
Mario was born on March 10, 1964, in the slums and dirty allies of the New York borough known as Brooklyn, just as every other reknown Italian-American criminal has. Little is known about Mario's parents, other than they were too occupied eating pizza and pasta to properly raise a child. As a result, baby Mario was most of the times taken cared of by the family pet, a lizard by the name of Yoshi, which would often fed the infant whith flies, butterflies and other bugs of the sort. This would later impact Mario's diet, mostly consisting of flowers and mushrooms he found in the backyard.
Since he was a child, Mario had suffered from ADHD, meaning that it was hard for him to stay still for more than two seconds. He was often found running around and doing whacky shenanigans along his little brother Luigi, who often found it hard to keep with his brother's speed, as a result of a severe case of autism. Mario's athlethic life made him earn the title of Jumpman, a nickname that he would often despise during his adult years.
Career[edit | edit source]
Humble begginings[edit | edit source]
Initially, Mario didn't have any real intentions of becoming rich or famous. He started his professional career at a construction company, where he had the job of dressing as an orange construction barrel due to the expensive cost of real barrels during that time. However, he would quit his job after the infamous 1981 gorilla inciddent, in which a gorilla named Donkey Kong escaped from the zoo and snucked into one of the buildings that were still in constrution. Not only did the beast cause havoc and destruction along his way, he also mangaed to steal the woman that Mario was dating at that time, who had arrived at the building earlier that day to give a surprise to his boyfriend. In an attempt to rescue her, Mario climbed upon the top of the building, only to find his girlfriend cheating him with a gorilla. Traumatized by this sight, Mario left his job and tried to canalize his anger by working at a demolition company, a job that he would also end leaving after stabbing his own toe.
In 1985, Mario decided to work as a pumbler, founding the Mario Bros. plumbing service along his brother Luigi. These were rough years for him, as the sewers were full of turtles, crabs, flies and other weird creatures that made the job incredibly difficult.
Turn to the dark side[edit | edit source]
Mario's fate would change the day he met Shigeru Miyamoto, a dangerous criminal from the Japanese Yakuza. Shigeru Miyamoto was in charge of the drug market that was controlled by the Yakuza, which sold several quality products that couldn't be found in the streets by your average drug dealer. One day, Miyamoto found a pipe leak at his vacation resort in New York, and trying to cut costs, he looked for the cheapest plumber he could find in the city in the city, which just happened to be Mario. The Brooklyn-born plumber didn't know that Shigeru was a druglord until he discovered a secret plantation of Amanita muscaria, which he tried to steal.
This is when Mario started to build a drug empire, solely based on the traffic of magic mushrooms. His plumber business started being nothing but a curtain, used to hide the real purpose of his mischief.
Political controversy[edit | edit source]
During his peak of commercial success and economic stability, Mario had inserted himself in several circles made of wealthy and important people, including actors, profitable businessmen, and even royalty -all of this, despite the controversy regarding his name and legacy. One of his several contacts was none other tan the British monarch often known as Princess Peach, a nickname that very likely stemmed from her two very notable peaches. His relationship with Peach has given Mario more than a few controversies -on top of those that were originated from his illegal business.
Several rumors started spreading indicating that Mario was in a secret relationship with the princess, due to his constant visits to the Britich palace, as well as several photos appearing through the Internet of the two being really close together at royal parties. This infuriated Peach's husband and soon to-be-King Bowser, who saw Mario as a dangerous threat to both his marriage and his place in the British throne.
As a result, Bowser would often push radical anti-drugs legislations in an attemp to take Mario's drug empire down. He would often bribe with the US President for a much more harsh war on drugs, threatening Mario's business by hiring cops that are actually competent in their job.
Mario's downfall[edit | edit source]
Unfortunately for Mario, all good things had to come to an end. His brother Luigi, tired of always being in the shadow of his older brother, snitched about the secrets of Mario's foundation.
This
Death[edit | edit source]
Mario would finally die on March 31, 2021, due to an overdose of mushrooms. At the end, what brought his rise is what also brought his ultimate downfall.
Legacy[edit | edit source]
Despite the controversy around Mario's name, his legacy has inspired several films and books, as well as a bunch of videogames. The new media concerning Mario has used several artistic liberties when retelling his story, such as picturing magic mushrooms as magical food with the ability to grant superpowers, depicting the Mushroom Kingdom as a fantasy world full of monsters and demons, or making King Bowser look like a turtle-dragon hybrid that spits fire and wants to take over the world.
Most of these videogames were founded and created by Shigeru Miyamoto, who had a video game company named Nintendo that's mostly used as a means of money laundering for the Yakuza. As a result, several critics have questioned the legality of these games, as well as the morality concerning using a deceased criminal gangster to create a multi-million dollar franchice. Nonetheless, as long as these videogames gives him sum money, Shigeru Miyamoto doesn't give a damn.
See also[edit | edit source]
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