Why is it that when I try to do something simple, like buy a flat, everything seems to get in the way? First I had an offer accepted back in MAY. Not a problem, I've been looking to get this sorted, to move closer to work, so we can hope to be in within 6-8 weeks, thus taking us to July, right?

WRONG!

The mortgage advisor went away on leave, then her colleague took over. When she returned, she took the file back and messed around for a few more weeks, before quitting her job, no less! Then I end up back with the second mortgage advisor, after speaking to head office in the estate agents. So we finally have a mortgage offer, made to me on the 2nd of September. Summer, indeed.

Think the saga ends there? We've still got two months, my friends!

Back and forth for a spot of tennis between the solicitors (Mine, vendor's and of course the housing association's own team). Finally we seem to be getting somewhere, but then the estate agents wade in with their size-10s and tell me that my solicitors are a load of rubbish and that they aren't providing what is needed to the other side. Imbeciles is a word that springs to mind in this case, as I've seen all of the paperwork on file.

So, the saga rumbles on to today and I've signed the documentation, ready for my next part, which is authorising payment to come to the solicitors and get my mortgage in place, properly. Now after three attempts at getting through the online banking system, which tells me that the landline is not working properly and knowing what a shocking reception I have on my mobile in front of the computer, I bumble my way through the transfer of all of my worldly posessions unto the solicitors. Now I have to wait 24 hours, as my payment is suspect.

KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!

So, in short, I'm jaded at the process, almost 22 weeks into the process of buying my first property and still not having a key. Now, I'm flying to Canada on the 6th of November, so when might I be able to expect completion?

Remember, remember, the 5th of November. Because if I don't get my keys, I'm going to explode*

*This means I'll be furious, not that I'm going to strap explosives to myself and scatter my worldly remains across a wide range. That's too melodramatic, even for me.