Full text of "The caravaners [microform]"

See other formats

CIHM
Microfiche
Series
(IMonograplis)

)

iCIMH

Collection de
microfiches
(monographies)

Canadian Instituta for Hittorkal Microraproductiona / Institut Canadian da microraproductiona historiquaa

Technical and Bibliographic Notes / Notes techniques et bibliographiques

The Institute has attempted to obtain the best original
copy available for filming. Features of this copy which
may be bibliographically unique, which may alter any of
the images in the reproduction, or which may
significantly change the usual method of filming are
checked below.

0
D
D

D
0
D
D

Coloured covers /
Couverture de couleur

Covers damaged /
Couverture endommagte

Covers restored and/or laminated /
Couverture restaur^ et/ou pellicula

Cover title missing / Le titre de couverture manque

Coloured maps / Cartes g^ogra'^hiques en couleur

Coloured ink (i.e. other than blue or black) /
Encre de couleur (i.e. autre que bleue ou noire)

Coloured plates and/or illustrations /
Planches et/ou illustrations en couleur

Bound with other material /
Reli6 avec d'autres documents

Only edition available /
Seule Edition disponible

Tight binding may cause shadows or distortion along
interior margin / La reliure serr^ peut causer de
I'ombre ou de la distorslon le long de la marge
int^rieure.

Blank leaves added during restorations may appear
within the text. Whenever possible, these have been
omitted from filming / II se peut que certaines pages
blanches ajout^es lors d'une restauration
apparaissent dans le texte, mais, lorsque cela 6tait
possible, ces pages n'ont pas 6\6 filmtes.

Additional comments /
Commentaires suppl^mentaires:

L'Institut a microfilm^ le meilleur exemplaire qu'il lui a
6\6 possible de se procurer. Les details de cet exem-
plaire qui sont peut-«tre unkiues du point de vue bibli-
ographique. qui peuvent nxxlifier une image reproduite,
ou qui peuvent exiger une modifk»tion dans la m^tho-
de normale de filmage sont indk^ute ci-dessous.

I I Cotoured pages / Pages de couleur

I I Pages damaged / Pages endommagtes

□ Pages restored and/or laminated /
Pages restaurtes et/ou peliicul^es

Q Pages discoloured, stained or foxed /
Pages dteolor^es, tachetttos ou piques

[7\ Pages detached / Pages d^tach^es

[•j Showthrough/ Transparence

□ Quality of print varies /
Quality in^gaie de I'impression

Includes supplementary material /
Comprend du materiel suppi^mentaire

Pages wholly or partially obscured by errata slips,
tissues, etc., have been refilmed to ensure the best
possible image / Les pages totalement ou
partiellement obscurcies par un feuillet d'errata, une
pelure, etc., ont 6\6 filmtes i nouveau de fafon k
obtenir la neilleure image possible.

Opposing pages with varying colouration or
discotourations are filmed twice to ensure the best
possible image / Les pages s'opposant ayant des
colorations variables ou des decolorations sont
filmtes deux fois afin d'obtenir la meilleure image
possible.

Thla ftwn is f ilnwd at tlw reduction ratio chockMl bolow /

Co doeumont est film* ou tauK do rMuction indiqu« ei-doasoua.

lOx

14x

18x

22x

26x

sex

12x

16x

20x

24x

28x

32x

Tha copy ftlmad h«r« hM bMn raprpduead thanks
to tha ganaroaity of:

National Library of Canada

L'axamplaira film* fut raproduit grica k la
g4n4rositA da:

Blbllothdqua natlonala du Canada

Tha imaflaa appaaring hara ara tha baat quality
poaaibia eonaidaring tha condition and lagibility
of tha original copy and in liaaping with tha
filming contraet apacif icationa.

Original copiaa in printad papar covara ara filmad
baginning with tha front covar and anding on
tha iaat paga with a printad or illuatratad impraa-
aion. or tho bacit covar whan appropriata. All
othar original copiaa ara filmad baginning on tho
first paga with a printad or illuatratad impraa-
aion. and anding on tha Iaat paga with a printad
or illuatratad impraaaion.

Tha last racordad frama on aach microficho
shall contain tha symbol — »• (maaning "CON-
TINUED"), or tha symbol y (maaning "END").
whichavar appiiaa.

Mapa. plataa. charts, ate. may ba filmad at
diffarant raduction ratios. Thosa too larga to bo
ontiraiy included in ona axposura ara filmad
baginning in tha uppar laft hand cornar. laft to
right nd top to bonom, as many framas aa
raquirad. Tha following diagrams illustrata tha
mathod:

Las imagas suivantaa ont Ati raproduitas avac la
plus grand soin, cempta tanu da la condition at
da la nattat* da faxamplaira film*, at an
conformity avac iaa conditiona du contrat da
filmaga.

Laa aaamplairaa origlnaua dont la couvartura an
papiar aat imprim^a sont filmis an commancant
par la pramiar plat at an tarminant soit par la
darniAra paga qui comporta una amprainta
d'impraaaion ou d'illustration. soit par la sacond
plat, salon la caa. Toua laa autras axampiairas
originauK sont filmis an commandant par la
pramiira paga qui comporta uno amprainta
d'impraaaion ou d'illuatration at an tarminant par
la dami^a paga qui comporta una talla
amprainta.

Un daa aymboloa suivanu spparaltra sur la
darniira imaga da chaqua microfiche, salon la
cas: la symbols -^ signlfis "A SUIVRE". la
symbols ▼ signifia "FIN".

Las cartaa. planchas, tableaux, ate. pauvant itre
filmte A daa taux da riduction diff*ronts.
Lorsqua la document est trop grand pour itra
reproduit en un soul clich*. il est film* A partir
da I'angia supiriaur gauche, do gauche * droite.
et do haut an baa. an pranant la nombre
d'imagaa nteessaire. Lea diagrammcs suivants
illustrant la mAthoda.

MICROCOPY RBOIUTION TBT CHART

(ANSI and ISO TEST CHART No. 2)

JUm

MIA

us
m

■ 2.2

UMaB

12.0

^ APPLIED IM/mP

1653 Eost Main Street

1??^^[Va ^JT ''°''' '♦609 USA
(716) ♦82 - 0300 - Phone
(716) 288 -5989 -Fox

THE CARAVANERS

-s

BY TBE SAME AUTHOX

Elitabetk and Her German Garden

Adventures of Elitabeth in Rugen

Frdutein Schmidt and Mr. Anstruther

Princess PrisciUa's Fortnight

The Solitary Summer

The fitful flicker of the lanterns played ova rapiutv cooling
eggs and grave faces

i li I

t^ T

■??^-T''»tsv^<sr-;«

>/'

THE CARAVANERS

BY THE ADTHOR OF
EUZABETH AND HER GERMAN GARDEN"

TORONTO

THE MUSSON BOOK COMPANY

UMITED

U€C57

U/i^

PaiNTKO IN NEW VO««, U. g. ^^

All «IOH« lESERVBD. INCIUDINO THAT OF TlANSlATtOV

ILLUSTRATIONS

FACINQ PAOK

TTie fitful flicker of the lanterns played over rap-
idly coolmg eggs and grave faces rZuispiec.

I never saw such little shoes
Edelgard most inconsiderately leaving me to bear
die^^nfreburdenofopening and shutting our

The sun shone its hottest while we slowly sur-
mounted this last obsucle
, ■ • • •

It was an unnerving spectacle

" ^" ^"°^'" ^"''J »h«. "do you think it is wrong
to carry Stew-pots?" . *

Thus, as it were with blacking, did I cement m-^
friendship with Lord Sigismund . . '.

Edelgard posing-and what a pose ; good helvens,'
What a pose ! '

"^thuT'^ "°' ^''''" "^"^"^"^^d Fr^u von Eck-
The^twc^nondescripts, who were passing, lingered

SO
80

100

102

114

124

134

ILLUSTRATIONS

"But, lieber Otto, is it then my fault that you
have forgotten the paper?" . . . .

"Do you, Jellaby," I then inquired, "really un-
derstand how best to treat a sausage?" .

"•Ere'eis" .......

An imposing lady in the pew in front of us sat side-
ways in her corner and examined us with calm
attention .......

The old gentleman was in the act of addressing
me in his turn

Gentle as my voice was, it yet made her start

lACmo MOB

142

182

2CX)

230

268
294

THE CARAVANERS

CHAPTER I

TN JUNE this year there were a few fine days, and
A we supposed the summer had really come at
last. The effect was to make us feel our flat
I (which is really a very nice, well-planned one on the
second floor at the corner overlooking the cemetery,
and not at all stuffy) but a dull place after all, and
think with something like longing of the country.
It was the year of the fifth anniversary of our
wedding, and having decided to mark the occasion
by a trip abroad in the proper holiday season of
August we could not afford, neither did we
desire, to spend money on trips into the country
in June. My wife, therefore, suggested that we
sho i devote a few afternoons to a series of
short excursions within a radius of, say, from five
to ten miles round our town, and visit one after
the other those of our acquaintances who live
near enough to Storchwerder and farm their own
estates. "In this way," said she, "we shall get
much fresh air at little cost."
After a time I agreed. Not immediately, of

4 THE CARAVANERS

course, for a reasonable man will take care to
consider the suggestions made by his wife from
every point of view before consenting to follow
them or allowing her to follow them. Women
do not reason: they have instincts; and instincts
would land them in strange places sometimes if
it were not that their husbands are there to illumi-
nate the path for them and behave, if one may so
express it, as a kind of guiding and very clever
glow-worm. As for those who have not suc-
ceeded in getting husbands, the flotsam and
jetsam, so to speak, of their sex, all I can say is,
God help them.

There was nothing, however, to be advanced
against Edelgard's idea in this case; on the
contrary, there was much to commend it. We
should get fresh air; we should be fed (well fed,
and, if we chose, to excess, but of co.u :e we know
how to be reasonable) ; and we should pay
nothing. As Major of the artillery regiment
stationed at Storchwerder I am obliged anyhow
t) keep a couple of horses (they are fed at the
cost of the regiment), and I also in the natural
order of things have one of the men of my bat-
talion in my flat as servant and coachman, who
costs me little more than his keep and may not
give me notice. All, then, that was wanting was
a vehicle, and we could, as Edelgard pointed
out, easily borrow our Colonel's wagonette for a

THE CARAVANERS 5

^ tew afternoons, so there was our equipage complete,
and without spending a penny.

! The estates round Storchwerder arc big and
we found on counting up that five calls would

» cover the entire circle of our country acquaintance.
There might have been a sixth, but for reasons
with which I entirely concurred my dear wife did

I not choose to include it. Lines have to be drawn,
and I do not think an altogether bad definition

j of a gentleman or a lady would be one who draws

: them. Indeed, Edelgard was in some doubt as

; to whether there should be even five, a member
of the five (not in this case actually the land-

[ owner but the brother of the widowed lady owning
it, who lives with her and looks after her interests)
being a person we neither of us can care much
about, because he is not only unsound politically,
with a decided leaning disgraceful in a man of
his birth and which he hardly takes any trouble
to hide toward those views the middle classes
and Socialist sort of people call (God save the
mark!) enlightened, but he is also either unable
or unwilling -- Edelgard and I could never make
up our minds which — to keep his sister in order.
Yet to keep the woman one is responsible for in
order whether she be sister, or wife, or mother,
I or daughter, or even under certain favourable
I conditions aunt (a difficult race sometimes, as

6 THE CARAVANERS

may be seen by the case of Edclgard's Aunt
Bockhligcl, of whom perhaps more later) is really
quite easy. It is only a question of beginning
in time, as you mean to go on in fact, and of
being especially firm whenever you feel internally
least 80. It is so easy that I never could under-
stand the difficulty. It is so easy that when my
wife at this point brought me my eleven o'clock
bread and ham and butter and interrupted me
by looking over my shoulder, I smiled up at her,
my thoughts still running on this theme, and
taking the hand that put down the plate said,
"Is it not, dear wife?"

"Is what not?" she asked — rather stupidly
I thought, for she had read what I had writ-
ten to the end; then without giving me time to
reply she said, "Are you not going to write
the story of our experiences in England after

all. Otto?"

"Certainly," said I.

"To lend round among our relations next

.Inter?"
"Certainly," said I.
"Then had you not better begin ?"
"Dear wife," said I, "it is what I am doing."
"Then," said she, "do not waste time going

off the rails."

And sitting down in the window she resumed
her work of enlarging the armholes of my shirts.

THE CARAVANERS 7

This, I may remark, was tartness. Before she
went to England she was never tart. However,
let me continue.

I wonder what she means by rails. (I shall
revise all this, of course, and no doubt will strike
out portions) I wonder if she means I ought
to begin with my name and address. It seems
unnecessary, for I am naturally as well known
to persons in Storchwerder as the postman. On
the other hand this is my first attempt (which
explains why I wonder at all what Edelgard may
or may not mean, beginners doing well, I suppose,
to be humble) at what poetic and literary and
other persons of bad form call, I believe, woo-
ing the Muse. What an expression! And I
wonder what Muse. I would like to ask Edel-
gard whether she — but no, it would almost seem
as if I were seeking her advice, which is a rever-
sing of the proper relative positions of husband
and wife. So at this point, instead of adopting
a course so easily disastrous, I turned my head
and said quietly:

"Dear wife, our English experiences did begin
with our visits to the neighbours. It it had
not been for those visits we would probably not
last summer have seen Frau von Eckthum at all,
and if we had not come within reach of her per-
suasive tongue we would have gone on our silver
wedding journey to Italy or Switzerland, as we

« THE CARAVANERS

had so often planned, and left that accursed
island across the Channel alone."

I paused: and as Edelgard said nothing, which
IS what she s^ys when she is unconvinced, I con-
tinued with the patience I always show her up
to the point at which it would become weakness,
to explain the difference between the exact and
thorough methods of men, their liking for going
to the root of a matter and beginning at the
real beginning, and the jumping tendencies of
women, who jump to tnings such as conclusions
without paying the least heed to all the impor-
tant places they have passed over while they
were. 80 to speak, m the air.

'•But we get there first," said Edelgard.

I frowned a little. A few months ago —
before, that is, our time on British soil — she
would not have made such a retort. She used
never to retort, and the harmony of our wedded
life was consequently unclouded. I think she
saw me frown but she took no notice — another
novelty in her behaviour; so, after waiting a
moment, I determined to continue the narrative.

But before I go straight on with it I should
like to explain why we, an officer and his wife
who naturally do not like spending money, should
have contemplated so costly a holiday as a trip
abroad. The fact is, for a long time past we had
made up our minds to do so in the fifth year of

THE CARAVANERS 9

our marriage, and for the following reason:
Before I married Edelgard I K- J been a widower
for one year, and before bein^ a widower I was
married for no fewer than nineteen years. This
sounds as though I must be old, but I need not
tell my readers who see me constantly that I am
not. The best of all witnesses are the eyes; also,
I began my marrying unusually young. My
first wife was one of the Mecklenburg Lunewitzes,
the elder (and infinitely superior) branch. If
she had lived, I would last year have betn cele-
brating our silver wedding on August ist, and
there would have been much feasting and merry-
making arranged for us, and many acceptable
gifts in silver from our relations, friends, and
acquaintances. The regiment would have been
obliged to .ecognize it, and perhaps our two ser-
vants would have clubbed together and expressed
their devotion in a metal form. All this I feel I
have missed, and through no fault of my own.
I fail to see why I should be deprived of every
benefit of such a celebration, for have I not, with
an interruption of twelve months forced upon
me, been actually married twenty-five years?
And why, because my poor Marie-Luise was
unable to go on living, should I have to attain
to the very high number of (practically) five and
twenty years* matrimony without the least notice
being taken of it ? I had been explaining this to

10 THE CARAVANERS

Edelgard for a long time, and the nearer the date
drew on which in the natural order of things I
would have been reaping a silver harvest and
have been put in a position to gauge the esteem
in which I was held, the more emphatic did I
become. Edelgard seemed at first unable to
understand, but she was very teachable, and
gradually found my logic irresistible. Indeed,
once she grasped the point she was even more
strongly of opinion than I was that something
ought to be done to mark the occasion, and quite
saw that if Marie-Luise failed me it was not my
fault, and that I at least had done nriy part and
gone on steadily being married ever since. From
recognizing this to being indignant that our friends
would probably take no notice of the anniversary
was but, for her, a step; and many were the talks
we had together on the subject, and many the
suggestions we both of us made for bringing our
friends round to our point of view. We finally
decided that, however much they might ignore
it, we ourselves would do what was right, and
accordingly we planned a silver-honeymoon trip
to the land proper to romance, Italy, beginning
it on the first of August, which was the date of
my marriage twenty-five years before with

Marie-Luise.

I have gone into this matter at some length
because I wished to explain clearly to those of

THE CARAVANERS

our relations who will have this lent to them
why we undertook a journey so, in the ordinary
course of things, extravagant; and having, I hope,
done this satisfactorily, will now proceed with the
narrative.

We borrowed the Colonel's wagonette; I
wrote five letters announcing our visit and ask-
ing (a mere formality, of course) if it would be
agreeable; the answers arrived assuring us in
every tone of well-bred enthusiasm that it would;
I donned my parade uniform; Edelgard put on her
new summer finery; we gave careful instructions
to Clothilde, our cook, helping her to carry them
out by locking everything up; and off we started
in holiday spirits, driven by my orderly, Hermann,
and watched by the whole street.

At each house we were received with becoming
hospitality. They were all families of our own
standing, members of that chivalrous. God-fearing
and well-born band that upholds the best tradi-
tions of the Fatherland and gathers in spirit if not
(owing to circumstances) in body, like a pro-
tecting phalanx around our Emperor's throne.
First we had coffee and cakes and a variety of
sandwiches (at one of the houses there were no
sandwiches, only cakes, and we both discussed
this unaccountable omission during the drive
home); then I was taken to view the pigs by our
host, or the cows, or whatever happened to be his

THE CARAVANERS

1 . • .

the Uwn or the terracr^r k^ ^'''''«"''' »^' <»

"•uaUy sat (only oS a te^a^r""."" '■"""''^

on subjects interestinr.^ ^ ^"'' unversed

Clothilde and Hn^ZlndTT'"^''' '"'^ ="

then, after having ; Z,!u ^°°"' "°« "hat;

and been in my turn th!,^ "u^"""*'"* *« pW

them, for natu^iiy^lVSa^l*^''^""''' 'y

service cannot be einerf,^ . ? "^ °" "tive

terest in these cfeatu'Sont *'''l *' ""^ '"-
a nuin does who devot^'v^ tv "''''"'«* as

rejoined the ladies andToifed ifthr.-t"' "'
suited to our listener, ,K„ . u *' '"Shter talk

curing with o^XZk^cHiZ^'r'-' ""'«'^-
mosquitoes, dU summoned ,i ' ^"^^ *«

supper, which usuaTcolsL T'' ""^ "^'^
hot dish and a varied .^ ?? °^ ""^ "cellent

*o«.7/o„ in cups a'd^f^C^/r' """"'" "^
sj-eet and beautiful fru Xeent T^ '''«^"'
Eckthum's, our local vo„n„ ■f'^, ^' ^'^au von
a regular d nner orsiJ°""«7<'°* ^' ''^''' « "as
what is known as u "a^^^ T""' "'l''''''8
^rried an Englishma„ratr*su;"prr •"""«
havmg sat a while smokins on th'^T' "•""'
race drinking coffee and lireu^, 7 " '""

-quitoes, we ttk^nri^tve^-^

ift

THE CARAVANERS „

^ea'r a^e."' "''"""' "'^^^y' -<» »-«-s

The last of these visits was to Frau vnn

Eckthum and her brother Graf Fl u tZm^

m/Sed L? "r^" '"°*"' ■'''"8 hiZelf un."
I?ft k '.I. i ""'' ''" ^""^ '°o''s after the estate
left by the deceased Eckthum. thereby steonTn»
into shoes so comfortable tho» 'V ' stepping

;n« i«j L /• roaa, at nrst so promis-

ing, led us before we knew where we were iZ I
wilderness plentiful in stones. During ou first
o 4ri' r- ''?'' ^"""^"y '^"'*<' -bout ou ptn

-id. would be an impotl^: montht'rSv ^^

ourTst' Hi •''' ""' '"■""'' "' ^'f'>"' and affer

our first disappomtment we willingly listened to

X llmhot^"" T "^"""^^ Switz^land, wi h i :
excellent hotels and crowds of our countrvmen

" *« try to explam the honeymoon nature of

14 THE CARAVANERS

the journey, but were met with so much of what
I strongly suspect to have been wilful obtuseness
that to our chagrin we began to see there was prob-
ably nothing to be done. Edelgard said she
wished it would occur to them if, owing to the
unusual circumstances, they did not intend to
give us actual ash-trays and match-boxes, to
join together in defraying the cost of the wedding
journey of such respectable silver-honeymooners;
but I do not think that at any time they had the
least intention of doing anything at all for us —
on the contrary, they made us quite uneasy by
the sums they declared we would have to dis-
burse; and on our last visit (to Frau von Eckthum)
happening to bewail the amount of good Ger-
man money that was going to be dragged out of
us by the rascally Swiss, she (Frau von Eck-
thum) said, "Why not come to England?"

At the moment I was so much engaged men-
tally reprobating the way in which she was lying
back in a low garden chair with one foot crossed
over the other and both feet encased in such
thin stockings that they might just as well not
have been stockings at all, that I did not imme-
diately notice the otherwise striking expression,
"Come." "Go" would of course have been
the usual and expected form; but the substitution,
I repeat, escaped me at the moment because of
my attention being otherwise engaged. I never

THE CARAVANERS

saw such little shoes. Has a woman a right to
be conspicuous at the extremities? So con-
spicuous — Frau von Eckthum's hands also easily
become absorbing — that one is unable connectedly
to follow the conversation? I doubt it: but she
is an attractive lady. There sat Edelgard, straight
and seemly, the perfect flower of a stricter type
of virtuous German womanhood, her feet prop-
erly placed side by side on the grass and clothed,
as I knew, in decent wool with the flat-heeled
boots of the Christian gentlewoman, and I must
say the type — in one's wife, that is — is prefer-
able. 1 rather wondered whether Flitz noticed
the contrast between the two ladies. I glanced
at him, but his face was as usual a complete blank.
I wondered whether he could or could not make
his sister sit up if he had wished to; and for the
hundredth time I felt I never could really like
the man, for from the point of view of a brother
one's sister should certainly sit up. She is, how-
ever, an attractive lady: alas that her stockings
should be so persistently thin.

"England," I heard Edelgard saying, "is not,
I think, a suitable place."

It was then that I cor^'-iously noticed that
Frau von Eckthum had said "Come."

"Why not?" she asked; and her simple way
of asking questions, or answering them with others
of her own without waiting to adorn them or

THE CARAVANERS

round them off with the title of the person
addressed, has helped, I know, to make her unpopu-
lar in Storchwerder society.

"I have heard," said Edelgard cautiously, no
doubt bearing in mind that to hosts whose sister
had married an Englishman and was tilW living
with him one would not say all one would like to
about it, "I have heard that it is not a place to go
to if the object is scenery."

*'Oh?" said Frau von Eckthum. Then she
added -— intelligently, I thought — "But there
always is scenery."

"Edelgard means lofty scenery," said I gently,
for we were both holding cups of the Eckthum
tea (this was the only house in which we were
made to drink tea instead of our aromatic and far
more filling national beverage) in our hands, and
I have always held one ought to humour the
persons whose hospitality one happens to be
enjoying — "Or enduring," said Edelgard cleverly
when, on our way home, I mentioned this to her.

"Or enduring," I agreed after a slight pause,
forced on reflection to see that it is not true
hospitality to oblige your visitors to go without
their coffee by employing the unworthy and bar-
barically simple expedient of not allowing it to
appear. But of course that was Flitz. He
behaves, I think, much too much as though the
place belonged to him.

THE CARAVANERS 17

Fiitz, who knows England well, having spent
several years there at our Embassy, said it was
the most delightful country in the world. The
unpatriotic implication contained in this assertion
caused Edelgard and myself to exchange glances,
and no doubt she was thinking, as I was, that it
would be a sad and bad day for Prussia if many
of its gentleman had sisters who made misguided
marriages with foreigners, the foreign brother-in-
law being so often the thin end of that wedge which
at its thick one is a denial of our right to regard
ourselves as specially raised by Almighty God
to occupy the first place among the nations, and
a dislike (I have heard with my own ears a man
at a meeting express it) an actual dislike — I can
only call it hideous — of the glorious cement of
blood and iron by means of which we intend
to stick there.

"But I was chiefly thinking," said Frau von
Eckthum, her head well back in the cushions and
her eyes fixed pensively on the summer clouds
sailing over our heads, "of what you were say-
ing about expense.'*

"Dear lady," I said, "I have been told by
all who have done it that travelling in England is
the most expensive holiday you can take. The
hotels are ruinous as well as bad, the meals are
uneatable as well as dear, the cabs cost you a
fortune, and the inhabitants are rude."

THE CARAVANERS

I spoke with heat, because I was roused (justly)
by Flitz's unpatriotic attitude, but it was a tem-
pered heat owing to the undoubted (Storchwerder
cannot deny it) personal attractiveness of our
hostess. Why are not all women attractive?
What habitual lambs our sex would become if
they were.

"Dear Baron," said she in her pretty, gende
voice, "do come over and see for yourself. I
would like, I think, to convert you. Look at
this" — she picked up some papers lying on
the grass by her chair, and spreading out one
showed me a picture — "do you not think it nice ?
And, if you want to be economical, it only costs
fourteen pounds for a whole month."

The picture she held out to me was one bear-
ing a strong resemblance to the gipsy carts that
are continually (and very rightly) being sent
somewhere else by our local police; a little less
gaudy perhaps, a little squarer and more solid,
but undoubtedly a near relation.

"It is a caravan," said Frau von Eckthum, in
answer to the question contained in my eyebrows;
and turning the sheet she showed me another
picture representing the same vehicle's inside.

Edefgard got up and looked over my shoulder.

What we saw was certainly very nice. Edel-
gard said so at once. There were flowered cur-
tains, and a shelf with books, and a comfortable

THE CARAVANERS

«9

chair with a cushion near a big window, and at
the end two pretty beds placed one above the
other as in a ship.

"A thing like this/' said Frau von Eckthum,
"does away at once with hotels, waiters, and
expense. It costs fourteen pounds for two per-
sons for a whole month, and all your days are
spent in the sun."

She then explained her plan, which was to
hire one of these vehicles for the month of
August and lead a completely free and bohemian
existence during that time, wandering through
the English lanes, which she described as flowery,
and drawing up for the night in a secluded spot
near some little streamlet, to the music of whose
gentle rippling, as Edelgard always easily inclined
to sentiment suggested, she would probably be
lulled to sleep.

"Come too,** said she, smiling up at us as
we looked over her shoulder.

"Two hundred and eighty marks is fourteen
pounds,*' said I, making mental calculations.

"For two people," said Edelgard, obviously
doing the same.

"No hotels," said our hostess.

"No hotels,** echoed Edelgard.

"Only lovely green fields,'* said our hostess.

"And no waiters,** said Edelgard.

"Yes, no horrid waiters," said our hostess.

I' 1

fiM

THE CARAVANERS

t I

Waiters are «> expensive," said Edelgard.

You wouldn't see one," said our tester

Only a mce child in a clean apron fromTfa™

br.ng.ng eggs and cream. And you nZt JbZ

the whole time, and see the country in a 4y«,u

never would going fjom place to pla^^e by ^IJ^"

«,m«v '""' ' .»^**'"y. "if we move about
someth ng must e.ther pull or push us. and that
8ometh.ng must also be paid for "

of'ai?!!;/,,'^"""^" '° "" " '■°"«- B« 'Wnk
of all the ra.lway tickets you won't buy and all the

poners you won't tip." „id Frau von Eckthum
Edelgard was manifestly impressed. Indeed.

7n^l.Z7- r\ " *"* " """'"" °f being
n England for httle money or being in Switzer-

be«er t^T'' "'/t ""''"'•"ousl/that i, was
rhrl K • ■' '" ^"8!and. And then to travel

^stinfnv" '"T f *'" ~"veyances was so
d.st.nctly or.g,nal that we would be objects of
he hvehest .merest during the succeeding win-
ter ga.et.es in Storchwerder. "The von Ottringels
are certamly all that is most modern," we could

could already see in our mind's eye how they
would press round us at «,W„ and bombard us

a";;;^crn""°"- ^' ''°"'' '- "-^ -«- °f

"And think of the nightingales ! " cried Edelgard
suddenly recollecting those poetic birds. '

«'

THE CARAVANERS ai

In August they're like Germans in Italy,"
laid Flitz, to whom I had mentioned our reason
for giving up the idea of travelling in that country.

"How so?" said Edelgard, turnin;; to him
with the slight instinctive stiffening of every
really virtuous German lady when speaking to
an unrelated (by blood) man.

"They're not there," said Flitz.

Well, of course the moment we were able to
look in our Encyclopajdia at home we knew as
well as he did that they do not sing in August,
but I do not see how townsfolk are to keep these
odds and ends of information lying loose about in
their heads. We do not have the bird in Storch-
werder and are therefore unable to study its
habits at first hand as Flitz can, but I know that
all the pieces of poetry I have come across men-
tion nightingales before they have done, and
the consequent perfectly natural impression left
on my mind was that they were always more or
less about. But I do not like Flitz's tone, and
never shall. It is true I have not actually seen
him do it, but one feels instinctively that he is
laughing at one; and there are different ways of
laughing, and not all of them appear on the face.
As for politics, if I were not as an officer debarred
from alluding to them and were led to discuss them
with him, I have no doubt that each discussion
would end in a duel. That is, if he would fighi.

22 THE CARAVANERS

The appalling suspicion has just crossed my
mmd that he would not. He is one of those
dreadful persons who cloak tlieir cowardice behind
the garb of philosophy. Well, well, I see I am
growmg angry with a man ten miles away, whom
1 have not seen for months - I, a man of the world
sittmg in the calm of my own flat, surrounded by
quiet doniestic objects such as my wife, my shirt,
and my httle meal of bread and ham. Is this
reasonable? Certainly not. Let me change the
subject. *^

The long, then, and the short of our visit to
Lrraf Fhtz and his sister in June last was that we
returned home determined to join Frau von Eck-
thum's party, and not a little full of pleasurable
anticipations. When she does talk she has a per-
suasive tongue. She talked more at this time
than she ever did afterward, but of course there
were reasons for that which I may or may not
disclose. Edelgard listened with something like
rapt interest to her really picturesque descriptions,
or rather pro, -cies, for she had not herself done
it before, of the pleasures of camp life; and I
wish It to be clearly understood that Edelgard,
who has since taken the line of telling people it
was I, was the one who was swept off her usually
cautious feet and who took it upon herself without
waiting for me to speak to ask Frau von Eckthum
to write and hire another of the carts for us.

THE CARAVANERS 23

Frau von Eckthum laughed, and said she was
sure we would like it. Flitz himself smoked in
silence. And Edelgard developed a sudden elo-
quenc in regard to natural phenomena such as
moons and poppies that would ^sve done credit
to a young and sentiments girl. ''Think of
sitting in the shade of some 'nighty he<ch tree,"
she said, for instance (she aoriirHy clasped her
hands), "with the beams of the sinking sun
slanting through its branches, and doing one's
needlework."

And she said other things of the same sort,
things that made me, who knew she was going to
be thirty next birthday, gaze upon her with a
deep surprise.

i I

i 'i
It .1

CHAPTER II

T HAVE decided not to show Edelgard my man-
JL uscript again, ar-d my reason is that I may
have a freer hand. For the same reason I will
not, as we at first proposed, send it round by itself
among our relations, but will either accompany
It m person or invite our relations to a cozy beer-
evening, with a simple little cold something to
follow and read aloud such portions of it as I
think fit, omitting of course much that I say about
Edelgard and probably also a good deal that I
say about everybody else. A reasonable man is
not a woman, and does not willingly pander to
a love of gossip. Besides, as I have already
hinted, the Edelgard who came back from England
IS by no means the Edelgard who went there.
It will wear off, I am confident, in time, and we
will return to the status quo ante — (how naturally
that came out: it gratifies me to see I still remem-
ber)—a status quo full of trust and obedience
on the one side and of kind and wise guidance
on the other. Surely I have a right to refuse to
be driven, except by a silken thread ? When I
noticing a tendency on Edelgard's part to attempt

THE CARAVANERS

to substitute, if I may so express it, leather, asked
her the above question, will it be believed that
what she answered was Bosh?

It gave me a great shock to hear her talk, like
that. Bosh is not a German expression at all.
It ir, purest English. And it amazes me with
what rapidity she picked it and similar portions
of the language up, adding them in quantities
to the knowledge she already possessed of the
tongue, a fairly complete knowledge (she having
been well educated), but altogether excluding
words of that sort. Of course I am aware it was
all Jellaby's fault — but more of him in his proper
place; I will not now dwell on later incidents
while my narrative is still only at the point where
everything was eager anticipation and preparation.

Our caravan had been hired; I had sent, at
Frau von Eckthum's direction, the money to the
owner, the price (unfortunately) having to be
paid beforehand; and Ai- the first, the very
day of my wedding with j. . . Marie-Luise, was
to see us start. Naturally there was much to do
and arrange, but it was pleasurable work such as
getting a suit of civilian clothes adapted to the
uses it would be put to, searching for stock-
ings to match the knickerbockers, and for a hat
that would be useful in b !i wet weather and
sunshine.

" It will be all sunshine," sa'- Frau von Eckthum

i s

*6 THE CARAVANERS

t'J'.^l'"'"^ """■""''"y P™«y »">"« (it includes
the sudden appearance of two dimples) when I

being a real one, made me anxious.

for^Lras": C"gi mTetinrr °' °"^ "-"
found her each tKoTcSLT wCsh

or ner sister s more or less native land

As soon as my costume was ready I put it on
and drove out to see h^r Ti, i ? .

h..i.n = a:ik I I ^- '"* stockings had

tomed at f "^ ■"•^""^^ ' ■^""W "« bear, accus-
tomed as I am to cotton socks, their woollen feet

Th s was at last surmounted by cutting off tS
feet and sewing my ordinary sock feet on to the
woollen legs. It answered splendidly, and Edel!
^rt TTu ""' *=" *'"' <=^'« "o p; tion of the

Wertheim for oneTthe^^- J: S, t

stuck "' Ir "' •"" '"'' =• P*"^^^^"''^ feather
decLred T ,7" '"J"""'' *'^"^formed that I
declared I could not believe it w..s our silver

" -I

THE CARAVANERS 27

wedding journey, and 1 felt exactly as I did
twenty-five years before.

"But it is not our silver wedding journey,"
she said with some sharpness.

"Dear wife," I retorted surprised, "you know
very well that it is mine, and what is mine is
also by law yours, and that therefore without the
least admissible logical doubt it is yours."

She made a sudden gesture with her shoulders
that was almost like impatience; but I, knowing
what victims the best of women are to incompre-
hensible moods, went out and bought her a pretty
little bag with a leather strap to wear over one
shoulder and complete her attire, thus proving to
her that a reasonable man is not a child and
knows when and how to be indulgent.

Frau von Eckthum, who was going to stay
with her sister for a fortnight before they both
joined us (the sister, I regretted to hear,wa« coming
coo), left in the middle of July. Flitz, at that
time incomprehensibly to me, made excuses for
not taking part in the caravan tour, but since
then light has been thrown on his behaviour:
he said, I remember, that he could not leave
his pigs.

"Much better not leave his sister," said Edel-
gard who, I fancy, was just then a little envious
of Frau von Eckthum.

"Dear wife," I said gently, "we shall be there

28 THE CARAVANERS

to take care of her and he knows she is safe

m our hands. Besides, we do not wantFfe

wanting*' '"' ""■" ' ^^ '"■='8'- "y-lf ever
It was perfectly natural that Edelgard should be
ahttle envous, and I felt it was and did not "here!
fore m any way check her. I need not remind

that the Fhtzes of Fhtzburg, of whom Frau von
tckthum was one, are a most ancient and stiU
more penniless family. Frau von Eckthum and
her gaunt sister (last time she was staying in p"uss"a
both Edelgard and I wer. struck wiA hei ex reme
^umness) each married a wealthy man by «^o
most extraordmary strokes of luck; for what
mar nowadays will marry a girl who cannot uke

What is tl , f °'? .'^P'"^^' "PO" herself?
What IS the use of a father if he cannot provide
h.s daughter with the money required suitably to
support her husband and his chMren? I m™df
have never been a father, so that I am qualified to
peak wth perfect impartiality; that is, stricdy

nme that hey can hardly be said to count. The
two von Fhtz girls married so young and so well
and have been, without in any way redly dese^
It, so snugly wrapped in comfort ever since (Frau
von Eckthum actually losing her husband^"

THE CARAVANERS 29

years after marriage and coming into everything)
that naturally Edelgard cannot be expected to
like it. Edelgard had a portion herself of six
thousand marks a year besides an unusual quantity
of house linen, which enabled her at last — she
was twenty-four when I married her — to find a
good husband; and she cannot understand by
what wiles the two sisters, without a penny or a
table cloth, secured theirs at eighteen. She does
not see that they are — "were" is the better word
in the case of the gaunt sister — attractive ; but
then the type is so completely opposed to her
own that she would not be likely to. Certainly I
agree that a married woman verging, as the sister
must be, on thirty should settle down to a smooth
head and at least the beginnings of a suitable
embonpoint. We do not want wives like lieu-
tenants in a cavalry regiment; and Edelgard is
not altogether wrong when she says that both
Frau von Eckthum and her sister make her think
of those lean and elegant young men. Your lean
woman with her restlessness of limb and brain is
far indeed removed from the soft amplitudes and
slow movements of her who is the ideal wife of
every German better-class bosom. Privately,
however, I feel I can at least understand that there
may have been something to be said at the time
for the Englishman's conduct, and I more than
understand that of the deceased Eckthum. No

< I

30 THE CARAVANERS

one can deny that his widow is undoubtedly —
well, well; let me return to the narrative.

We had naturally told everybody we met what
we were going to do, and it was intensely amusing
to see the astonishment created. Bad health for
the rest of our days was the smallest of the evils
predicted. Also ou. digestions were much com-
miserated. "Oh," said I with jaunty recklessness
at that, we shall live on boiled hedgehogs, pre-
ceded by mice soup," — for I had studied the
ZTtide Gipsies in our Encyclopaedia, and discovered
that they often eat the above fare.

The faces of our friends when I happened to
be m this jocose vein were a study. "God in
heaven," they cried, "what will become of your
poor wife f '*

But a sense of humour carries a man through .
anything, and I did not allow myself to be daunted
Indeed it was not likely, I reminded myself some-
times when inclined to be thoughtful at night,
that Frau von Eckthum, who so obviously was
delicately nurtured, would consent to eat hedge-
hogs or risk years in which all her attractiveness
would evaporate on a sofa of sickness.

**Oh, but Frau von Eckthum !" was the

invariable reply, accompanied by -> shrug when
I reassured the ladies of our circc by pointing
this out. ^

I am aware Frau von Eckthum is unpopular

THE CARAVANERS 31

in Storchwcrder. Perhaps it is because the art
of conversation is considerably developed there,
and she will not talk. I know she will not go to
its balls, refuses its dinners, and turns her back
on 'ts coffees. I know she is with difficulty
induced to sit on its philanthropic boards, and
when she finally has been induced to sit on them
does not do so after all but stays at home. I
know she is different from the type of woman
prevailing in our town, the plain, flat-haired,
tightly buttoned up, God-fearing wife and mother,
who looks up to her husband and after her children,
and is extremely intelligent in the kitchen and
not at all intelligent out of it. I know that this
is the type that has made our great nation what
it is, hoisting it up on ample shoulders to the
first place in the world, and I know that we would
have to request heaven to help us if we ever
changed it. But — she is an attractive lady.

Truly it is an excellent thing to be able to put
down one's opinions on paper as they occur
to one without risk of irritating interruption —
I hope my hearers will not interrupt at the read-
ing aloud — and now that I have at last begun
to write a book — for years I have intended doing
so — I see clearly the superiority of writing over
speaking. It is the same kind of superiority
that the pulpit enjoys over the (very properly)
muzzled pews. When, during my stay on British

32 THE CARAVANERS

soil, I said anything, however short, of the nature
of the above remarks about our German wives
and mothers, it was most annoying the way I
was interrupted and the sort of questions that
were insfantly put me by, chiefly, the gaunt sister.
But of that more in its place. I am still at the
point where she had not yet loomed on my horizon,
and all was pleasurable anticipation.

We left our home on August ist, punctually
as we had arranged, after some very hard-worked
days at the end during which the furniture was
beaten and strewn with napthalin (against moths),
curtains, etc., taken down and piled neatly in
heaps, pictures covered up in newspapers, and
groceries carefully weighed and locked up I
spent these days at the Club, for my leave had
begun on the 25th of Jvly and there was nothing
for me to do. And I rr.ust say, though the dis-
comfort in our flat was intense, when I returned
to It in the evening in order to go to bed I was
never anything but patient with the unappe-
tisingly heated and disheveled Edelgard. And
she noticed it and was grateful. It would be
hard to say what would make her grateful now.
Ihese last bad days, however, came to their
natural end, and the morning of the first arrived
and by ten we had taken leave, with many last
injunctions, of Clothilde who showed an amount
of concern at our departure that gratified us.

THE CARAVANERS 33

and were on the station platform with Hermann
standing respectfully behind us carrying our hand
luggage in both his gloved hands, and with what
he could not carry piled about his feet, while
I could see by the expression on their faces that
the few strangers present recognized we were
people of good family or, as England would say,
of the Upper Ten. We had no luggage for
registration because of the new law by which
every kilo has to be paid for, but we each had
a well-filled, substantial hold-all and a leather
portmanteau, and into these we had succeeded
in packing most of the things Frau von Eckthum
had from time to time suggested we might want.
Edelgard is a good packer, and got far more in
than I should have thought possible, and what
was left over was stowed away in different bags
and baskets. Also we took a plentiful supply
of vaseline and bandages. " For," as I remarked
to Edelgard when she giddily did not want to,
quoting the most modern (though rightly dis-
approved of in Storchwerder) of English writers,
"you never can possibly tell," — besides a good
sized ox-tongue, smoked specially for us by our
Storchwerder butcher and which was later on
to be concealed in our caravan for private use
in case of need at night.

The train did not start till 10:45, but we wanted
to be early in order to see who would come to

THE CARAVANERS

see us off; and it was a very good thing wc were
in such good time, for hardly a quarter of an
hour had elapsed before, to my dismay, I recol-
lected that I had left my Panama at home.
It was Edelgard's fault, who had persuaded me
to wear a cap for the journey and carry my Panama
m my hand, and I had put it down on some
table and in the heat of departure forgotten it. I
was deeply annoyed, for the whole point of the
type of costume I had chosen would be missed
without just that kind of hat, and, at my sudden
exclamation and subsequent explanation of my
exclamation, Edelgard showed that she felt her
position by becoming exceedingly red.

There was nothing for it but to leave her there
and rush off in a droschke to our deserted flat
Hurrying up the stairs two steps at a time and .
letting myself in with my latch-key I immediately
found the Panama on the head of one of the
privates in my own battalion, who was lolling
in my chair at the breakfast-table I had so lately
left being plied with our food by the miserable
eiothilde, she sitting on Edelgard's chair and
most shamelessly imitating her mistress's manner
when she is affectionately persuading me to eat
a little bit more.

The wretched soldier, I presume, was endeavour-
ing to imitate me, for he called her a dear little
hare, an endearment I sometimes apply to my

THE CARAVANERS 35

wife, on Clothildc's addressing him as Edelgard
somerimes does (or rather did) me in her softer
moments as sweet snail. The man's imitation
of me was a very poor affair, but Clothilde hit
my wife off astoundingly well, and both creatures
were so riotously mirthful that they neither heard
nor saw me as I stood struck dumb in the door.
The clock on the wall, however, chiming the
half-hour recalled me to the necessity for instant
action, and rushing forward I snatched the Panama
off the amazed man's head, hurled a furious
dismissal at Clothilde, and was out of the house
and in the droschke before they could so much
as pray for mercy. Immediately on arriving at
the station I took Hermann aside and gave him
instructions about the removal within an hour
of Clothilde, and then, swallowing my agitation
with a gulp of the man of the world, I was able
to chat courteously and amiably with friends
who had collected to see us off, and even to make
little jokes as though nothing whatever had hap-
pened. Of course directly the last smile had
died away at the carriage window and the last
handkerchief had been fluttered and the last
promise to send many picture postcards had been
made, and our friends had become mere black
and shapeless masses without bodies, parts or
passions on the grey of the receding platform,
I recounted the affair to Edelgard, and she was

THE CARAVANERS

so much upset that she actually wanted to get out
at the next station and give up our hoUday and
go back and look after her house.

Strangely enough, what upset her more than the
soldier's being feasted at our expense and more
than his wearing my new hat while he feasted,
was the fact that I had dismissed Clothilde.

"Where and when am I to get another?"
was her question, repeated with a plaintiveness
that was at length wearisome. "And what will
become of all our things now during our absence ? "
"Would you have had me not dismiss her
instantly, then?" I cried at last, goaded by this
persistence. "Is every shamelessness to be
endured ? Why, if the woman were a man and
of my own station, honour would demand thai
I should fight a duel with her."

"But you cannot fight a duel with a cook,"
said Edelgard stupidly.

"Did I not expressly say that I could not?"
I retorted; and having with this reached the point
where patience becomes a weakness I was obliged
to put it aside and explain to her with vigour that
I am not only not a fool but decline to be talked
to as if I were. And when I had done, she
having given no further rise to discussion, we
were both silent for the rest of the way to Berlin.
This was not a bright beginning to my holiday,
and I thought with some gloom of the difference

THE CARAVANERS

between it and the start twenty-five years before
with my poor Marie-Luise. There was no
Clothilde then, and no Panama hat (for they
were not yet the fashion), and all was peace.
Unwilling, however, to send Edelgard, as the
English say, any longer to Coventry — we are
both good English scholars as my hearers know —
when we got into the droschke in Berlin that was
to take us across to the Potsdamer Bahnhof (from
which station we departed for London via Flush-
ing) I took her hand, and turning (not without
effort) an unclouded face to her, said some little
things which enabled her to become aware that
I was willing once again to overlook and forgive.

Now I do not propose to describe the journey
to London. So many of our friends know people
who have done it that it is not necessary for me
to dwell upon it further than to say that, being all
new to us, it was not without its charm — at least,
up to the moment when it became so late that
there were no more meals taking place in the res-
taurant-car and no more attractive trays being
held up to our windows at the stations on the
way. About what happened later in the night I
would not willingly speak: suffice it to say that
I had not before realized the immense and appar-
ently endless distance of England from the good
dry land of the Continent. Edelgard, indeed,
behaved the whole way up to London as if she

THE CARAVANERS

had not yet got to England at all; and I was
forced at last to comment very seriously on her
conduct, for it looked as much like wilfulness
as any conduct I can remember to have witnessed.
We reached London at the uncomfortable
Hour of 8 a. m., or thereabouts, chilled, unwell,
and disordered. Although it was only the second
ot August a damp autumn draught pervaded the
stetion. Shivering, we went into the sort of
shecp-pen in which our luggage was searched for
dutiable articles, Edelgard most inconsiderately
leaving me to bear the entire burden of opening
and shutting our things, while she huddled into a
corner and assumed (very conveniently) the air of
a sufferer. I had to speak to her quite sharply
once when I could not fit the key of her port-
manteau into its lock and remind her that I am
not a lady's maid, but even this did -^ot rouse
her, and she continued to huddle apathetically.
It IS absurd for a wife to collapse at the venr
moment when she ought to be most helpful;
the whole theory of the helpmeet is shattered by
such behaviour. And what can I possibly know
about Customs? She looked on quite unmoved
while I struggled to replace the disturbed contents
ot our bags, and my glances, in turn appealing
and indignant, did not make her even raise her
head. There were too many strangers between
us for me to be able to do more than glance, so

iliS^-

"TSSI^SC

AKTMlXb
*-»T>.E.

lidchiani most iiicoiisidcrati-ly Icariii;/ ,uc to bear the entire
burden of of^enin;/ and shnttimj onr tliinys

THE CARAVANERS 39

reserving what I h id to say for a more private

moment I got the bags shut as well as I could,

directed the most stupid porter (who was also

apparently deaf, for each time I said anything to

him he answered perfectly irrelevantly with the

first letter of the alphabet) I have ever met to

conduct me and the lu-gage to the refreshment

room, and far too greatly displeased with Edel-

gard to take any further notice of her, walked

on after the man leaving her to follow or not

as she chose.

I think people must have detected as I strode
along that I was a Prussian officer, for so many
looked at me with interest. I wished I had had
my uniform and spurs on, so that for once the
non-martial island could have seen what the real
thing IS like. It was strange to me to be in a
crowd of nothing but civilians. In spite of the
early hour every arriving train disgorged myriads
of them of both sexes. Not the flash of a button
was to be seen; not the clink of a sabre to be
if-*!j*^' ^"t» will it be believed? at least every
third person arriving carried a bunch of flowers,
often wrapped in tissue paper and always as care-
fu ly as though it had been a specially good
beUgtes Brodchen. That seemed to me very
characteristic of the effeminate and non-military
nation. In Prussia useless persons like old
women sometimes transport bunches of flowers

THE CARAVANERS

from one point to another - but that a man should
be seen domg so, a man going evidently to his
office, with his bag of business papers and his
grave face, is a sight I never expected to see.
The softness of this conduct greatly struck me.
I could understand a packet of some good thing

from the home kitchen - but a bunch of flowersi
Well, well; let them go on in their effeminacy.
UtZ "I i ^%fr^' P^^^^ded a fall, and the fat
httle land will be a luscious morsel some day
for muscula- continental (and almost certainly
German) jaws. ^

We bad arranged to go straight that very day
to the place in Kent where the caravans and Frau
von Eckthum and her sister were waiting for us,
leaving the sights of London for the end of our
holiday by which time our already extremely
good though slow and sliglitly literary English
(by which I mean that we talked more as the
language is written than other people do, and that
we were singularly pure in the matter of slang)
would have developed into an up-to-date agility
and there being about an hour and a half s time
before the train for Wrotham started - which it
conveniently did from the same station we arrived
at -- our idea was to have breakfast first and then
perhaps, to wash. This we accordingly did in the
station restaurant, and made the astonishing

THE CARAVANERS 41

acquaintance of British coffee and butter. Why
such stuff would not be tolerated for a moment in
the poorest wayside inn in Germany, and I told
the waiter so very plainly; but he only stared
with an extremely stupid face, and when I had
done speaking said "Eh?"

It was what the porter had said each time I
addressed him, and I had already, therefore, not
then knowmg what it was or how it was spelt,

"Sir," said I, endeavoring to annihilate the
man with that most powerful engine of destruc-
tion, a witticism, "what has the first letter of the
alphabet to do with everything I sav?"

"Eh?" said he. ^

"Suppose, sir," said I, "J were to confine my
remarks to you to a strictly logical sequence, arfd
when you say A merely reply B - do you imagine
we should ever come to a satisfactory under-
standing?"

"Eh?" said he.

"Yet, sir," I continued, becoming angry, for
this was deliberate impertinence, "it is certain
that one letter of the alphabet is every bit as good
as another for conversational purposes."

"Eh?" said he; and began to cast glances
about him for help.

"This," said I to Edelgard, "is typical. It
is what you must expect in England."

THE CARAVANERS

' i

The head waiter here caught one of the man's
glances and hurried up.

"This gentleman," said I, addressing the head
waiter and pointing to his colleague, "is both
impertinent and a fool."

waiter, flicking away a crumb.

Well, I gave neither of them a tip. The
German was not given one for not at once explain-
ing his inabihty to get away from alphabetical
repartee and so shamefully hiding the nationality
he ought to have openly rejoiced in, and the head
waiter because of the following conversation:

Can t get em to talk their own tongue, sir."
said he, when I indignantly inquired why he had
not. "None of 'em will, sir. Hear 'em putting
German gentry who don't know English to the
greatest inconvenience. 'Eh?' this one'll say —
It s what he picks up his first week, sir. 'A thous-
fn t^T^^i '^^ ^h«„German gentry, or something
to that effect. AH right,' says the waiter i
thats >yhat he picks up his second week -and
makes it worse. Then the German gentry gets
really put out, and I see 'em almost foamin' at
tne mouth. Impatient set of people, sir "

fr2 'Tu^K '^'i ^' interrupting him with a
frown, ';that the object of these poor exiled
fellows IS to learn the language as rapidly as
possible and get back to their own counto^."

THE CARAVANERS 43

"Or else they're ashamed of theirs, sir," said
he, scribbling down the bill. " Rolls, sir ? Eight,
sir ? Thank you, sir "

"Ashamed?"

"Quite right, sir. Nasty cursin' language.
Not fit for a young man to get into the habit of.
Most of the words got a swear about *em some-
where, sir."

^^ "Perhaps you are not aware," said I icily,
"that at this very moment you are speaking to a
German gentleman."

"Sorry, sir. Didn't notice it. No off ence meant.
Two coffees, four boiled eggs, eight— you did
say eight rolls, sir? Compliment really, you
know, sir."

"Compliment!" I exclaimed, as he whisked
away with the money to the paying desk; and
when he came back I pocketed, with elaborate
deliberation, every particle of change.

"That is how," said I to Edelgard while he
watched me, "one should treat these fellows."

To which she, restored by the hot coffee to
speaking point, replied (rather stupidly I thought),

"Is it?"

CHAPTER III

OHE became, however, more normal as the
Y mornmg wore on, and by about eleven
o clock was taking an intelligent interest in
nop-kims.

These objects, recurring at frequent intervals
as one travels through the county of Kent, are
striking and picturesque additions to the land-
scape, and as our guide-book described them very
fully I was able to talk a good deal about them.
Kent pleased me very well. It looked as if there
were money in it Many thriving villages, many
comfortable farmhouses, and many hoary churches
peeping slyly at us through surrounding groups
of timber so ancient that its not yet having been
cut down and sold is in itself a testimony to the
prevailing prosperity. It did not need much
imagination to picture the comfortable clergyman
lurking in the recesses of his snug parsonage and
rubbing his well-nourished hands at life. Well
let him rub Some day perhaps - and who knows
how soon? -we shall have a decent Lutheran
pastor m his black gown j .aching the amended
taith in every one of those churches.

THE CARAVANERS 45

Shortly, then, Kent is obviously flowing with
milk and honey and well-to-do inhabitants; and
when on referring to our guide-book I found it
described as the Garden of England I was not in
the least surprised, and neither was Edelgard.
In this county, as we knew, part at any rate
of our gipsying was to take place, for the caravans
were stationed at a village about three miles
from Wrotham, and we were very well satisfied that
we were going to examine it more closely, because
though no one could call the scenery majestic
it yet looked full of promise of a comfortable nature.
I observed for instance that the roads seemed
firm and good, which was clearly important;
also that the villages were so plentiful that there
would be no fear of our ever getting beyond
the reach of provisions. Unfortunately, the
weather was not true August weather, which
I take it is properly described by the word bland.
This is not bland. The remains of the violent
wind that had blown us across from Flushing still
hurried hither and thither, and gleams of sunshine
only too frequently gave place to heavy squalls of
rain and hail. It was more like a blustenng
October day than one in what is supposed to be
the very height and ripeness of summer, and we
could only both hope, as the carriage windows
banged and rattled, that our caravan would be
heavy enough to withstand the temptation to go

46 THE CARAVANERS

^hi^H ''"'Z d-ring the night, urged on from
l«h.nd by the relentless force, of nature. Still,
each time the 8un got the I.e.ier of the inky clouds

2 5' P^k'" °^ H*'"'"' ''"Shed at J, from
out of „, bravery of gn, ,ul hop-field, and

ev .^ ^Jl? hT- ,^''"^ "J'^ »Piri«» ro« with
n^„ I" '• •"^"«! "^"'"y '■"'given her
hL K. ^^r«u ■"• *° '"^ ^- !:no»:edpng .he
had been selfish, was quic- iJc. .i I ,; /^.d when
we got out of the train .< W, ,k. m beneaTha
blue sky and a hot sun witn ,',e hail-cloud.
retreatmg over the hills and found we would

^.\'V °"^f''r "^ °" ™«"y packages

in Enghsh, It was not a fiy at all but an insect,
tdelgard was so much entertained that for several
minutes she was perfectly convulsed with laughter
By means of the address neatly written in

difficulty in getting the driver to start off as

we hfn l" * r*"'" '"' *'"' «°'"g' but after
we had been on the way for about half an hour
he grew rct'ess, and began to twist round on his
box and ask me unintelligible questions. I sup-
pose he talked and understood only patois, for
I could not in the least make out wl^t he miant.
and when I requested him to be more clear I
could see by his foolish face that he was con-

THE CARAVANERS 47

stitutionalJy unable to be it. A second exhibition
of the addressed envelope, however, soothed him
for a time, and we continued to advance up and
down chalky roads, over the hedges on each side
of which leapt the wind and tried to blow our
hats off. The sun was in our eyes, the dust was
in our eyes, and the wind was in our faces.
Wrotham, when we looked behind, had disap-
peared. In front was a chalky desolation. We
could see nothing approaching a village, yet
Panthers, the village we were bound for, was
only three miles from the station, and not, observe,
three full-blooded German miles, but the dwindled
and anaemic English kind that are typical, as
so much else is, of the soul and temper of the
nation. Therefore ve began to be uneasy, and
to wonder whether the man were trustworthy.
It occurred to me that the chalk pits we con-
stantly met would not be bad places to take us into
and rob us, and I certainly could not speak English
quickly enough to meet a situation demanding
rapid dialogue, nor are there any directions in
my German-English Conversational Guide as to
what you are to say when you are being murdered.
Still jocose, but as my hearers will notice, jocose
with a tinge of grimness, I imparted th. se
two linguistic facts to Edelgard, who shuddered
and suggested renewed applications of the
addressed envelope to the driver. "Also it is

THE CARAVANERS

past dinner time," she codded anxiously. "I
know because mein Magen knurrt."

By means of repeated calls and my umbrella
1 drew the driver's attention to us and informed
him that I would stand no further nonsense. I
told him this with great distinctness and the
deliberation forced upon me by want of practice.
He pulled up to hear me out, and then, merely
grinning, drove on. *'The youngest Storch-
werder droschke driver," I cried indignantly to
Edelgard, 'would die of shame on his box if he
did not know every village, nay, every house
within three miles of it with the same exactitude
widi which he knows the inside of his own pocket."
Then I called up to the man once more, and
recollecting that nothing clears our Hermann's
brain at home quicker than to address him as
Esel I said, "Ask, ass."

He looked down over his shoulder at me with
an expression of great surprise.
|*What.?"saidhe.

"What.?" said I, confounded by this obtuse-
ness. " What .? The way, of course."

He pulled up once more and turned right round
on his box.

"Look here " he said, and paused.

"Look where?" said I, very naturally sup-
posing he had something to show me.
"Who are you talkin' to?" said he.

i- =

THE CARAVANERS 49

The question on the face of it was so foolish
that a qualm gripped my heart lest we had to do
with a madman. Edelgard felt the same, for she
drew closer to me.

Luckily at that moment I saw a passer-by
some way down the road, and springing out of
the fly hastened to meet him in spite of Edelgard*s
demand that I should not leave her alone. On
reaching him I took off my hat and courteously
asked him to direct us to Panthers, at the same
time expressing my belief that the flyman was not
normal. He listened with the earnest and strained
attention English people gave to my utterances,
an attention caused, I believe, by the slightly
unpractised pronunciation combined with the
number and variety of words at my command,
and then going up (quite fearlessly) to the flyman
he pointed in the direction entirely opposed to the
one we were following and bade him go there.

"I won't take him nowhere," said the flyman
with strange passion; "he calls me a ass."

"It is not your fault," said I (very hand-
somely, I thought). "You are what you were
made. You cannot help yourself."

"I won't take him nowhere," repeated the fly-
man, with, if anything, increased passion.

The passer-by looked from one to another
with a faint smile.

"The expression," said he to the flyman, "is,

^ THE CARAVANERS

«o that you knoZ: S^rorirf ^°\?
man, and get your fare " sensible

hisMiS"^.'"'' •>« ■"> Edelgard he continued

Well, we did finally arrive at A- • .

place -indeed, myhearers „?,» • pointed
aU the time thatTe mu!t l- """'f *'" '"<"'
be reading this aloud ? - aft tin"" r'"'' ^l'?"''' ^
flyman to walk the last Z.1 -^^""^ ^^ *«
which, he declared ^l\ ^ """"*«' "P » WU
be ab e to a "end Thr ""f "°' °*«"»''<'

while we sio«5rtri«r t^rLroK^TT

-a hard one to encounter when it tl ''''

dmner-time. I am aware [h« bv Ena.i k"^''?'
K was not oast it h,., u ^ *-"8''sh clocks

My watch ^S^Ud t^t t"' S^ \'^'/° "'^
place our inner n^tZl ^*°'"'^b«'erder, the

half-past t,Jo a Zh K T "'"' *"> « *as

which they^r^accu^o^en ^^"".^ *' ""« «
and no arbT4™ thr^ 'r° "^ "P'^'^bed,

near appr4ch"7onV °^; '"'^^'^ ''° P^"'""^'/

*c evi?encfo;r:;„rsZt'r fsTot r-"

bemuse a foreign clock says t^^ ,71^^
abouseh^reanV:SreT.=-J:,?«

!
I

I 1

THE CARAVANERS 51

bleak, ungenial landscape. It seemed an odd,
high up district to use as a terminus for caravans,
and I looked down the steep, narrow lane we had
just ascended and wondered how a caravan would
get up it. Afterward I found that they never do get
up it, but arrive home from the exactly oppo-
site direction along a fair road which was the one
any but an imbecile driver would have brought
us. We reached our destination by, so to speak,
its back door; and we were still standing on the
top of the hill doing what is known as getting
one's wind, for I am not what would be called an
ill-covered man but rather, as I jestingly tell
Edelgard, a walking compliment to her good
cooking, and she herself was always of a sub-
stantial build, not exaggeratedly but agreeably so
— we were standing, I say, struggling for breath
when some one came out quickly from a neigh-
bouring gate and stopped with a smile of greeting
upon seeing us.

It was the gaunt s'*ster.

We were greatly pleased. Here we were, then,
safely arrived, and joined to at least a por-
tion of our party. Enthusiastically we grasped
both her hands and shook them. She laughed as
she returned our greetings, and I was so much
pleased to find some one I knew that though
Edelgard commented afterward somewhat
severely on her dress because it was so short that

THE CARAVANERS

It nowhere touched the ground, I noticed nothing
except that it seemed to be extremely neat, and as
for not touchmg the ground Edelgard's skirt was
followed wherever she went by a cloud of chalky
dust which was most unpleasant.

Now why were we so glad to see this lady
again ? Why, indeed, are people ever glad to see
each other again? I mean people who when
they last saw each other did not like each other.
Ciiven a sufficient lapse of time, and I have
observed that even those who parted in an atmos-
phere thick with sulphur of implied cursings
will smile and genially inquire how the other does.
I have observed this, I say, but I cannot explain
It. 1 here had, it is true, never been any sulphur
about our limited intercourse with the lady on
the few occasions on which proper feeling pre-
vailed enough to induce her to visit her flesh
and blood in Prussia - our attitude toward her
had simply been one of well-bred chill, of chill
because no thinking German can, to start with,
be anything but prejudiced against a person who
commits the unpatriotism — not to call it by a
harsher name - of selling her inestimable German
birthright for the mess of an English marriage.
Also she was personally not what Storchwerder
could like, for she was entirely wanting in the
graces and undulations of form which are the
least one has a right to expect of a being profess-

THE CARAVANERS 53

ing to be a woman. Also she had a way of talking
which disconcerted Storchwerder, and nobody likes
being disconcerted. Our reasons for joining issue
with her in the matter of caravans were first, that
we could not help it, only having discovered she
was coming when it was too late; and secondly,
that it was a cheap and convenient way of seeing
a new country. She with her intimate knowl-
edge of English was to be, we privately told
each other, our unpaid courier — I remember
Edelgard's amusement when the consolatory
cleverness of this way of looking at it first
struck her.

But I am still at a loss to explain how it was
that when she unexpectedly appeared at the top
of the hill at Panthers we both rushed at her
with an effusiveness that could hardly have been
exceeded if it had been Edelgard*s grandmother
Podhaben who had suddenly stood before us, an
old lady of ninety-two of whom we are both
extremely fond, and who, as is well known, is
going to leave my wife her money when she
(which I trust sincerely she will not do for a long
time yet) dies. I cannot explain it, I say, but
there it is. Rush we did, and effusive we were,
and it was reserved for a quieter moment to
remember with some natural discomposure that we
had showed far more enthusiasm than she had.
Not that she was not pleasant, but there is a gap

54 THE CARAVANERS

A-Tn? P'*^*^"""' ^"d enthusiasm, and to be
the one of two persons who is most pleased is
o put yourself m the position of the inS. rf
the supplant, of him who hopes, or is eager To
jngrafate hmself. Will it be believed that^^he^
bter on I said somethmg to this effect about
some other matter in general conversation, the
P^unt sister immediately cried, "Oh, but diafs
not generous. '* » «iai a

"What is not generous?" I asked surprised
for u was the first day of the tour and I was noJ
then as much used as I subsequently became to
her instant criticism of all I said
"That way of thinking," said she.
Edelgard immediately bristled - (alas, what
would make her bristle now ?)
**Otto is the most generous of men/' she said
Every year on Sylvester evening he allows me
to invite SIX orphans to look at the remains of
our Christmas tree and be given, before they go
away, doughnuts and grog." ^

"What! Grog for orphans?" cried the gaunt
sister neither silenced nor impressed; and Aere
ensued a warm discussion on, as she put it, (a) the
effect of grog on orphans, (b) the effect of groe

oro&"?;i ^'^ l^' '^''' °^ «^°S on combSed
orphans and doughnuts.

But I not only anticipate, I digress.

Inside the gate through which this lady had

THE CARAVANERS 55

emerged stood the caravans and her gentle sister.
I was so much pleased at seeing Frau von Eckthum
again that at first I did not notice our future
homes. She was looking remarkably well and
was in good spirits, and, though dressed in the
same way as her sister, by adding to the attire all
those graces so peculiarly her own the effect she
produced was totally different. At least, I thought
so. Edelgard said she saw nothing to choose
between them.

After the first greetings she half turned to the
row of caravans, and with a little motion of
the hand and a pretty smile of proprietary pride
said, "There they are."

There, indeed, they were.

There were three; all alike, sober brown
vehicles, easily distinguishable, as I was pleased
to notice, from common gipsy carts. Clean cur-
tains fluttered at the windows, the metal portions
were bright, and the names painted prettily on
them were the Elsa, the Ilsa, and the Ailsa.
It was an impressive moment, the moment of
our first setting eyes upon them. Under those
frail roofs were we for the next four weeks to
be happy, as Edelgard said, and healthy and wise
— "Or," I amended shrewdly on hearing her say
this, "vice versa**

Frau von Eckthum, however, preferred Edel-
gard*s prophecy, and gave her an appreciative

56 THE CARAVANERS

^Z^ -; "y.hcarers will remember, I am sure, how
agreeably her dark eyelashes contrast with the
fairness of her hair. The gaunt sister laughed!
and suggested that we should paint out the names
already on the ^ravans and substitute in large
letters Happy, Healthy, and Wise, but not coi
sidenng this particularly amusing I did not
take any trouble to smile. " a not

Three large horses that were to draw them

L"L"f ''"^^JP'^^'^fy «de by side in a shed
being fed with oats by a weather-beaten person
the gaunt sister introduced as old James. This
old person, a most untidy, dusty-looking creature,
touched his cap, which is the inadequate English
way of showing respect to superiors ~ as inade-
quate at Its end of the scale as the British army
IS at the other -and shuffled off to fetch in our
luggage, and the gaunt sister suggesting that we
should chmb up and see the interior of our new
home with some difficulty we did so, there being
a small ladder to help us which, as a fact, did not
help us either then or later, no means being dis-
covered from beginning to end of the tour by which
It could be fixed firmly at a convenient angle.

1 thmk I could have climbed up better if
Frau von Eckthum had not been looking on;
besides, at that moment I was less desirous of
inspecting the caravans than I was of learning
when, where, and how we were going to have

THE CARAVANERS 57

our delayed dinner. Edelgard, however, behaved
hke a girl of sixteen once she had succeeded in
reaching the inside of the Elsa, and most incon-
siderately kept me lingering there too while
she examined every corner and cried with tiresome
iteration that it was wundervolU herrlich, and
putzig.

"I knew you*d like it," said Frau von Eckthum
from below, amused apparently by this kittenish
conduct.

"Like it?" called back Edelgard. "But it
is delicious — so clean, so neat, so miniature."

"May I ask where we dine?" I inquired,
endeavouring to free the skirts of my new mack-
intosh from the door, which had swung to (the
caravan not standing perfectly level) and jammed
them tightly. I did not need to raise my voice,
for in a caravan even with its door and windows
shut people outside can hear what you say just
as distinctly as people inside, unless you take
the extreme measure of putting something thick
over your head and whispering. (Be it understood
I am alluding to a caravan at rest: when in motion
you may shout your secrets, for the noise of
crockery leaping and breaking in what we learned
— with difficulty — to allude to as the pantry
will effectually drown them.)

The two ladies took no heed of my question,
but coming up after us — they never could have

58 THE CARAVANERS

«ot in had they been less spare ~ filled the van
to overflowing while they explained the v^rirus
arrangements by which our miseries on the road
were to be mutated. It was chiefly the gaunt
SIS er who talked, she being very nimble of tofgue

Eckthum did not confine herself to the attitude
I so much admired in her, the ideal feminine one
of smihng and keeping quiet. I, meanwhile,
tried to make myself as small as possible, which
IS what persons in caravans try to do all the time.
1 sat on a shmy yellow wooden box that ran down
one side of our "room" with holes in its lid and a
flap at the end by means of which it could, if needed,
be lengthened and turned into a bed for a third
sufferer. (On reading this aloud I shall probably
substitute traveller for sufferer, and some milder
word such as discomfort for the word miseries
m the first sentence of the paragraph.) Inside
the box was a mattress, also extra sheets, towels,
etc., so that, the gaunt sister said there was nothing
to prevent our having house-parties for week-ends
As 1 do not like such remarks even in jest I took
care to show by my expression that I did not,
but Edelgard, to my surprise, who used always
to be the first to scent the vicinity of thin ice,
laughed heartily as she continued her frantically
pleased examination of the van's contents
It IS not to be expected of any man that he

THE CARAVANERS 59

shall sit in a cramped position on a yellow box
at an hour long past his dinner time and take
an interest in puerilities. To Edelgard it seemed
to be a kind of a doll's house, and she, entirely
forgetting the fact of which I so often reminded her
that she will be thirty next birthday, behaved in
much the same way as a child who has just been
presented with this expensive form of toy by
some foolish and spendthrift relation. Frau von
Eckthum, too, appeared to me to be less intelligent
than I was accustomed to suppose her. She
smiled at Edelgard's delight as though it pleased
her, chatting in a way I hardly recognized as she
drew my wife's attention to the objects she had
not had time to notice. Edelgard's animation
amazed me. She questioned and investigated
and admired without once noticing that as I
sat on the lid of the wooden box I was obviously
filled with sober thoughts. Why, she was so
much infatuated that she actually demanded at
intervals that I too should join in this exhibition
of childishness; and it was not until I said very
pointedly that I, at least, was not a little girl, that
she was recalled to a proper sense of her behaviour.

"Poor Otto is hungry," she said, pausing
suddenly in her wild career round the caravan
and glancing at my face.

"Is he? Then he must be fed," said the
gaunt sister, as carelessly and with as little real

6o THE CARAVANERS

interest as if there wt^r^ «« • . .

"Look-arin*. 1 "° particular huny.

A'OOK — arent these too sweet ?--m/.k « -^

own little hook -six of them anTrh ' "'

in a row underneath." ' ""* ''*"'' '^"^^'«

iffnlxtTenil.J'^"^'^ ^'^' «°"^ **" indefinitely
nnf " *f /^^'"^^y P'^ftty, nice, kind little lady had
not put her head in at the door and asked v^^h

in the wall ,hf, i ? , ''»"g"'g on a hook

pre^an «!r ^' "!!'''''* altogether to sup-

nowever, what is due to society I very skilfullv

from ^h. •^' ^ regretting that I was unable
froni the circumstance of her going first to h,l„

behtd me and ^.'"•' -"""^ *' ''°°' ''""""»<'
n.ytackTn,o:h ) ''^'" ""''"^°"'<' *« ^^^^^ "^

Edelgard, absorbed in delighted contemplation

THE CARAVANERS 6,

of a comer beneath the so-called pantry full of
brooms and dusters also hanging i„ ?ow, o„
hooks, only shook her head when I inquiredTf
she would not come too; so leaving her to he

Sme wr'r '^ ""•■ "^ "'" P'otectorwho
asked me why I wore a mackintosh when there
was not a cloud in the sky. I avoided rivinTa
direct answer by retorting playfully TZueh
v^cJly politely), "Why notf-i/nd ind ed r^J
reasons, connected with creases and other rZ
attendant on confinement in a hold-aU, were of
oo domestic and private a nature to be xp abed
to a stranger so charming. But mv counter
question luckily amused hef, and he Lghed aJ
he opened a small gate in the wpM and kd me
into her garden.

Here I was entertained with the greatest hos-
pitality by herself and her husband The fleet

En.Tw''"' "•:''=\y*"'y P«"ades that part of
England is stationed when not in action on their
premises. Hence departs the joyful caravanel

sobered, and is received with balm and bandages -

^J V- /r" '"" •"* *°"'<' fi""! them and every
oAer kmd form of solace in the little garden o^
toe hiU. I spent a very pleasant and reviving
half-hour m a sheltered corner of it, enjoying my
aljresco meal and acquiring much informatir
To my question as to whether my entertainers

THE CARAVANERS

were to be of our party they replied, to my dis-
appointment, that they were not. Their functions
were restricted to this seeing that we started
happy, and being prompt and helpful when we
came back. From them I learned that our party
was to consist, besides ourselves and Frau von
Eckthum and that sister whom I have hitherto
distinguished by the adjective gaunt, putting off
the necessity as long as possible of alluding to her
by name, she having, as my hearers perhaps
remember, married a person with the unpronounce-
able one if you see it written and the unspellable
one if you hear it said of Menzies-Legh — the
party was to consist, I say, besides these four, of
Menzies-Legh's niece and one of her friends-
of Menzies-Legh himself; and of two young
men about whom no precise information was
obtainable.

"But how? But where.?" said I, remem-
bering th*^ limited accommodations of the three
caravans.

My host reassured me by explaining that the two
young men would inhabit a tent by night which,
by day, would be carried in one of the caravans

"In which one?*' I asked anxiously.

"You must settle that among yourselves,"
said he smiling.

. ",T*^^^'* ^^^^ ^^^ ^^^ all day long caravan-
mg," said my hostess, handing me a cup of coffee.

THE CARAVANERS 63

"What docs one do?" I asked, eager for
information.

«.^*^.^"*^ ^^*"^* among oncselves," said she.
Only generally one doesn't."

I put it down to my want of practice in the
more idiomatic involutions of the language that I
did not quite follow her meaning; but as one of
my principles is never to let people know that I
have not understood them I merely bowed slightly
and, taking out my note-book, remarked that if
that were so I would permit myself to make a list
of our party in order to keep its various members
more distinct in my mind.

The following is the way in which we were to
be divided :

1. A caravan (the Elsa), containing the Baron
and Baroness von Ottringel, of StOKhwerder
in Prussia.

2. Another caravan (the AUsa), containing
Mr. and Mrs. Menzies-Legh, of various addresses,
they being ridiculously and superfluously rich.

3. Another caravan (the Ilsa), containing Frau
von Eckthum, the Menzies-Legh niece, and her
(as I gathered, school) friend. In this caravan
the yellow box was to be used.

4- One tent, containing two young men, name
and status unknown.

The ill-dressed person, old Jamf % was coming
too, but would sleep each night with the horses.

THE CARAVANERS

they being under his special care; and all of the
party (except ourselves and Frau von Eckthum
and her sister who had already, as I need not say,
done so) were yet to assemble. They were
expected every moment, and had been expected
all day. If they did not come soon our first
day's march, opined my host, would not see us
camping further away than the end of the road,
for it was already past four o'clock. This
reminded me that my luggage ought to be unpacked
and stowed away, and I accordingly begged
to be excused that I might go and superintend
the operation, for I have long ago observed that
when the contrplling eye of the chief is somewhere
else things are very apt to go irremediably wrong.
"Against Stupidity," says some great German —
it must have been Goethe, and if it was not, then
no doubt it was Schiller, they having, I imagine,
between them said everything there is to be said
-- "against stupidity the very gods struggle in
vain." And I beg that this may not be taken as
a reflection on my dear wife, but rather as an
inference of general applicability. In any case
the recollection of it sent me off with a swinging
stride to the caravans.

V if I

CHAPTER IV

I>1^NESS had. if not actually gathered.
V" certainly approached within measurable

^uTX "'^"""^"y ''id'd by lowering storm!

ctouds. by the ,.me we were ready to sJrv Not

hat we were, as a fact, ever ready to start, because

the two young g,rls of the party, with truly British

mcons,derat.on for others, had chosen to do Tat

which Menz.es-Legh in fantastic idiom described

as not tummg up. I heard him say it several

nmes before I was able, by carefulty comparing

It with the context, to discover his meaning. Thf

moment I discovered it I of course saw its truth

^ „7 '^'^ '"^'"^^ '""' "°'. "nd though
too well-bred to say .t aloud I privately applaudfd

him every time he remarked, with an accumu-
lating emphasis, "Bother those giris."

For the first two hours nobody had time to
bother them, and to get some notion of the busv
scene the yard presented my hearers must imagine
a bivouac during our man«uvres in which the
soldiers shall all be recruits just joined and where
there shall be no superior to direct them 1
know to imagine this requires imagination, but

«5

THE CARAVANERS

only he who docs it will be able to form an approx-
imately correct notion of what the yard looked
like and sounded like while the whole party (except
the two girls who were not there) did their
unpacking.

It will be obvious on a moment's reflection that
portmanteaus, etc., had to be opened on the
bare earth in the midst, so to speak, of untamed
nature, with threatening clouds driving over them,
and rude winds seizing what they could of their
contents and wantoning with them about the
yard. It will be equally obvious that these con-
tents had to be handed up one by one by the
person below to the person in the caravan who
was putting them away and the person below
having less to do would be quicker in his move-
ments, while the person above having more to do
would be — I suppose naturally but I think with
a little self-control it ought not to be so —
quicker in her temper; and so she was, and quite
unjustifiably, because though she might have
the double work of sorting and putting away I
on the other hand, had to stoop so continuously
that I was very shortly in a condition of actual
physical distress. The young men, who might
have helped and at first did help Frau von Eck-
thum (though I consider they were on more than
delicate ground while they did it) were prevented
being of use because one had brought a bull

THE CARAVANERS 67

terrier, a most dangerous looking beast, and the
other -probably out of compliment to us-
a white Pomeranian; and the bull terrier, without
the least warnmg or preliminary growl such as
our decent German dogs emit before proceeding
to action, suddenly fixed his teeth into the Pom-
eranian and left them there. The howls of the
Pomeranian may be imagined. The bull terrier,

?K uuul' .''^"?' '^'^ "^^^*"« « all. At once
the hubbub in the yard was increased tenfold.
No efforts of Its master could make the bull terrier
let go. Menzies-Legh called for pepper, and the
women-folk ransacked the larders in the rear of
the vans, but though there were cruets there
was no pepper. At length the little lady of the
garden, whose special gift it seemed to appear
at the right moment, judging no doubt that
the sounds in the yard could not altogether
be explained by caravaners unpacking, came
out with a pot full, and throwing it into the
bull terrier s face he was obliged to let 20 in
order to sneeze.

During the rest of the afternoon the young
men could help no one because they were engaged
m the care of their dogs, the owner of the Pome-
ranian attending to its wounds and the owner of
the bull terrier preventing a repetition of its
conduct. And Menzies-Legh came up to me
and said in his singularly trailing melancholy

THE CARAVANERS

Ik:

voice, did I not think they were jolly dogs and
going to be a great comfort to us.

"Oh, quite," said I, unable exactly to under-
stand what he meant.

Still less was I able to understand the attitude
of the dogs* masters toward each other. Not
thus would our fiery German youth have behaved.
Undoubtedly in a similar situation they would
have come to blows, or in any case to the class
of words that can only be honourably wiped out
in the blood of a duel. But these lymphatic
Englishmen, both of them straggly, pale persons
in clothes so shabby and so much too big that 1
was at a loss to conceive how they could appear in
them before ladies, hung on each to his dog in
perfect silence, and when it was over and the
aggressor's owner said he was sorry, the Pomer-
anian's owner, instead of confronting him with
the fury of a man who has been wronged and
owes it to his virility not to endure it, actually
tried to pretend that somehow, by some means,
it was all his dog's fault or his own in allowing
him to be near the other, and therefore it was he
who, in their jargon, was "frightfully sorry."
Such is the softness of this much too rich and far
too comfortable nation. Merely to see it made
me blush to be a man; but I became calm again
on recollecting that the variety of man I happened
to be was, under God, a German. And I dis-

THE CARAVANERS 69

covered later that neither of them ever touch an
honest mug of beer, but drink instead - will it
DC beJieved ? — water.

nf^r^^'^^T'^ t"°/ ^^ supposed that at this point
of my hohday I had already ceased to enjoy it.
On the contrary, I was enjoying myself n my
quiet way very much. Not only does the study
of character greatly mterest me, but I am blest with
a sense of humour united to that toughness of
disposition which stops a man from saying, how-
ever much he may want to, die. Therefore I
bore the unpacking and the arranging and the
advice I got from everybody and the questions I
was asked by everybody and the calls here and
the calls there and the wind that did not cease
a moment and the rain that pelted down at inter-
va s without a murmur. I had paid for my
hohday, and I meant to enjoy it. But it did seem

Z!!!^^ \TY \7 °^ ''*'^"S P^^^«"^« ^«^ wealthy
people hke the Menzies-Leghs, who could have

gone to the best hotel in the gayest resort, and who

instead were bent into their portmanteaus as

double as I was, doing work that their footmen

would have scorned; and when during an extra

sharp squall we had hastily shut our portmanteaus

and all scrambled into our respective — I was

going to say kennels, but I will be just and say

'Z^''^''I\l ^^P'^^ss^d this surprise to Edelgard,
she said Mrs. Menzies-Legh had told her while

1. 1

jiti

THE CARAVANERS

I was at luncheon that both she and her sister
desired for a time to remove themselves as far
as possible from what she called the ministrations
of menials. They wished, said Edelgard, quoting
Mrs. Menzies-Legh's words, to endeavour to
fulfil the Scriptures and work with their hands
the things which are good; and Edelgard, who
was much amused by the reference to the Scrip-
tures, agreed with me, who was a^<> greatly
diverted, that it is a game, this working with one's
hands, that only seems desirable to those so much
surfeited with all that is worth having that they
cease to be able to distinguish its value, and that
it would be interesting to watch how long the two
pampered ladies enjoyed playing it. Edelgard
of course had no fears for herself, for she is a most
admirably trained hausfrau, and the keeping
of our tiny wheeled house in order would be easy
enough after the keeping in order of our flat at
home and the constant supervision, amounting
on washing days to goading, of Clothilde. But
the two sisters had not had the advantage of a
husband who kept them to their work from the
beginning, and Mrs. Menzies-Legh was a ne'er-do-
well, spoiled, and encouraged to do nothing
whatever except, so far as I could see, practise
how best to pretend she was clever.

By six we were ready to start. From six to
seven we bothered the girls. At seven serious

THE CARAVANERS 7,

consultations commenced as to what had better
be done. Start we must, for kind though our
host and hostess were I do not think they wanted
us to camp in their front yard; if they did they
did not say 80, and it became every moment more
apparent that a stormy night was drawing nearer
across the hdls Menzies-Legh, with growing
uneasiness, asked his wife I suppose a dozen time!
what on earth, as he put it, had become of the
girls; whether she thought he had better go and
look for them; whether she thought they had
had an accident; whether she thought they had
lost the address or themselves; to all of which
she answered that she thought nothing except
that they were naughty girls who would be suitably
scolded when they did come.

The little lady of the garden came on the scene
at this juncture with her usual happy tact, and
suggested that it being late and we being new at
It and therefore no doubt going to take longer
arranging our camp this first night than we after-
ward would, we should start along the road to
a bit of common about half a mile further on
and there, with no attempt at anything like a
march settle for the night. We would then, she
pointed out, either meet the girls or, if they came
another way, she would send them round to us.

Such sensible suggestions could only, as the
English say, be jumped at. In a moment all was

MICROCOfY RESOIUTION TEST CHART

(ANSI and ISO TEST CHART No. 2)

1.0

tarn

■ 2^

!■■

■^

|»

|a2

|i«

U£

i 1.8

A APPLIED IIVHGE Ir

1653 Eost Main Street

Rochester, New York 1*609 USA

(716) +82 - OJOO - Phone

(716) 288- 5989 -Fo»

THE CARAVANERS

bustle. We had been sitting disconsolately each

on his ladder arguing (not without touches of what

threatened to become recrimination), and we

now briskly put them away and prepared to be

off. With some difficulty the horses, who did

not wish to go, were put in, the dogs were

chained behind separate vans, the ladders slung

underneath (this was no easy job, but one of the

straggly young men came to our assistance just

as Edelgard was about to get under our caravan

and find out how to do it, and showed such

unexpected skill that I put him down as being

probably in the bolt and screw trade), adieux and

appropriate speeches were made to our kind

entertainer, and off we went.

First marched old James, leading the Ilsa*s
horse, with Menzies-Legh beside him, and Mrs.
Menzies-Legh, her head wrapped up very curiously
in yards and yards of some transparent fluttering
stuff of a most unpractically feminine nature and
her hand grasping a walking stick of a most
aggressively masculine one, marched behind, giv-
ing me who followed (to my surprise I found it
was expected of me that far from sitting as I had
intended to do inside our caravan I should trudge
along leading our horse) much unneeded and
unasked-for advice. Her absurd head arrange-
ment, which I afterward learned was called a
motor veil, prevented my seeing anything except

THE CARAVANERS 73

egregiously long eyelashes and the tip of an
inquiring and strange to say not over aristocratic
nose — Edelgard's, true to its many ancestors, is
purest hook. Taller and gaunter than ever in
her straight up and down sort of costume, she
stalked beside .-le her head on a level with mine
(and I am by no means a short man), telling
me what I ought to do and what I ought not to
do in the matter of leading a horse; and when
she had done that ad nauseam, ad libitum, and
ad infinitum (I believe I have forgotten nothing
at all of my classics) she turned to my peaceful
wife sitting on the Elsa's platform and announced
that if she stayed up there she would probably
soon be sorry.

In another moment Edelgard was sorry, for
unfortunately my horse had had either too many
oats or not enough exercise, and the instant the
first van had lumbered through the gate and out
of sight round the corner to the left he made a
sudden and terrifying attempt to follow it at a
gallop.

Those who know caravans know that they
must never gallop: not, that is, if the contents
are to remain unbroken and the occupants
unbruised. They also know that no gate is more
than exactly wide enough to admit of their passing
through It, and that unless the passing through

THE CARAVANERS

is calculated and carried out to a nicety the
caravan that emerges will not be the caravan that
went in. Providence that first evening was on
my side, for I never got through any subsequent
gate with an equal neatness. My heart had
barely time to leap into my mouth before we
were through and out in the road, and Mrs.
Menzies-Legh, catching hold of the bridle,
was able to prevent the beast's doing what was
clearly in his eye, turn round to the left after his
mate with a sharpness that would have snapped
the Elsa in two.

Edelgard, rather pale, scrambled down. The
sight of our caravan heaving over inequalities or
lurching as it was turned round was a sight I
never learned to look at without a tightened
feeling about th throat. Anxiously I asVed
Mrs. Menzies-Legh, when the horse, having
reached the rear of the Ilsa, had settled down
again, what would happen if I did not get thrcugh
the next gate with an equal skill.

"Everything may happen," said she, "from
the scraping off of the varnish to the scraping off
of a wheel.

"But this is terrible," I cried. "What would
we do with one wheel too few?"

"We couldn't do anything till there v.. . a

new one.

And who would pay

*»

THE CARAVANERS 75

I stopped. Aspects of the tour were revealed
to me which had not till then been illuminated.
"It depends," said she, answering my unfinished
question, "whose wheel it was."

"And suppose my dear wife," I inquired after
a pause during which many thoughts surged
within me, "should have the misfortune to break,
say, a cup?"

"A new cup would have to be provided."

"And would I — but suppose cups are broken
by circumstances over which I have no control .?"

She snatched quickly at the bridle. "Is that
the horse?" she asked.

"Is what the horse?"

"The circumstances. If I hadn't caught him
then he'd have had your caravan in the ditch."

"My dear lady," I cried, nettled, "he would
have done nothing of the sort. I was paying
attention. As an officer you must admit that
my ignorance of horses cannot be really as
extensive as you are pleased to pretend you
think."

" Dear Baron, when does a woman ever admit ?"
A shout from behind drowned the answer

that would, I was sure, have silenced her, for I

had not then discovered ihat no answer ever did.

It was from one of the pale young men, who was

making signs to us from the rear.
"Run back and see what he wants," com-

THE CARAVANERS

I '

*:|

11
f

manded Mrs. Mcnzies-Legh, marching on at
my horse's head with Edclgard, slightly out of
breath, beside her.

I found that our larder had come undone and
was shedding our ox-tongue, which we had hoped
to keep private, on to the road in front of the
eyes of Frau von Eckthum and the two young
men. This was owing to Edelgard*s careless-
ness, and I was extremely displeased with her.
At the back of each van were two lockers, one con-
taining an oil stove and saucepans and the other,
provided with air-holes, was the larder i- which
our provisions were to be kept. Both had doors
consisting of flaps that opened outward and
downward and were fastened by a padlock.
V^ith gross carelessness Edelgard, after putting
in the tongue, had merely shut the larder door
Without padlocking it, and when a sufficient
number of jolts had occurred the flap fell open
and the tongue fell out. It was being followed
by some private biscuits we had brought.

Naturally I was upset. Every time Edelgard
is neglectful or forgetful she recedes about a year
in my esteem. It takes her a year of attentive-
ness and diligence to regain that point in my
affection on which she previously stood. She
knew this, and used to be careful to try to keep
proper pace, if I may so express it, with my love,
and at the date at which I have arrived in the

THE CARAVANERS 77

narrative had not yet given up trying, so that
when by shouting I had made Mrs. Menzies-
Lcgh understand that the Elsa was to be stopped
Edelgard hurried back to inquire what was wrong,
and was properly distressed when she saw the
result of her negligence. Well, repentance may
be a good thing, but our ox-tongue was gone for-
ever; before he could be stopped the Ailsa's
horse, following close behind, had placed his huge
hoof on it and it became pulp.

"How sad," said Frau von Eckthum gazing
upon this ruin. " But so nice of you, dear Baron-
ess, to think of it. It might just have saved us
all from starvation."

"Well, it can't now," said one of the young
men; and he took it on the point of his stick and
cast it into the ditch.

Edelgard began silently to pick up the scattered
biscuits. Immediately both the young men
darted forward to do it for her with a sudden
awakening to energy that seemed very odd in
persons ^ho slouched along with their hands in
their pockets. It made me wonder whether
perhaps they thought her younger than she was.
As we resumed cur march, I came to the con-
clusion that this must be so, for such activity of
assistance wouH, otherwise be unnatural, and I
resolved to tak the earliest opportunity of bring-
ing the conversation round to birthdays and then

THE CARAVANERS

carelessly mentioning that my wife's next one
would be her thirtieth. In this department of
all others I am not the man to allow buds to
go unnipped.

We had not been travelling ten minutes before
we came to a stony turning up to the right which
old James, who was a native of those parts, said
was the entrance tc the common. It seemed
strange to camp almost within a stone's throw
of our starting-place, but the rain was at that
moment pelting down on our defenceless heads,
and people hurrying to their snug homes stopped
m spite of It to look at us with a wondering pity
so that we all wished to get off the road as soon
as possible and into the privacy of furze bushes.
The lane was in no sense a hill: it was a gentle
incline, almost immediately reaching flat ground-
but it was soft and stony, and the Ilsa's horse,'
after dragging his caravan for a few yards up
It, could get no farther, and when Menzies-LeixK
put the roller behind the back wheel to prev
the Ilsa*s returning thither from whence it i. r-
just come the chain of the roller snapped, t.
roller, released, rolled away, and the Ilsa began
to move backward on top of the Elsa, which
in Its turn began to move backward on top
of the Ailsa, which in its turn began to move
backward across the road in the direction of
the ditch.

! 11 ■■'

h- .

T.ii CARAVANERS 79

It was an unnerving spectacle; for it must
be borne in mind that however small the caravans
seemed when you were inside them when you
were outside they looked like mighty monsters,
towering above hedges, filling up all but wide
roads, and striking awe into the hearts even of
motorists, who got out of their way with the eager
politeness otherwise rude persons display when
confronted by yet greater powers of being dis-
agreeable.

Menzies-Legh and the two young men, acting
on some shouted directions from old James, rushed
at the stones lying about and selecting the biggest
placed them, I must say with commendable prompt-
ness, behind the Ilsa's wheels, and what prom-
ised to be an appalling catastrophe was averted.
I, who was reassuring Edelgard, was not able to
help. She had asked me with ill-concealed anxiety
whether I thought the caravans would begin to
go backward in the night when we were inside
them, and I was doing my best to calm her, only
of course I had to point out that it was extremely
windy; and quite a dirty and undesirable workman
trudging by at that moment with his bag of tools
on his back and his face set homeward,
she stared after him and said: "Otto, how nice
to be going to a house."

"Come, come," said I rallying her — but
undoubtedly the weather was depressing.

8o THE CARAVANERS

We had to trace up the lane to the common

lhi8 was the first time that ominous verb fell'
upon my ear; how often it was destined to do so
will be readily imagined by those of my country-
men who have ever visile ' the English county of
Sussex supposing, which I doubt, that such there
are. Its meaning is that you are delayed for any

of"!l/LT T.?'".*'^"'"!'^^^^ ^^^he bottom
of each hill while the united horses drag one

caravan after another to the top. On this first
occasion the tracing chains we had brought with
us behaved in the same way the roller chain had
and immediately snapped, and Menzies-tegh.
moved to anger, inquired severely of old James
how It was that everything we touched broke:
but he, being innocent, was not very voluble, and
Menzies-Legh soon left him alone. Happily we
had another pair of chains with us. AH this
however meant great delays, and the rain had
almost left off, and the sun was setting in a gloomy
bank of leaden clouds across . comfortless dis-
tance and sending forth its last pale beams through
thinn.ng raindrops, by the time the first caravan
safely reached the common.

If any of you should by any chance, however
reniote, visit Panthers, pray go to Grib's (or
C^Tip s -- in spite of repeated inquiries I at no
time discovered which it was) Common, and
picture to yourselves our first night in that bleak

irtr

THE CARAVANERS 8i

refuge. For it was a refuge — the alternative
being to man h along blindly till the next morning,
which was, of course, equivalent to not being ar
alternative at all — but how bleak a one! Gray
shadows were descending on it, cold winds were
whirling roum. it, the grass was, naturally, drip-
ping, and scattered in and out among the furze
bushes were the empty sardine and '' ' er tins of
happier sojourners. These last J),<:ts were
explained by the presence of a hop-iitld skirting
cne side of the common, a hop-field luckily not
yet in that state which attracts hop-pickers, or the
common would hardly have been a place to which
gentlemen care to take their wives. On the
opposite side to the hop-field the ground fell
away, and the tips of two hop-kilns peered at us
over the edge. In front of us, concealed by the
furze and other bushes of a prickly, clinging
nature, lay ihe road, 'oug which people going
home to houses, as I; Igard put it, were con-
stantly hurrying. All round, except on the hop-
field side we cc ild see much farther than we
wanted t xross a cheerless stretch of country.
The chree caravans were drawn up in a row facing
the watery sunset, because the wind chiefly came
from the east (though it also came from all round)
and the backs of the vans offered more resistance
to its fur>' than any other side of them, there
being only one small wooden window in that

THE CARAVANERS

r i

portion of them which, being kept carefully shut
by us during the whole tour, would have been
infinitely better away.

I hope my hearers see the caravans: if not it
seems to me I read in vain. Square — or almost
square — brown boxes on wheels, the door in
front, with a big aperture at the side of it shut
at night by a wooden shutter and affording a
pleasant prospect (when there was one) by day,
a much too good-sized window on each side,'
the bald back with no relief of any sort unless
the larders can be regarded as such, for the little
shutter window I have mentioned became invis-
ible when shut, and inside an impression (I never
use a word other than deliberately), an impression,
then, I say, of snugness, produced by the green
carpet, the green arras lining to the walls, the
green eider-down quilts on the beds, the green
portiere dividing the main room from the small
portion in front which we used as a dressing
room, the flowered curtains, the row of gaily
bound books on a shelf, and the polish of the
brass candle brackets that seemed to hit me
every time I moved. What became of this
impression in the case of one reasonable man
too steady to be blown hither and thither by
passing gusts of enthusiasm, perhaps the narra-
tive will disclose.
Meanwhile the confusion on the common was

THE CARAVANERS 83

indescribable. I can even now on calling it to
mind only lift up hands of amazement. To get
the three horses out was in itself no easy task for
persons unaccustomed to such work, but to get
the three tables out and try to unfold them and
make them stand straight on the uneven turf was
much worse. All things in a caravan have hinges
and flaps, the idea being that they shall take
up little room; but if they take up little room they
take up a great deal of time, and that first night
when there was not much of it these patent
arrangements which made each chair and table
a separate problem added consideiably to the
prevailing chaos. Having at length set them
out on wet grass, table-cloths had to be extracted
from the depths of the yellow boxes in each caravan
and spread upon them, and immediately they blew
away on to the furze bushes. Recaptured and
respread they immediately did it again. Mrs.
Menzies-Legh, when I ventured to say that I
would not go and fetch them next time they did
it, told me to weigh them down with the knives
and forks, but nobody knew where they were, and
their discovery having defied our united intelli-
gences for an immense amount of pnecious time
was at last the result of the merest chance, for
who could have dreamed they were concealed
among the bedding? As for Edelgard, I com-
pletely lost control over her. She seemed to slip

ill

THE CARAVANERS

through my fingers like water. She was every-
where, and yet nowhere. I do not know what
she did, but I know that she left me quite unaided,
and I found myself performing the most menial
tasks, utterly unfit for an oflicer, such as fetch-
ing cups and saucers and arranging spoons in
rows. Nor, if I had not witnessed it, would I
ever have believed that the preparation of eggs
and coffee was so diflficult. What could be more
frugal than such a supper? Yet it took the
^ni^^d efforts for nearly two hours of seven highly
civilized and intelligent beings to produce it.
Edelgard said that that was why it did, but I at
once told her that to reason that the crude and
the few are more capable than the clever and the
many was childish.

When, with immense labour and infinite con-
versation, this meagre fare was at last placed
upon the tables it was so late that we had to light
our lanterns in order to be able to see it; and my
hearers who have never been outside the sheltered
homes of Storchwerder and know nothing about
what can happen to them when they do will have
difliculty in picturing us gathered round the tables
in that gusty place, vainly endeavouring to hold
our wraps about us, our feet in wet grass and
our heads in a stormy darkness. The fitful
flicker of the lanterns played over rapidly cooling
eggs and grave faces. It was indeed a bad begin-

THE CARAVANERS

ning, enough to discourage the stoutest holiday-
maker. This was not a holiday: this was priva-
tion combined with exposure. Frau von Eckthum
was wholly silent. Even Mrs. Menzies-Legh,
although she tried to laugh, produced nothing but
hollow sounds. Edelgard only spoke once, and
that was to say that the coffee was very bad and
might she make it unaided another time, a remark
and a question received with a gloomy assent.
Menzies-Legh was by this time extremely anxious
about the girls, and though his wife still said
they were naughty and would be scolded it was
with an ever fainter conviction. The two young
men sat with their shoulders hunched up to their
ears in total silence. No one, however, was half
so much deserving of sympathy as myself and
Edelgard, who had been travelling since the pre-
vious morning and more than anybody needed
good food and complete rest. But there were
hardly enough scran.bled eggs to go round, most
of them having been broken in the jolting up the
lane on to the common, and after the meal, instead
of smoking a cigar in the comparative quiet and
actual dryness of one's caravan, I found that
everybody had to turn to and — will it be believed f
— wash up.

**No servants, you know — so free, isn't it?"
said Mrs. Menzies-Legh, pressing a cloth into one
of my hands and a fork into the other, a d indi-

THE CARAVANERS

eating a saucepan of hot water with a meaning
motion of her forefinger.

Well, I had to. My hearers must not judge
me harshly. I am aware that it was conduct
unbecoming in an officer, but the circumstances
were unusual. Menzies-Legh and the young men
were doing it too, and I was taken by surprise.
Edelgard, when she saw me thus employed, first
started in astonishment and then said she would
do it for me.

"No, no, let him do it," quickly interposed
Mrs. Menzies-Legh, almost as though she liked
me to wash up in the same saucepan as herself.

But I will not dwell on the forks. We were
still engaged in the amazingly difficult and dis-
tasteful work of cleaning them when the rain
suddenly descended with renewed fury. This
was too much. I slipped away from Mrs. Menzies-
Legh's side into the darkness, whispered to Edel-
gard to follow, and having found my caravan
bade her climb in after me and bolt the door.
What became of the remaining forks I do not
know — there are limits to that which a man will
do in order to have a clean one. Stealthily we
undressed in the dark so that our lighted windows
might not betray us — "Let them each," I said
to myself with grim humour, "suppose that we
are engaged helping one of the others" — and
then, Edelgard having ascended into the upper

THE CARAVANERS 87

berth and I having crawled into the lower, we
lay listening to the loud patter of the rain on the
roof so near our faces (especially Edelgard's),
and marvelled that it should make a noise that
could drown not only every sound outside but
also our voices when we, by shouting, endeavoured
to speak.

i ni

M il

CHAPTER V

r TNDER the impression that I had not closed
^ my eyes all night I was surprised to find
when I opened them in the morning that I had
I must have slept, and with some soundness^
for there stood Edelgard, holding back the curtain
that concealed me when in bed from the gaze of
any curious should the caravan door happen to
burst open, already fully dressed and urging me
to get up It is true that I had been dreaming
I was still between Flushing and Queenboro', so
that m my sleep I was no doubt aware of the
heavmgs of the caravan while she dressed; for
a caravan gives, so to speak, to every movement
of the body, and I can only hope th. . if any of
you ever go m one the other person in the bed above
you may be a motionless sleeper. Indeed, I
discovered that after all it was not an advantage
to occupy the lower bed. While the rain was
..riking the roof with the deafening noise of
unlimited and large stones I heard nothing of
Edelgard, though I felt every time she moved.
When however, it left off, the creakings and
crunchings of her bed and bedding (removed only

THE CARAVANERS

a few inches irom my face) every time she turned
round were so alarming that disagreeable visions
crossed my mind of the bed, unable longer to
sustain a weight greater perhaps than what it
was meant to carry, descending in toto in one of
these paroxysms upon the helpless form (my
own) stretched beneath. Clearly if it did I should
be very much hurt, and would quite likely suf-
focate before assistance could be procured. These
visions, however, in spite of my strong impression
of unclosed eyes, must ultimately and mercifully
have been drowned in sleep, and my bed being
very comfortable and I at the end of my forces
after the previous day when I did sleep I did it
soundly and I also apparently did it long; for
the sun was coming through the open window
accompanied by appetizing smells of hot coffee
when Edelgard roused me by the information that
breakfast was ready, and that as everybody
seemed hungry if I did not come soon I might
as v»ell not come at all.

She had put my clothes out, but had brought
me no hot water because she said the two sisters
had told her it was too precious, what there was
being wanted for washing up. I inquired with
some displeasure whether I, then, were less
important than forks, and to my surprise Edelgard
replied that it depended on whether they were
silver; which was, of course, perilously near

90 THE CARAVANERS

repartee. She immediately on delivering this
eft the caravan and as I could not go to the door
to call her back -as she no doubt recollected
-;- 1 was left to my cold water and to my surprise.

shYh.:-'^J Y °^^^" "°"^^^ ^ ^-'--^ talent
she has m this direction (my hearers will remem-

ber mstances) it had not yet been brought to
bear personally on me. Repartee is not amiss in
the right place, but the right place is never one's
husband. Indeed, on the whole I think it is a
dangerous addition to a woman, and best left
alone. For is not that which we admire in woman
womanliness? And womanliness, as the very
sound of the word suggests, means nothing that
IS not round, and soft, and pliable; the word as
one turns it on -ne's tongue has a smoothly liquid
sound as of sweet oil, or precious ointment, or
balm, that very well expresses our ideal. Sharp
tongues, sharp wits - what are these but draw-
backs and blots on the picture ?

Such (roughly) were my thoughts while I
washed in very little and very cold water, and
putting on my clothes was glad to see that Edel-
^rd had at least brushed them. I had to pin
the curtains carefully across the windows because
breakfast was going on just outside, and hurried
heads kept passing to and fro in search, no doubt
of important parts of the meal that had either
been forgotten or were nowhere to be found

THE CARAVANERS 91

I confess I thought they might have waited
with breakfast till I came. It is possible that
Frau von Eckthum was thinking so too; but as
far as the others were concerned I was dealing,
I remembered, with members of the most in-
considerate nation in Europe. And besides, I
reflected, it was useless to look for the courtesy
we in Germany delight to pay to rank and standing
among people who had neither of these things
themselves. For what was Menzies-Legh ? A
man with much money (which is vulgar) and no
title at all. Neither in the army, nor in the navy,
nor in the diplomatic service, not even the younger
son of a titled family, which in England, as perhaps
my hearers have heard with surprise, is a circum-
stance sometimes sufficient to tear the title a
man would have had in any other country from
him and send him forth a naked Mr. into
the world — Menzies-Legh, I suppose, after the
fashion of our friend the fabled fox in a similar
situation, saw no dignity in, nor any reason why
he should be polite to, noble foreign grapes.
And his wife's original good German blood had
become so thoroughly undermined by the action
of British microbes that I could no longer regard
her as a daughter of one of our oldest families;
while as for the two young men, on asking Menzies-
Legh the previous evening over that damp and
dreary supper of insufficient eggs who they were.

92 THE CARAVANERS

being forced to do so by his not having as a Ger-
man gentleman would have done given me every in-
formation at the earliest opportunity of his own
accord, with details as to income, connections, etc.,
80 that I would know the exact shade of cordialit^
my behaviour toward them was to be tinged with
-on asking Menzies-Legh, I repeat, he merely
told me that the one with the spectacles and the
hollow cheeks and the bull terrier was Browne
who was going into the Church, and the othe^
with the Pomeranian and the round, hairless face
was Jellaby.

Concerning Jellaby he said no more. Who
and what he was except pure Jellaby I would have
been left to find out by degrees as best I could
u ,^^^ "Oppressed him further, and inquired
whether Jellaby also were going into the Church,
and It not what was he going into ?

Menzies-Legh replied — not with the lively
and detailed interest a German gentleman would
have displayed talking about the personal affairs
ot a friend, but with an appearance of being bored
that very extraordinarily came over him when-
ever I endeavoured to talk to him on topics of
real interest, and disappeared whenever he was
either doing dull things such as marching, or
cleaning his caravan, or discussing tiresome
trivialities with the others such as some foolish
poem lately appeared, or the best kind of kitchen

THE CARAVANERS 93

ranges to put into the cottages he was building
for old women on his estates — that Jellaby was
not going into anything, being in already; and
that what he was in was the House of Commons,
where he was not only a member of the Labour
Party but also a Socialist.

I need not say that I was considerably upset
Here I was going to live, as the English say, cheek
by jowl for a substantial period with a Socialist
member of Parliament, and it was even then plain
to me that the caravan mode of life encourages,
if I may so express it, a degree of cheek by jowlish-
ness unsurpassed, nay, unattained, by any other
with which I am acquainted. To descend to
allegory, and taking a Prussian officer of noble
family as the cheek, how terrible to him of all
persons on God's earth must be a radical jowl.
Since I am an officer and a gentleman it goes
without saying that I am also a Conservative.
You cannot be one without the others, at least
not comfortably, in Germany. Like the three
Graces, these other three go also hand in hand.
The King of Prussia is, I am certain, in his heart
passionately Conservative. So also I have every
reason to believe is God Almighty. And from the
Conservative point of view (which is the only
right one) all Liberals are bad — bad, unworthy,
and unfit; persons with whom one would never
dream of either dining or talking; persons dwelling

94 THE CARAVANERS

in so low a mental and moral depth that to dwell
in one still lower seems almost extravagantly
impossible. Yet in that lower depth, moving
about like those blind monsters science tells us
inhabit the everlasting darkness of the bottom
of the seas, beyond the reach of light, of air, and
of every Christian decency, dwells the Socialist.
And who can be a more impartial critic than
myself? Excluded by my profession from any
opinion or share in politics I am able to look on
with the undisturbed impartiality of the disinter-
ested, and I see these persons as a danger to my
country, a danger to my King, and a danger (if
I had any) to my posterity In consequence
I was very cold to Jellaby when he ^-sked me to
pass him something at supper - 1 think it was
the salt. It is true he is prevented by his nation-
ality from riddling our ^ichstag with his poison-
ous theories (not a day would I have endured his
company if he had been a German) but the broad
principle remained, and as I dressed I reflected
with much ruefulness that even as it was his
presence was almost compromising, and I could
not but blame Frau von Eckthum for not having
informed me of its imminence beforehand.

And the other — the future pastor, Browne.
A pastor is necessary and even very well at a
christening, a marriage, or an interment; but
for mingling pu-poses on common social ground —

THE CARAVANERS 95

no. Sometimes at public dinners in Storchwerder
there has been one in the background, but he very
properly remained in it; and once or twice dining
with our country neighbours their pastor and
his wife were present, and the pastor said grace
and his wife said nothing, and they felt they were
not of our class, and if they had not felt it of
themselves they would very quickly have been
made to feel it by others. This is all as it should
be: perfectly natural and proper; and it was
equally natural and proper that on finding I was
required to do what the English call hobnob
with a future pastor I should object. I did object
strongly. And decided, while I dressed, that my
attitude toward both Jellaby and Browne should
be of the chilliest coolness.

Now in this narrative nothing is to be hidden,
for I desire it to be a real and sincere human
document, and I am the last man, having made
a mistake, to pass it ovf » in silence. My friends
shall see me as I ain, with all my human weak-
nesses and, I hope, i>ome at least of my human
strengths. Not that there Is anything to be
ashamed of in the matter of him Menzies-Legh
spoke baldly of as Browne — rather should
Menzies-L?gh have been ashamed of leading
me through his uncommunicativeness into a
natural error; for how could I be supposed to
realize that the singular nation places the Church

i I

THE CARAVANERS

•

If I
III

as a profession on practically the same level as
the only three that to us have a level at all, namely,
the Army, the Navy, and the Service diplomatic
or ministerial of the State ?

To Browne, therefore, when I finally climbed
down from my caravan into the soaking grass
that awaited me at the bottom and found him
breakfasting alone, the others being scattered
about in the condition of feverish yet sterile
activity that is characteristic of caravan life, I
behaved in a manner perfectly suitable applied
to an ordinary pastor who should begin to talk to
me with an air of equality — I was, that is, exceed-
ingly stiff.

He pushed the coffee-pot toward me: I received
it with a cold bow. He talked of the rain in the
night and his fears that my wife had been dis-
turbed by it: I replied with an evasive shrug.
He spoke cheerily of the brightness of the morning,
and the promise it held of a pleasant day: I
responded with nothing more convivial than
Perhaps or Indeed — at this moment I cannot
recall which. He suggested that I should partake
of a thick repulsive substance he was eating
which he described as porridge and as the work
of Jellaby, and which was, he said, extraordinarily
good stuff to march on: I sternly repressed a very
witty retort that occurred to me and declined by
means of a mDnosyllable. In a word, I was stiff.

THE CARAVANERS 97

Judge then of my vexation and dismay when
1 discovered not ten minutes later by the merest
accident while being taken by Mrs. Menzies-Legh
to a farm in order that I might carry back the
vegetables she proposed to buy at it, that the young
gentleman not only has a title but is the son of
one of the greatest of English families. He is a
younger son of the Duke of Hereford, that wealthy
and well-known nobleman whose sister was not
considered (on the whole) unworthy to marry our
Prmce of Grossburg-Niederhausen, and far from
bemg mere Browne in the way in which Jellaby
was and remained mere Jellaby, the young gentle-
man I had been deliberately discouraging was
Browne indeed, but with the transfiguring addition
of Sigismund and Lord.

Mrs. Menzies-Legh, with the same careless
mdifference I had observed in her husband, spoke
of him briefly as Sidge. He was, it appeared, a
distant cousin of her husband's. I had to question
her closely and perseveringly before I could
extract these details from her, she being apparently
far more interested in the question as to whether
the woman at the farm would not only sell us
vegetables but also a large iron vessel in which
to stew them. Yet it is clearly of great importance
first, that one should be in good company, and
secondly, that one should be told one is in it,
because if one is not told how in the world is

THE CARAVANERS

one to know? And my hearers will, I am sure,
sympathize with me in the disagreeable situation
in which I found myself, for never was there, I
trust and believe, a more polite man than myself,
a man more aware of what he owes to his own
birth and breeding and those of others, a man
more careful to discharge punctiliously all the
little (but so important) nameless acts of courtesy
where and whenever they are due, and it greatiy
distressed me to think I had unwittingly rejected
the advances of the nephew of an aunt whom the
entile German nation agrees to address on lier
envelopes as Serene.

While I bore back the iron vessel called a stew-
pot which Mrs. Menzies-Legh had unfortunately
persuaded the farmer's wife to sell her, and also
a basket (in my other hand) full of big, unruly
vegetables such as cabbages, and smooth, green
objects, unknown to me but resembling shortened
and widened cucumbers, that would not keep
still and continually rolled into the road, I wished
that a^ least I had eaten the porridge. It could
not have killed me, and it was churlish to refuse
The manner of my refusal had made the original
churlishness still more churlish. I made up my
mind to seek out Lord Sigismund without delay
and endeavour by a tactful word to set matters
right between us, for one of my principles is never
to be ashamed of acknowledging when I have been

THE CARAVANERS 99

in the wrong; and so much preoccupied was I
deciding on the exact form the tactful word was
to take that I had hardly time to object to the
nature and size of my burdens. Besides, I was
beginning to reahze that burdens were going to
be my fate. There was little hope of escaping
them, since the other members of the party bore
similar ones and seemed to think it natural. Mrs
Menzies-Legh at that moment was herself carry-
ing a bundle of little sticks for lighting fires, tied
up in a big red handkerchief the farmer's wife
had so d her, and also a parcel of butter, and
she walked along perfectly indifferent to the odd
figure she would cut and the wrong impression
she would give should we by any chance meet
any of the gentlefolk of the district. And one
should always remember, I consider, when one
wishes to let one's self go, that the world is very
small, and that it is at least possible that the last
person one would choose as a witness may be
watching one through an apparently deserted
hedge with his eyeglasses up. Besides, there is
no pleasure in behaving as though you were a
servant, and old James certainly ought to have
accompanied us and carried our purchases back.
Of what use is a man servant, however untidy,
who IS nowhere to be seen when washing up
begins or shopping takes place .? Being forced to
pause a moment and put the stew-pot down in

100

THE CARAVANERS

order to rest my hand (which ached) I inquired
somewhat pointedly of my companion what she
supposed the inhabitants of Storchwerder would
say if they could see us at that moment.

"They wouldn't say anything," she replied —
but her smile is not equal to her sister's because
she has only one dimple — "they'd faint."

"Exactly," said I meaningly; adding, after a
pause sufficient to point my words, "and very
properly."

"Dear Baron," said she, pretending to look
all innocent surprise and curling up her eyelashes,
"do you think it is wrong to c?rry stew-pots?
You mustn't carry them, then. Nobody must
ever do what they think wrong. That's what is
called perjuring one's soul — a dreadfully wicked
thing to do. Do you suppose I would have you
perjure yours for the sake of a miserable stew-pot ?
Put it down. Don't touch the accursed thing.
Leave it in the ditch. Hang it on the hedge.
I'll send Sidge for it."

Send Sidge ? At once I snatched it up again,
remarking that what Lord Sigismund could fetch
I hoped Baron von Ottringel could carry; to
which she made no answer, but a faint little sound
as we resumed our journey came from behind her
motor veil, whether of approval and acquiescence
or disapproval and contradiction I cannot say, for
there was nothing, on looking at her as she

ARTMK.

IITLK.

" Dear Baron;' said she, " do you think it is ivrong to
carry stew-pots / "

i I

THE CARAVANERS

lOI

walked beside me, to go on excep* the tip '..■ a
slightly inquiring nose and the tip of a !*t,i Jy
defiant chin and the downward curve of the row
of ridiculously long eyelashes that were on the
side next to me.

When we got back to the camp we found it
in precisely the same condition in which we had
left it _ that is, in confusion. Every one seemed
to be working very hard, and nothing seemed to
be different from what it was a full hour before.
Indeed, hours seem to have strangely little effect
in caravaning: even hours and hours have little;
and it ,is only when you get to hours and hours
and hours that you see a change. In our prepa-
rations each morning for departure it always
appeared to me that they would never have
ended but for a sudden desperate unanimous
determination to break them off and go.

The two young girls who had not appeared
the previous night when I retired to rest had at
last, as Menzies-Legh would say, turned up.
They had done this, I gathered, early in the
morning, having slept with their governess at an
inn in Wrotham, she being a discreet person who
preferred not to search in rain and darkness for
that which when found might not be nice. She
had arrived after breakfast, handed over her
charges, and taken her departure; and the young
girls as I at once sav; were not young girls at

102

THE CARAVANERS

all, but that nondescript creature with a thick
plait down its back and a disconcerting way of
staring at one that we in Germany describe as
Backfisch and the English, I am told, allude to as
flapper.

Lord Sigismund was cleaning boots, seated
on the edge of a table in his shirt sleeves with
these two nondescripts standing in a row watching
him, and I was greatly touched by observing that
the boot he was actually engaged upon at the
moment of our approach was one of Edelgard's.

This was magnanimity. More than ever was I
sorry about the porridge. I hastily put down the
stew-pot and the basket and hurried across to him.

** Pray allow me," I said, snatching up another
boot that stood on the table at his side and plung-
ing a spare brush into the blacking.

"That one's done," said he, pipe in mouth.

" Ah, yes — I beg your pardon. Are these ? "

I took up another pair with some diffidence,
for the done ones and the undone ones had a
singular resemblance to each other.

"No. But you'd better take off your coat.
Baron — it's hot work."

So I did. And much relieved to hear by his
tone that he bore me no ill will I joined him on
the edge of the table; and if any one had told
me a week before that a day was at hand when I
should clean boots I would, without hesitation,

Tints, as it war, z.-itli bUickiiuj. did I cement iu\
friciidslii/y zeitli Lord Si(/isiiiiind

THE CARAVANERS 103

have challenged him to fight, the extremity of the
statement's incredibleness leaving me no choice
but to believe it a deliberate insult.

Thus, as it were with blacking, did I cement
my friendship with Lord Sigismund. I think he
thought me a thoroughly good fellow who was
only, like so many people, a litde stiff at break-
fast, as I sat there helping him, my hat pushed
back off my forehead, one leg swinging, and while
I brushed and blackened chatting cheerfully about
the inferior position the clergy occupy to the
German eye. I am sure he was interested, for he
paused several times in his work and looked at
me over his spectacles with much attention. As
for the two nondescripts, they never took their
exceedingly round and unblinking eyes off me
for an instant.

CHAPTER VI

TT was twelve o'clock before we left Crib's
i (or Grip's) Common, lurching off it by
another grassy lane down into the road in the
direction of Mereworth, and leaving, as we after-
ward discovered, several portions of our equio-
ment behind us.

"What a lovely, sparkling world 1" said Mrs.
Menzies-Legh, coming and walking beside me

I was struggling with the tempers of my very
obstinate horse, so could only gasp a brief assent.

I he road was narrow, and wound along hard
and smooth between hedges she seemed to find
attractive, for every fe.v yards she stopped to
pull something green out of them and take it
along with her. The heavy rain in the night had
naturally left things wet, and there being a bright
sun the drops on the blades of grass and on the
tips of the leaves could not help sparkling, but
there was nothing remarkable in that, and I
would not have noticed it if she had not looked
round with such apparent extreme delight and
sniffed in the air as if she were in a first-class per-
fumery shop Unter den Linden where there really

104

THE CARAVANERS 105

are things worth sniffing. Also she appeared to
think there was something very wonderful about
the sky, which was just the ordinary blue one has
a right to expect in summer sprinkled over with
the usual number of white fine-weather clouds,
for she gazed up at that too, and evidently with the
greatest pleasure.

" Schwarmerisch," said I to myself; and was
internally slightly amused.

My hearers will agree with me that such rap-
tures are well enough in a young girl in a white
gown, with blue eyes and the washed-out vir-
ginal appearance one does not dislike at eighteen
before Love the Artist has pounced on it and
painted it pink, and they will also, I think, agree
that the older and married women must take
care to be at all times quiet. Ejaculations of a
poetic or ecstatic nature should not, as a rule,
pass their lips. They may ejaculate perhaps
over a young baby (if it is their own) but that is
the one exception; and there is a good reason for
this one, the possession of a young baby implying
as a general rule a corresponding youth in its
mother. I do not think, however, that it is nice
when a woman ejaculates over, say, her tenth
young baby. The baby, of course, will still be
sufficiently young for it is a fresh one, but it is not
a fresh mother, and by that time she should have
stiffened into stolidity, and apart from the hours

r* I

io6 THE CARAVANERS

devoted to instructing her servant, silence. Indeed,
the perfect woman does not talk at all Who
wants to hear her? All that we ask of her is
that she shall listen intelligently when we wish,
for a change, to tell her about our own thoughts,
and that she should be at hand when we want
anything. Surely this is not much to ask.
Matches, ash-trays, and one's wife should be so
to speak, on every table; and I maintain that the
perfect wife copies the conduct of the matches
and the ash-trays, and combines being useful
with being dumb.

These are my views, and as I drove my caravan
along the gravelly road I ruminated on them.
The great brute of a horse, overfed and under-
worked, was constantly endeavouring to pass
the Ailsa which was in front of us, and as that
meant in that narrow lane taking the Elsa up the
bank as a preliminary, I was as constantly en-
deavouring to thwart him. And the sun being hot
and 1 (if I may so put it) a very meltable man I
soon grew tired of this constant tugging and looked
round for Edelgard to come and take her turn.

She was nowhere to be seen.

"Have you dropped anything.?" asked Frau
von Eckthum who was walking a little way behind.
No, said I; adding, with much readiness,
but my wife has dropped me "

"Oh!" said she.

THE CARAVANERS 107

I kept the horse back till she caught me up,
while her leaner sister, who did not slacken her
pace, went on ahead. Then I explained my
theory about wives and matches. She listened
attentively, in just the way the really clever woman
knows oest how to impress us favourably does,
b'jsying herself as she listened in tying some
flowers she had gathered into a bunch, and not
doing anything so foolish as to interrupt.

Every now and then as I warmed and drove
my different points home, she just looked at me
with thoughtful interest. It was delightful. I
forgot the annoying horse, the heat of the sun,
the chill of the wind, the bad breakfast, and all
the other inconveniences, and saw how charm-
ing a caravan tour can be. "Given," I thought,
"the right people and fine weather, such a holi-
day is bound to be agreeable.'*

The day was undoubtedly fine, and as for the
right people they were amply represented by the
lady at my side. Never had I found so good a
listener. She listened to everything. She took
no mean advantage of one's breath-pauses to hurry
in observations of her own as so many women do.
And the way she looked at me when anything
struck her particularly was sufficient to show how
keenly appreciative she was. After all there is
nothing so enjoyable as a conversation with a
thoroughly competent listener. The first five

?■•

io8

THE CARAVANERS

!ii

miles flew It seemed to me that we had hardly
lett Grip s Common before we were pulling up at
a wayside inn and sinking on to the bench in
front of it and calling for drink.

What the others all drank was milk, or a gray,
frothy liquid they said was ginger-beer - childish
sweet stuff, with little enough beer about it, heaven
knows, and quite unfit one would think for the
stomach of a real man. Jellaby brought Frau
von Eckthum a glass of it, and even provided the
two nondescripts with refreshments, and they took
his attentions quite as a matter of course, instead
of adopting the graceful German method of min-
istering to the wants of the sterner and there-
fore more thirsty sex.

The road stretched straight and white as far
as one could see on either hand. On it stood
the string of caravans, with old James watering
the horses in the sun. Under the shadow of the
inn we sat and rested, the three Englishmen, to
my surprise, in their shirt-sleeves, a condition in
which no German gentleman would ever show
himself to a lady.

"Why? Are there so many holes in them?"
asked the younger and more pink and white of
the nondescripts, on hearing me remark on this
difference of custom to Mrs. Menzies-Legh; and
she looked at me with an air of grave interest.

Of course I did not answer, but inwardly

THE CARAVANERS ,09

criticized the upbringing of the English child
It IS characteristic of the nation that Mrs. Menzies-
l^egh did not so much as say Hush to her

On the right, the direction in which we were
going to travel, the road dipped down into a
vaHey with distant hills beyond, and the company!
between their sips of milk, talked much abou;
the blueness of this distance. Also they talked
much about the greenness of the Mereworth
woods rustling opposite, and the way the sun
shone; as though woods in summer were ever
anything but green, and as though the sun, when

shinfn ! ' ^' ''''"^'^ ^"^ ^''^'^^"^ "^"^ S^ «"
I was on the point of becoming impatient at
such talk and suggesting that if they would only
eave off drinking milk they would probably see
things differently, when Frau von Eckthum came
and sat down beside me on the bench, her gineer-
beer in one hand and a biscuit, also made of ginger
in the other (the thought of what they must taste
like together made me shiver) and said in her
attractive voice:

"I hope you are gaing to enjoy your holiday.
1 feel responsible, you know." And she looked
at me with her pretty smile.

I liked to think of the gentle lady as a kind of
godmother, and made the proper reply, chivalrous
and sugared, and was asking myself what it is

THE CARAVANERS

»l

■ iEH

that gives other people's wives a charm one's own
never did, never could, and never will possess,
when the door-curtain of the Elsa was pulled
aside, and Edelgard, whose absence at our siesta
I had not noticed, stepped out on to the platform.

Lord Sigismund and Jellaby immediately got
up and unhooked the steps and held them for her
to come down by. Menzies-Legh also went
across and offered her a hand. I alone sat still,
as well I might; for not only am I her husband,*
but it is absurd to put false notions of her impor-
tance into a woman's head who has not had such
attentions paid her since she was eighteen and
what we call appetitlich.

Besides, I was rooted to the bench by amaze-
ment at her extraordinary appearance. No won-
der she was not to be seen when duty ought to
have kept her at my side helping me with the
horse. She had not walked one of those five hot
miles. She had been sitting in the caravan,
busily cutting her skirt short, altering her hair,*
and transforming herself into as close a copy as she
could manage of Mrs. Menzies-Legh and her
sister.

Small indeed was the resemblance now to the
Christian gentlewoman one wishes one's wife to
seem to be. Few were the traces of Prussia.
I declare I would not have recognized her had
I met her casually in the road; and to think

THE CARAVANERS m

she had di d do it without a word, without
asking my permission, without even asking my
opinion! Her nice new feit hat with its pheasant's
wmg had almost disappeared beneath a gauze veil
arranged after the fashion adopted by the sisters.
Heaven knows whe.e she got it, or out of what
other garment, now of course ruined, she had cut
and contrived it; and what is the use of having
a pheasant's wing if you hide it? Her hair, up
to then so tight and inconspicuous, was loosened,
her skirt showed almost all of both her boots.
The whole figure was strangely like that of the
two sisters, a little thickened, a little emphasized.
What galled me was the implied entire indiffer-
ence to my authority. My mind's indignant eye
saw the snap her fingers were executing in its face.
Also, one's own wife is undouLcedly a thing apart.
It is proper and delightful that the wives of others
should be attractive, but one's own ought to be
adorned solely with the ornament of a meek and
quiet spirit combined with that other ornament,
an enduring desire to keep the husband God has
given her comfortable and therefore happy. With-
out these two a wife cannot be regarded as a fit
object for her husband's esteem. I plainly saw
that I would find it impossible to esteem mine in
that skirt. I do not know what she tind done to
her feet, but they looked much smaller than I
had been accustomed to suppose them as she

i^l

112

THE CARAVANERS

came down the steps assisted by the three gentle-
men. My full beer-glass, held neglected in my
hand, dripped unheeded on to the road as I
stared stupidly at this apparition. Rapidly I
selected the first few of the phrases I would
address to her the moment we found ourselves
alone. There should be an immediate stop put
to this loosening of the earth round the roots of the
great and sheltering tree of a husband's authority.
"Poor silly sheep," I could not help murmuring,
those animals flashing into my mind as a legitimate
development of the sheltering-tree image.

Then I felt there was a quotation atmosphere
about them, and was sure Horace or Virgil —
elusive bugbears of my boyhood — must have said
something that began like that and went on
appropriately if only I could remember it. I
regretted that having forgotten it I was unable
to quote it, to myself as it were, but yet just loud
enough for the lady beside me to hear. She,
however, heard what I did say, and looked at me
inquiringly.

"If I were to explain, dear lady," said I,
mstantly responding to the look, "you would not
understand."

"Oh," said she.

"I was thinking in symbols."

"Oh," said she.

"It is one of my mental tricks," I said, my

THE CARAVANERS ,,^

&zt however contracting sternly as it fell on
iLdclgard s approaching form.
"Oh," said che.

I.tf„?"H^ "^^v" ^ ^"''' '^^y- «"^ how stimu-
lating. Her sohtary oh's are more packed with

expressiveness than other wome.s hour-long

She too was watching Edelgard coming to-
ward us across the sun-beaten bit of road! her

much that I could not see she was smiling at my
wife. Of course she must have been amused
at such a slavish imitation; but with her usual
kindness she made room on the bench for her
and, without alluding to the transformation, sug-
gested refreshment. ^

Edelgard as she sat down shot a very curious
glance at me round the corner of her head
wrappings. I was surprised to see little that
could be called apology in her way of sitting
down, and looked in vain for the red spot that
used to appear on each cheek at home when she
was aware that she had done wrong and that it
was not going to be passed over. She was
sheltered from immediate steps on my part by
Frau von Eckthum who sat between us, and
when Jellaby approached her with a glass of milk
she actually took it without so much as breath-
ing the honest word beer.

f-i

114

THE CARAVANERS

This was too much. I threw back my head
and laughed as heartily as I have ever seen a man
laugh. Edelgard and milk! Why, I do not believe
she had drunk it pure like that sii ce the day
she parted from the last- of her infancy's bottles.
Edelgard becoming squeamish; Edelgard pos-
ing—and what a pose; good heavens, wha: a
posel Edelgard, one of Prussia's daughters, one
of Prussia's noblemen's daughters, accepting milk
instead of beer, and accepting it at the hands of a
Socialist in shirt sleeves. A vision of Storch-
werder's face if it could see these things rose
before me. Of course I laughed. Not, mind you,
without some slight tinge of bitterness, for laughter
may be bitter and hearty at the same time, but on
the whole I think I did credit to my unfailing
sense of humour in spite of very great provoca-
tion, and I laughed till even the horses pricked
up their ears and turned their heads and stared.

Nobody else smiled. On the contrary — it
cannot be true *hat laughter is infectious — they
watched me with a serious, amusingly serious,
surprise. Edelgard did not watch. She knew
better than that. Carefully she concealed her
face in the milk, feeling no doubt it was the best
place f i it, and unable to leave off drinking the
stuff because of the problem of how to meet my
eyes once she did. Frau von Eckthum regarded
me with much the same attentive interest she had

THE CARAVANERS 115

shown when I was explaining some of my views
to her on the march — I mean, of course, my views
on wives, but language is full of pitfalls. The
Menzies-Legh niece (they called her Jane) paused
in the middle of a banana to stare. Her friend,
who answered to the singular name (let us hope
it was merely a sobriquet) of Jumps, forgot to
continue greedily pressing biscuits into her mouth,
and, forgetting also that her mouth was open to
receive them, left it in that condition. Mrs.
Menzies-Legh got up and snap-shotted me. Men-
zies-Legh leaned forward when I had had
my laugh nearly out and said: "Come, Baron, let
us share the joke?" But his melancholy voice
belied his words, and looking round at him I
thought he seemed little in the mood for sharing
anything. I never saw such a solemn, dull face;
it shrivelled up my merriment just to see it. So
I merely shrugged one of my shoulders and said
it was a German joke.

"Ah," said Menzies-Legh; and did not press
me further. And Jellaby, wiping his forehead
(on which lay perpetually a long, lank strand of
hair which he was as perpetually brushing aside
with his hand, apparently desirous of not having
it there, but only apparently, for five seconds
with any competent barber would have rid him
of it forever) —Jellaby, I say, asking Menzies-
Legh in his womanish tenor voice if the green

ii6

THE CARAVANERS

i.^

shadows in the wood opposite did not remind
him of some painter friend's work, they began
talking pictures as though they were as important
every hit as the great objects of life — wealth, and

^ u/ n"^ ^ ^^^ °" ^^^ ""*^ ^^ ^^^ nations.

Wei, It was impossible to help contrasting
their sluggishness with a party of Germans under
similar conditions. Edelgard would have been
greeted with one immense roar of laughter on
her appearing suddenly in her new guise. She
would have been assailed with questions, pelted
with mocking comments, and I might have ex-
pressed my own disapproval frankly and openly
and no one would have thought it anything but
natural. There, however, in that hypocritical
country they one and all pretended not to have
seen any change at all; and there was something
so depressing about so many stiff and lantern
jaws whichever way I turned my head that after
my one Homeric burst I found myself unable to
go on. A joke soon palls if nobody else can see
It. In silence I drank my beer: and realized that
my opinion of the nation is low.

It was chiefly Menzies-Legh and Jellaby who
sent down the mercury, I reflected, as we resumed
the march. One gets impressions, one knows not
how or why, nor does one know when. I had not
spoken much to either, yet there the impressions
were. It was not likely that I could be mistaken

THE CARAVANERS ,,7

for I suppose that of all people in the world a
i'russian officer is the least likely to be that. He
18 too shrewd too quick, of too disciplined an
intelligence It is these qualities that keep hin
at the top of the European tree, combined, indeed,
with his power of concentrating his entire being
into one noble determination to stay on it. Again
descending to allegory, I can see Menzies-Legh
and Jellaby and all the other slow-spoken and
slow-thoughted Englishmen flapping ineffectually
among the lower and more comfortable branches
of the tree of nations. Yes, they are more shel-
tered there; they have roomier nests; less wind
and sun; less distance to fly in order to fetch the
waiting grub from the moss beneath; but what
about the Prussian eagle sitting at the top, his
beak flashing in the light, his watchful eye never
off them? Some day he will swoop down on
them when they are, as usual, asleep, clear out
their and similar well-lined nests, and have the
place to himself— becoming, as the well-known
picture has it (for I too can allude to pictures), in
all his glory Enfin seul.

The road went down straight and long and
white into the flat. High dusty hedges shut us
in on either side. Across the end, which looked
an interminable way off, lay the blue distance the
milk drinkers admired. The three caravans
creaked over the loose stones. Their brown

"8 THE CARAVANERS

varnish glistened blindingly in the sun. The
horses plodded onward with hanging heads, sub-
dued, no doubt, by the growing number of the
hours. It was half-past three, and there were no
signs of camp or dinner; no signs of our doint
anythmg but walk along like that in the dust,
our feet achmg. our throats parching, our eyes
burning, and our stomachs empty, forever.

CHAPTER VII

A MAN who is writing a book should have a
-* *- free hand. When I began my narrative I
hardly realized this, but I do now. No longer is
Edelgard allowed to look over my shoulder. No
longer are the sheets left lying « pen on my desk.
I put Edelgard off with the promise that she shall
hear it when it is done. I lock it up when I go
out. And I write straight on without wasting
time considering what this or that person may
like or not.

At the end, indeed, there is to be a red pencil,
— an active censor running through the pages
making danger signals, and whenever on our beer
evenings I come across its marks I shall pause,
and probably cough, till my eye has found the
point at which I may safely resume the reading.
Our guests will tell me that I have a cold, and I
shall not contradict them; for whatever one may
say to one friend at a time in confidence about,
for instance, one's wife, one is bound to protect
her collectively.

I hope I am clear. Sometimes I fear I am
not, but language, as I read in the paper lately,

120

THE CARAVANERS

is but a clumsy vehicle for thought, and on this
clumsy vehicle therefore, overloaded already with
all I have to say, let us lay the whole blame,
using it (to descend to quaintness) as a kind
of tarpaulin or other waterproof cover, and tuck-
ing it in carefully at the corners. I mean the
blame. Also, let it not be forgotten that this is
the maiden flight of my Muse, and that even if it
were not, a gentleman cannot be expected to write
with the glibness of your Jew journalist or other
professional quill-driver.

We did not get into camp that first day till
nearly six (much too late, my friends, if you should
ever find yourselves under the grievous necessity
of getting into such a thing), and we had great
difficulty in h..ding one at all. That, indeed, is a
very black side of caravaning; camps are rarely
there when they are wanted, and, conversely,
frequently so when they are not. Not once, nor
twice, but several times have I, with the midday
sun streaming vertically on my head, been obliged
to labour along past a most desirable field, with
just the right aspect, the sheltering trees to the
north, the streamlet for the dish-washing loitering
about waiting, the yard full of chickens, and
cream and eggs ready to be bought, merely because
it came, the others said, too early in the march and
we had not yet earned our dinner. Earned our
dinner? Why, long before I left the last night's

THE CARAVANERS

121

camp I had earned mine, if exhaustion from
overwork is what they meant, and earned it well
too. I pity a pedant; I pity a mind that is made up
like a bed the first thing in the morning, and goes
on grimly like that all day, refusing to be unmade
till a certain fixed evening hour has been reached;
and I assert that it is a sign of a large way of
thinking, of the intellectual pliability characteristic
of the real man of the world, to have no such
hard and fast determinations and to be always
ready to camp. Left to myself, if I were to
see the right spot ten minutes, nay, five, after
leaving the last one, I would instantly pounce
on it. But no man can pounce instantly on
anything who shall not first have rid himself
of his prejudices.

On that second day of dusty endeavouring to
get to Sussex, which was and remained in the
much talked of blue distance, we passed no spot
at all except one that was possible. That one,
however, was very possible indeed in the eyes of
persons who had endured sun and starvation since
the morning — a shaded farmhouse, of an appear-
ance that pleased the ladies owing to the great
profusion of flowers clambering up and down it,
an orchard laden with fruit suggestive of dessert,
a stream whose clear waters promised an excellent
foot bath, and fat chickens in great numbers,
merely to look on whom caused little rolls of bacon

122

THE CARAVANERS

and dabs of bread sauce and even fragments of
salad to dance delightfully before one's eyes.

But the woman was cross. Worse, she was
inhuman. She was a monster of indifference to
the desires of her fellow-creatures, deaf to their
offers of payment, stony in regard to their pains.
Argumg with her, we gave up one by one our first
more succulent visions, and retreating before the
curtness of her refusals let first the camp beneath
the plum trees go, then the dessert, then the
chickens with their etcaeteras, then, still further
backward, and fighting over each one, egg after
egg of all those many eggs we were so sure she
would sell us and we wanted so badly to buy.

Audaciously she swore she had no eggs, while
there beneath our very eyes walked chickens
brimful of the eggs of the morrow. Where
were the eggs of the morning, and where the
eggs of yesterday? To this question, put by
me, she replied that it was no business of mine
Accursed British female, — certainly not lady
doubtfully even woman, but emphatically Weih
— of twisted appearance, and a gnarled and
knotty age! May you in your turn be refused
rest and nourishment when hard put to it and
willing to pay, and after you have marched five
hours m the sun controlling, from your feet, the
wayward impulses of a big, rebellious horse. *
She shut the door while yet we were protesting.

THE CARAVANERS

123

In silence we trooped back down the brick path
between rose bushes that were tended with a care
she denied humans, to where the three caravans
waited hopefully in the road for the call to come
in and be at rest.

We continued our way subdued. This is a
characteristic of those who caravan, that in the
afternoons they are subdued. So many things
have happened to them by then; and, apart from
that, they have daily got by then into that physical
condition doctors describe as run down — or, if
I may alter it better to fit this special case, walked
down. Subdued, therefore, we journeyed along
flat uncountrified roads, reminding one, by the
frequent recurrence of villas, of the outskirts of
some big town rather than the seclusion it had
been and still was our aim to court, and in this
way we came at last to a broad and extremely
sophisticated bridge crossing a river some one
murmured was Medway.

Houses and shops lined its approach on the
right. On the left was a wide and barren field
with two donkeys finding difficulties in collecting
from the scanty herbage a sufficiency of supper.
In the gutter, opposite a public house, stood a
piano-organ, emitting the sounds of shrill yet
unconvincing joyfulness natural to those instru-
ments, and mingled with these was a burr of
machinery at work, and a smell of so searching a

124

THE CARAVANERS

nature that it provoked Frau von Eckthum into
a whole sentence — a plaintive and faintly spoken
one, but a long one — describing her con>action
that there must be a tannery somewhere near, and
that it was very disagreeable. Her plaintiveness
mcreased a hundredfold when Menzies-Legh
announced that camp we must at all costs or night
would be upon us.

We drew up in the middle of the road while
Lord Sigismund made active inquiries of the
inhabitants as to which of them would be willing
to lend us a field.

"But surely not here?" murmured Frau von
Eckthum, holding her little handkerchief to her
nose.

It Mvas here, however, and in the field, said
Lord Sigismund returning, containing the donkeys.
For the privilege of sharing with these animals
their bare and shelterless field, exposed as it was
to all the social amenities of the district, including
the piano-organ, the shops opposite, the smell of
leather in the making, and the company as long
as the light lasted of innumerable troops of chil-
dren, the owner would make us a charge of half
a crown per caravan for the night, but this only
on condition that we did not turn out, as he
appeared to have had the greatest suspicions we
would turn out, to be a circus.
With a flatness of which I would not have

But surelv not hen." murmured Frau ivit Eckl/iu

THt CARAVANERS 125

thought her capable Frau von Eckthum refused
to spend a night in the donkey field; and Mrs.
Menzies-Legh, who was absorbed in snap-shotting
the ever-swelling crowd of children and loafers who
were surrounding us, suddenly stamped her foot
and said she would not either.

"The horses can't go anodier yard," remon-
strated Me;nzies-Legh.

"I won*t sleep with the donkeys," said his
wife, taking another snap.

Her sister said nothing, but held her handker-
chief as before.

Then Jellaby, descrying a hedge with willows
beyond it at the far-away end of the field, and no
doubt conscious of a parliamentary practice in
r.»rsuasion, said he would get permission to go in
tnere for the night, and disappeared. Lord Sigis-
mund expressed doubts as to his success, for the
man, he said, was apparently own brother to the
female at the farm, or at any rate of the closest
spiritual affinity; but Jellaby did come back after
a while, during which the piano-organ's waltzes
had gone on accentuating the blank dreariness of
the spot, and said it was all right.

Later on I discovered that what he called
all right was paying exactly twice as much per
caravan for the superior exclusiveness of the willow
field as what was demanded for the donkey field.
Well, he did not have to pay, being Menzies-

126

THE CARAVANERS

Legh's guest, so no doubt he did think it all right;
but I call it monstrous that I should be asked to
pay that which would have secured me a perfectly
dry bedroom with no grass in it in a first-rate Berlin
hotel for the use for a few hours of a gnat-haunted,
nettle-infested, low-lying, swampy meadow.

The monstrosity struck me more afterward
when I looked back. That evening I was too tired
to be struck, and would, I truly believe, have paid
five shillings just for being allowed to sink down
into a sitting position, it mattered not where, and
remain in it; but there was still much, I feared to
do and to suffer before I could so sink down —
for instance, there was the gate leading into the
donkey field to be got through, the whole popu-
lation watching, and the pleasant prospect before
me of having to reimburse any damage done to a
caravan that could only, under the luckiest cir-
cumstances, just fit in. Then there was Edelgard
to be brought to reason, and suppose she refused to
be brought? That is, quickly; for I had no
fears as to her ultimate bringing.

Well, the gate came first, and as it would require
my concentrated attention I put the other away
from me till I should be more at leisure. Old
James, assisted by Menzies-Legh, got the Ailsa
safely through, and away she heaved, while the
onlookers cheered, over the mole heaps toward
the willows on th.. horizon. Then Menzies-Legh,

THE CARAVANERS 127

calling Jellaby, came to help mc pull the Elsa
through, Lord Sigismund waiting with the third
horse, who had been his special charge throughout
the day. It seemed all very well to help me, but
any scratches to the varnish caused by the two
gentlemen in their zeal would be put in my bill,
not in theirs, and under my breath I called down
a well-known Pomeranian curse of immense body
and scope on all those fools who had helped in the
making of the narrow British gates.

As I feared, there was too much of that zeU
that somebody (I think he was French) advised
somebody else (I expect he must have been
English) not to have, and amid a hubbub of
whoas — which is the island equivalent for our
so much more lucid ^rrr — shouts from the
onlookers, and a scream or two from Edelgard
who could not listen unmoved to the crashings of
our crockery, Menzies-Legh and Jellaby between
them drew the brute so much to one side that it
was only owing to my violent efforts that a terrible
accident was averted. If they had had their way
the whole thing would have charged into the
right-hand gate post — with what a crashing and a
parting from its wheels may be imagined — but
thanks to me it was saved, although the left-hand
gate post did scrape a considerable portion of
varnish off the Elsa's left (so to speak) flank.

**I say," said the Socialist when it was all over.

128

THE CARAVANERS

brushing his bit of hair aside, "you shouldn't
have pulled that rein like that."

The barc.aced audacity of putting the blame
on to me left me speechless.

"No," said Menzies-Legh, "you shouldn't have
pulled anything."

He too! Again I was left speechless — left,
indeed, altogether, for they immediately dropped
behind to help (save the mark) Lord Sigismund
bring the Ilsa through.

So the Elsa in her turn heaved away, guided
anxiously by me over the mole heaps, every mole
heap being greeted by our pantry as we passed
over it with a thunderous clapping together of its
contents, as though the very cups, being English,
were clapping their hands, or rather handles, in
an ecstasy of spiteful pleasure at getting broken
and on to my bill.

Little do you who only know cups in their
public capacity, filled v ,i liquids and standing
quietly in rows, realize A^hat they can do once
they are let loose in a caravan. Sometimes I
have thought — but no doubt fancifully — that
so-called inanimate objects are not as inanimate as
one might think, but are possessed of a character
like other people, only one of an unadulterated
pettiness and perversity rarely found in the human.
I believe most people who had been in my place
that evening last August guiding the Elsa across

THE CARAVANERS

129

all the irregularities that lay between us and the
willow-field in the distance, and had listened to
what the cups were doing, would have been sure of
it. As for me, I can only say that every time I
touch a cup or other piece of crockery it seems
to upset it, and frequently has such an effect on
it that it breaks; and it is useless for Edelgard
to tell me to be careful, and to hint (as she does
when she is out of spirits) that I am clumsy, because
I am careful ; and as for being clumsy, everybody
knows that I have the straightest eye and am the
best shot in our regiment. But it is not only cups.
If, while I am dressing (or undressing) I throw
any portion of my clothes or other article I may
be using on to a table or a chair, however carefully
I aim it invariably either falls at once, or after
a brief hesitation slips off on to the floor from
which place, in its very helplessness, it seems to
jeer at me. And the more important it is I should
not be delayed the more certainly is this conduct
indulged in. Fanciful? Perhaps. But let me
remind you of what the English poet Shake-
speare says through the mouth of Hamlet into
the ears of Horatio, and express the wish that
you too could have listened to the really exultant
clapping of the cups in our pantry as I crossed
the mole heaps.

Edelgard, feeling guilty, remained behind, so
was not there as she otherwise certainly would

130

THE CARAVANERS

ch? y.

have been making anxious sums, according to her

custom, in what these noises were going to cost

UF. A man who has been persuaded to take a

holiday because it is cheap may be pardoned for

bi ng preoccupied when he finds it is likely to be

d'Vor. Among other things I thought some very

jhdfp ones about the owner of the field, who

rnitted his ground, in defiance I am sure

*- :."{ being an agriculturist I cannot give

and verse for my bclieO of all laws of

hiilu and wholesomeness, to be so much ravaged

by n . ifjs. If he had done his duty my cups

would not have been smashed. The heaps of

soil thrown up by these animals were so frequent

that during the entire crossing at least one of the

Elsa*s wheels was constantly on the top of a heap,

and sometimes two of her wheels simultaneously

on the top of two.

It is a pity people do not know what other
people think of them. Unfortunately it is rude
to tell them, but if only means could be devised —
perhaps by some Marconi of the mind — for letting
them know without telling them, how nice and
modest they would all become. That farmer was
probably eating his supper in his snug parlour in
bestial complacency and ignorance at the very
moment that I was labouring across his field
pouring on him, if he had only known it, a series
of as scalding criticisms as ever made a man, if

THE CARAVANERS

>3i

he were aware of them, shrivel and turn over a
new leaf.

I found Mrs. Menzies-Legh at the farther
gate, holding it open. Old James had already
got his horse out, and when he saw me approaching
came and laid hold of the bridle of mine and led
him through. He then drew him up parallel
with the Ailsa, the doors of both caravans being
toward the river, and proceeded with the skill
and expedition natural in an old person who had
done nothing else all his life to unharness my
horse and turn him loose.

Mrs. Menzies-Legh lit a cigarette and handed
me her case. She then dropped down on to the
long and very damp-looking grass and motioned
to me to sit beside her; so we sat together, I
much too weary either to refuse or to converse,
while the muddy river slid sullenly along within
a yard of us between fringes of willows, and
myriads of gnats gyrated in the slanting sunbeams.

"Tired?" said she, after a silence that no
doubt surprised her by its ngth.

"Too tired/' said I, very shortly.

"Not really?" said she, turning her head to
look at me, and affecting much surprise about the
eyebrows.

This goaded me. The woman was inhuman.
For beneaiii the alTccted surprise of the eyebrows
I saw well enough the laughter in the eyes, and

I '

132

THE CARAVANERS

it has always been held since the introduction of
Christianity that to laugh at physical incapacitation
is a thing beyond all others barbarous.

I told her so. I tossed away the barely begun
cigarette she had given me, not choosing to go
on smoking a cigarette of hers, and told her so
with as much Prussian thoroughness as is con-
sistent with being at the same time a perfect
gendeman. No woman (except of course my wife)
shall ever be able to say I have not behaved to
her as a gentleman should; and my hearers will
be more than ever convinced of the inexplicable
toughness of Mrs. Menzies-Legh*s nature, of the
surprising impossibility of producing the least
effect upon her, when I tell them that at the
end of quite a long speech on my part, not, I
believe ineioquent, and yet as plainspoken as
the speech of a man can be within the frame-
work which should always surround him, the
rarved and gilt and — it must be added — expen-
sive framework of gentlemanliness, she merely
looked at me again and said:

"Dear Baron, why is it that men, when they
have walked a little farther than they want to, or
have gone hungry a litde longer than they like to,
are always so dreadfully cross ?'*

The lumbering into the field of the Ilsa with
the rest of the party made an immediate reply
impossible.

THE CARAVANERS

133

"Hullo," said Jellaby, on seeing us apparently
at rest in the grass. " Enjoying yourselves ?"

I fancy this must be a socialistic formula, for
short as the period of my acquaintance with him
had been he had already used it to me three
times. Perhaps it is the way in which his sect
reminds those outside it of the existence of its
barren and joyless notions of other people's obli-
gations. A Socialist, as far as I can make out,
is a person who may never sit down. If he does,
the bleak object he calls the Community imme-
diately becomes vocal, because it considers that by
sitting down he is cheating it of what he would
be producing by his labour if he did not. Once I
(quite good naturedly) observed to Jellaby that in
a socialistic world the chair-making ndustry would
be the first to go to the wall (or the dogs — I cannot
quite recollect which I said it would go to) for
want of suitable sitters, and he angrily retorted —
but this occurred later in the tour, and no doubt
I shall refer to it in its proper place.

Mrs. Menzies-Legh got up at once on his asking
if we were enjoying ourselves, as though her con-
cience reproached her, and went over to the larder
of her caravan and busily began pulling out pots;
and I too seeing that it was expected of me prepared
to rise (for English society is conducted on such
artificial lines that immediately a woman begins
to do anything a man must at least pretend to do

134

THE CARAVANERS

something too) but found that my short stay on
the grass had stiffened my over-tired limbs to
such an extent that I could not.

The two nondescripts, who were passing, lin-
gered to look.

"Can I help you?" said the one they called
Jumps, as I made a second ineffectual effort,
advancing and holding out a knuckly hand.

"Will you take my arm?" said the other one,
Jane, crooking a bony elbow.

"Thank you, thank you, dear children," I
said, with bland heartiness one assumes — for
no known reason — toward the offspring of stran-
gers; and obliged to avail myself of their assistance
(for want of practice makes it at all times difficult
for me to get up from a flat surface, and my stiff-
ness on this occasion turned the difficult into the
impossible), I somehow was pulled on to my feet.
"Thank you, thank you," I said again, adding
jestingly, "I expect I am too old to sit on the
ground."
"Yes," said Jane.

This was so unexpected that I could not repress
a slight sensation of annoyance, which found its
expression in sarcasm.

"I am extremely obliged to you young ladies,"
I said, sweeping off my Panama, "for extending
your charitable support and assistance to such a
poor old gentleman."

6fl

V
<:
fx

THE CARAVANERS 135

"Oh," said Jumps earnestly, too thick-skinned
to feel sarcasm, "Fm used to it. I have to help
Papa about. He*s very old too."

"Yet surely," said I, tingeing my sarcasm with
playfulness (but they were too thick-skinned even
for playfulness), "surely not so old as I?"

"About the same," said Jumps, considering
me gravely.

"And how old," said I, inquiring of Jane,
for Jumps annoyed me too much, "may your
friend's excellent parent be?"

"Oh, about sixty, or seventy, or eighty," said
she, indifferently.

CHAPTER VIII

THE children of England " I remarked,
when they had gone their way, their arms
hnked together, to Lord Sigismund who was
hurrying past to the river with a bucket — but he
interrupted me by shouting over his shoulder:

"Will you stay and light the fire, or come
with us and forage for food ?"

Light the fire? Why, what are women for?
Even Hermann, my servant, would rebel if he
instead of Clothilde had to light fires. But, on
the other hand, forage? Go back across that
immense field and walk from shop to shop on feet
that had for some time past been unable to walk
at all ? And then return weighed down with the
results ?

"Do you understand fires, Baron?" said Mrs.
Menzies-Legh, appearing suddenly behind me.

"As much, I suppose, as intelligence unaided
by experience does," said I unwillingly.

"Oh, but of course you do," said she, putting
a box of matches — one of those enormous English
boxes that never failed to arouse my amused
contempt, for they did not light a single fire or

136

THE CARAVANERS

candle more than their handy little continental
brethren — into my right hand, and the red
handkerchiefful of sticks bought that morning
into my left, "of course you do. You must
have got quite used to them in the wars.'*

"What wars?" I asked sharply. "You surely
do not imagine that I "

"Oh, were you too young for Sedan and all
that?" she asked, as she crossed over the very
long and very green grass toward a distant ditch
and I found that I was expected to cross with her.

"I was so young," I said, more nettled than
my hearers will perhaps understand, but then I was
tired out and no longer able to bear much, "so
young that I had not even reached the stage of
being born."

"Not really?" said she.

"Yes," said I. "I was still spending my
birthdays among the angels."

This, of course, was not strictly true, but one
likes to take off a few years in the presence of a
woman who has left her Gotha Almanach at home,
and it was, I felt, a picturesque notion — I mean
about the birthdays and the angels.

"Not really?" said she again.

And what, I thought, as we walked on together,
is all this talk about young and not young? If
a man is not young in the forties when will he be ?
I have never concealed my age, which is about five

138

THE CARAVANERS

or six and forty, with perhaps a year or two added
on, but as I take little notice of birthdays it is just
as likely the year or two ought to be added off,
and the forties are universally acknowledged by all
persons who are in them to be the very flower and
prime of life, or rather the beginning of the very
flower and prime, the beginning of the final unfold-
ing of the last crumple in the last petal.

I should have thought this state of things was
visible enough in me, plain enough to any ordinary
onlooker. I have neither a gray hair nor a wrinkle.
My moustache is as uninterruptedly blond as ever.
My face is perfectly smooth. And when my hat
is on there is no difference whatever between me
and a person of thirty. Of course I am not a
narrow man, weedy in the way in which Jellaby is
weedy, and unable as he is unable to fill out my
clothes; but it is laughable that just breadth should
have made those two fledglings place me in the
same category as an exceedingly venerable and
obviously crippled old gentleman.

I expect the truth is that in England children
are ill-trained and educated, and their perceptions
are allowed to remain rudimentary. It must be
so, for so few of them wear spectacles. Clearly
education is not carried on wi^h anything like our
systematic rigor, for except o • Lord Sigismund I
had up to then nowhere seen tuese artificial aids
to eyesight, and in Germany at least two-thirds of

THE CARAVANERS 139

our young people, as a result of their application,
wear either spectacles or pince-nez. They may
well be proud of them. They are the visible
proof of a youth spent entirely at its books, the
hoisted standard of an ordered and studious life.

"The children of England " I began

vigorously to Mrs. Menzies-Legh, desirous of
expressing a few of my objections to them to
a lady who could not be supposed to mind, she
being one of my own countrywomen — but she
too interrupted me.

"This is the most sheltered place," she said,
pointing to the dry ditch. " You'll find more sticks
in that little wood. You will want heaps more.**
And she left me.

Well, I had never made a fire in my life. I
stood there for a moment in great hesitation as to
how to begin. They should not say I was unwillr
ing, those ant-like groups over by the caravans
so feverishly hurrying hither and thither, but
to do a thing one must begin it, and as there are
no doubt several ways of lighting a fire, even as
there are several ways of doing anything else in
life, I stood uncertain while I asked myself which
of these several ways (all of them, I must concede,
unknown to me) I ought to choose.

The ditch had a hedge on its farther side, and
through a gap in it I saw the wood, cleared in
places and overgrown between the remaining

140

THE CARAVANERS

stumps by bracken and brambles, wherein I
was, as Mrs. Menzies-Legh said, to find more
sticks. The first thing to be done, then, was to
find the sticks, for the handkerchief contained the
merest handful; and this was a hard task among
brambles at the end of a dinnerless day, and
likely, besides, to prove ruinous to my stockings.
The groups at the caravans were peeling the
potatoes and other vegetables we had bought at
the farni near Grip's Common that morning, and
were doing it with an expedition that showed how
hunger was triumphing over fatigue. Jellaby
hurried to and fro to a small spring among the
bracken fetching water. Menzies-Legh and Lord
Sigismund had disappeared in the distance that led
to the shops. Old James was feeding the horses.
I could see the two fledglings sitting on the grass
with bowed heads and flushed cheeks absorbed
in the shredding of cabbages. Mrs. Menzies-
Legh had begun, with immense energy, to peel
potatoes. Her gentle sister — I deplored it — was
engaged on an onion. Nowhere, look as I might
(for I needed her assistance) could I see my wife.
Then Mrs. Menzies-Legh, raising her eyes
from her potatoes, saw me standing motionless
and called out that the vegetables would soon be
ready for the fire, but she feared if I were not
quick the fire would not soon be ready for the
vegetables; and thus urged, and contrary to my

THE CARAVANERS 141

first intention, I hastily emptied the sticks out of
the handkerchief into the ditch and began to
endeavour to light them.

But they would not light. Match after match
flared an instant, then went out. It was a windy
evening, and I saw no reason for supposing that
any match would stay alight long enough to get
even one stick to catch fire. I went down on my
knees and interposed my person between the sticks
and the wind, but though the matches then burned
to the end (where were my fingers) the sticks took
no more notice than if they had been of iron.
Losing patience I said something aloud and not, I
am afraid, quite complimentary, about wives who
neglect their duties and kick in shortened skirts
over the traces of matrimony; and Edelgard's
voice immediately responded from the other
side of the hedge. "But lieber Otto," it said,
"is it then my fault that you have forgotten
the paper?"

I straightened myself and looked at her. She
had already been on the search for sticks, for as
she advanced to the gap and stood in it I saw she
had an apronful of them. I must say I was sur-
prised at her courage in confronting me thus alone,
when she was aware I must be gravely displeased
with her and could only be waiting for an oppor-
tunity to tell her so. She, however, with the
cunning common to wives, called me lieher Otto

i4a

THE CARAVANERS

as though nothing had happened, did not allude to
my overheard exclamation and sought to soften
me with sticks.

I looked at her therefore very coldly. "No,"
I said, "I had not forgotten the paper."

And this was true, because to forget paper (or
indeed anything else) you must first of all have
thought of it, and I had not.

"Perhaps," I went on, my coldness descending
as I spoke below zero, which is the point in our
well-arranged thermometers (either Celsius or
Reaumur, but none of their foolish Fahrenheits)
where freezing begins, "perhaps, since you are so
clever, you will have the goodness to light the fire
yourself. Any one," I continued with emphasis,
"can criticize. We will now, if you please, change
places, and you shall bring your unquestioned gifts
to bear on this matter, while I assume the role
suited to lesser capacity, and merely criticize."

This of course, was bitter; but was it not a
justified bitterness? Unfortunately I shall have
to suppress the passage I suppose at the reading
aloud, so shall never hear the verdict of my friends;
but even without that verdict (and I well know
what it would be, for they all have wives) even
without it I can honestly call my bitterness justi-
fied. Besides, it was very well put.

She listened in silence, and then just said, "Oh,
Otto," and came down at once into the ditch, and

»■ I T 1 1 . y /

But, licbcr Otto, is it then my faitlt that you lui:r
fon/ottcu the paper.' "

THE CARAVANERS 143

bending over the sticks began to arrange them
quickly on some stones she picked up.

I did not like to sit q wn and smoke, which is
what I would have done at home (supposing such
a situation as the Ottringels lighting a fire out-of-
doors in Storchwerder were conceivable), because
Mrs. Menzies-Legh would probably have imme-
diately left off peeling her potatoes to exclaim,
and Jellaby would, I dare say, have put down his
buckets and come over to inquire if I were enjoy-
ing myself. Not that I care ten pfennings for
their opinions, and I also passionately disapprove
of the whole English attitude toward women;
but I am a fair-minded man, and believe in going
as hr as is reasonable with the well-known maxim
of behaving in Rome as the Romans behave.

I therefore just stood with my back to the
caravans and watched Edelgard. In less time than
I take to write it she had piled up the sticks,
stuffed a bit of newspaper she drew from her apron
underneath them, lit them by means (as I noted) of
a single match, and behold the fire, crackling and
blazing and leaping upward or outward as the
wind drove it.

No proof, if anything further in that way were
needed, could be more convincing as to the posi-
tion women are intended by nature to fill. Their
instincts are all of the fire-lighting order, the order
that serves and tends; while to man, the noble

144

THE CARAVANERS

dreamer, is reserved the place in life where there is
room, dignity, and uninterruption. Else how can
he dream? And without his dreams there would
be no subsequent crystallization of dreams; and all
that we see of good and great and wealth-bringing
was once some undisturbed man's dream.

But this is philosophy; and you, my friends,

who breathe the very air handed down to you by

our Kegels and our Kants, who are born into it

and absorb it whether you want to or not through

each one of your infancy's pores, you do not need

to hear the Ottringel echo of your own familiar

thoughts. We in Storchwerder speak seldom

on these subjects for we take them for granted ; and

I will not in this place describe too minutely all

that passed through my mind as I watched, in that

grassy solitude, at the hour when the sun in setting

lights up everything with extra splendour, my wife

piling sticks on the fire.

Indeed, what did pass through it was of a
mixed nature. It seemed so strange to be there-
so strange that that meadow, in all its dampness,'
its high hedge round three sides of it, its row of
willows brooding over the sulky river, its wood on
the one hand, its barren expanse of mole-ridden
field on the other, and for all view another meadow
of exact similarity behind another row of exactly
similar willows across the Medway, it seemed so
strange that all this had been lying there silent and

THE CARAVANERS

«45

empty for heaven knows how many years, the
exact spot on which Edelgard and I were standing
waiting, as it were, for its prey throughout the
entire period of our married life in Storchwerder
and of my other married life previous to that,
while we, all unconscious, went through the series
of actions and thoughts that had at length landed
us on it. Strange fruition of years. Stranger the
elaborate leading up to it. Strangest the inability
of man to escape such a destiny. Regarded as the
fruition of years it was certainly paltry, it was cer-
tainly a disproportionate destiny. I had been led
from Poaierania, a most remote place if measured
l^ its distance from the Medway, in order to stand
at evening with damp feet on this exact spot. A
bdiever, you will cry, in predestination ? Perhaps.
Anyhow, filled with these reflections (and others
of the same character) and watching my wife doing
in silence that for which she is fitted and intended,
my feeling toward her became softer; I began to
excuse; to relent; to forgive. Indeed I have
tried to do my duty. I am not hard, unless she
forces me to be. I feel that no one can guide and
help a wife except a husband. And I am older
than she is; and am I not experienced in wives,
who have had two, and one of them for the enor-
mous (sometimes it used to seem endless) period
of twenty years ?
I said nothing to her at the moment of a softer

146 THE CARAVANERS

nature, being well aware of the advantage of allow-
ing time, before proceeding to forgiveness, for the
firmer attitude to sink in; and Jellaby bringing
the iron stew-pot Mrs. Menzies-Legh had bought
that morning ~ or rather dragging it, for he is, as
1 have said, a weedy creature — across to us, spill-
ing much of the water it contained on the way I
was obliged to help him get it on to the fire, fetch-
ing at his direction stones to support it and then
considerably scorching my hands in the efforts to
settle the thing safely on the stones.

"Please don't bother. Baroness," said Jellaby
to Edelgard when she began to replenish the fire
with more sticks. "We'll do that. You'll get
the smoke in your eyes."

But would we not get the smoke in our eyes too ?
And would not eyes unused to kitchen work
smart far more than eyes that did the kind of thing
at home every day ? For I suppose the fires in the
kitchen of Storchwerder smoke sometimes, and
Edelgard must have been perfectly inured to it.
"Oh," said Edelgard, in the pleasant little voice
she manages to have when speaking to persons
who are not her husband, "it is no bother. I do
not mind the smoke."

"Why, what are we here for.?" said Jellaby.
Ana he took the sticks she was still holding from
her hands.

Again the thought crossed my mind that Jellaby

THE CARAVANERS

147

must be attracted by Edelgard; indeed, all three
gentlemen. This is an example of the sort of
attention that had been lavished on her ever since
we started. Inconceivable as it seemed, there it
was; and the most inconceivable part of it was that
it was boldly done in the very presence of her
husband. I, however, knowing that one should
never trust a foreigner, determined to bring round
the talk, as I had decided the day before, to the
number of Edelgard's birthdays that very evening
at supper.

But when supper, after an hour and a half's
waiting, came, I was too much exhausted to care.
We all were very silent. Our remaining strength
had gone out of us like a flickering candle in a
wind when we became aware of the really endless
time the potatoes take to boil. Everything had
gone into the pot together. Mrs. Menzies-Legh
had declared that was the shortest, and indeed the
only way, for the oil-stoves in the caravans and
their small saucepans had sufficiently proved their
inadequacy the previous night. Henceforth, said
Mrs. Menzies-Legh, our hope was to be in the
stew-pot; and as she said it she threw in the
potatoes, the cabbages, the onion sliced by her
tender sister, a piece of butter, a handful of salt,
and the bacon her husband and Lord Sigismund
had brought back with them from the village. It
all went in together; but it did not all come out

148

THE CARAVANERS

together, for we discovered after savoury fragrances
had teased our nostrils for some time that the
cabbage and the bacon were cooked, while the
potatoes, in response to the proddings of divers
anxious forks, remained obstinately hard.

We held a short council, gathered round the
stew-pot, as to the best course to pursue. If we
left the bacon and the cabbage in the pot they
would be boiled certainly to a pulp, and perhaps
— awful thought — altogether away, before the
potatoes were ready. On the other hand, to relin-
quish the potatoes, the chief feature of our supper,
would be impossible. We therefore, after much
anxious argument, decided to take out that which
was already cooked, put it carefully on plates, and
at the last moment return it to the pot to be
warmed up again.

This was done, and we sat round on the grass
to wait. Now was the moment, now that we were
all assembled silent in a circle, to direct the con-
versation into the birthday channel, but I found
myself so much enfeebled and the rest so unrespon-
sive that after a faltering beginning, which had no
effect except to draw a few languid gazes upon me,
I was obliged perforce to put it off. Indeed, our
thoughts were wholly concentrated on food; and
looking back it is almost incredible to me that that
meagre supper should have roused so eager an
interest.

THE CARAVANERS

149

We all sat without speaking, listening to the
bubbling of the pot. Now and then one of the
young men thrust more sticks beneath it. The sun
had set long since, and the wind had dropped.
The meadow seemed to grow much damper, and
while our faces were being scorched by the fire our
backs were becoming steadily more chilly. The
ladies drew their wraps about them. The gentle-
men did that for their comfort which they would
not do f«r politeness, and put on their coats. I
whose coat had never left me, fetched my mackin-
tosh and hung it over my shoulders, careful to
keep it as much as possible out of reach of the
fire-glow in case it should begin to melt.

Long before, the ladies had spread the tables
and cut piles of bread and butter, and one of them
— I expect it was Frau von Eckthum — had con-
cocted an uncooked pudding out of some cakes
they alluded to as sponge, with some cream and
raspberry jam and brandy, which, together with
the bacon and excepting the brandy, were the
result of the foraging expedition.

Toward these tables our glances often wan-
dered. We were but human, and presently,
overcome, our bodies wandered thither too.

We ate the bread and butter.

Then we ate the bacon and cabbage, agreeing
that it was a pity to let it get any cooler.

Then we ate the pudding they spoke of — for

150

THE CARAVANERS

after this they began to be able to speak — as
a trifle.

And then — and it is as strange to relate as it
IS difficult to believe — we returned to the stew-pot
and ate every one of the now ready and steaming
hot potatoes; and never, I can safely say, was
there anything so excellent.

Later on, entering our caravan much soften-d
by these various experiences and by a cup of
extremely good coffee made by Edelgard, but feel-
ing justified in withdrawing, now that darkness had
set in, from the confusions of the washing up, I
found my wife searching in the depths of the yellow
box for dishcloths.

I stood in the narrow gangway lighting a cigar,
and when I had done lighting it I realized that I
>yas close to her and alone. One is never at any
time far from anything in these vehicles, but on
this occasion the nearness combined with the
privacy suggested that the moment had arrived for
the words I had decided she must hear — kind
words, not hard as I had at first intended, but
needful.

I put out my arm, therefore, and proposed to
draw her toward me as a preliminary to peace.

She would not, however, come.

Greatly surprised — for resentment had not
till then been one of her failings — I opened
my mouth to speak, but she, before I could

THE CARAVANERS

151

do so, said, " Do you mind not smoking inside
the caravan?"

Still more surprised, and indeed amazed (for
this was petty) but determined not to be shaken
out of my kindness, I gently began, " Dear wife
"and was going on when she interrupted me.

"Dear husband," she said, actually imitating
me, " I know what you are going to say. I always
know what you are going to say. I know all the
things you ever can or ever do say."

She paused a moment, and »^' dded in a firm
voice, looking me straight in ti. c s, " By heart."

And before I could in any recover my

presence of mind she was through i»ie curtain and
down the ladder and had vanished with the dish-
cloths in the darkness.

ll 1

CHAPTER IX
'T^HIS was rebellion.

r\ J ?"i unconsciousness supervened before
1 had had t,P e to consider how best to meet it.
the unconsciousness of the profound and pro-
longed sleep which is the portion of caravaners.
1 fell into It almost immediately after her depar-
ture, dropping into my berth, a mere worn-out
collection of aching and presently oblivious bones
and remaining in that condition till she had left
the Lisa next morning.

Therefore I had little time for reflection on
the new side of her nature the English atmosphere
was bringing out, nor did I all that day find either
the leisure or the privacy necessary for it. I felt
indeed, as I walked by my horse along roads broad
and roads narrow, roads straight and roads wind-
ing, roads flat and convenient and roads hilly and
tiresome my eyes fixed principally on the ground,
for If 1 looked up there were only hedges and in
front of me only the broad back of the Ailsa
blocking dp any view there might be, I felt a
numb sensation stealing over me, a kind of dull
patience, such as I have observed (for I see most

isa

THE CARAVANERS

153

things) to be the leading characteristic of a team
of ozen» a tendency becoming more marked with
every mile toward the merely bovine.

The weather that day was disagreeable. There
was a high wind and a leaden sky and the dust
blew hard and gritty. When, on rising, I peeped
out between the window curtains, it all looked
very cold and wretched, the Med way — a most
surly river — muddier than ever, the leaves of
the willow trees wildly fluttering and showing
their gray undersides. It seemed difficult to
believe that one was really there, really about
to go out into that gloom to breakfast instead of
into a normal dining-room with a stove and a
newspaper. But, on emerging, I found that
though it looked so cold it was not intolerably
so, and no rain in the night had, by drenching the
long grass, added to our agonies.

They were all at breakfast beneath the willows,
holding on their hats with one hand and endeavour-
ing to eat with the other, and they all seemed very
cheerful. Edeigard, who had taken the coffee
under her management, was going round replenish-
ing the cups, and was actually laughing when I
came out at something some one had just said.
Remembering how we parted this struck me as
at least strange.

I made a point of at once asking for porridge,
but luckily old James had not brought the milk

MKROCOPY RBOIUTION TEST CHART

(ANSt and ISO TEST CHART No. 2)

A /APPLIED IN/MGE I

S^ '6^3 East Main Street

S^S Rochester, Ne» York 14609 USA

^S (^'6) 482 - 0300 - Ptione

^5 (716) 288 - 5989 - Fax

! i!

\ l!

' I'

lli !t

154 THE CARAVANERS

beef and jam but my feet were still sore from the
previous day's march, and I was unable to enjoy
It very much The tablecloth flapped in my fa,^
and my mackintosh blew almost into the riv';
When I let ,, go for an instant in order to grasp the

stand why they should all be so happy. I trust I
am as w,lh„g ,„ be amused as any man, but what
^ there amusmg m breakfasting in a draughty

and the cofl'ee cold before it reaches one's mouth
Yet they were happy. Even Menzies-Legh, a
d?iri' ,5^<"y-P^«"ved man, older a g;od
,h?^' 1 u "^ ''^: ""•" ' '""' ^"^ joking and

Ind Tn'lf .'"? '' ^1' >"*''' ^'"^ the fledglings,
and Lord S,g,smund and Jellaby were describing
almost w.th exultation how brisk they had fell

f:h7AS:r;^ ''=''' '=''^-««--'>'-ning'

T 1^' !. ''^" *° ^ '" ^' ^''^ '" 'he morning.
I shivered only to hear of it. Well, that which

makes one man brisk is the undoing of another,
and a bath in that cold, unfriendly stream would
undoubtedly have undone me. I could only con-
clude that, pasty and loosely put together as they

leXf • ''-' '""^' "^ "'^ --> «-' -re^
This surprised me. Not that Jellaby should

THE CARAVANERS

"55

be leathery, for if he were not neither would he
be a Socialist; but that the son of so noble a
house as the house of Hereford should have any-
thing but the thinnest, most sensitive of skins,
really was astonishing. No doubt, however, Lord
Sigismund c >mbined, like the racehorse of purest
breed, a skin thin as a woman's with a mettle and
spirit nothing could daunt. Nothing was daunting
him that morning, that was very clear, for he sat
at the end of the table shedding such contented
beams through his spectacles on the company and
on the food that it was as if, unconsciously true to
his future calling, he was saying a continual grace.

I think they must all have been up very early,
for except the cups and plates actually in use
everything was already stowed away. Even the
tent and its furniture was neatly rolled up pre-
paratory to being distributed among the three
caravans. Such activity, after the previous day,
was surprising; and still more so was the circum-
stance that I had heard nothing of the attendant
inevitable bustle.

"How do you feel this morning.?" I asked
solicitously of Frau von Eckthum on meeting her
a monrent alone behind her larder; I hoped she,
at least, had not been working too hard.

"Oh, very well," said she.

"Not too weary.?"

"Not weary at all."

'56 THE CARAVANERS

Jl^^rJTK^"!"^'" '*''• I' shaking n.y
head playfully, for indeed she looked singularly
attractive that morning. '

She smiled, and mounting the step, into her
caravan began to do thing, with a duster and

For a moment I wondered whether she too

M,^^'""."? ^"'^ ^y '"'y ~ntact'with the
Medway (of course in some remoter pool or bay)
,0 unusual m her was this flow of language; but

t\"^^°a""} '^'^'"''y •'"■"8 envfloped and
perhaps buffeted by that rude volume of muddy
water was, I felt, an impossible one. Still, why
should she feel brisk? Had she not walked Ae
day before the entire distance in the dust? Was
•t possible that she too, in spite of her poetic
exterior was rea' inwardly leathery ? I have my
Ideals about won.on, and believe there is much of
the poet concealed somewhere about me; and
there i, a moonlight intangibleness about this
lady, an etherealism amounting at times almost
to indistinctness, that made the application to
her of such an adjective a, leathery one from
which I shrank. Yet if she were not, how could
She -but I put these thoughts resolutely aside,
and began to prepare for our departure, -ov^
ing about mechanically as one in a blea. and
chilly dream.

That is a hideous bridge, that one the English

THE CARAVANERS j-

have built themselves across the Medway A
great gray-painted iron structure, with the dusty
highroad running over it and the dirty river
running under it. I hope never to see it again,
unless officially at the head of my battalion. On
the other side was a place called Paddock Wood,
also, it seemed to me, a dreary thing as I walked
through it that morning at my horse's side. The
sun came out just there, and the wind with its
consequent dust increased. What an August,
thought I; what a climate; what a place. An
August and a climate and a place only to be found
in the British Isles. In Storchwerder at that
moment a proper harvest mellowness prevailed.
No doubt also in Switzerland, whither we so
nearly went, and certainly in Italy. Was this a
reasonable way of celebrating one's silver wedding
plodding through Paddock Wood with no one
taking any notice of me, not even she who was
the lawful partner of the celebration ? The only
answer I got as I put the question to myself was
a mouthful of dust.

Nobody came to walk with me, and unless
some one did my position was a very isolated one,
wedged in between the Ailsa and the Ilsa, unable
to leave the Elsa, who, like a wife, immediately
strayed from the proper road if I did. The back
of the A'lsa prevented my seeing who was with
whom in front, but once at a sharp turning I did

158

THE CARAVANERS

see, and what I saw was Frau von Eckthum walk-
ing with Jellaby, and Edelgard - if you please -
on his other side. The young Socialist was
slouching along with his hands in his pockets and
his bony shoulders up to his ears listening, appar-
ently, to Frau von Eckthum who actually seemed
to be talking, for he kept on looking at her, and
laughing as though at the things she said. Edel-
gard, I noticed, joined in the laughter as uncon-
cernedly as if she had nothing in the world to
reproach herself with. Tnen the Elsa followed
round the corner and the scene in front w.s blotted
out; but glancing back over my shoulder I saw
how respectably Lord Sigismund, true to his
lineage, remained by the Ilsa's horse's head,
reflectively smoking his pipe and accompanied
only by his dog.

Beyond Paddock Wood and its flat and dreary
purlieus the road began to ascend and to wind
growing narrower and less draughty, with glimpses
of a greener country and a hillier distance, in fact
improving visibly as we neared Sussex. All this
time I had walked by myself, and I was still too
tired after the long march the day before to have
any but dull objections. It would have been
natural to be acutely indignant at Edelgard's per-
sistent defiance, natural to be infuriated at the
cleverness with which she shifted the entire charge
of our caravan on to me while she, on the horizon,

THE CARAVANERS

159

gesticulated with Jellaby. I realized, it is true,
that the others would not have let her lead the
horse even had she offered to, but she ought at
J least to have walked beside me and hear me, if that
were my mood, grumble. However, a reasonable
man knows how to wait. He does not, not being
a woman, hasten and perhaps spoil a crisis by rush-
ing at it. And if no opportunity should present
itself for weeks, would there not be years in our flat
in Storchwerder consisting solely of opportunities ?
Besides, my feet ached. I think there must
have been some clumsy darning of Edelgard's
in my socks that pressed on my toes and made
them feel as if the shoes were too short for them.
And small stones kept on getting inside them,
finding out the one place they could get in at
and leaping through it with the greatest dexterity,
dropping gradually by unpleasant stages down to
underneath my socks, where they remained causing
me discomfort till the next camp. These physical
conditions, to which the endless mechanical trudg-
ing behind the Ailsa's varnished back must be
added, reduced me as I said before to a condition
of dull and bovine acquiescence. I ceased to make
objections. I hardly thought. I just trudged.

At the top of the ascent, at a junction of four
roads called F- ur Winds (why, when they were
four roads, tht English themselves I suppose best
know), we met a motor.

^60 THE CARAVANERS

It came scorching round a corner with an

shriek died away as it were on its lips when it

ZhL'' ^r ?""« "P ^'^^ ^^y- It hesitatei
stopped, and then began respectfully to back

into'sn^h" '°"^K."°^ '' ''''' P°'"^' '"^ ^haS;
into such vast ohiects as the caravans was a tafk

before which even blood thirstiness quailed. I

record this as the one pleasing incident that

rnorning, and when it was my turn to walk by

h^A i /*'';'' "^"^ '^"^^«d shoulders and
tinrt^""P ^ u^"^.^ """""'"^ ^y^^ P^^^^^^tly dis-

Legh had apphed to them the day before when
relating how one had run over a woman near
where he hves, and had continued its career, leav-
ing her to suffer in the road, which she did for
the space of two hours before the next passer-bv
passed in time to see her die. And she was a
quite young woman, and a pretty one i- -^ -
bargain.

("I don't see what that has to do w »
said the foolish Jellaby when, in answer to my
questions I extracted this information from
Menzies-Legh.)

Therefore, remembering this shocking affair,
and being as well a great personal detester of these
conveyances, the property invariably of the insolent
rich, who with us are chiefly Jews, I took care to

i.iE CARAVANERS

i6i

two

be distinct as I muttered "Road hogs." T
occupants in goggles undoubtedly heard n.., .„.
they started and even their goggles seemed to
shrink back and be ashamed of themselves, and I
continued my way with a slight reviving of my
spirits, the slight reviving of which he is generally
conscious who has had the courage to say what he
thinks of a bad thing.

The post whose finger we were following had
Dundale inscribed on it, and as we wound down-
ward the scenery considerably improved. Woods
on our left sheltered us from the wind, and on
our right were a number of pretty hills. At the
bottom — a bottom only reached after care and
exertion, for loose stones imperilled the safety of
my horse's knees, and I had besides to spring about
applyingxand regulating the brake — we found a
farm with a hop-kiln in the hollow on the left, and
opposite it a convenient, indeed attractive, field.

No other house was near. No populace. No
iron bridge. No donkeys. No barrel-organ.
Stretches of corn, so ripe that though the sky had
clouded over they looked as if the sun were shining
on them, alternated very pleasantly with the green
of the hop-fields, and portions of woods climbed up
between the folds of the hills. It was a sheltered
spot, with a farm capable no doubt of supplying
food, but I feared that because it was only one
o'clock my pedantic companions, in defiance of

II a

162

THE CARAVANERS

camo" T»T ''"'L' "P"'««. would decline ,0
h!T-f ■ t u/ "'"''^"" *« 'a* into my own

gar" /he it"? r r""-" '" '™"' °^ *' f"m
gate. Ihe Usa behind me was forced to oull uo

Td ma*:;urir ''• ""- """'" "^ -^ ■<>"'

n.:s'uX:Te':acf ''' ^--^ ^*«.

"What is it?" asked Menzies-Legh, comine
toward me from the front. commg

Strange to say they listened to reason: and
yet not strange, for I have observed that whoever
one makes up one's mind beforehand and unshak-
ably other people give in. One must know what
one wants-, ha, i. the whole secret; an^Tn a
world of flux and shilly-shally the infrequent JSck
IS the only person who really gets it
Jellaby (who seemed to think he was irresistible)

to camp m the field, and . .vas pleased to see
that he made so doubtful an impression that the
man came back whh him before granting anythin/
to find out whether the party belonging ?o thU
odd emissaor were respectable. I dare say he
would have decided that we were not had he oa^^
seen the others, for the gentlemen were in theh^
sh.rt sleeves again; but when he saw me, we
and completely dressed, he had no further hesTm

THE CARAVANERS

163

tions. Readily he let us use the field, recommend-
ing a certain lower portion of it on account of the
nearness of the water, and then he prepared to go
back and, as he said, finish his dinner.

But we, who wanted dinner too, could not be
content with nothing more filling than a field,
and began almost with one voice to talk to him
of poultry.
He said he had none.
Of eggs.

He said he had none.
Of (anxiously) butter.

He said he had none. And he scratched his
head and looked unintelligent for a space, and
then repeating that about finishing his dinner
turned away.
I went with him.

"Take the caravtns into the field and I will
forage," I called back, waving my hand; for the
idea of accompanying a man who was going to
finish his dinner exhilarated me into furth r
masterfulness.

My rapid calculation was, as T kept step with
him, he looking at me sideways, that though it was
very likely true he had not enough for ten it was
equally probable that he had plenty for one.
Besides, he might be glad to let an interesting
stranger share the finishing of his no doubt lonely
meal.

? 1 ^ i

164 THE CARAVANERS

di? ?K 'f °'' ?"'*' ^^'^ '^^ '^"« ^o h« back
w!^H. t' I'°"^^°<>' ^" choked with grass and
weeds) I chatted agreeably and fluently Ibout the
butter and eggs we desired to buy, adopting the

be«e?dJrL';i "'\*^''' ^'"°^" ^°"^' P^'haps
Foreign ? said he, after I had thus flowed

f^n^T"* """ his doorstep as though intending
to part from me at that point.

"Yes, and proud of it," said I, lifting my hat
to my distant Fatherland. ^

"Ah," said he. "No accountin* for tastes."
Ihis was disappointing after I had thought
we were getting on. Also it was characteristically
British. I would at once have resented it if with
the opening of the door the unfinished dinner had

fn^uV '""u^ °^^ '"^'^ appetizing odour, issued
forth to within reach of my nostrils. To sit in
a room with shut windows at a tabic and dine
without preliminary labours, on food that did not
get cold between the plate and one's mouth, seemed
to me at that moment a lot so blessed that tears
almost came into my eyes.
"Do you never have — guests ? " I asked

faltering but hurried, for he was about to shut the

c?oor with me still on the wrong side of it
He stared. Red-faced and over stout his verv

personal safety demanded that he should not by

himself finish that dinner.

THE CARAVANERS 165

"Guests ?" he repeated stupidly. "No, I don'v
have no pruests."
" Poor fellow," said I.

"I don't know about poor fellow," said ae,
getting redder.

"Yes. '^oor fellow. And poor fellow inas-
much as I suppose in this secluded spot there are
none to be had, and so you are prevented from
exercising the most privileged an- :<■ ble of rites."

"Oh, you're one of them Soc . Democrats?"

"Social Democrats?" I echoed.

"Them chaps that go about talkin' to us of
rights, and wrongs too, till we all get mad and
discontented — which is pretty well all we ever do
get," he added with a chuckle that was at the same
time scornful. And he shut the door.

Filled with the certitude that I had been mis-
understood, and that if only he could be made
aware that he had one of the aristocracy of the
first nation in the rid on his step willing to be
his guest and that such a chance would never in
all human pro.r>abiJity occur again he would be too
deljgiittd to welcome me, I knocked vigorously.

"Let me in. I am hungry. You do not know
who I am," I called out.

"Well," said he, opening the door a few inches
after a period during which I had continued knock-
ing and he, as I could hear, had moved about the
room inside, "here's a quarter of a pound of

t :

:!
■I

•66 THE CARAVANERS

butter for you. I ain't got no more. It's salt I
am t got no fresh. I send it away to the market
as soon as it's made. It'll be fourpence. tS
your party they can pay when they settle for the

And he thrust a bit of soft and oily butter
tymg^n a piece of paper into my hand and sh«

hZ^^"C ' T'^ '" desperation, rattling the
handle, 'you do not know who I am. I La
gentleman - an officer - a nobleman "

He bolted the door.

When I got back I found them encamped in

,h,Tr, "* ?' uV"^ °^ ** «^'''' "» clo^ in,"
the shelter of a hedge as they could get, and my

butter was greeted with a shout (led by Jellabv)

of laughter. He and the fledglingl at onVsS
off on a fresh foraging expedition, on my adWce

n another direction, but all they bore back w hh
them was the promise, from another farmer of
chickens next morning at six. and what is 'the
good of chickens next morning at six? It
was my turn to shout, and so I did. but I seemed
to have httle luck with my merriment, for the
others were never merry at the moment that I
was, and I shouted alone.

Jelhby, pretending he did not know why I
shou d, looked surprised and said as usual

nuiio, Baron, enjoying yourself?"

THE CARAVANERS 167

"Of course," said I, smartly — "is not that
what I have come to England for?"

We dined that day on what was left of our
bacon and some potatoes we had over. An
attempt which failed was made to fry the potatoes
— "as a pleasant change," said Lord Sigismund
good humouredly — but the wind was so high
that the fire could not be brought to frying pitch,
so about three o'clock we gave it up, and boiled
them and ate them with butter and the bacon,
which was for some reason nobody understood
half raw.

That was a bad day. I hope never to revisit
Dundale. The field, which began dry and short-
grassed at the top of the slope, was every bit as
deep and damp by the time it got down to the
corner we were obliged to camp in because of the
wind as the meadow by the Medway had been.
We had the hedge between us (theoretically) and
the wind, but the wind took no notice of the hedge.
Also we had a black-looking brook of sluggish
movement sunk deep below some alders and
brambles at our side, and infested, it appeared,
with a virulent species of fly or other animal, for
while we were wondering (at least I was) what
we were going to do to pass the hours before
bed time, and what (if any) supper there would be,
and reflecting (at least I was) on the depressing
size and greenness of the field and on the way the

«68 THE CARAVANERS

threatening clouds hung lower and lower over our

fr^m /h K u^u^ ^TP' »PP«M struggling up
from the brook through the blackberry bushes, and

S! '^l '*'' ^^ ''"" '•'"'8 by 7ome b ast or
and immediately began to swell

Everybody was in consternation, and I must
say so was I for I have never seen anything to
equal the rapidity of her swelling. Her feceLd
hands even as she lay there became covered with
large red, raised blotches, and judging fromXr

over therl ?Tk'''' *? ^"^ *'"8 «-' happenfng

couW nn^ "L"- ^' ""'"""^ '° •"" «ha' if shf
could not soon be stopped from further swelling

the very worst thing might be anticipated, and I

expressed my fears to Menzies-Legh

•Nonsense," said he, quite sharply; but I

overiooked it because he was obviously in his hear,

thinking the same thing.

They got her into the Ilsa and put her, I was
mformed, to bed; and presently, just al I ^s
expecting to be scattered with the other gentlemen
m all directions m search of a doctor, Mrs Menzies-
Legh appeared in the doorway and said that
Jumps had been able to gasp out. between her
wild scratchmgs, that when anything stung her

he always swelled, and the onl/thini to do was
to let her scratch undisturbed until such time as
she should contract to her ordinary size aga n

THE CARAVANERS

169

Immensely relieved, for a search for a doctor
in hedges and ditches would surely have been a
thing of little profit and much fatigue, I sat down
in one of the only three chairs that were at all
comfortable and spent the rest of the afternoon in
fitful argument with Jellaby as he came and went,
and in sustained, and not, I trust, unsuccessful
eflForts to establish my friendship with Lord Sigis-
mund on such a footing that an invitation to
meet his Serene Aunt, the Princess of Grossburg-
Niederhausen, would be the harmonious result.

The ladies were busied devising methods for
the more rapid relief of the unhappy and still
obstinately swollen fledgling.

There was no supper except ginger-biscuits.

"You can't expect it," said Edelgard, when I
asked her (very distantly) about it, "with sickness
in the house."

" What house } " I retorted, pardonably snappy.

I hope never to revisit Dundale.

•'It

-I

'' if

m
'If

Ml!

CHAPTER X

U^r/vT"« "^ "J^' ""y °^ "-y •>«""' who

■«-' may be fired by my example to follow it
never to go to Dundale. It is a desolate p7ace
and a hungry place; and a place, moreover'
greatly subject to becoming enveloped in a sonof
universal gray cloud, emitting a steady thourii
fine dnzze and accounted for-which made h

"hint 1 : 'V ..T - ""' P"^"- ^ho Icnew :very"
thing, l,ke Jellaby, as being a sea-mist.

.■nlw™,"" ''?'" ''*''' ''"P'*"' ^"^ therefore was
unable to understand why there should be a T,
mist when there was no sea.

rellTv"L"*'''' '"• ^"''" "°^ y°" ''"0«'." said

"Indeed "" 'T? '""f *'"« °^ ""^ »" '» h™.
Indeed said I politely, as though that

explained it; but of course it did not

fir., 'k '"V' P"'"' ""* ''^<' « 'east, since the
first night, been dry. Now the rain began and

meT^r " "'" ''■'" """'="- .halTu'st "be
me with ones entire stock of fortitude and
philosophy. This stock, however large ori^rn

fh^'Tf ''"^'"'y «° g'™ »« after dmpsTve
trickled down inside one's collar for some w!

170

THE CARAVANERS

171

At the other end, too, the wet ascends higher
and higher, for is not one wading about in long
and soaking grass, trying to perform one's (so
to speak) household duties? And if, when the
ascending wet and the descending wet meet, and
the whole man is a mere and very unhappy sponge,
he can still use such words as healthy and jolly,
then I say that that man is either a philosopher
indeed, worthy of and ripe for an immediate tub,
or he is a liar and a hypocrite. I heard both
those adjectives often that day, and silently
divided their users into the proper categories.
For myself I preferred to say nothing, thus pro-
ducing private flowers of stoicism in response to
the action of the rain.

For the first time I was glad to walk, glad to
move on, glad of anything that was not helping
dripping ladies to pack up dripping breakfast
things beneath the dripping umbrella that with
studious gallantry I endeavoured to hold the
while over my and their dripping heads. How-
ever healthy and jolly the wet might be it
undoubtedly made the company more silent
than the dry, and our resumed march was
almost entirely without conversation. We moved
on in a southwesterly direction, ? diseased
fledgling still in bed and still, I was credibly
informed, scratching, through pine woods full
of wet bracken and deep gloom and drizzle.

i m

I ::l

i -'i

if i

'72 THE CARAVANERS

and just aswe hadTeXn'r''''"'''' J° ■" «=

" w"«cn 1, at Jeast, never joined fnr i u^

a fairly con,for,abIe higCad f ,he ^i ^sS2
of narrow and hilly lanes vicissitudes

I 'rrrsar'''TK'' ""' '"^"'''^y P'«"i«^"
J aare say. They are also senerallv t.:ir

not to n.J. a„;Sg^, rw^nfl if r" T''
Hedges a„dVd-n«^:.Xlnr«::S

•'f^r Bii^aJbaaTT)%l

THE CARAVANERc

173

and none of you would believe how long it took
us to do those five miles because none of you
know — how should you ? — what the getting of
caravans up hills by means of tracing is. We
had, thanks to Mrs. Menzies-Legh's desire for
the pretty (unsatisfied I am glad to say on that
occasion, because the so-called sea-mist clung
close round us like a wet gray cloak) — we had
got into an almost mountainous lane. We were
tracing the whole time, dragging each caravan
up each hill in turn, leaving it solitary at the top
and returning with all three horses for the next
one left meanwhile at the bottom. I never saw
such an endless succession of hills. If tracing
does not teach a man patience what, I would like
to know, will ?

At first, on finding my horse removed and
harnessed on to the Ailsa, I thought I would get
inside the Elsa and stretch myself on the yellow
box and wait there quietly smoking till the
horse came back again; b * I found Edelgard
inside, blocking it up and preparing to mend
her stockings.

This was unpleasant, for I had hardly spoken
to her, and then only with the chilliest politeness,
since her behaviour on the evening by the Med-
way; yet, determined to be master in my own
(so to speak) house, I would have carried out
my intention if Menzies-Legh's voice, which I

Ill I

'74 THE CARAVANERS

"m" u ''L''^''"^'' 'hat she looked at me said

Certainly," said I, all apparent ready bustle-

"You Socialists/' said I tn 1^]uu
whom I found I ;as e^cted ,o^ S' "!T '°
beheve in marriage, do you i" "^ ^' '^° ""'

panted! so tt\ 7f brllTtrat'l la'^'^- "^
myself having quite a Juam' o? it "h^Z' '
what an answer" ^ ' '"^S'^es,

was so Lm iThrealL: s^ tft t tulH^'ot
"Why, gentlemen," I remarked banteringly,

ill

THE CARAVANERS

175

as I stood in the midst of these panters watching
them wipe their heated brows, "you are scarcely
what is known as in training."

" But you, Baron — undoubtedly are " gasped

Menzies-Legh. " You are — absolutely unruffled."

"Oh, yes," I agreed modestly, "I am in good
condition. We always are in our army. Ready
at any moment to -"

I stopped, for I had been on the verge of saying
"eat the English," when I recollected that we may
not inform the future mouthfuls of their fate.

"Ready to go in and win," finished Lord
Sigismund.

"To blow up Europe," said Jellaby.

"To mobilize," said Menzies-Legh. "And very
right and proper."

"Very wrong and improper," said Jellaby.
"You know," he said, turning on his host with
all the combativeness of these men of peace (the
only really calm person is your thoroughly trained
and equipped warrior) — "you know very well
you agree with me that war is the most
unnecessary "

"Come, come, my young gentlemen," I inter-
posed, broadening my chest, "do not forget
that you are in the presence of one of its repre-
sentatives "

"Let us fetch up the next caravan," inter-
rupted Menzies-Legh, thrusting my horse's bridle

»ll

»76 THE CARAVANERS

into my hand; and as I led it down the hill a«in

my anxiety to prevent it. stumbling and "S

Ini- •" ■?""' ''°'^ '""='' » *e matt" of
mending ,,s knees rendered me unabirforthe
moment to continue the crushing of Jenabv

About four o'clock in the aftLoon we fou„H
ourselves, drenched and hunerv on A.T. i."

I'^nt:: uT ^''<'h«- i-r^irt^^

throuT i "t" T T' P^P"'-"' '° 'ontinxe on
r,.M^ \ '"'■ "'"^''y «•" '»"«'» of its villa
re dences dropped their rain on us over neat
railings as we passed. We th,r,f„,- .
.o attempt to'get rightThrough Te' p^cT™ ^

field';'; ^,i;':.^SerhicK:s:rasir^s^

to Hivi-r f ^"'"""S ■'"* a treeless hedge

the road it Ld™" "'' '^ff "^ '^"''""» "'ong
Bale Th- ^ """sually conveniently placed

^te. The importance now of fields and gates!

uXZ°nr ^Hi^H^ int '7T"' '^
caravaning. ' '" ^"'^' *« '"S^dy of

dn^^u ''•"' ''"' Menzies-Leigh couole went to
Itt -""r^T'. P"'"'^'"''"- ■ So Xed
» craTe hat In hf h' f""'°" «° ^"*" ' " *«

nMm^mmamm

THE CARAVANERS

>77

it often of illiterate, selfish, and grossly greedy
persons like my friend at Dundale, was not beneath
any of our prides, while to obtain it seemed the
one boon worth having.

While they were gone we waited, a melancholy
string of vehicles and people in a world made up
of mist and mud. Frau von Eckthum, who
might have cheered me, had been invisible nearly
the whole day, ministering (no doubt angelically)
to the afflicted fledgling. Edclgard and the child
Jane got into the Elsa during the pause and
began to teach each other languages. I leaned
against the gate, staring before me. Old James,
a figure of dripping patience, remained at his
horse's head. And Lord Sigismund and Jellaby,
as though they had not had enough exercise,
walked up and down the road talking.

Except the sound of their receding and advanc-
ing footsteps the stillness was broken by nothing
at all. It was a noiseless rain. It did not patter.
And yet, fine though it was, it streamed down
the flanks of the horses, the sides of the caravans,
and actually penetrated, as I later on discovered,
through the green arras lining of the Elsa, making
a long black streak from roof to floor.

I wonder what my friends at home would have
said could they have seen me then. No shelter;
no refuge; no rest. These three negatives, I take
it, sum up fairly accurately a holiday in a caravan.

f^z^

'78 THE CARAVANERS

Jellaby immediatcirspriZ Ln fro™ 1" ."'°"'"«'
inquire, at the ^indZXZrT T"*''"'.'"''
how your hor« is sSe A l ""' """"''
is nothing but work-lnH ^t ''"^'""P """^
work, ^orlc «ndt J ^^^^ryortdrS
l>ves. and nothing, nothing but it for ml J
not eat ? And without it fh.,1 • " ^°"

And then -vhen you have L^ ■ If "° "''ng-
pause, the least i« forT ^rj^- ' *' '«"
after meals, there be^' that fri.Trfll^"T *" «°°''
form of activity rnof fril./i^i' *"'' ''"''"«<'

known formrtr;X ^P Hr^t" °''"'
about that it was not f.l n the fir« T r ^T
women I cannot undersLnd; ley ar tt^d K*
nature for such labour, and do noTfed it but^''

camped '^'t^e-^^^^ ^^ ^^ we
ments; and bv th,. t,™. ■. "P°*«<1 my move-
the only place tot r V '^°"' ^"^ ^""'d
does not desire °o°m h^ "" L"'*"*"* "an
cold weath -T^:„''''' ";'8''5= Kt in that

were things abhorrent to me.'"7:rtt!^te^:

: n

( 7«».

THE CARAVANERS

>79

only three comfortable chairs, low and easy, in
which a man might stretch himself and smoke,
and these, without so much as a preliminary
offering of them to anybody else, were sat in by
the ladies. It did seem a turning of good old
customs upside down when I saw Edelgard get
into one as a matter of course, so indifferent to
what I might be thinking that she did not even
look my way. How vividly on such occasions
did I remember my easy chair at Storchwerder
and how sacred it was, and how she never dared,
if I were in the house, approach it, nor I firmly
believe ever dared, so good was her training and
so great her respect, approach it when I was out.

Well, our proverb — descriptive of a German
gentleman about to start on his (no doubt) well-
deserved holiday travels — "He who loves his
wife leaves her at home," is as wise now as
the day it was written, and about this time I
began to see the* by having made my bed in
a manner that disregarded it I was going to have
to lie on it.

The Menzies-Leghs returned wreathed in smiles
— I beg yor. to note the reason, and all of wretched-
ness that it implies — because the owner of the
field's wife had not been rude, and had together
with the desired permission sold them two pounds
of sausages, the cold potatoes left from her
dinner, a jug of milk, a piece of butter, and

i8o

THE CARAVANERS

some firewood. Also they had met a baker's
cart and had bought loaves.

This, of course, as far as it went, was satisfac-
tory, especially the potatoes that neither wanted
peeling nor patience while they grew soft, but I
submit that it was only a further proof of our
extreme lowness in the scale of well-cared-for
humanity. Here in my own home, with these
events in what Menzies-Legh and Jellaby would
have called the blue distance, how strange it
seems that just sausages and cold potatoes should
ever have been able to move me to exultation.

We at once got into the field, hugging the
hedge, and in the shelter of the Ilsa (which entered
last) made our fire. I was deputed (owing to the
unfortunate circumstance of my being the only
person who had brought one) to hold my umbrella
over the frying pan while Jellaby fried the sausages
on one of the stoves. It was not what I would
have chosen, for while protecting the sausages I
was also, in spite of every effort to the contrary,
protecting Jellaby; and what an anomalous posi-
tion for a gentleman of birth and breeding and
filled with the aristocratic opinions, and perhaps
(for I am a fair man) prejudices, incident to
bemg born and bred — well born of course I
mean, not recognizing any other form of birth—
what a position, to stand there keeping the back
of a British Socialist dry!

THE CARAVANERS

i8i

But there is no escaping these anomalies if
you caravan; they crop up continually; and
however much you try to dam them out, the
waters of awkwardly familiar situations constantly
break through and set all your finer feelings on
edge. Fain would I have let the rain work its
will on Jellaby's back, but what about the
sausages ? As they turned and twisted in the pan,
obedient to his guiding fork, I could not find it in
me to let a drop of rain mar that melodious fizzling.
So I stood there doing my best, glad at least
I was spared being compromised owing to the
absence of my friends, while the two other gentle-
men warmed up the potatoes over the fire pre-
paratory to converting them into puree, and the
ladies in the caravans were employed, judging by
the fragrance, in making coffee.

In spite of the rain a small crowd had collected
and was leaning on the gate. Their faces were
divided between wonder and pity; but this was
an expression we had now got used to, for except
on fine days every face we met at once assumed it,
unless the face belonged to a little boy, when it
was covered instead with what seemed to be glee
and was certainly animation, the animation being
apparently not infrequently inspired by a train of
thought which led up to, after we had passed, a
calling out and a throwing of stones.

"You'll see these turn brown soon," said

'! .i

i.fi

182 THE CARAVANERS

Jellaby, crouching over his sausages and pursuing

nnJ^^'/' '^'"^i* "^""^ ^ P*^^'^"* «»g*»t too when
one IS hungry."

"By Jove, yes," said he; "caravaning makes

one appreciate things, doesn't it ? '*
"^"'" sa»d I» ^'whenever there are any"
In silence he continued to pursue with his fork

^.^They are very pink," said I, after some

"Yes," said he.

"Do you think so much -such unceasing -

exercise is good for them ? "

'•Well, but I must get them brown all round."

Ihey are, however, still altogether pink."

Patience my dear Baron. You'll soon see."

1 watched him in a further silence of some

minutes. ^

"Do you, Jellaby," I then inquired, "really
understand how best to treat a sausage .?"
Oh, yes; they're bound to turn brown soon."
But see how obstinately they continue pink
Would It not be wise, considering the latenes^s, to
call my wife and desire her to cook them?"

What! The Baroness in this wet stubble?"
said he, with such energy that I deemed the
moment come for the striking of the blow that
had been so long impending.

" Do you, Jellaby," I then inquired, " really understand how

best to treat a sausagt

> "

THE CARAVANERS

•83

"When a lady," I said with great distinctness,
"has cooked for fourteen years without interrup-
tion — ever since, that is, she was sixteen — one
may safely at thirty leave it always in her hands."

"Monstrous," said he.

At first I thought he was in some way alluding
to her age, and to the fact that he had been deceived
into supposing her young.

"What is monstrous?" I inquired, as he did
not add anything.

"Why should she cook for us? Why should
she come out in the wet to cook for us? Why
should any woman cook for fourteen years without
interruption ? "

"She did it joyfully, Jellaby, for the comfort
and sustenance of her husband, as every virtuous
woman ought."

"I think," said he, "it would choke me."

"What would choke you ?"

"Food produced by the unceasing labour of
my wife. Why should she be treated as a servant
when she gets neither wages nor the privilege of
giving notice and going away ?"

"No wages? Her wages, young gentleman,
are the knowledge that she has done her duty to
her husband."

"Thin, thin," he murmured, digging his fork
into the nearest sausage.

"And as for going away, I must say I am

:;■ !

184

THE CARAVANERS

IR .

surprised you should connect such a thought with
any respectable lady."

Indeed, what he said was so ridiculous, and so
young, and so on the face of it unmarried that in
my displeasure I moved the umbrella for a moment
far enough to one side to allow the larger drops
collected on its metal tips to fall on to his bent
and practically collarless (he wore a flannei ^airt
with some loose apology for a collar of the same
material) neck.

" Hullo," he said, " you're letting the sausaces
get wet." ^

" You talk, Jellaby," I resumed, obliged to
hold the umbrella on its original position again
and forcing myself to speak calmly, " in great
Ignorance. What can you know of marriage?
Whereas I am very fully qualified to speak, for
I have had, as you may not perhaps know, the
families scheduled in the Gotha Almanack being
unlikely to come within the range of your acquaint-
ance, two wives."

I must of course have been mistaken, but I
did fancy I heard him say, partly concealing it
under his breath, " God help them," and naturallv
greatly startled I said very stiffly, "I beg your
pardon ? "

But he only mumbled unintelligibly over his
pan, so that no doubt I had done him an injustice;
and the sausages being, as he said (not without a

THE CARAVANERS

185

note of defiance in his voice;, ready, v . :h meant
that for some reason or other they had one and
all come out of their skins (which lay still pink
in limp and lifeless groups about the pan), and
were now mere masses of minced meat, he rose up
from his crouching attitude, ladled them by means
of a spoon into a dish, requested my umbrella's
continued company, and proceeded to make the
round of caravans, holding them up at each window
in turn while the ladies helped themselves from
within.

"And us ?'* I said at last, for when he had been
to the third he began to return once more to the
first — "and us?"

** Us will get some presently," he replied — I
cannot think grammatically — holding up the
already sadly reduced dish at the Ilsa's window.

Frau von Eckthum, however, smiled and shook
her head, and very luckily the sick fledgling, so
it appeared, still turned with loathing from all
nourishment. Lord Sigismund was following us
round with the potato puree^ and in return for
being waited on in this manner, a manner that
can only be described as hand and foot, Edelgard
deigned to give us cups of coffee through her
window and Mrs. Menzies-Legh slices of buttered
bread through hers.

Perhaps my friends will have noted the curious
insistence and patience with which we drank coffee.

iS6

THE CARAVANERS

I can hear them sav. "Whv ♦!,:-

coffee?" Icanh^rtK .''^ .^'^'s continuous

was the wine then hlrT "'" 'T'''* "^^^^'^

not quite whf feared for Th """'' "'""'= *"»
Eckthum, for instance Lf ' *"' ^'''" ^°"
very early i„ X^™,' '"""""S °"' '"'I »he had

anyU shru.d*:vr;aTSt-\"''r *«
called intoxicants ° ''■'''' *''« »he

.nruS- "Lu '^l/d "'" r "''-^ - '-o^'y.

milkf" '^ *°"''' "°» •>=>« a man drink

-;Khe"l« ;1? ff;-- ""' -" "•'en she is
attractive ^" '""^"« «»»<= to be

Yon " ''"7?^^Y drinking an honest mug of beer
prilriy r '"'"''' ^'" — "y inquirr-Why

tent"; uk:\he Sck"""T''^' =" ''°^'''°" *«
out of a man M in f''^ • ' '""" ** "P^" Wck,

m fact, smce my wife's desertion

THE CARAVANERS

187

I occupied the entire minority all by myself;
then I am a considerate man, and do not like
to go against the grain (other people's grain),
remembering how much I feel it when other
people go against mine; and finally (and this
you will not understand, for I know you do not
like her), there was always Frau von Eckthum
looking on.

J, }

't <

CHAPTER XI

T^hL"Iff",K"" "'" ''""8«' '■" '•■aracter,
* '"'«* off 'he pretence of being only a mi«

ot the caravan. It made such a noise that it

Strt'r'' \"'' "X^'-S => match I di"
covered that it was three o'clock and that why I
had had an unpleasant dream - 1 though. iLl
havmg a bath - was that the wet was LnT^

^Ssol" 1°^'"'"' """ ''"-dingrsloTanf
re^lar splashmgs on my head

This was melancholy. At three o'clock a
man has httle initiative, and I was unable to

of ,t f ^''"i""^ P'y f'"°* « «he bottom
1 i' •'' ^^r '^"' '^'" "° *". thought

t inT"r' "'■'" V"""^ ^''^'e^^'' had done so!

t instantly occurred to me. But after all if I
had thought of it one of my ends wa bound in
any case to get wet, and though my head would

feTmo"" '"^ "^ '"' ^''''•"'°' areUe bel; d
Jar more sensitive organs) would have got the

li^^inTf/"'^".'-' "" "°* altogether help!

nl to FH r f ""' "'* '^^'"■""y- ^ft" shout-
ing to Edelgard to tell her I was awake and,

i88

THE CARAVANERS

189

although presumably indoors, yet somehow in the
rain — for indeed it surprised me — and receiv-
ing no answer, either because she did not hear,
owing to the terrific noise on the roof, or because
she would not hear, or because she was asleep, I
rose and fetched my sponge bag (a new and
roomy one), emptied it of its contents, and placed
my head inside it in their stead.

I submit this was resourcefulness. A sponge
bag is but a little thing, and to remember it is also
but a little thing, but it is little things such as these
that have won the decisive battles of the world
and are the finger-posts to the qualities in a man
that would win more decisive battles if only he
were given a chance. Many a great general, many
a great victory, have been lost to our Empire
owing to its inability to see the promise contained
in some of its majors and its consequent dilatori-
ness in properly promoting them.

How the rain rattled. Even through the
muffling sponge bag I could hear it. The thought
of Jellaby in his watery tent on such a night,
gradually, as the hours went on, ceasing to lie
and beginning to float, would have amused me
if it had not been that poor Lord Sigismund,
nolens volens, must needs float too.

From this thought I somehow got back to my
previous ones, and the longer I lay wakeful the
more pronouncedly stern did they become. I am

'90 THE CARAVANERS

'ym^rtivu"' ' """."f ** Fatherland a. i,
WJI ever in all human probability beget, but what
»n af^r a proper period of probation ^^Zl
hfe the ring on the finger, the finer laiment "he
paternal embrace, and the invitation to dinner?
In other word, (and quitting parable), whr,o„
after having served his time among such hu.L «
major, doe, not like promotion to the fatted calves
of colonels? For some time past I ha^ be/n

» an^rX'f'VT "V'""' ™y ^ »° <*»S

MdTlI i •'^''" "^"^ •» «™'" « niy post
and shall send m my resenation- thn..<>k i

»y I should like a hiLt thf "Shtsf ' """

Once embarked on these reflections I could not

again close my eyes, and lay awake for the rema"n-

.ng hours of the night with as great a din S

Zs-Z'JrV? "^ "^'- I h-' descfrbed
this - the effect of 'leavy rain when you are in

a carai^n - m that ponion of the narrative deal

mg with the night on Grip's Common, s^ne^d onlJ

repeat that it resembles nothing so much as a

t7fflJ"^. """^"""y •'"d «ones Edel-
prd If she did indeed sleep, must be of an almost
terrifying toughness, for the roof on which ths
pehing^was goi„g „„ ^, ^ut a few inct from

As the cold dawn crept in between the folds
of our wmdow-curtains and the noise had in no

THE CARAVANERS

191

way abated, I began very seriously to wonder
how I could possibly get up and go out and eat
breakfast under such conditions. There was my
mackintosh, and I also had galoshes, but I could
not appear before Frau von Eckthum in the
sponge bag, and yet that was the only sensible
covering for my head. But what after all could
galoshes avail in such a flood ? The stubble
field, I felt, could be nothing by then but a lake;
no fire could live in it; no stove but would be
swamped. Were it not better, if such was to be
the weather, to return to London, take rooms
in some water-tight boarding-house, and fre-
quent the dryness of museums? Of course it
would be better. Better? Must not anything
in the world be better than that which is the
worst ?

But, alas, I had been made to pay beforehand
for the Elsa, and had taken the entire responsi-
bility for her and her horse's safe return and
even if I could bring myself to throw away such
a sum as I had disbursed one cannot leave a
caravan lying about as though it were what our
neighbours across the Vosges call a mere baga-
telle. It is not a bagatelle. On the contrary, it
is a huge and complicated mechanism that must
go with you like the shell on the poor snail's back
wherever you go. There is no escape from it,
once you have started, day or night. Where was

itibi

m >'i

ill

M I

»92 THE CARAVANERS

ft.rillTl'''; T'J'^"""" ""'' "^ ■^'"'l ^"d help-
ful little lady? Heaven alone knew, after ail our

^^''png- Find it by myself I certainly couW
not for not only had we zigzagged in obedience
to the caprices of Mrs. Menzies-Legh, but I had
walked most of the time as a man i; a d earn

d^te^rfc"''^"'"'^ ''="''' '-y «™-«

I wondered grimly as six o'clock drew near, the
hour a, which the res, of the company usually burst
■nto activity, whether there would be many
exclamations of healthy and jolly that day. There
■s a point, I should say, at which a thing^or a con
dition becomes so excessively healthy and iollv
.hat It ceases to be either. I drew ,'he curtail
of my bunk together - for a great upheaval over
m/ head warned me that my wife was going to
descend and dress -and feigned slumber Sleep
seemed to me such a safe thing. You cannot

Ttt if h, .."'' ""1 ''° "'■=" y°" ^""^'der his
duty If he will no, wake up. The only free man,

I reflected with my eyes tightly shut, is the man
who IS asleep. Pushing my reflection a litde
further I saw with a slight start that real freedom
and independence are only, then, to be found in
the unconscious - a race (or sect; call it what
you will) of persons untouched by and above
the law. And one step further and I saw with
another slight start that perfect freedom, perfect

THE CARAVANERS 193

liberty, perfect deliverance from trammels, are
only to be found in a person who is not merely
unconscious but also dead.

These, of course, as I need not tell my hearers,
are metaphysics. I do not often embark on
the-i- upsetting billows for I am, principally,
a practical man. But on this occasion they were
not as fruitless as usual, for the thought of a
person dead suggested at once the thought of
a person engaged in going through the sickness
preliminary to being dead, and a sick man is
also to a certain extent free — nobody, that is,
can make him get up and go out into the rain
and hold his umbrella over Jellaby's back while he
concocts his terrible porridge. I decided that I
would slightly exaggerate the feelings of discom-
fort which I undoubtedly felt, and take a day off
in the haven of my bed. Let them see to it that
the horse was led; a man in bed cannot lead a
horse. Nor would it even be an exaggeration,
for one who has been wakeful half the night cannot
be said to be in normal health. Besides, if you
come to that, who is in normal health ? I should
say no one. Certainly hardly any one. And if
you appeal to youth as an instance, what could
be younger and yet more convulsed with apparent
torment than the newly born infant ? Hardly any
one, I maintain, is well without stopping during a
single whole day. One forgets, by means of the

'94 THE CARAVANERS

When, therefore, Edelgard had re:»rh.A .u
s«ge of tidying .he caravaf , arranjn/^^f eth«
and emptying the water out of the Sow nr,

and beckoned to her and made her Jndersttnd

wealth"'"" ''""f ''"<' hoped w
were not both eoinc to be ill nt *u^ •

Tk- L /• 1 ° *" ^* the same timp

a?m"e with "' ""'T ''''"' ^"^ "><"'«<' -^-n
coulTnrt ^T"''. ^''P^'^ion and said -I
could not hear ,t, but knew the protesting shaoe

her mouth assumed: "But Otto- " ^

I just shook my head and closed my eyes
You cannot make a man open his eves X!;
them, and vou shut out the whole 'worrying

peace from which, so long as you keep them shut

there awhile longer looking down a. me befZ
putting on her cloak and preparing to ace *e

THE CARAVANERS

195

elements; then the door was unbolted, a gust of
wet air came in, the caravan gave a lurch, and
Edelgard had jumped into the stubble.

Only for a short time was I able to reflect on
her growing agility, and how four days back she
could no more jump into stubble or anything else
than can other German ladies of good family, and
how the costume she had bought in Berlin and
which had not fitted her not only without a wrinkle
but also with difficulty, seemed gradually to be
turning into a misfit, to be widening, to be loosen-
ing, and those parts of it which had before been
smooth were changing every day into a greater
bagginess — I was unable, I say, to think about
these things because, worn out, I at last fell asleep.

How long I slept I do not know, but I was
very roughly awakened by violent tossings and
heavings, and looking hastily through my cur-
tains saw a wet hedge moving past the window.

So we were on the march.

I lay back on my pillow and wondered who
was leading my horse. They might at least
have brought me some breakfast. Also the
motion was extremely disagreeable, and likely to
give me a headache. But presently, after a dizzy
swoop round, a pause and much talking showed
me we had come to a gate, and I understood
that we had been getting over the stubble and
were now about to rejoin the road. Once on

!■'

196 THE CARAVANERS

that the motion was not unbearable — not nearly
80 unbearable I said to myself, as tramping in
the ram; but I could not help thinking it very
strange that none of them had thought to give
me breakfast, and in my wife the omission was
more than strange, it was positively illegal. If
love did not bring her to my bedside with hot
coffee and perhaps a couple of (lightly boiled) eggs,
why did not duty ? A fasting man does not mind
which brings her, so long as one of them does.
^ My impulse was to ring the bell angrily, but
It died away on my recollecting that there was
no bell. The rain, I could see, had now lightened
and thinned into a drizzle, and I could hear cheer-
tul talk going on between some persons evidently
wa king just outside. One voice seemed to be
Jellaby s, but how could it be he who was cheer-
ful after the night he must have had ? And the
other was a woman's — no doubt, I thought
bitterly, Edelgard's, who, warmed herself and
invigorated by a proper morning meal, cared noth-
mg that her husband should be lying there within
a stone's throw like a cold, neglected tomb.

Presently, instead of the hedge, the walls and
gates of gardens passed the window, and then
canie houses, singly at first, but soon joining on to
each other in an uninterrupted string, and raising
myself on my elbow and putting two and two
together, I decided that this must be Wadhurst

THE CARAVANERS

197

It W£ To my surprise about the middle
of the village the caravan stopped, and raising
myself once more on my elbow I was forced
immediately to sink back ag^in, for I encountered
a row of eager faces pressed against the pane with
eyes rudely staring at the contents of the caravan,
which, of course, included myself as soon as I
came into view from between the curtains of
the berth.

This was very disagreeable. Again I instinct-
ively and frantically sought the bell that was
not there. How long was I to be left thus in
the street of a village with my window-curtains
unclosed and the entire population looking in?
I could not get out and close them myself, for I
am staunch to the night attire, abruptly termi-
nating, that is still, than-' heaven, characteristic
during the hours of darkness of every honest
German gentleman: in other words, I do not
dress myself, as the English do, in a coat and
trousers in order to go to bed. But on this
occasion I wished that I did, for then I couH
have leaped out of my berth and drawn tne
curtains in an instant myself, and the German
attire allows no margin for the leaping out of
berths. As it was, all I could do was to lie there
holding the berth-curtains carefu'^v together until
such time as it should please my dear wife to
honour me with a visit.

I ; il

198

THE CARAVANERS

TTiis she did after, I should say, at least half
an hour had passed, with the completely com-
posed face of one who has no reproaches to
make herself, and a cup of weak tea in one
hand and a small slice of dry toast on a plate
in the other, though she knows I never touch
tea and that it is absurd to offer a large-framed
hne man one piece of toast with no butter on h
tor his breakfast.

"What are we stopping for?" I at once asked
on her appearing.
"For breakfast," said she.
"What?"

"We are having it in the inn to-day because
of the wet. It IS so nice, Otto. Table-napkins
and everything. And flowers in the middle.
And nothing to wash up afterward. What a
pity you can't be there! Are you better?"

"Better?" I repeated, with a note of justified
wrathin my voice, for the thought of the others
all enioying themselves, sitting at a good meal on
proper chairs in a room out of the reach of fresh
air, naturally upset me. Why had they not told
me ? Why, in the name of all that was dutiful
had she not told me ?

"I thought you were asleep," said she when
1 inquired what grounds she had for the omission.

bo 1 was, but that "

"And I know you don't like being disturbed

THE CARAVANERS

199

when you are," said she, lamely as I considered,
for naturally it depends on what one is disturbed
for — of course I would have got up if I had
known.

**I will not drink such stuff," I said, pushing
the cup away. "Why should I live on tepid
water and butterless toast ? "

"But — didn't you say you were ill?" she
asked, pretending to be surprised. "I thought
when one is ill "

Kindly draw those curtains," I said, for the
crowd was straining every rerve to see and hear,
"and remove this stuff. You had better," I
added, when the faces had been shut out, "return
to your own breakfast. Do not trouble about me.
Leave me here to be ill or not. It does not matter.
You are my wife, and bound by law to love me,
but I will make no demands on you. Leave me
here alone, and return to your breakfast."

"But, Otto, I couldn't stay in here with you
before. The poor horse would never "

"I know, I know. Put the horse before your
husband. Put anything and anybody before
your husband. Leave him here alone. Do not
trouble. Go back to your own, no doubt, excel-
lent breakfast."

"But Otto, why are you so cross?"

"Cross? When a man is ill and neglected, if
he dare say a word he is cross. Take this stuff

iifif

III f

200 THE CARAVANERS

away Go back to your breakfast. I, at least, am
considerate, and do not desire your omelettes and
other luxuries to become cold."
"It isn't omelettes," saii Edelgard. «'Whv

?h7,r 'a ";^^^^«"\b»^ ? ^on't you really drink
th s ? And again she held out the cup of straw-
coloured tea.

tKoT*''"li!- ^"T"^ ""^ ^^^^ ^° ^^^ ^^"> determined
that nothing she could say or do should make me

with a backward wave of the hand.

She lingered a moment, as she had done in
the morning, then went out. Somebody outside
took the cup from, her and helped her down the
ladder, and a conviction that it was Jellaby caused
such a wave of just anger to pass over me that,
being now invisible to the crowd, I leaped out of
my berth and began quickly and wrathfully to
dress Besides, as she opened the door a most
attractive odour of I do not know what, but un-
doubtedly something to do with breakfast in the
inn, hac penetrated into my sick chamber.

tre e is," said one of the many children in
the crowd when I emerged dressed from the
caravan and prepared to descend the steps- " *ere*s
im out of the bed." ^

I frowned.

"Don't 'e get up late ? " said another.
I frowned again.

" 'Ere 'c is

H I '

y^wg

1 .* ^ '

THE CARAVANERS aoi

"Don't 'c look different now?" said a third.

I deepened my frown.

"Takes it easy 'e do, don't 'e," said a fourth,
"in spite of pretendin* to be a poor gipsy."

I got down the steps and elbowed my way
sternly through them to the door of the inn. There
I paused an instant on the threshold and faced
them, frowning at them as individually as I could.

"I have been ill," I said briefly.

But in England they have neither reverence
nor respect for an officer. In my own country if
any one dared to speak to me or of me in that
manner in the street I would immediately draw
my sword and punish him, for he would in my
person have insulted the Emperor's Majesty, whose
uniform I wore; and it would be useless for him
to complain, for no magistrate would listen to him.
But in England if anybody wants to make a target
of you, a target you become for so long as his
stock of wit (heaven save the mark!) lasts. Of
course the crowd in Wadhurst must have known.
However much my mackintosh disguised me it
was evident that I was an officer, for there is no
mistaking the military bearing; but for their own
purposes they pretended they did not, and when
therefore turning to them with severe dignity I
said: "I have been ill," what do you think they
said? They said, "Yah."

For a moment I supposed, with some surprise

202

THE CARAVANERS

•■i

■ r

I confess, that they were acquainted with the Ger-
man tongue, but a glance at their faces showed me
that the expression must be English and rude I
turned abruptly and left these boors: it is not
part of my business to teach a foreign nation
manners.

My frowns, however, were smoothed when I
entered the comfortable breakfast-room and was
greeted with a pleasant chorus of welcome and
mquiries.

Frau von Eckthum made room for me beside
her, and herself ministered to my wants. . Mrs
Menzies-Legh laughed and praised me for my
^nsibleness in getting up instead of giving way.
1 he breakfast was abundant and excellent. And I
discovered that it was the ever kind and thought-
ful Lord Sigismund who had helped Edelgard out
of the caravan, Jellaby being harmlessly occupied
writmg picture postcards to (I suppose) his con-
stituents.

By the time I had had my third cup of coffee
— so beneficial is the effect of that blessed bean —
I was able silently to forgive Edelgard and be ready
to overlook all her conduct since the camp by
the Medway and start fresh again; and when
toward eleven o'clock we resum-ed the march, a
united and harmonious band (for the child Jumps
was also that day restored to health and her friends)
we found the rain gone and the roads being dried

THE CARAVANERS

203

up with all the efficiency and celerity of an un-
clouded August sun.

That was a pleasant march. The best we had
had. It may have been the weather, which was
also the best we had had, or it may have been the
country, which was undeniably pretty in its homely
unassuming way — nothing, of course, to be com-
pared with what we would have gazed at from the
topmost peak of the Rigi or from a boat on the
bosom of an Italian lake, but very nice in its way
— or it may have been b( cause Frau von Eckthum
walked with me, or because Lord Sigismund told
me that next day being Sunday we were going to
rest in the camp we got to that night till Monday,
and dine on Sunday at the nearest inn, or, perhaps
it was all this mingled together that made me feel
so pleasant.

Take away annoyances and worry, and I am
as good-natured a man as you will find. More,
I can enjoy anything, and am ready with a jest
about almost anything. It is the knowledge that
I am really so good-humoured that principally
upsets me when Edelgard or other circumstances
force me into a condition of vexation unnatural to
me. I do not wish to be vexed. I do not wish
ever to be disagreeable. And it is, I think, down-
right wrong of people to force a human being who
does not wish it to be so. That is one of the
reasons why I enjoyed the company of Frau von

204

THE CARAVANERS

Eckthum. She brought out what was best in me
what I may be pardoned for calling the perfume
of my better self, because though it contains the
suggestion that my better self is a flower-like object
It also implies that she was the warming and vivi-
fymg and scent-extracting sun.

There is a dew-pond at the top of one of the
hills we walked up that day (at least Mrs. Menzies-
Legh said It was a dew-pond, and that the water
in It was not water at all but dew, though naturally
1 did not believe her — what sensible man would ?)
and by its side in the shade of an oak tree Frau
von Eckthum and I sat while the three horses
went down to fetch up the third caravan, nominally
taking care of those already up but really resting
in that pretty nook without bothering about them
for of all things in the world a horseless caravan is
surely most likely to keep quiet. So we rested,
and I amused her. I really do not know about
what in particular, but I know I succeeded, for
her oh's became quite animated, and were placed
with such dexterous intelligence that each one
contained volumes.

She was interested in everything, but especially
so m what I said about Jellaby and his doctrines,
ot which I made great fun. She listened with
the most earnest attention to my exposure of the
fallacies with which he is riddled, and became
at last so evidently convinced that I almost

THE CARAVANERS

205

wished the young gentleman had been there too
to hear me.

Altogether an agreeable, invigorating day; and
when, about three o'clock, we found a good camp-
ing ground in a wide field sheltered to the north
by a copse and rising ground, and dropping
away in front of us to a most creditable and exten-
sive view, for the second time since I left Panthers
I was able to suspect that caravaning might not be
entirely without its commendable points.

f'f

ij:

CHAPTER XII

TX/^E SUPPED that night beneath the stars
^ T with the field dropping downward from
our feet into the misty purple of the Sussex Weald.
What we had for supper was chicken and rice and
onions, and very excellent it was. The wind had
^ne and it was cold. It was like a night in
North Germany, where the wind sighs all day

ck!rrLlm '""'^^ " '"'^^^''^^ ^''''^' "^"^"^'y ^''^
These are quotations from a conversation I
overheard between Frau von Eckthum (oddly
Icquacious that night) and Jellaby, who both sat
near where I was eating my supper, supposed to

thevi "^ A 7' ^"' """"y '^«^"g ''' 'P^^ while
they looked down at the Sussex Weald (I wish I

knew what a Weald is: Kent had one too) and
she described the extremely flat and notoriously
dull country round Storchwerder

Indeed I would not have recognized it from
her description, and yet I know it every bit as well
as she can^ Blue air, blue sky, blue water, and the
flash of white wings - that was how she described
It, and poor Jellaby was completely taken in and

ao6

•Si-

*«^

\)-

to
S

THE CARAVANERS

207

murmured "Beautiful, beautiful" in his foolish
slow voice, and forgot to eat his chicken and rice
while it was hot, and little guessed that she had
laughed at him with me a few hours before.

I listened, amused but tolerant. We must
not keep a pretty lady too exactly to the truth.
The first part of this chapter is a quotation from
what I heard her say (excepting one sentence), but
my hearers must take my word for it that it did
not sound anything like as silly as one might
suppose. Everything depends on the utterer.
Frau von Eckthum*s quasi-poetical way of describ-
ing the conduct of our climate had an odd attract-
iveness about it that I did not find, for instance,
in my dear wife's utterances when she too, which
she at this time began to do with increasing
frequency, indulged in the quasi-poetic. Quasi-
poetic I and other plain men take to be the violent
tearing of such a word as rolling from its natural
place and applying it to the plains and fields round
Storchwerder. A ship rolls, but fields, I am glad
to say, do not. You may also with perfect pro-
priety talk about a rolling-pin in connection with
the kitchen, or of a rolling stone in connection with
moss. Of course I know that we all on suitable
occasions make use of exclamations of an apprecia-
tive nature, such as colossal and grossartig, but
that is brief and business-like, it is what is expected
of us, and it is a duty quickly performed and almost

208

THE CARAVANERS

perfunctory, with one eye on the waiter and the
restaurant behind; but slow raptures, prolonged
ones, raptures beaten out thin, are not in my way
and had not till then been in Edelgard's way either.
The English are flimsier than we are, thinner
blooded, more feminine, more finnicking. There
are no restaurants or Bierhalle wherever there is a
good view to drown their admiration in wholesome
floods of beer, and not being provided with this
natural stopper it fizzles on to interminableness.
Why, Jellaby I could see not only let his supper
get stone cold but forgot to eat it at all in his
endeavour to outdo Frau von Eckthum's style
in his replies, and then Edelgard must needs
join in too, and say (I heard her) that life in
Storchwerder was a dusty, narrow life, where you
could not see the liebe Gott because of other
people's chimney-pots.

Greatly shocked (for I am a religious man) I
saved her from further excesses by a loud call for
more supper, and she got up mechanically to attend
to my wants.

Jellaby, however, whose idea seemed to be that
a woman is never to do anything (I wonder who
is to do anything, then?) forestalled her with
the sudden nimbleness he displayed on such
occasions, so surprising in combination with his
clothes and general slackness, and procured me
a fresh helping.

THE CARAVANERS

209

I thanked him politely, but cduid not repress
some irony in my bow as I apologized for dis-
turbing him.

" Shall I hold your plate while you eat ? " he said.

"Why, Jellaby?" I asked, mildly astonished.

"Wouldn't it be even more comfortable if I
did?" he asked; and then I perceived that he
was irritated, no doubt because I had got most of
the cushions, and he. Quixotic as he is, had given
up his to my wife, on whom it was entirely thrown
away for she has always assured me she actually
prefers hard seats.

Well, of course there were few things in the
world quite so unimportant as Jellaby's irritation,
so I just looked pleasant and at the food he
had brought me; but I did not get another
evening with Frau von Eckthum. She sat
immovable on the edge of the slope with my wife
and Jellaby, talking in tones that became more
and more subdued as dusk deepened into night
and stars grew hard and shiny.

They all seemed subdued. They even washed up
in whispers. And afterward the very nondescripts
lay stretched out quite quietly by the glowing em-
bers of Lord Sigismund's splendid fire listening to
Menzies-Legh*s and Lord Sidge's talk, in which
] did not join for it was on the subject they were
so fond of, the amelioration of the condition of
those dull and undeserving persons, the poor.

210

THE CARAVANERS

I put my plate where somebody would see it
and wash it, and retired to the shelter of a hedge
and the comfort of a cigar. The three figures
on the edge of the hill became gradually almost
mute. Not a leaf in my hedge stirred. It was
so still that people talking at the distant farm
where we had procured our chickens could almost
be understood, and a dog barking somewhere far
away down in the Weald seemed quite threaten-
ingly near. It was really extraordinarily still ; and
the stillest thing of all was that strange example
of the Englishwoman grafted on what was origin-
ally such excellent German stork, Mrs. Menzies-
Legh, sitting a yard or two away from me, her
hands clasped round her knees, her face turned
up as though she were studying astronomy.

I do not suppose she moved for half an hour.
Her profile seemed to shine white in the dusk
with lines that reminded me somehow of a cameo
there is in a red velvet case lying on the table in
our comfortable drawing-room at Storchwerder,
and the remembrance brought a slight twinge of
home-sickness with it. I shook this off, and fell
to watching her, and for the amusement of an
idle hour lazily reconstructed from the remnants
before me what her appearance must have been
ten years before in her prime, when there were at
least undulations, at least suggestions that here
was a Wf man and not a kind of elongated boy.

THE CARAVANERS

211

The line of her face is certainly quite passable;
and that night in the half darkness it was quite as
passable as any I have seen on a statue — objects
in which I have never been able to take much
interest. It is probable she used to be beautiful.
Used to be beautiful? What is the value of
that? Just a snap of the fingers, and nothing
more. If women would but realize that once pa$t
their first youth their only chance of pleasing is to
be gentle and rare of speech, tactful, deft — in one
word, apologetic, they would be more likely to
make a good impression on reasonable men such
as myself. I did not wish to quarrel with Mrs.
Menzies-Legh and yet her tongue and the way
she used it put my back up (as the British say)
to a height it never attains in the placid pools of
feminine intercourse in Storchwerder.

To see her sit so silent and so motionless was
unusual. Was she regretting, perhaps, her lost
youth? Was she feeling bitter at her inability
to attract me, a man within two yards of her,
sufficiently for me to take the trouble to engage
her in conversation ? No doubt. Well — poor
thing! I am sorry for women, but there is
nothing to be done since Nature has decreed
they shall grow old.

I got up and shook out the folds of my mackin-
tosh — a most useful garment in those damp
places — and threw away the end of my cigar.

i
li

i 'I

212

THE CARAVANERS

"I am now going to retire for the night," I
explained, as she turned her head at my rustling,
"anr* if you take my advice you will not sit here
till you get rheumatism."

She looked at me as though she did not hear.
In that light her appearance was certainly quite
passable: quite as passable as that of any of the
statues they make so much fuss about; and then
of course with proper eyes instead of blank spaces,
and eyes garnished with that speciality of hers, the
ridiculously long eyelashes. But I knew what she
was like in broad day, I knew how thin she was, and
I was not to be imposed upon by tricks of light; so
I said in a matter of fact manner, seizing the
opportunity for gentle malice in order to avenge
myself a little for her repeated and unjustified
attacks on me, "You will not be wise to sit there
longer. It is damp, and you and I are hardly as
young as we were, you know."

Any normal wr lan, gentle as this was, would
have shrivelled. astead she merely agreed in an
absent way that It was dewy, and turned up her
face to the stars again.

"Looking for the Great Bear, eh ?" I remarked,
following her gaze as I buttoned my wrap.

She continued to gaze, motionless. "No, but
~ don't you see ? At Christ Whose glory fills the
skies," she said — both profanely and senselessly,
her face in that light exactly like the sort of thing

THE CARAVANERS

one sees in the windows of churches, and her
voice as though she were half asleep.

So I hied me (poetry being the fashion) to my
bed, and lay awake in it for some time being sorry
for Menzies-Legh, for really no man can possibly
like having a creepy wife.

But (luckily) autres temps autres maurst as our
unbalanced but sometimes felicitous neighbours
across the Vosges say, and next morning the
poetry of the party was, thank heaven, clogged by
porridge.

It always was at breakfast. They were strangely
hilarious then, but never poetic. Poetry developed
later in the day as the sun and their spirits sank
together, and flourished at its full growth when
there were stars or a moon. That morning, our
first Sunday, a fresh breeze blew up from the
Weald below and a cloudless sun dazzled us as it
fell on the white cloth of the table set out in the
middle of the field by somebody — I expect it was
Mrs. Menzies-Leigh — who wanted to make the
most of the sun, and we had to hold on our hats
with one hand and shade our eyes with the other
while we ite.

Uncomfortable ? Of course it was uncomfort-
able. Let no one who loves to be comfortable
ever caravan. Neither let any one who loves
order and decency do so. They may take it
from me that there is never any order, and even

214

THE CARAVANERS

less frequently is there any decency. I can give
you an example from that Sunday morning. I
was sitting at the table with the ladies, on a seat
(as usual) too low for me, and that (also as usual)
slanted on the uneven ground, with my feet
slightly too cold in the damp grass and my
head slightly too hot in the bright sun, and the
general feeling of subtle discomfort and ruffledness
thcit ?s one of the principal characteristics of this
i ^4 ill of pleasure-taking, when I saw (and so did the
ladies) Jellaby emerge from his tent — in his shirt
sleeves if you please — and fastening up a mirror
on the roof of his canvas lair proceed then and
there in the middle of the field to lather his face
and then to shave it.

Edelgard, of course, true to her early training,
at once cast down her eyes and was careful to keep
them averted during the remainder of the meal,
but nobody else seemed to mind; indeed, Mrs.
Menzies-Legh got out her camera and focussing
him with deliberate care snap-shotted him.

Were these people getting blunted as the days
passed to the refinements and necessary precautions
of social intercourse ? I had been stirred to much
silent indignation by the habit of the gentlemen
of walking in their shirt sleeves, and had not
yet got used to that, but to see Jellaby dress-
ing in an open field was a little more than I
could endure in silence. For if, I asked myself

«■

THE CARAVANERS

215

rapidly, Jellaby dresses (shaving being a part of
dressing) out-of-doors in the morning, what is to
prevent his doing the opposite in the evening?
Where is the line? Where is the logical limit?
We had now been three days out, and we had
already got to this. Where, I thought, should
we have got to in another six ? Where should we
be by, say, the following Sunday ?

I cannot think a promiscuous domesticity
desirable, and am one of those who strongly dis-
approve of that worst example of it, the mixed
bathing or FamiUenhad which blots with practically
unclothed Jews of either sex our otherwise decent
coasts. Never have I allowed Edelgard to indulge
in it, nor have I done so myself. It is a deplorable
spectacle. We used to sit and watch it for hours,
in a condition of ever-increasing horror and dis-
gust—it was quite difficult to find seats some-
times, so many of our friends were there being
disgusted too.

But these denizens of the deep at the pomts
where the deep was > FamiUenhad were, as I have
said, chiefly Jews and their Jewesses, and what
can you expect? Jellaby, however, in spite of his
other infirmities, was not yet a Jew; he was every-
thing Ise I think, but that crowning infamy had
up to then been denied him.

Hut not to be one and yet to behave with the
lax'ness of one withm view of the rest of the party

2l6

THE CARAVANERS

was very inexcusable. "Are there no hedges to
this field?" I cried in indignant sarcasm, looking
pointedly at each of its four hedges in turn and
raising my voice so that he could hear.

"Oh, Baron dear, it's Sunday," said Mrs.
Menzies-Legh, no longer a rather nice-looking if
irreverent cameo in a velvet case, but full of morn-
ing militancy. "Don't be cross till to-morrow.
Save it up, or what will you do on Monday ?"

" Be, I trust, just as capable of distinguishing
between the permitted and the non-permitted as I
am to-day," was my ready retort.

"Oh, oh," said Mrs. Menzies-Legh, shaking
her head and smiling as though she were talking
to a child or a feeble-minded; and turning her
camera on to me she took my photograph.
^^ "Pray why," I inquired with justifiable heat,
"should I be photographed without my consent?"
"Because," she said, "you look so deliciously
cross. I want to have you in my scrap-book like
that. You looked then exactly like a baby I know."
"Which baby?" I asked, frowning and at
a loss how to meet this kind of thing conversa-
tionally. And there was Edelgard, all ears;
and if a wife sees her husband being treated
disrespectfully by other women is it not very
likely that she soon will begin to treat him so
herself? "Which baby?" I asked; but knew
myself inadequate.

THE CARAVANERS

217

«i

'Oh, a perfectly respectable baby," said Mrs.
Menzies-Lcgh carelessly, putting her camera down
and going on with her breakfast, "but irritable
and exacting about things like bottles."

"But I do not see what I have to do with
bottles," I said nettled.

"Oh, no — you haven't. Only it looks at its
nurse just like you did then if they're late, or not
full enough."

" But I did not look at its nurse," I said angrily,
becoming still more so as they all (including my
wife) laughed.

I rose abruptly. *'I will go and smoke," I said.
Of course I saw what she meant about the
nurse the moment I had spoken, but it is inexcus-
able to laugh at a man because le does not imme-
diately follow the sense (or raiher the senselessness)
of a childishly skipping conversation. I am as
ready as any one to laugh at really amusing
phrases or incidents, but being neither a phrase nor
an incident myself I do not see why I should be
laughed at. Surely it is unworthy of grown men
and women to laugh at each other in the way silly
children do? It is ruin to the graces of social
intercourse, to the courtliness that should uninter-
ruptedly distinguish the well-born. But there
was a childish spirit pervading the whole party
(with the exception of myselQ that seemed to
increase as the days went by, a spirit of unreason-

I
I
I

2i8 THE CARAVANERS

ing glee and mischievousness which I believe is
charactenstic of very young and very healthy
children Even Edelgard was daily becoming
more calf-hke, as we say, daily descending nearer
to the level occupied at first only by the two nonde-
scripts, that level at which you begin to play idiotic

pr J'^^?"^, ^""^^ ^'^^ ^^^ °"« the English call
Blind Man's Buff (an obviously foolish name,
for what IS buff?) and which we so much more
sensibly call Blind Cow. Therefore I, having no
mtention at my age and in my position of joining
in puerilities or even of seeming to countenance
them by my presence, said abruptly, "I will
smoke * — and strode away to do it.

One of the ladies called after me to inquire if
1 were not going to church with them, but I pre-
tended not to hear and strode on toward the
shelter of the hedge, giving Jellaby as I parsed him
such a look as would have caused any one not over-
grown with the leather substitute for skin peculiar
to persons who set order, morals, and religion at
defiance, to creep confounded into his tent and
stay there till his face was ready and his collar on
He however, called out with the geniality born
of brazenness, that it was a jolly morning; of
which, of course, I took no notice.

In the dry ditch beneath the hedge on the east
side of the field sat Lord Sigismund beside his
datterie de cuisine, watching over, with unaccount-

THE CARAVANERS

219

able and certainly misplaced kindness, the porridge
and the coffee that were presently to be Jellaby's.
While he watched he smoked his pipe, stroked his
dog, and hummed snatches of what I supposed
were psalms with the pleasant humming of the
good, the happy, and the well-born.

Near him lay Menzies-Legh, his dark and
sinister face bent over a book. He nodded
briefly in response to my lifted hat and morning
salutation, while Lord Sigismund, full cs ever of
the graciousness of noble birth, asked me if I had
had a good night.

"A good night, and an excellent breakfast,
thanks to you. Lord Sidge," I replied; the touch
of playfulness contained in the shortened name
lightening the courteous correctness of my bow as
I arranged myself next to him in the ditch.

Menzies-Legh got up and went away. It was
characteristic of him that he seemed always to be
doing that. I hardly ever joined him but he was
reminded by my approach of something he ought
to be doing and went away to do it. I mentioned
this to Edelgard during the calm that divided one
difference of opinion from another, and she said he
never did that when she joined him.

"Dear wife," I explained, "you have less
power to remind him of unperformed duties than
I possess."

"I suppose I have," said Edelgard.

220 THE CARAVANERS

"And it is very natural that it should be so.
Power, of whatever sort it may be, is a masculine
attribute I do not wish to see my little wife
with any."

"Neither do I," said she.

'*Ah — there speaks my own good little wife."

^ 1 mean, not if it is that sort."

"What sort, dear wife?"

"The sort that reminds people whenever I
come that it is time they went."

She looked at me with the odd look that I
observed for the first time during our English

^^^r. K^^-'" ^'"' ' ''''' '' ^»"^^> but I cannot
recollect having seen it before. I, noticing that

somehow we did not understand each other, patted

her kindly on the shoulder, for, of course, she can-

not always quite follow me, though I must say

she manages very creditably as a rule

nnT^KM ""'";" .^ '^'^' P^"*"S *^^^> "^« will

not quibble. It is a good little wife, is it not?"
And I raised her chin by means of my fo--
nnger, and kissed her.

^ This, however, is a digression. I suppose it
IS because I am unfolding my literary wings for
the first time that I digress so frequendy. At
least I am aware of it, which is in itself, I should
say, a sign of literary instinct. My Muse has
been, so to speak, kept in bed without stopping
till middle age, and is now suddenly called upon

THE CARAVANERS 221

to get up and go for a walk. Such a muse must
inevitably stagger a little at first. I will, however,
endeavour to curb these staggerings, for I perceive
that I have already written more than can be con-
veniently read aloud in one evening, and though
I am willing the same friends should come on two,
I do not know that I care to see them on as many
as three. Besides, think of all the sandwiches.

(This last portion of the narrative, from "one
evening" to "sandwiches" will, of course, be
omitted in public.)

I will, therefore, not describe my conversation
with Lord Sigismund in the ditch beyond saying
that it was extremely interesting, and conducted on
his side (and I hope on mine) with the social skill
of a perfect gentleman.

It was brought to an end by the arrival of
Jellaby and his dog, which was immediately
pounced on by Lord Sigismund's dog, who very
properly resented his uninvited approach, and
they remained inextricably mixed together for
what seemed an eternity of yells, the yells rend-
ing the Sabbath calm and mingling with the
distant church bells, and aJ proceeding from
Jellaby's dog, while Lord Sigismund's, a true
copy of his master, did that which he had to do
with the silent self-possession of, if I may so
express it, a dog of the world.

The entire company of caravaners, including

222 THE CARAVANERS

old James, ran up with cries and whistling to try
to separate them, and at last Jellaby, urged on I
suppose to deeds of valour by knowing the eyes
of the ladies upon him, made a mighty effort and
tore them asunder, himself getting torn along his
hand as the result.

Menzies-Legh helped Lord Sigismund to drag
away the naturally infuriated bull-terrier, and
Jellaby, looking round, asked me to hold his dog
while he went and washed his hand. I thought
this a fair instance of the brutal indifference to
other people's tastes that characterizes the British
nation. Why did he not ask old James, who was
standing there doing nothing ? Yet what was I
to do ? There were the ladies looking on, among
them Edelgard, motionless, leaving me to my fate,
though if either of us knows anything about dogs
It IS she who does. Jellaby had got the beast by
the collar, so I thought perhaps holding him by
the tail would do. It was true it was the merest
stump, but at least it was at the other end. I
therefore grasped it, though with no little trouble,
for, for some unknown reason, just as my hand
approached it, it began to wag.

*'No, no — catch hold of the collar. He's all
right, he won't do anything to you," said Jellaby,
grinning and keeping his wounded hand well away
from him while the nondescripts ran to fetch water.

The brute was quiet for a moment, and under

THE CARAVANERS

223

the circumstances I do think Edelgard might have
helped. She knows I cannot bear dogs. If she
had held his head I would not have minded going
on holding his tail, and at home she would have
made herself useful as a matter of course. Here,
however, she did nothing of the sort, but stood
tearing up a perfectly good, clean handkerchief into
strips in order, forsooth, to render that assistance
to Jellaby which she denied her own husband. I
did take the dog by the collar, there being no
other course open to me, and was thankful to find
that he was too tired and too much hurt to do
anything to me. But I have never been a dog
lover, carefully excluding them from my flat in
Storchwerder, and selling the one Edelgard had
had as a girl and wanted to saddle me with on
her marriage. I remember how long it took, she
being then still composed of very raw material,
to make her understand I had married her and not
her Dachshund. Will it be believed that her
only answer to my arguments was a repeated
parrot-like cry of "But he is so sweet!" A
feeble plea, indeed, to set against the logic of my
reasons. She shed tears, I remember, in quan-
tities more suited to fourteen than twenty-foui
(as I pointed out to her), but later on did acknowl-
edge, in answer to my repeated inquiries, that
the furniture and carpets were, no doubt, the
better for it, though for a long time she had a

224

THE CARAVANERS

tendency which I found some difficulty in repress-
ing, to make tiresomely plaintive allusions to
the fact that the buyer (I sold the dog by auction)
had chanced to be a maker of sausages and she had
not happened to meet the dog since in the streets.
Also, until I spoke very seriously to her about it,
for months she would not touch anything potted,
after always having been particularly fond of this
type of food.

I soon found myself alone and unheeded with

Jellaby's dog, while Jellaby himself, the flattered

centre of the entire body of ladies, was having

his wound dressed. My wife washed it, Jumps

held the bucket, Mrs. Menzies-Legh bound it up,

Frau von Eckthum provided one of her own safety

pins (I saw her take it out of her blouse), and

Jane lent her sash for a sling. As for Lord Sigis-

mund, after having seen to his own dog's wounds

(all made by Jellaby's dog) he came back and,

with truly Christian goodness, offered to wash

and doctor Jellaby's dog. His attitude, indeed,

during these dog-fights was only one possible to

a person of the very highest breeding. Never

a word of reproach, yet it was clear that if Jellaby's

dog had not been there there would have been

no fighting. And he exhibited a real distress

over Jellaby's wounc while Jellaby, thoroughly

thick-skinned, laughed and declared he did not

feel it; which, no doubt, was true, for that sort

THE CARAVANERS

225

of person docs not, I am convinced, feel anything
like the same amount we others do.

The end of this pleasant Sabbath morning
episode was that Jellaby took his dog to the nearest
village containing a veterinary surgeon, and Men-
zies-Legh was found in the ditch almost as green
as the surrounding leaves because — will it be
believed? — he could never stand the sight of
blood!

My hearers will, I am sure, be amused at this.
Of course, many Britons must be the same, for it
is unlikely that I should have chanced in those few
days to meet the solitary instance, and I could
hardly repress a hearty laugh at the spectacle of
this specimen of England's manhood in a half
fainting condition because he had seen a scratch
that produced blood. What will he and his kind
do on that battle-field of, no doubt, the near future,
when the finest army in the world will face them ?
It will not be scratches that poor Menzies-Legh
will have to look at then, and I greatly fear for
his complexion.

Everybody ran in different directions in search
of brandy. Never have I seen a man so green.
He was, at least, ashamed of himself, and find-
ing I was a moment alone with him and he not
in a condition to get up and go away, I spoke
an earnest word or two about the inevitably effem-
inating effect on a man of so much poetry-reading

226

THE CARAVANERS

and art-admiring and dabbling in the concerns
of the poor. Not thus, I explained, did the
Spartans spend their time. Not thus did the
ancient Romans, during their greatest period,
behave. "You feel the situation of the poor,
for instance, far more than the poor feel it them-
selves," I said, "and allow yourself to be worried
into alleviating a wretchedness that they are used
to, and do not notice. And what, after all, is art ?
And what, after all, is poetry ? And what, if you
come to that, is wretchedness? Do not weaken
the muscles of your mind by feeding it so con-
stantly on the pap of either your own sentimen-
tality or the sentimentality of others. Pull down
these artificial screens. Be robust. Accustom
yourself to look at facts without flinching. Imi-
tate the conduct of the modern Japanese, who
take their children, as part of their training, to
gaze on executions, and on their return cause the
rice for their dinner to be served mixed with
the crimson juices of the cherry, so that they

shall imagine "

But Menzies-Legh turned yet greener, and
fainted away.

i.^

CHAPTER XIII

I AM accustomed punctually to discharge my
obligations in what may be called celestial
directions, holding it to be every man's duty not
to put a millstone round a weaker vessel's neck
by omitting to set a good example. Also, in the
best sense of the word, I am a religious man. Did
not Bismarck say, and has not the saying become
part and parcel of the marrow of the nation,
"We Germans fear God and nothing else in the
world " ? In exactly, I should say, the same way
and degree as Bismarck was, am I religious.
At Storchwerder, where I am known, I go to
church every alternate Sunday and allow myself
to be advised and cautioned by the pastor, willing
to admit it is his turn to speak and recognizing
that he is paid to do so, but reserving to myself
the right to put him and keep him in his proper
place during the fourteen secular days that divide
these pious oases. Before our daily dinner also I
say grace, a rare thing in households where there
are no children to look on ; and if I do not, as a few
of the stricter households do, conduct family prayers
every day, it is because I do not like them.

337

228

THE CARAVANERS

There is, after all, a limit at which duty must
retire before a man's personal tastes. We are
not solely machines for discharging obligations.
I see perfectly clearly that it is most good and
essential that one's cook and wife should pray
together, and even one's orderly, but I do not see
that they require the assistance and countenance
of the gentleman of the house while they do it.

I am religious in the best and highest sense of
the word, a sense that soars far above family
prayers, a sense in no way to be explained, any
more than other high things are explainable.
The higher you get in the regions of thought the
more dumb you become. Also the more quiescent.
Doing, as all persons of intellect know, is a very
inferior business to thinking, and much more
likely to make one hot. But these cool excursions
of the intellect are not to be talked about to
women and the lower classes. What would
happen if they too decided to prefer quiescence ?
For them creeds and churches are positive neces-
sities, and the plainer and more definite they are
the better. The devout poor, the devout mothers
of families, how essential they are to the freedom
and comfort of the rest. The less you have the
more it is necessary that you should be contented,
and nothing does this so thoroughly as the doctrine
of resignation. It would indeed be an unthinkable
calamity if all the uneducated and the feeble-

THE CARAVANERS

229

minded, the lower classes and the women, should
lose their piety enough to want things. Women,
it is true, are fairly safe so long as they have a child
once a year, which is Nature's way of keeping
them quiet; but it fills me with nothing short of
horror when I hear of any discontent among
the male portion of the proletariat.

That these people should have a vote ^s the
one mistake that great and peculiarly typical
German, the ever-to-be-lamented Bismarck, made.
To reflect that power is in the hands of such per-
sons, any power, even the smallest shred of it,
alarms me so seriously that if I think of it on a
Sunday morning, when perhaps I had decided
10 omit going to church for once and rest at home
while my wife went, I hastily seize my parade
helmet and hurry off in a feve; of anxiety to help
uphold the pillars of society.

Indeed it is of paramour- :*r< -ssity that we
should cling to the Church and Us coaching; that
we should see that our wive rH< j; Imt we should
insist on the clinging of our i vants: and these
Sunday morning reflections occurring to me as I
look back through the months to that first Sunday
out of our Fatherland, I seem to feel as I write
(though it is now December and sleeting) the
summer breeze blowing over the grass on to my
cheek, to hear the small birds (I do not know their
names) twittering, and to see Frau von Eckthum

230

THE CARAVANERS

coming across the field in the sun and standing
before me with her pretty smile and telling me
she is going to church and asking whether I will
go too. Of course I went too. She really was
(and is, in spite of Storchwerder) a most attractive
lady.

We went, then, together, Jellaby safely away
at the veterinary surgeon's, Edelgard following
behind with the two fledglings, who had achieved
an unusually clean appearance and had more of
the budding maiden about them than I had yet
observed, and Lord Sigismund and Mrs. Menzies-
Legh remaining with our patient, who had
recovered enough to sit in a low chair in the shade
and be read aloud to. Let us hope the book was
virile. But I greatly doubt it, for his wife's voice
in the peculiar sing-song that seems to afflict the
voice of him who reads verses, zigzagged behind
us some way across the field.

After our vagrant life of the last few days it
seemed odd to be walking respectably along with
no horse to lead, presently joining other respect-
able persons bent on the same errand. They
seemed to know we were the dusty caravaners
who had trudged past the afternoon befo.e, and
we were well stared at. In the church, too, an
imposing lady in the pew in front of us sat sideways
in her corner and examined us with calm atten-
tion through her eye-glass both before the service

-Si

•^

•^
^

THE CARAVANERS

231

began and during it whenever the sitting portions
of the ritual were reached. She was, we afterward
discovered, the lady of the manor or chief lady in
the place, and it was in one of her Belds we were
camping. We heard that afternoon from the
farmer that she had privately visited our camp
the evening before with her bailiff and his dogs
and observed us, also with the aid of her eye-
glass, over the hedge as we sat absorbed round
our sup*^r, doubtful whether we were not a circus
and ought not instantly to be moved on. I fancy
the result of her scrutiny in church was very
satisfactory. She could not fail to see that here
^e had to do with a gentleman of noble birth,
aad the ladies of the party, in pews concealing
dieir short skirts but displaying their earrings,
were seen to every advantage. I caught her eye
so repeatedly that at last, quite involuntarily, and
yielding to a natural instinct, I bowed — a little,
not deeply, out of considerations of time and place.
She did not return my bow, nor did she after that
look again, but attended during the rest of the
service to her somewhat neglected devotions.

My hearers will be as much surprised as I was,
though not half so tired, when I tell them that
during the greater part of the service I was expected
to remain on my knees. We Germans are not
accustomed to our knees. I had certainly never
used mine for praying purposes before; and

23*

THE CARAVANERS

inquiry later on elicited the information that
the singular nation kneels every night by its
beds before getting into them, and says prayers
there too.

But it was not only the kneeling that shocked
me (for if you ache and stiffen how can you
properly pray! As Satan no doubt very well
knew when he first put it into their heads to do
it) — it was the extraordinary speed at which the
service was run through. We began at eleven,
and by a quarter to twelve we were, so to speak,
ejected shriven. No flock can fatten on such a
diet. How differently are the flocks of the Father-
land fed! There they grow fat indeed on the
ample extemporizations of their pastor, or have
every opportunity of doing so if they want to.
Does he not address them for the best part of an
hour? Which is not a moment too long for a
meal that is to last seven days.

The English pastor, arrayed in white with two
meaningless red ribbons down his back, preached
for seven minutes, providing as I rapidly calcu-
lated exactly one minute's edification for each
day of the week until the following Sunday. Alas,
for the sheep of England! That is to say, alas
from the mere generally humane point of view,
but not otherwise alas, for their disadvantage
must always be our gain, and a British sheep
starved into socialism and civil war is almost

THE CARAVANERS

233

more valuable to us than a German sheep which
shall be fat with faith.

The pastor, evidently a militant man, preached
against the sin of bigotry, which would have been
all very well as far as it went and listened to by

8 me with the tolerance I am accustomed to bring

to bear on pulpit utterances if he had not in the
same breath — there was hardly time for more
than one — called down heaven's wrath on all
who attend the meetings or services of forms of
faith other than the Anglican. These other
forms include, as I need not point out, the
Lutheran. Really I found it difficult to suppress
a smile at the poor man's folly. I longed for
Luther (a thing I cannot remember ever to have
done before) to rise up and scatter the blinded
gentleman out of his pulpit. But hardly had I
got as far as this in my thoughts than a hurried
benediction, a hasty hymn, a rapid passing round
of the English equivalent for what we call God's
box, ended the service. Genuinely shocked at
this breathlessness — and you, my hearers, who
know no other worship than that leisurely one in
Storchwerder and throughout our beloved Prussian
land (I do not allude to Roman Catholics beyond
saying, in a spirit of tolerant humanity, poor
things), that worship which fills the entire morning,
that composed and comfortable worship during
which you sit almost the whole time so that no

234

THE CARAVANERS

fatigue of the feet or knees shall distract your
thoughts from the matter in hand, you who join
sitting in our chorales, slow and dignified set-
tings of ancient sentiments with ample spaces
between the verses for the thinking of appro-
priate thoughts in which you are assisted by
the meditative organ, and stand, as men should
who are not slaves, to pray, you will, I am sure,
be shocked too — I decided that here no doubt
was one of the keys to the manifest decadence
of the British character. Reverence and speed
can never go together. Irreverence in the treat-
ment of its creeds is an inevitable sign that a
nation is well on that downward plane which
jerks it at last into the jaws of (say) Germany.
Well, so be it. Though irreverence is undoubtedly
an evil, and I am the first to deplore it, I cannot
deplore it as much as I would if it were not
going to be the cause of that ultimate jerking.
And what a green and fruitful land it is! Es
wird gut schmecken, as we men of healthy
appetite say.

We walked home — an expression that used to
strike me as strangely ironical when home was
only grass and hedges — discussing these things.
That is, I discussed and Frau von Eckthum said
Oh ? But the sympathy of the voice, the implied
agreement with my views, the appreciation of the
way I put them, the perfect mutual understanding

THE CARAVANERS

235

expressed, all this I cannot describe even if I would
to you prejudiced critics.

Edelgard went on ahead with the two young
girls. She and I did not at this point sec much
of each other, but quite enough. Being human
I got tired sometimes of being patient, and yet
it was impossible to be anything else inside a
caravan with walls so thin that the whole camp
would have to hear. Nor can you be impatient
in the middle of a field: to be so comfortably
you must be on the other side ofat least a hedge;
so that on the whole it was best we should seldom
be together.

With Frau von Eckthum, on the other hand,
I never had the least desire to be anything but
the mildest of men, and we walked home as har-
moniously as usual to find when we arrived that,
though we had in no way lingered, the active pastor
was there before us.

With what haste he must have stripped off his
ribbons and by what short cuts across ditches he
had reached the camp so quickly I cannot say,
but there he was, ensconced in one of the low
chairs talking to the Menzies-Leghs as though
he had known them all his life.

This want of ceremony, this immediate famil-
iarity prevailing in British circles, was a thing I
never got used to. With us, first of all, the pastor
would not have come at all, and secondly, once

236

THE CARAVANERS

come, he would still have been in the stage of
ceremonious preface when we arrived, and only
emerged from his preliminary apologies to enter
into the series of prayers for forgiveness which
would round off his visit. Thus there would
be no time so much as to reach the ice, far less
to break it, and I am conservative enough and
aristocratic enough to like ice: it is such an
excellent preservative.

Mrs. Menzies-Legh was feeding her invalid
with biscuits and milk. ** Have some ? " said she
to the pastor, holding out a cup of this attractive
beverage without the least preliminary grace of
speech.

He took it, for his part, without the least pre-
liminary ceremony of polite refusal which would
call forth equally polite pressure on her side and
end with a tactful final yielding on his; he took
it without even interrupting his talk to Menzies-
Legh, and stretching out his hand helped himself
to a biscuit, though nobody had offered him one.

Now what can be the possible future of a
nation deliberately discarding all the barriers of
good manners that keep the natural brute in us
suppressed? Ought a man to be allowed to let
this animal loose on somebody else's biscuit-plate ?
It seems to me the hedge of ceremony is very
necessary if you would keep it out, and it dwells
in us all alike whatever country we may belong to.

THE CARAVANERS

*37

In Germany, feeling how near the surface it
really is, we are particular and careful down to
the smallest detail. Experience having taught
us that the only way to circumvent it is to make
the wire-netting, so to speak, of etiquette very
thick, we do make it thick. And how anxiously
we safeguard our honour, keeping it first of all
inside these high and thick nets of rules, and then
holding ourselves ready on the least approach to
it to rise up and shed either our own or (preferably)
somebody else's blood in «» defense. And apart
from other animals, the bb of Socialism, with
its two eldest children, L ' - n of Property and
Free Love, is kept out n effectually by this
netting. Jellabies and their like, tolerated so
openly in Britain, find it difficult to burrow beneath
the careful and far-reaching insistence on forms
and ceremonies observed in other countries. Their
horrid doctrines have little effect on such an
armour. Not that I am not modern enough and
large minded enough to be very willing to divide
my property if I may choose the person to divide
it with. All those Jewish bankers in Berlin and
Hamburg, for instance — when I think of a
division with them I see little harm and some
comfort; but to divide with my orderly, Hermann,
or with the man who hangs our breakfast rolls in
a bag on the handle of our back door every morn-
ing, is another matter. As for Free Love, it is

238

THE CARAVANERS

not to be denied that there are various things to
be said for that too, but not in this place. Let
me return. Let me return from a subject which,
though legitimate enough for men to discuss, is
yet of a somewhat slippery complexion, to the
English pastor helping himself to our biscuits, and
describe shortly how the same scene would have
unrolled itself in a field in the vicinity of
Storchv > rder, supposing it possible that a party
of well-born Germans should be camping in
one, that the municipal authorities had not long
ago turned them out after punishing them with
fines, and that the pastor of the nearest church
had dared to come hot from his pulpit, and intrude
on them.

Pastor, approaching Menzles-Legh and his wife
(translated for the nonce into two aristocratic
Germans) with deferential bows from the point at
which he first caught their eyes, and hat in hand:

"I entreat the Herrschaften to pardon me a
thousand times for thus obtruding myself upon
their notice. I beg them not to take it amiss. It
is in reality an unexampled shamelessness on
my part, but — may I be permitted to introduce
myself? My name is Schultz."

He would here bow twice or thrice each to the
Menzies-Leghs, who after staring at him in some
natural surprise — for what excuse could the
man possibly have ? — get up and greet him with

THE CARAVANERS

239

solemn dignity, both bowing, but neither offering
to shake hands.

Pastor, bowing again profoundly, and still hold-
ing his hat in his hand, repeats: *'My name is
Schultz."

Menzies-Legh (who it must be remembered
is for the moment a noble German) would prob-
ably here say under his breath: "And mine,
thank God, is not" — but probably not quite loud
enough (being extremely correct) for the pastor to
hear, and would then mention his own name, with
its title, Furst Graf, or Baron, explaining that the
lady with him was his wife.

More bows from the pastor, profounder if
possible than before.

Pastor: "I beseech the Herrschaften to forgive
my thus appearing, and fervently hope they will
not consider me obtrusive, or in any way take
it amiss."

Mrs. Menzies-Legh (now a Grafin at the least) :
"Will not the Herr Pastor seat himself?"

Pastor, with every appearance of being over-
come: "Oh, a thousand thanks — the gracious
lady is too good — if I may really be permitted to
sit — an instant — after so shamelessly "

He is waved by Menzies-Legh, as he still
hesitates, with stately courtesy, into the third chair,
into which he sinks, but not until he sees the
Herrschaften are in the act of sinking too.

MICROCOPY RiSOlUTION TEST CHART

(ANSI and ISO TEST CHART No. 2)

^ /APPLIED IM/1GE

1653 East Main Street
Rochester. New York U609 USA
(716) «2-0J0O- Phone
(716) 288- 5989 -Fo»

Inc

240

THE CARAVANERS

i 1

Mrs. Menzies-Legh, gracefully explaining Men-
zies-Legh's greenness and silence : " My husband
is not very well to-day."

Pastor, with every sign of liveliest interest and
compassion: "Oh, that indeed makes me sorry.
Has the Herr Graf then perhaps been over-exert-
ing himself? Has he perhaps contracted a chill ?
Is he suffering from a depressed stomach ?"

Menzies-Legh, with a stately wave of the hand,
naturally unwilling to reveal the real reason why
he is. so green: *'No — no."

Mrs. Menzies-Legh: "I was about to refresh
him a little with milk. May I be permitted to
pour out a droplet for the Herr Pastor ? "

Pastor, again bowing profusely: "The gracious
one is much too good. I could not think of per-
mitting myself "

Mrs. Menzies-Legh: "But I beg you, Herr
Pastor — will you not drink just a little ?"

Pastor: "The gracious one is really very
amiable. I would not, however, be the means of
depriving the Herrschaften of their "

Mrs. Menzies-Legh: "But Herr Pastor, not at
all. Truly not at all. Will you not allow me
to pour you out even half a glassful ? After the
heat of your walk? And the exertion of con-
ducting the church service?"

Pastor, struggling to get up from the low chair,
bow, and take the proffered glass of milk at one

THE CARAVANERS 241

and the same time: "Since the gracious one is
so gracious "

He takes the glass with a deep bow, having
now reached the stage when, the preliminaries
demanded by perfect courtesy being on each side
fulfilled, he is at liberty to do so, but before tVink-
ing its contents turns bowing to Menzies-Legh.

Pastor: "But may I not be permitted to offer it
to the Herr Graf?'*

Menzies-Legh, with a stately wave of the hand:
"No — no."

Pastor, letting himself down again into the
chair with another bow and the necessary caution,
the glass being in his hand: "I do not dare to
think what the Herrschaftens opinion of me
must be for intruding in this manner. I can
only entreat them not to take it amiss. I am
aware it is an unexampled example of shame-
lessness **

Mrs. Menzies-Legh, advancing with the plate
of biscuits: "Will the Herr Pastor perhaps eat a
biscuit ? "

The pastor again shows every sign of being
overcome with gratitude, and is about to embark
on a speech of thanks and protest before per-
mitting himself to take one when Baron von
Ottringel and party appear on the scene, and we
get to the point at which they really did appear.

Now what could be more proper and graceful

242

THE CARAVANERS

■

than the whole of the above ? It will be observed
that there has been no time whatever for anything
but politeness, no time to embark on those seas
of discussion, sometimes foolish, often unsuitable,
and always sooner or later angry, on which an
otherwise budding acquaintanceship so frequently
comes to grief. We Germans of the upper classes
do not consider it good form to talk on any subject
that is likely to make us lose our tempers, so what
can we talk about? There is hardly anything
really safe, except to offer each other chairs.
But used as I am to these gilt limits, elegant frames
within which it is a pleasure to behave like a
picture (my friends will have noticed and par-
doned my liking for metaphor) it will easily be
imagined with what disapproval I stood leanintr
on my umbrella watching the scene before mt
Frau von Eckthum had gone into her caravan.
Edelgard and the girls had disappeared. I alone
approached the party, not one of which thought
it necessary to introduce me or take other notice
of my arrival.

Ihey were discussing with amusing absorption
a subject alluded to as the Licensing Bill, which
was, I gathered, something heating to do with
beer, and were weaving into it all sorts of judg-
ments and opinions that would have inflamed a
group of Germans at once. Menzies-Legh was too
much interested, I suppose, to go on being green,

THE CARAVANERS 243

anyhow, his greenness was all gone; and the pas-
tor sawed up and down with his hand, in which
he clasped the biscuit no one had suggested he
should take. Mrs. Menzies-Legh, sitting on the
grass (a thing no lady should ever do when a
gentleman she sees for the first time is present —
"May she the second time?" asked Mrs. Men-
zies-Legh, when I laid this principle down in the
course of a later conversation, to which I very
properly replied that you cannot explain nuances,
but only feel them), joined in just as though she
were a man herself— I mean, with her usual air
of unchallenged equality of intelligence, an air
that would have diverted me if it had not annoyed
me too much. And they treated her, too, as though
she were an equal, listening attentively to what she
had to say, vvliich, of course, inflates a poor woman
and makes it diflficult for her to arrive at a right
estimate of herself.

This is how that absurd sexlessness, the
Suffragette, has been able to come into existence.
I heard a good deal about her the first day
of the tour, but on discovering how strongly
I felt on the subject, they kept off it, not
liking, I suppose, to have their views knocked
out of rec nition by what I said. I did not,
be it unutistood, deign to argue on such a
topic: I just said a few things which frightened
them off it.

p I

244 THE CARAVANERS

And, indeed, who can take a female Suffragette
seriously ? Encouraged, I maintain, to b^gin with
by being treated too well, she is like the insolent
and pampered menial of a rich and careless master,
and the more she gets the more she demands.
Storchwerder does not possess a single example
of the species, and very few foreigners come that
way to set a bad example to our decent and con-
tented ladies. Once, I recollect, by some strange
chance the makings of one did get there, an
Englishwoman on some wedding journey expedi-
ion or othei, a young creature next to whom I
sat at a dinner given by our Colonel. I was con-
templating her with unconcealed pleasure, for she
was quite young and most agreeably rounded, and
was turning oyer the collectioh of amusing trifles
I keep stored in my mind for purposes of conver-
sation with attractive ladies when, before I had
either selected one or finished my soup, she began
to talk to me in breathless German about an
Education Bill our Reichstag was tearing itself
to pieces over.

Her interest could not have been keener if
she had been a deputy herself with the existence
of her party depending on it. She had her own
views about it, all cut and dried; she explained
her husband's, which differed considerably; and
she was anxious to hear mine. So anxious was
she that she even forgot to smile when speaking

THE CARAVANEPS 245

to me — forgot, that is, that she was a woman and
I a man able, if inclined, to admire her.

I remember staring at 1 jr a moment in un-
feigned astonishment, and then, leaning back in
my chair, giving myself up to uncontrollable mirth.

She watched me with surprise, which made me
laugh still more. When I could speak she
inquired whether any one at the table had said any-
thing amusing, and seemed quite struck on my
assuring her that it was she herself who was
amusing.

••I am ' said she; and a faint flush enhanced
her prettmess.

"Yes — you and the Education Bill together,"
said I, again overcome with laughter. "It is
indeed an amusing mixture. It is like," I added,
with happy readiness of compliment, "a rose
in an inkpot."

"But is that amusing.?" she asked, not in the
least grateful for the flattery, and with a quite
serious face.

She had had her little lesson, however, and she
did not again talk politics. Indeed, she did not
again talk at all, but turned to the gentleman on
her other side, and left me nothing to look at but
a sweet little curl behind a sweet little ear.

Now if she had been properly brought u.> to
devote herself to the woman's function of plea'ng,
how agreeably we could have discoursed together

246

THE CARAVANERS

about that curl and that car, and kindred topics,
branching off into all sorts of flowery and seductive
byways of compliment and insinuation, such as
the well-trained young woman thoroughly enjoys
and understands. I can only trust the lesson I
gave her did her good. It certainly cured her
of talking politics to me.

Listening to the English pastor heating himself
over the Licensing Bill which, with all politics, is
surely as distinctly outside the pastoral province
as it is outside the woman's, I remembered this
earlier success, and not caring to stand there
unnoticed any longer thought I would repeat it.
I therefore began to laugh, gently at first, as
though tickled by my thoughts, then more heartily.
They all stopped to look at me.
"What is the joke. Baron?" asked Menzies-
Legh, scowling up.

"Forgive me. Pastor," said I, taking off my
hat and bowing — he for his part only stared —
"but we are accustomed in my country (which,
thank God, is Germany!) never to connect clergy-
men with politics, the inevitable wranglings of
which make them ill-suited as a study for men
whose calling is purely that of peace. So firmly
is this feeling rooted in our natures that it is as
amusing to me to see a gentleman of your pro-
fession deeply interested in such questions as it
would be to see — to see "

THE CARAVANERS

^47

I cast about for a simile, but nothing occurred
to me at the moment (and they were all sitting
waiting) than the rose and inkpot one, so I had
to take that.

And Mrs. Menzies-Legh, just as obtusely as
the little bride of years ago, asked, "But is that
amusing?"

Before I could reply Menzies-Legh got up
and said he must write some letters; the pastor
got up too and said he must hurry off to a class;
and Lord Sigismund, as I approached the vacated
chair next to him, and was about to drop into it,
said he felt sure Menzies-Legh had no stamps,
and he must go and lend him some.

Looking up Trom the grass on which she still
sat, Mrs. Menzies-Legh patted it and said, "Come
and sit on this nice soft stuff, dear Baron. I think
men are tiresome things, don't you? Always
rushing off somewhere. Tell me about the rose
and the inki ^ do see, I think, that they're —

they're fur* y .hy did the vicar remind you of
them ? Co a sit on the grass and tell me.'*

But I had no desire to sit on grass with Mrs.
Menzies-Legh, as though we were a row of turtle
doves, so I merely said I did not like grass, and
bowing slightly, walked away.

(li

CHAPTER XIV

THE next day one of those unfortunate inci-
dents happened which may, of course,
happen to anybody, but really need not have
happened just to me.

We left our camp at twelve, after the usual
feverish endeavour to start much earlier, the
caravans as usual nearly capsizing getting out to
the field, and breaking, also as usual, in their
plungings several hitherto unbroken articles, and
with the wind and dust in our faces and gray,
lowering clouds over our heads we resumed our
daily race after pleasure.

The Sunday had been fine throughout, and
there had been dew and stars at the end of it
which, together with windlessness, made us expect
a fine Monday. But it was nothing of the sort.
Monday provided the conditions I always now
•ssociate with caravaning — a high wind, athreat-
ening sky, clouds of dust, and a hard white road.

The day began badly and continued badly, so
that even writing about it at this distance I drop
unconsciously into a fretful tone. Perhaps our
dinner at the inn on the Sunday had been more

248

THE CARAVANERS 249

than constitutions used to starvation could sud-
denly endure, or perhaps some of us may have
eaten beyond the limits of discretion, remembering
that another week was to pass before the next
real meal, and these, becoming cross, had infected
the rest; anyhow on Monday troubles seemed to
accumulate, beginning with a bill from the farmer
for the field and care of the horses of a most exorbi-
tant nature, going on to the losing of various things
in the hasty packing up, continuing with the hurt-
ing of Menzies-Legh's foot owing to his folly in
placing it where the advancing hoof of my horse
was bound to go and with his being in conse-
quence unable to do his proper share of work, and
ending with the unfortunate incident I referred to
above and shall presently relate.

Menzies-Legh, indeed, was strangely irritable.
Perhaps his foot hurt him, but he ought not to
have minded that, considering, as I toid him, it
'. ^s nobody's fault but ' 's own. I was leading
the horse at the momen., »nd saw Menzies-Legh's
foot but never dreamed he would not remove it
in time, and you cannot, as I said to him, blame
.- dumb animal.

"Certainly not," agreed Menzies-Legh; but
with a singular gloom.

And when I saw the exorbitance of the bill
I felt bound to point out to hl.n that strict honesty
did not seem to be characteristic ( f his country-

250

THF CARAVANERS

men, and to enlarge on the difference between
them and my own, and that seemed to irritate
him too, though he said nothing.

Seeing this suppressed irritation I sought to
remove it by reminding him of his wealth, and
of how the rapacity of the various farmers would
at the worst only mean for him one stove the
less for one undeserving old woman the fewer;
but even that did not cheer him — he was and
remained in a bad temper. So that, vexed as I
was myself at the expense of the holiday that
was to have been so cheap, I could not prevent a
temporary good-humour taking possession of me,
which is the invariable effect produced on me by
other people's crossness. Even then, with his
hurt foot, Menzies-Legh was such a slave to duty
that while I was in the very act of talking the
recollection of something he ought to do made
him struggle up from the low chair and rugs in
which his wife had carefully placed him, and limp
away; and I saw no more of him for a long while
beyond an occasional glimpse of his sallow visage
at the window in front of his van, where he sat all
day in silence driving his horse.

Behold us, then, crawling along an ugly high-
road with our mouths full of du?^

The weather was alternately hot and cold, but
uninterruptedly windy, and rain threatened to
descend on us nnd actually did as the afternoon

U i

THE CARAVANERS

251

wore on. My hearers must remember that in
caravaning afternoons wear on and mornings
merge into them with no such thing as a real
meal throughout their entire length. Long before
this I had realized that plums were to be my
portion: plums, or bananas, or very green apples,
mitigated by a biscuit unless biscuits chanced to
be scarce (in which case the ladies got them), at
a time of day when the rest of Europe was sitting
down comfortably to its luncheon; and I had
learned to acquiesce in this as T acquiesced in all
the other privations, for I saw for myself that it
was impossible to arrange a cooked meal except
before leaving or after arriving in camp. A
reasonable man is silent before the impossible;
still, plums are poor things to march on. March
on them, however, I had to, and Hunger (a most
unpleasant and reverberating companion) came
too, and marched with me every day.

Well, I was often glad at this time that my poor
Marie-Luise was spared her silver wedding jour-
ney, and that a more robdst and far less deservi'>p;
wife went through it in her stead. Mntie-Luisr
was a most wifely wife, with no whalebone (if I
may so express it) either about her clothes or her
character. All was soft, womanly, overflowing.
Touch her, and you left a dimple. Bring your
pressure, even the slightest, to bear an}'where on
her mind, and it immediately gave way.

252

THE CARAVANERS

"But do you like that sort of thing?" asked
Mrs. Menzies-Legh, to whom, as we plodded
along that day, I was talking in this reminiscent
strain for, want of a better companion.

Ahead walked Edelgard, visibly slimmer,
younger, moving quickly and easily in her short
skirt and new activity. It was this figure — hardly
now at a distance to be distinguished from the
figures of the scanty sisters — walking before me
that made me think with tenderness of Marie-
Luise. Edelgard was behaving badly, and when
I told her so at night in our caravan she did not
answer. At home she used to express immediate
penitence; here she either said nothing, or said
short things that reminded me of Mrs. Menzies-
Legh, little odd sentences quite unlike her usual
style and annoyingly difficult to reply to. And the
more she behaved in this manner the more did my
thoughts go back regretfully to my gentle and
yielding first wife. Sometimes, I recollect, those
twenty years with her had seemed long; but that
was because, firstly, twenty years are long, and
secondly, because we are none of us perfect, and
thirdly, because a wife, unless she is careful, is apt
to get on to one's nerves. But how preferable is
gendeness to an aggressive activity of mind and
body. How annoying to see one's wife striding
on ahead with an ease I could not imitate and
therefore in itself a slight on her husband. A

THE CARAVANERS 253

man wants a wife who sits still, and not only still
but on the same chair every day so that he knows
where to find her should he happen to want any-
thing. Marie-Luise was a very calm sitter; she
never moved, except to follow the then Clothilde
about. Only her hands moved, in a tireless
guiding of the needle through those of my under-
garments which had become defective.

"But do you like that sort of thing?" asked
Mrs. Menzies-Legh, unsympathetic as usual. Her
gentle sister would have coo'd an interested Oh ?
and I would have felt soothed and understood.

"Like what?" I asked rather peevishly, for
it occurred to me at that moment as I watched the
figures in front — my wife and Jellaby and Frau
von Eckthum — that I had not had a word with
the latter since the walk back from church more
than twenty-four hours previously, and that her
sister, on the other hand, seemed never to leave
my side.

"Calm sitters," said Mrs. Menzies-Legh, "and
dimples all over one's mind wherever you touch
it. I suppose when you used to remove the
pressure they slowly filled out again. It rather
makes one think of india-rubber, doesn't it?"

"A wife's first duty is to be submissive," said
I, conscious that I had the Prayer-book behind
me and waving side issues, such as india-rubber,
resolutely aside.

254

"Yes,
"but —

THE CARAVANERS

yes,

agreed Mrs. Menzies-Legh,

'And I am thankful to say," I continued
quickly, for she was about to add something that
I was sure was going to be aggressive, "I am
thankful to say I was very fortunate in my Marie-
Luise "

"And very fortunate in your Edelgard," said
she — they had got to Christian names the
second day.

"Of course," said I.

"She is a person everybody must love," said she.

"Undoubtedly," said I.

"So adaptable and quick," continued the tact-
less lady.

"You are very good," said I, raising my Panama
in stiff acknowledgment of these compliments.

"And so unselfish," said she.

I bowed again, more stiffly than before.

"Look how she cuts all the bread and butter."

I bowed again.

"Look how she makes the coffee."

I bowed again.

"Look how cheerful she is."

I bowed again.

"And how clever, dear Baron."

Clever ? That indeed was a new way of look-
ing at poor Edelgard. I could not at this repress
a smile of amusement. " I am gratified that you

THE CARAVANERS 255

should have so good an opinion of my wife," I
said; and wished much to add, "But what is my
wife to you that you should take it upon yourself
to praise her? Is she not solely and exclusively
my property?"

Mrs. Menzies-Legh, however, was absolutely
rebuke-proof, and had so many answers ready that
I thought it better not to bring them upon me in
crowds. I did though rather cleverly turn the
tables upon her, and at the same time bring the
conversation to a point which really interested me,
by beginning to praise her sister.

**It is good of you," I said, "to commend my
family. In return permit me to praise yours."

"What — John?" she asked, with a quick
look and something of a smile. (John was her
ill-conditioned husband.) "Are you — do you
like him so much?"

Now as I thought John a very poor thing
indeed this question would have seemed difficult
to answer to any one less ready.

"Like," said I, with conspicuously careful
courtesy, "is not at all the word that describes
my feelings toward your husband."

She looked at me sideways, then dropped her
eyelashes. "Dear Baron," she murmured, "how
very "

"I was not, however," I interrupted hastily,
for I felt the ice would not bear much skating

256

THE CARAVANERS

on, "thinking of him. I was referring to your
sister."

"Oh?** said she — almost like the charming
relative herself.

"She is of course, and as you know, delight-
ful. But of all her delightfulness do you know
what strikes me as most delightful?"

"No,** said Mrs. Menzies-Legh, watching me
with obvious interest.

" Her conversation.'*

"Yes. She is a good talker,** she admitted.

"What I call a perfect talker,*' said I enthu-
siastically.

"I know. Everybody says so.**

"Never too much," I said meaningly.

"Oh?" said she. "You think so? I rather
imagined " She stopped.

<<(

So extremely sympathetic,** I continued.

"And so amusing," said she.

"Amusing?" said I, slightly surprised, for I
must say I had not till then considered it pos-
sible to be amusing on one single note, however
flute-like.

"Even more — really witty. Don't you think
so?"

"Witty?" said I, with increased surprise.

She looked at me and smiled. "You evidently
have not found her so,** she said.

"No. Nor do I care for wit in ladies. Your

THE CARAVANERS 257

sister has been everything that is perfect — sym-
pathetic, an interested listener, one who shares
one's opinions completely, and who never says a
word more than is absolutely necessary; but
thank goodness I have not yet observed her
descend to the unwomanliness of wit."

Mrs. Menzies-Legh looked at me as though
I were being funny. It was a way she had, and
one which I particularly disliked; for surely few
things are more offensive than to be treated as
amusing when you are not. "Evidently," said
she, *'you have a soothing and restraining influence
over Betti, dear Baron. Has she, then, never
made you laugh?"
** Certainly not," said I with conviction.
"But look at Mr. Jellaby — do you see how
he is laughing?"

"At his own dull jokes, I should say," I said,
bestowing a momentary glance on the slouching
figure in front. His face was turned toward
Frau von Eckthum, and he was certainly laugh-
ing, and to an unbecoming extent.

"Oh, not a bit. He is laughing at Betti."
^^ "I have heard your sister," said I emphatically,
"talking in general company — such company,
that is, as this tour affords — and she has done it
invariably seriously, and rather poetically, but
never has mc^e than smiled herself, and never
raised that doubtful tribute, a laugh."

t-tt

258 THE CARAVANERS

"That," said Mrs. Menzies-Legh, "was because
you were there, dear Baron. I tell you, you
soothe and restrain."

I bowed. "I am glad," I said, "that I exert
a good influence over the party."

"Oh, very," said she, her eyelashes cast down.
"But what does Betti talk to you about, then?
The scenery?"

"Your tactful sister, my dear lady, does not
talk at all. Or rather, what she says consists
entirely of one word, spoken indeed with so great
a variety of expression that it expands into volumes.
It is that that I admire so profoundly in her.
If all ladies would take a lesson "

"But — what word?" interrupted Mrs.
Menzies-Legh, who had been listening with a
growing astonishment on her face — astonishment,
I suppose, that so near a relative should be also
a person of tact and delicacy.

"Your sister simply says Oh. It sounds a
small thing, and slightly bald stated in this manner,
yet all I can say is that if every woman "

Mrs. Menzies-Legn, however, made a little
exclamation and bent down hastily.

"Dear Baron," she said, "I've got a thorn or
something in my shoe. I'll wait for our caravan
to come up, and get in and take it out. Auf
fFiedersehen."

And she fell behind.

THE CARAVANERS 259

This was the first really agreeable conversation
I had had with Mrs. Menzies-Legh. I walked
on alone for some miles, turning it over with
pleasure. It was of course pleasant to reflect
that I alone of the party had a beneficial influence
over her whom her sister was entitled to describe
as Betti; and it was also plea&ant (though only
what was to be expected) that I should exercise a
good influence over the entire party. "Sooth-
ing" was Mrs. Menzies-Legh 's word. Well, what
was happening was that these English people
were being leavened hourly and ceaselessly with
German yeast; and now that it had been put
into so many words I did see that I soothed them,
for I had observed that whenever I approached
a knot of them, however loudly it had been laugh-
ing and talking it sank into a sudden calm — it
was soothed, in fact — and presently dispersed
abet its various duties.

but nothing occurred after this that day that
was pleasant. I plodded along alone. Rain came
down and mud increased, but still I plodded.
It was pretended to me that we were unusually
unlucky in the weather and that England does
not as a rule have a summer of the sort; I,
however, believe that it does, regularly every
year, as a special punishment of Providence
for its being there at all, or how should the
thing be so very green? Mud and greenness.

26o

THE CARAVANERS

mud and greenness, that is all the place is
made of, thought I, trudging between the wet
hedges after an hour's rain had set everything
dripping.

Stolidly I followed, at my horse's side, whither
the others led. In the rain we passed through
villages which the ladies in every tone of childish
enthusiasm cried out were delightful, Edelgard
joining in, Edelgard indeed loudest, Edelgard in
fact falling in love in the silliest way with every
thatched and badly repaired cottage that happened
to have a show of flowers in its garden, and saying
— I heard her with my own ears — that she would
like to live in one. What new affectation was this,
I asked myself? Not one of our friends who
would not (very properly) leave off vis;cing us
if we looked as poor as thatch. To get and to keep
friends the yery least that you must have is a
handsome sofa-set in a suitably sized drawing-
room. Edelgard till then had been justly proud
of hers, which cost a sum so round that it seems
written in velvet letters all over it. It is made of
the best of everything — wood, stuffing, covers,
and springs, and has a really beautiful walnut-
wood table in the middle, with its carved and
shapely legs resting on a square of carpet so good
that many a guest has exclaimed in tones of envy
as her feet sank into it, "But dearest Baroness,
where and how did you secure so truly glorious a

THE CARAVANERS 261

carpet ? It must have cost ! " And eyes and

hands uplifted complete the sentence.

To think of Edelgard with this set and all that
it implies in the background of her consciousness
affecting a willingness to leave it, tried my patience
a good deal; and about three o'clock, having all
collected in a baker's shop in a wet village called
Salehurst for the purpose of eating buns (no
camp being in immediate prospect), I told her in
a low tone how ill enthusiasms about things like
thatch sit on a woman who is going to be thirty
next birthday.

"Dear wife," I begged, "do endeavour not
to %e so calf-like. If you think these pretences
pretty let me tell you you are mistaken. The
others will not tell you so, because the others are
not your husband. Nobody is taken in, nobody
believes you. Everybody sees you are old enough
to be sensible. But, not being your husband, they
are obliged to be polite and feign to agree and
sympathize, while they are really secretly lament-
ing your inability to adjust your conversation to
your age.

This I said between two buns; and would have
said more had not the eternal Jellaby thrust him-
self between us. Jellaby was always coming
between man and wife, and this time he did it
with a glass of fizzy lemonade. Edelgard refused
it, and Jellaby (pert Socialist) thanked her

262

THE CARAVANERS

li^j

lij

fill

earnestly for doing so, saying he would be wholly
unable to respect a woman who drank fizzy
lemonade.

Respect a woman ? What a tone to adopt to
a married lady whose husband is within ear-shot.
And what could Edelgard's tone have been to him
before such a one on his side came within the
range of the possible ?

"And I must warn you," I continued with a
slighdy less pronounced patience, "very seriously
against the consequences likely to accrue if you
allow a person of Jellaby's sex and standing to
treat you with familiarity. Familiarity and dis-
respect are one and the same thing. They are
inseparable. They are, in fact, twins. But not
ordinary twins — rather that undividable sort
of which there have been luckily only a few
examples "

"Dear Otto, do have another bun," said she,
pointing to these articles in a pile on the counter;
and as I paused to choose (by means of squeezing)
the freshest, she, although aware I had not finished
speaking, slipped away.

I begin to doubt as I proceed with my narrative
whether any but relations had better be admitted
to the readings aloud after all. Friends have
certain Judas like qualities, and might, perhaps,
having listened to these sketches of Edelgard with
every appearance of sympathy, go away and mis-

THE CARAVANERS

263

represent me. Relations on the other hand are
very sincere and never pretend (which is why one
prefers friends, I sometimes think) and they have,
besides, the family feeling which prevents their
discussing each other to the unrelated. It is
possible that I may restrict my invitations solely
to them; and yet it seems a pity not to let my
friends in as well. Have they not often suffered in
the same way too? Have they not wives them-
selves ? God help us all.

Continuing our march in the rain we left Sale-
hurst (where I earnestly but vainly , suggested
we should camp in the back-yard of the inn) and
went toward Bodiam — a ruined castle, explained
Lord Sigismund coming and walking with me,
of great interest and antiquity, rising out of a
moat which at that time of the year would be
filled with white and yellow water-lilies.

He knew it well and talked a good deal about it,
its position, its preservation, and especially its
lilies. But I was much too wet to care about lilies.
A tight roof and a shut window would have inter-
ested me far more. However, it was agreeable to
converse with him, and I soon deftly turned the
conversation while at the same time linking it, as
it were, on to the next subject, by remarking that
his serene Aunt in Germany must also be very
old. He vaguely said she was, and showed a
tendency to get back to the ruins nearer at hand,

264

THE CARAVANERS

which I dodged by observing that she must make
a perfect picture in her castle in Thuringia, the
background being so harmonious, such an appro-
priate setting for an old lady, for, as is well known,
the castle grounds contain the most magnificent
ruins in Europe. "And your august Aunt, my
dear Lo.d Sigismund," I continued, **is, I am cer-
tein, not one whit less magnificent than the rest."

"Well, I do.i't think Aunt Lizzie actually
crumbles yet, you know, Baron," said Lord Sigis-
mund smiling. ''You should sec her going about
in gaiters Loking after things."

"There is nothing I would like better than to
see her," I replied with enthusiasm, for this was
surely almost an invitation.

He, however, made no direct answer but got
back to the Bodiam ruins again, and again I broke
the thread of what threatened to become a narrative
by inquiring how long it took to go by train from
London to his father the Duke's place in Cornwall.
**Oh, it's at the end of the world," said he.
"I know, I know. But my wife and I would
not like to leave England without having journeyed
thither and looked at a place so famous according
to Baedeker both for its size, its splendour, and
Its associations. Of course, my dear Lord Sigis-
mund," I added with the utmost courtesy, "we
expect nothing. We would be content to go as
the merest tourists. In spite of the length of the

THE CARiAVANERS

265

journey we should not h esitate to put up at the
inn which is no doubt not far from the ducal
gates. There should be no trading on what has
become, certainly on my side and I hope and
believe on yours, a warm friendship.**

"My dear Baron,** said Lord Sigismund
heartily, "I agree entirely with you. Friendship
should be as warm as one can possibly make it.
Which reminds m, that I haven't asked poor
Menzies-Legh how his foot is getting on. That
wasn't very warm of me, was it ? I must go and
see how he is.*'

And he dropped behind.

At this time I was leading the procession (by
som- accident of the start from the bun shop)
and had general orders to go straight ahead unless
signalled to from the rear. I went, accordingly,
straight ahead down a road running along a high
ridge, the blank space of rain and mist on either
side filled in no doubt on more propitious days
by a good view Bodiam lay below somewhere
in the flat, and we were going there; for Mrs.
Menzies-Legh, and indeed all the others includ-
ing Edelgard, wished (or pretended .0 wish) to
see the ruins. I must decline to believe in the
genuineness of such a wish when expressed, as in
this case, by the hungry and the wet. Ruins are
very well, no doubt, but they do come last. A
man will not look at a ruin if he is honest until

III

!!i'

266

THE CARAVANERS

U:ik

every other instinct, even the smallest, has been
satisfied. If, not having had his dinner, he yet
expresses eagerness to visit such things, then I
say that that man is a hypocrite. To enjoy look-
ing at the roofless must you not first have a roof
yourself? To enjoy looking at the empty must
you not first be filled ? For the roofless and the
empty to visit and admire other roofless and other
empties seems to me as barren as for ghosts to go
to tea with ghosts.

Alone I trudged through a dripping world.
My thoughts from ruins and ghosts strayed
naturally — for when you are seventy there must
be a good deal of the ghost about you — once
more to Lord Sigismund's august and aged Aunt
in Thuringia, to the almost invitation (certainly
encouragement) he had given me to go and behold
her in princely gaiters, to the many distinct advan-
tages of having such a lady on our visiting list,
to conjecture as to the extent of the Duke her
brother's hospitality should we go down and take
up our abode very openly at the inn at his gates,
to the pleasantness (apart from every other con-
sideration) of staying in his castle after staying
in a caravan, and to the interest of Storchwerder
when it heard of it.

The hooting of a yet invisible motor inter-
rupted these musings. It was hidden in the mist
at first, but immediately loomed into view, coming

THE CARAVANERS

267

down the straight road toward me at a terrific
pace, coining along with a rush and a roar, the
biggest, swiftest, and most obviously expensive
example I had yet seen.

The road was wide, but sloped away consid-
erably on either side from the crown of it, and
on the crown of it I walked with my caravan. It
was a clay road, made slippery by the rain; did
these insolent vulgarians, I asked myself, suppose
I was going to slide down one side in order to
make room for them? Room there was plenty
between me in the middle and the gutter and
hedge at the sides. If there was to be sliding,
why should it not be they who slid ?

The motor, with the effrontery usual to its
class, was right on the top of the road, in the
very pick and middle of it. I perceived that
here was my chance. No motor would dare dash
straight on in the face of so slow and bulky an
obstacle as a caravan, and I was sick of them —
sick of their dust, their smell, and their vulgar
ostentation. Also I felt that all the other members
of our party would be on my side, for I have
related their indignant comments on the slaying
of a pretty young woman by one of these goggled
demons. Therefore I kept on immovably, swerv-
ing not an inch from the top of the road.

The motor, seeing this and now very near,
shrieked with childish rage (it had a voice like

,'i ■

268

THE CARAVANERS

an angry woman) at my daring to thwart it. I
remained firmly on my course, though I was
obliged to push up the horse which actually tried
of itself to r ke way. The motor, still shrieking,
saw nothing for it but to abandon the heights to
me, and endeavoured to pass on the slope. As
it did it skidded violently, and after a short interval
of upheaval and activity among its occupants
subsided into calm and the gutter.

An old gentleman with a very red face struggled
into view from among many wrappers.

I waited till he had finally emerged, and then
addressed him impressively and distinctly from
the top of the road. "Road hog,** I said, "let
this be a lesson to you."

I would have said more, he being unable to
get away and I holding, so to speak, the key to
the situation, if the officious Jellaby and the too
kind Lord Sigismund had not come running up
from behind breathlessly ager to render an
assistance that was obviously not required.

The old gentleman, shaking himself free from
his cloak and rising in the car, was in the act of
addressing me in his turn, for his eyes were fixed
on me and his mouth was opening and shutting
in the spasms preliminary to heated conversation
(all of which I observed calmly, leaning against
niy horse's shaft and feeling myself to be in the
right) when Lord Sigismund and Jellaby arrived.

*i!i

Ul iff

THE CARAVANERS
"I do hope youVe not been hurt

269

- " began
Lord Sigismund with his usual concern for those
to whom anything had happened.

The old gentleman gasped. "What? Sidge?
It's your lot?" he exclaimed.

"Hullo, Dad!" was Lord Sigismund's imme-
diate and astonished response.

It was the Duke.

Now was not that very unfortunate ?

CHAPTER XV

I HAVE observed on frequent occasions in a life
now long enough to have afforded many, a
tendency on the part of Providence to punish
the just man because he has been just. Not one
to criticize Providence if I can avoid it, I do feel
that this is to be deplored. It is also inexplicable.
Marie-Luise died, I recollect, the very day I had
had occasion to speak sharply to her, which almost
looked, I remember thinking at the time, like
malice. I was aware, however, that it was only
Providence. My poor wife was being wielded as
the instrument which was to put me in the wrong,
and I need not say to you, my friends, who knew
her and know me and were witness of the har-
mony of our married life, that her death had
nothing to do with my rebukes. You all remem-
ber she was in perfect health that day, and was
snatched from my side late in the afternoon by
means of a passing droschke. The droschke
passed over her, and left me, with incredible
suddenness, a widower on the pavement. This
might have happened to anybody, but what was
so peculiarly unfortunate was that I had been

370

THE CARAVANERS 271

forced, if I would do my duty, to rebuke her during
the hours immediately preceding the occurrence.
Of course, I could not know about the droschke.
I could not know about it; I did my duty; and by
the evening I was the most crushed of men, a prey
to the cruelest regrets and self-reproaches. Yet
had I not acted aright .? Conscience told me Yes.
Alas, how little could Conscience do for my com-
fort then! In time I got over it, and regained
the calm balance of mind that saw life would stand
still if we feared to speak out because people
might die. Indeed, I saw this so clearly that I
not only married again within the year, but made
up my mind that no past experience should
intimidate me into not doing my duty by my
second wife; I assumed, that is, from the first
my proper position in the household as its guide
and censor, and up to now I am glad to say Prov-
idence has left Edelgard alone, and has not used
her (except in minor matters) as a weapon for
making me regret I have done right.

But here, now, was this business with the
Duke. Nothing could have been warmer and
more cordial than uiy feelings toward him and
his family. I admired and liked his son; I infin-
itely respected his sister; and I only asked to be
allowed to admire, like, and respect himself.
Such was my attitude toward him. Toward
motors it was equally irreproachable. I detested

! l

■eum

11'

a7a THE CARAVANERS

their barbarous methods, and was as anxious as
any other decent man to give them a lesson and
help avenge their many unhappy victims. Now
came Providence, stepping in between these two
meritorious intentions, and frustrating both at
one blow by the simple expedient of combining
the Duke with the motor. It confounded me;
it punished me; it put me in the wrong; and for
what ? For doing what I knew was right.

"No one, not even a pastor, can expect me
to like that sort of thing," I complained to Mrs.
Menzies-Legh, to whom I had been talking, owing
to her sister's being somewhere else.

"No," said she; and looked at me reflectively as
though tempted to say more. But (no doubt
remembering my dislike of talkative women) she
refrained.

I was sitting under one of the ruined arches
of Bodiam Castle (never, my friends, go there;
it is a terribly damp place), with the lean lady,
while the others peered about as well as they
could, being too tired to do anything but sit,
and weary, too, of spirit, for I am a sensitive man,
and had had a troubled day. The evening had
done that which English people call drawing in.
Lord Sigismund was gone — gone with his
unreasonably incensed father in the motor to
some place whose name I did not catch, and was
not to be back till the next day. The others,

THE CARAVANERS 273

including myself, had, after a prolonged search,
found a very miserable camp with cows in it. It
was too late to object to anything, so there we
huddled round our stew-pot in an exposed field,
while the wind howled and a fine rain fell. Our
party was oddly silent and cheerless considering its
ordinary spirits. No one said it was healthy and
jolly; even the children did not speak, and sat
buttoned up in mackintoshes, their hands clasped
round their knees, their faces, shining with rain,
set and serious. I think the way the Duke had
behaved after getting out of the gutter had
depressed them. It had been a disagreeable
scene ~ I should say he was a man of a hot and
uncontrolled temper — and my apologies had been
useless. Then the supper took an unconscionable
time preparing. For some reason the chickens
would not boil (they missed Lord Sigismund's
persuasive talent) and the potatoes could not
because the stove on which they stood went out
and nobody noticed it. How bleak and autumnal
that field, bare of trees, with the rain driving over
it, looked after the unsatisfactory day I cannot
describe to you. Its dreariness, combined with
what had gone before, and with the bad supper,
made me dislike it more than any camp we had
had. The thought that up there on those dank
cow-ridden heights we were to spend the night,
while down in Bodiam lights twinkled and happy

274

THE CARAVANERS

cottagers undressed in rooms and went into
normal beds instead of inserting themselves side-
ways into what was in reality a shelf, was curiously
depressing. And when, after supper, our party
was washing up by the flickering lantern-light,
with the rain wetting the plates as quickly as they
were dried, I could not refrain from saying as I
stood looking down at them, "So this is what is
called pleasure."

Nobody had anything to say to that.

In self-defense we went down later on, dark
and wild though it was, to the ruins. Sit up
there in the wet we could not, and it was too
early to go to bed. Nor could we play at cards
in each other's caravans, because of questions of
decorum. Mrs. Menzies-Legh did, indeed, sug-
gest it, but on my pointing this out to her with a
severity I was prepared to increase if she had
made the least opposition, the suggestion was
dropped. Forced to stay out-of-doors we were
forced to move, or rheumatism would certainly
have claimed us for its own, so we set out once
again along the muddy lanes, leaving Menzies-Legh
(who was sulking terribly) to mind the camp, and
trudged the two miles down to the castle.

Mrs. Menzies-Legh walked with me. Directly
she saw I was alone, the others hurrying on ahead at
a pace I did not care to keep up with, she loitered
behind till I overtook her and walked with me.

THE CARAVANERS 275

I have made no secret of the fact that this
lady seemed to mark me during the tour for
her special prey. You, my hearers, must have
noticed it by now, for I conceal nothing. I can
safely say I was not to blame, for in no way did
I encourage her. Not only must she have been
over thirty, but more than once she had allowed
herself to do that which can only be described
as poking fun at me. Besides, I do not care for
the type. I dislike the least suggestion of wiri-
ness in woman; and there was nothing of her
bodily (except wire) and far too much intellect-
ually — I mean so far as a woman can be intel-
lectual, which, of course, is not far at all. I
therefore feel entirely conscience-clear, and care-
fully avoiding any comments which might give
the impression of vanity on my part, merely state
the hare facts that the lady was constantly at my
elbow, that my elbow was reluctant, and that no
other member of the party clung to it like that.

There she sat with me, for instance, in the ruins,
pretending she was tired too, though of course
she was not, for never was any one more active,
and for want of a better listener — Frau von
Eckthum had from the first melted away among
the shadows — I was obliged to talk to her in the
above strain. However, one cannot really talk
to such a woman, not really converse with her.
She soon reminded me of this fact (which I weli

■1^

276

THE CARAVANERS

[If.

knew) by inquiring whether I did not think people
were very apt to call that Providence which was
in reality nothing more nor less than their own
selves — "Or," she added (profanely) "if they're
in another mood they call it the Devil, but it is
always just themselves."

Well, I had not come through the mud to
Bodiam to be profane, so I gathered my wraps
about me and prepared to go.

"But I do see your point," she said, noticing
these preparations, and realizing, perhaps, that
she had gone too far. "Things do sometimes
happen very unluckily, and punishments arc
out of all proportion to the offence. I think,
for instance, it was perfectly terrible for you that
you should have been scolding your wife "

"Not scolding. Rebuking."

"It*s the same thing "

"Certainly not."

"Rebuking her, then, up to the very moment
— oh, it would have killed me!"

And she shivered.

"My dear lady," said I, slightly amused, "a
man has certain duties, and he performs them.
Sometimes they are unpleasant, and he still per-
forms them. If he allowed himself to be killed each
time there would be a mighty dearth of husbands
in the world, and what would you all do then ?"

Women however have no sense of humour,

THE CARAVANERS 277

and she was unable to catch at this straw of it
offered her for the purpose of lightening the con-
versation. On the contrary, she turned her head
and looking at me gravely (pretty eyes, wasted)
she said, "But how much better never, never
to do your duty."

'•Really " I protested.

"Yes. If it means being unkind."

"Unkind? Is a mother unkind who rebukes
her child?"

"Oh, call it by its proper name — scolding,
preaching, advising, abusing — it's all unkind,
wickedly unkind."

"Abusing, my dear lady ?"

"Come, now. Baron, what you said to the
Duke "

"Ah. That was an unfortunate accident. I
did what under any other circumstances would
have been my duty, and Providence "

"Oh, Baron dear, leave Providence alone.
And leave your duty alone. A tongue doing its
duty is such a terrible instrument of destruction.
Why, you can almost see all the little Loves and
Charities turning paler and paler and weaker and
weaker the longer it wags, and shrivelling up quite
at last and being snuffed out. Really I have been
thankful on my knees every time I have not said
what I was going to say when I've been annoyed."

"Indeed?" said I, ironically.

278

THE CARAVANERS

I might have added that no great strain could
have been put upon her knees, for I could con-
ceive no woman less likely to be silent if she
wanted to speak. But, candidly, what did it
matter ? I have always found it quite impossible
to take a woman seriously, even when I am
attracted; and heaven knows I had no desire to
sit on stones in that wet place while this one
spread out her little stock of ill-assimilated wis-
dom for my (presumable) improvement.

I therefore began to button up my cloak with
an unmistakable finality, determined to seek the
others and suggest a return to the camp.

"You forget," I said, while I buttoned, "that
an outburst of annoyance has nothing whatever
to do with the calm discharge of a reasonable
man's obligations."

"What, you've been quite calm and happy
when you'v* been doing what you call rebuke.?'
said she, loc^ng up at me. "Oh, Baron." And
she shook her head and smiled.

"Calm, I hope and believe, but not happy.
Nor did I expect to be. Duty has nothing to do
with one's happiness."

"No, nor with the other one's," said she
quickly.

Of course I could have scattered her reasoning
to the winds if I had chosen to bring real logic to
bear on it, but it would have taken time, she

THE CARAVANERS 279

being very unconvinceable, and I really could not
be bothered.

"Let Menzies-Legh convinci her," thought
I, making myself ready for tht v,aik bj^ck in the
rain, aware that I had quit enough t/ do con-
vincing my own wife.

"Try praising," said Mrs. Menzies-Legh.

Not seeing the point, I buttoned in silence.

"Praising and encouraging. You'd be aston-
ished at the results."

In silence, for I would not be at the trouble
of asking what it was I was to praise and
encourage, I turned up my collar and fastened
the litde strap across the front. She, seeing I
had no further intention of talking, began to get
ready too for the plunge out into the rain.

"You're not angry. Baron dear.?" she asked,
leaning across and looking into as much of my
face as appeared above the collar.

This mode of addressing me was one that I
had never in any way encouraged, but no amount
of stiffening at its use discouraged it. In justice,
I must remind you who have met her that her
voice is not disagreeable. You will remember it
is low, and so far removed from shrillness that it
lends a spurious air to everything she says of
being more worth listening to than it is. Edel-
gard described it fancifully, but not altogether
badly, as being full of shadows. It vibrated, not

III

28o

THE CARAVANERS

unmusically, up and down among these shadows,
and when she asked me if I were angry it took
on a very fair semblance of sympathetic concern.

I, however, knew very well that the last thing
she really was was sympathetic — all the aptitude
for sympathy the Flitz family had produced was
concentrated in her gentle sister — so I was in no
way hoodwinked.

"My dear lady," I said, shaking out the folds
of my cloak, "I am not a child."

"Sometimes I think," said she, getting up
too, "that you are not enjoying your holiday.
That it*s not what you thought it would be.
That perhaps we are not a very-— not a very
congenial party."

"You are very good," said I, with a stiffness
that relegated her at once to an immense and
proper distance away, for was not this a tending
toward the confidential ? And a man has to be
careful.

She looked at me a moment at this, her head
a little on one side, considering me. Her want of
feminine reserve — conceive Edelgard staring uv a
living gentleman with the frank attention one
brings to bear on an inanimate object — struck me
afresh. She seemed absolutely without a vestige
of that consciousness of sex, of those arriere-penshs
(as our conquered but still intelligent neighbours
say) very properly called female modesty. A well

THE CARAVANERS

281

brought up German lady soon casts down her
eyes when facing a gentleman. She at once
recollects that she is a woman and he is a man,
and continues to recollect it during the whole
time they are together. I am sure in the days
when Mrs. Menzies-Legh was yet a Flitz she did
so, but England had blunted if not completely
destroyed those finer Prussian feelings, and there
she stood considering me with what I can only
call a perfectly sexless detachment. What, I
wondered, was she going to say that would annoy
me at the end of it? But she said nothing; she
just gave her head a little shake, turned suddenly,
and walked away.

Well, I was not going to walk too — at least,
not with her. The ruins were not my property,
and she was not my guest, so I felt quite justified
in letting her go alone, "'walry, too, has its
limits, and one does not ca waste any of one's

stock of it. No man can be more chivalrous than
I if provided with a proper object, but I do not
consider that objects are proper once they have
reached an age to be able to take care of them-
selves, neither are they so if Nature has encrusted
them in an armour of un^'tractiveness; in this
latter case Nature herseh may be said to be
chivalrous to them, and the/ can safely bo left
to her protection.

I therefore followed at my leisure in Mrs.

iii

282

THE CARAVANERS

Menzies-Legh's wake, desiring to return to the
camp, but not desiring to do it with her. I thought
I would search for Frau von Eckthum and she
and I would walk back happily together; and,
passing under the arch leading into what had
been the banqueting hall, I immediately found
the object of my search beneath an umbrella
which was being held over her head by Jellaby.

When I was a child, and still in charge of
my mother, she, doing her best by me, used to
say, "Otto, put yourself in his place," if my judg-
ments chanced to be ill-considered or headlong.
I did so; it became a habit; and in consequence
I arrived at conclusions I would probably not
otherwise have jirived at. So now, coming
across my gentle friend beneath Jellaby's umbrella,
I mechanically carried out my mother's injunc-
tion. At once I began to imagine what my feelings
would be in her place. How, I rapidly asked
myself, would I enjoy such close proximity to the
boring Socialist, to the common man of the people
if I were a lady of exceptionally refined moral and
physical texture, the fine flower and latest blos-
som of an ancient, aristocratic, Conservative,
and right-thinking family? Why, it would be
torture; and so was this that I had providentially
chanced upon torture.

"My dear friend," I cried, darting forward,
"what are you doing here in the wet and dark-

THE CARAVANERS

283

ness unprotected ? Permit me to offer you my » rm
and conduct you to your sister, who is, I believe,
preparing to return to camp. Allow me "

And before Jellaby could frame a sentence I
had drawn her hand through my arm and was
leading her carefully away.

He, I regret to say, quite unable (owing to his
thick skin) to see when his presence was not
desired, came too, making clumsy attempts to
hold his umbrella over her and chiefly succeeding,
awkward as he is, in jerking the rain off its tips
down my neck.

Well, I could not be rude to him before a lady
and roundly tell him to take himself off, but I do
not think he enjoyed his walk. To begin with I
suddenly remembered that no members of our
party, except Edelgard and myself, possessed
umbrellas, so that I was able to say with tht mild-
ness that is sometimes so telling: "Jellaby, what
umbrella is this?"

"The Baroness kindly lent it to me," he replied.

"Oh, indeed. Community of goods, eh ? And
what is she doing herself without one, may I
mquire?

"I took her home. She said she had some
sewing to do. I think it was to mend a garment
of yours."

"Very likely. Then, since it is my wife's
umbrella, and therefore mine, as you will hardly

284

THE CARAVANERS

deny, for ii two persons become by the marriage
law one flesh they must equally become one every-
thing else, and therefore also one umbrella, may I
request you instead of inserting it so persistently
between my collar" and my neck to hand it over
to me, and allow its lawful owner to hold it for
this lady?"

And I took it from him, and looked down at
Frau von Eckthum and laughed, for I knew she
would be amused at Jellaby's being treated as he
ought to be.

She, of my own nation and class, must often
have been, I think, scandalized at the way the
English members of the party behaved to him,
absolutely as though he were one of themselves!
Her fastidiousness must often and often have
been wounded by Jellaby's appearance and man-
ner of speech, by his flannel collar, his untidy
clothes, the wisp of hair forever being brushed
aside from his forehead only forever to fall across
it again, his slender, almost feminine frame, his
round face, and the ridiculous whiteness of his skin.
Really, the only way to treat this person was as a
kind of joke; not to take him seriously, not to
allow oneself to be, as one so often was on the
verge of being, angry with him. So I gave the
hand resting on my arm a slight pressure express-
ive of mutual understanding, and looked down
at her and laughed.

THE CARAVANERS 285

The dear lady was not, however, invariably
quick of comprehension. As a rule, yes; but
once or twice she gave the last touch to her femi-
ninity by being divinely stupid, and on this occa-
sion, whether it was because her litde feet were
wet and riierefore cold, or she was not attending
to the conversation, or sne had had such a dose
of Jellaby that her brain refused any new impres-
sion, she responded neither to my look nor to my
laugh Her eyes were fixed on the ground, and
the delicate and serious outline of her nose was all
that I was permitted to see.

Respecting her mood, as a tactful man natur-
ally would, I did not again directly appeal to her,
but laid myself out to amuse her on the way up
the hill by talking to Jellaby in a strain of mock
solemnity and endeavouring to draw him out for
her entertainment. Unfortunately he resisted my
well-meant efforts, and was more taciturn than I
had yet seen him. He hardly spoke, and she, I
fear, was very tired, for only once did she say Oh
So that the conversation ended by being a dis-
quisition on Socialism held solely by myself
.istened to by Frau von Eckthum with absorbed
and silent interest, and by Jellaby with, I am sure,
the greatest rage. Anyhow, I made some very
good points, and he did not venture a single pro-
test. Probably his fallacious theories had never
had such a thorough pulling to pieces before, for

286

THE CARAVANERS

there were two miles to go up hill and I made the
pace as slow as possible. My hearers must also
bear in mind that I exclusively employed that
most deadly weapon for withering purposes, the
double-barrelled syringe of irony and wit. Noth-
ing can stand against the poison pumped out of
these two, and I could afford to bid Jellaby the
cheeriest good night as I helped the tender lady
up the steps of her caravan.

He, it is amusing to relate, barely answered.
But the moment he had gone Frau von Eckthum
found her tongue again, for on my telling her as
she was about to disappear through her doorway
how greatly I had enjoyed being able to be of
some slight service to her, she paused with her
hand on the curtain and looking down at me, said*
"What service?"

"Rescuing you from Jellaby," said I.

"Oh," said she; and drew back the curtain
and went in.

>:<» 3

CHAPTER XVI

THERE is « place about six hours* march from
Bodiam called Frogi' Hole Farm, a deserted
house lying low among hop-fields, a dank spot in a
hollow with the ground rising abruptly round it
on every side, a place of perpetual shade and
astonishing solitude.

To this, led by the wayward Fate that had
guided our vague movements from the begin-
ning, we steadily journeyed during the whole of
the next day. We were not, of course, aware
of it — one never is, as no doubt my hearers
have noticed too — but that that was the ultimate
object of every one of our painful steps during an
exceptionally long march, and that our little argu-
ments at crossroads and hesitations as to which
we would take were only the triflings of Fate,
contemptuously willing to let us think we were
choosing, dawned upon us at four o'clock exactly,
when we lumbered in single file along a cart track
at the edge of a hop-field and emerged one by one
into the back yard of Fiogs* Hole Farm.

The house stood (and very likely still does)
on the other side of a dilapidated fence, in a

287

■M

288

THE CARAVANERS

square of rank garden. A line of shabby firs
with many branches missing ran along the north
side of it; a pond, green with slime, occupied the
middle of what was once its lawn; and the last
tenant had left in such an apparent hurry that
he had not cleared up his packing materials, and
the path to the front door was still littered with
the straw and newspapers of his departure.

The house was square with many windows,
so that in whatever corner we camped we were
subject to the glassy and empty stare of two rows
of them. Though it was only four o'clock when
we arrived the sun was already hidden behind the
big trees that crowned the hill to the west, and the
place seemed to have settled down for the night.
Ghostly.? Very ghostly my friends; but then
even a villa of the reddest and newest type if it
is not lived in is ghostly in the shiver of twilight;
at least, that is what I heard Mrs. Menzies-Legh
say to Edelgard, who was standing near the
broken fence surveying the forlorn residence with
obvious misgiving.

We had asked no one's permission to camp
there, not deeming it necessary when we heard
from a labourer on the turnpike road that down
an obscure lane and through a hop-field we would
find all we required. Space there was certainly
of every kind: empty sheds, empty barns, empty
oast-houses, and, if we had chosen to open one of

THE CARAVANERS

289

the rickety windows, an empty house. Space
there was in plenty; but an inhabited farm with
milk and butter in it would have been more con-
venient. Besides, there did undoubtedly lie —
as Mrs. Menzies-Legh said — a sort of shiver over
the place, an ominously complete silence and
motionlessness of leaf and bough, and nowhere
round could I see either a roof or a chimney, no,
not so much as a thread of smoke issuing upward
from between the hills to show me that we were not
alone.

Well, I am not one to mind much if leaves
do not move and a place is silent. A man does not
regard these matters in the way ladies do, but I
must say even I — and my friends will be able to
measure from that the uncanniness of our sur-
roundings—even I remembered with a certain
regret that Lord Sigismund's very savage and
very watchful dog had gone with his master and
was therefore no longer with us. Nor had we
even Jellaby's, which, inferior as it was, was yet a
dog, no doubt with some amount of practice in
barking, for it was still at the veterinary surgeon's,
a gentleman by now left far behind folded among
the embosoming hills.

My hearers must be indulgent if my style
from time to time is tinged with poetic expressions
such as this about the veterinary surgeon and the
hills, for they must not forget that th*; party I was

290

THE CARAVANERS

with could hardly open any of its mouths without
using words plain men like myself do not as a rule
even recollect. It exuded poetry. Poetry rolled
off it as naturally and as continuously as water
off a duck's back. Mrs. Menzies-Legh was an
especial offender in this respect, but I have heard
her gloomy husband, and Jellaby too, run her very
close. After a week of it I found myself rather
inclined also to talk of things like embosoming
hills, and writing now about the caravan tour I
cannot always avoid falling into a strain so inti-
mately, in my memory, associated with it. They
were a strange set of human beings gathered
together beneath those temporary and inadequate
roofs. I hope my hearers see them.

Our march that day had been more silent than
usual, for the party was greatly subject, as I was
gradually discovering, to ups and downs in its
spirits, and I suppose the dreary influence of
Bodiam together with the defection of Lord
Sigismund lay heavily upon them, for that day
was undoubtedly a day of downs. The weather
was autumnal. It did not rain, but sky and
earth were equally leaden, and I only saw very
occasional gleams of sunshine reflected in the
puddles on which my eyes were necessarily fixed
if I would successfully avoid them. At a place
called Brede, a bleak hamlet exposed on the top
of a hill, we were to have met Lord Sigismund

THE CARAVANERS igi

but instead there was only an emissary from him
with a letter for Mrs. Menzies-Legh, which she
read in silence, handed to her husband in silence,
waited while he read it in silence, and then without
any comment gave the signal to resume the march.
How differently Germans would have behaved I
need not tell you, for news is a thing no German
will omit to share with his neighbours, discussing
it thoroughly, long und breity from every possible
and impossible point of view, which is, I main-
tain, the human way, and the other way is
inhuman.

"Is not Lord Sigismund coming to-day?" I
asked Mrs. Menzies-Legh the first moment she
came within earshot.

"Tm afraid not," said she.

"To-morrow?"

"Tm afraid not."

"What, not again at all?" I exclaimed, for
this was indeed bad news.

"Pm afraid not."

And, contrary to her practice she dropped
behind.

"Why is not Lord Sigismund coming back?"
I shouted to Menzies-Legh, whose caravan was
following mine, mine as usual being in the middle;
and I walked on backward through all the puddles
so as to face him, being unable to leave my horse

"Eh?" said he.

'^92

THE CARAVANERS

How like an ill-conditioned carter he looked,
trudging gloomily along, his coat off, his bat-
tered hat pushed back from his sullen forehead!
Another week, I thought, and he would be per-
fectly indistinguishable from the worst example
of a real one.

"Why is not Lord Sigismund coming back?"
I repeated, my hands up to my mouth in order to
carry my question right up to his heavy ears.

"He's prevented."

"Prevented?"

"Eh?"

" Prevented by what ? "

"Eh?"

This was wilfulness: it must have been.

"What — has — prevented — him?" I roared.

"Look out — your van will be in the ditch."

And turning quickly I was just in time to pull
the tiresome brute of a horse, who never could be
left to himself an instant, straight again.

I walked on shrugging my shoulders. Menzies-
Legh was without any doubt as ill-conditioned a
specimen of manhood as I have ever come across.

At the four crossroads beyond Brede, on the
party's pausing as usual to argue over the sign-
post while Fate, with Frogs* Hole Farm up her
sleeve, laughed in the background, I laid my hand
on Jellaby's arm — its thinness quite made me
jump — and said, "Where is Lord Sigismund ?"

293

THE CARAVANERS

"Gone home, I believe, with his father."

"Why is he not cor-jng back?"

"He's prevented."

"But by what? Is he ill?"

"Oh, no. He's just — just prevented, you
know."

And Jellaby slipped his arm out of my grasp
and went to stare with the others up at the sign-
post.

On the road we finally decided to take, while
they were all clustering round the labourer I have
mentioned who directed us to the deserted farm,
I approached Frau von Eckthum who stood on
the outer fringe of the cluster, and said in the
gentler voice I instinctively used when speaking to
her, "I hear Lord Sigismund is not coming back."

Gently as my voice was, it yet made her start;
she generally did start when spoken to, being
unusually (it adds to her attractiveness) highly
strung.

("She doesn't when I speak to her," said Edel-
gard, on my commenting to her on this charac-
teristic.

"My dear, you are merely another woman,"
I replied — somewhat sharply, for Edelgard is
really often unendurably obtuse.)

"I hear Lord Sigismund is not coming back,"
I said, then, very gently, to the tender ladv.

"Oh?" said she.

294

THE CARAVANERS

For the first time I could have wished a wider
range of speech.

"He has been prevented, I hear."

"Oh?"

"Do you know what has prevented him?**

She looked at me and then at the others
absorbed by the labourer with a funny little look
(altogether feminine) of helplessness, though it
could not of course have been that; then, add-
ing another letter but not unfortunately another
word to her vocabulary, she said "No** — or
rather "N-n-n-o,** for she hesitated.

And up bustled Jellaby as I was about to
press my inquiries, and taking me by the elbow
(the familiarity of this sort of person!) led me
aside to overwhelm me with voluble directions as
to the turnings to Frogs' Hole Farm.

Well, it was undoubtedly a blovv to find by
far the most interesting and amiable member of
the party (with the exception of Frau von Eck-
thum) gone, and gone without a word, with-
out an explanation, a farewell, or a regret. It was
Lord Sigismund's presence, the presence of one
so unquestionably of my own social standing, of
one whose relations could all bear any amount of
scrutiny and were not like Edelgard's Aunt
Bockhiigel (of whom perhaps more presently) a
dark and doubtful spot round which conversation
had to make careful detours — it was undoubtedly,

- or

me
i as

by
of

Gentle as my voice 'was, it yet made her start

THE CARAVANERS 295

I say. Lord Sigismund who had given the expedi-
tion its decent air of being just an aristocratic
whim, stamped it, marked it, raised it altogether
above mere appearances. He was a Christian
gendeman; more, he was the only one of the
party who could cook. Were we, then, to be
thrown for future sustenance entirely on Jellaby's
porridge ?

That afternoon, dining in the mud of the
deserted farmyard, we had sausages; a dinner
that had only been served once before, and which
was a sign in itself that the kitchen resources
were strained. I have already described how
Jellaby cooked sausages, goading them round and
round the pan, prodding them, pursuing them,
giving them no rest in which to turn brown
quietly — as foolish a way with a sausage as
ever I have seen. For the second time during
the tour we ate them pink, filling up as best we
might with potatoes, a practice we had got quite
used to, though to you, my hearers, who only
know potatoes as an adjunct, it will seem a piti-
able state of things. So it was; but when one
is hungry to the point of starvation a hot potato
is an attractive object, and two hot potatoes are
exactly doubly so. Anyhow my respect for them
has increased tenfold since my holiday, and I insist
now on their being eaten in much larger quantities
than they used to be in our kitchen, for do I not |i

296

THE CARAVANERS

know how thoroughly they fill? And servants
quarrel if they have too much meat.

"That is poor food for a man like you. Baron,"
said Menzies-Legh, suddenly addressing me from
the other end of the table.

He had been watching me industriously scrap-
ing— picture, my friends, Baron von Ottringel
thus reduced — scraping, I say, the last remnants
of the potatoes out of the saucepan after the ladies
had gone, accompanied by Jellaby, to begin wash-
ing up.

It was so long since he had spoken to me of
his own accord that I paused in my scraping to
stare at him. Then, with my natural readiness at
that sort of thing, I drew his attention to his
bad manners earlier in the afternoon by baldly
answering "Eh?"

"I wonder you stand it," he said, taking no
notice of the little lesson.

"Pray will you tell me how it is to be helped ?"
I inquired. "Roast goose does not, I have
observed, grow on the hedges in your country."
(This, I felt, was an excellent retort.)

"But it flourishes in London and other big
towns," said he — a foolish thing to say to a man
sitting in the back yard of Frogs' Hole Farm.
"Have a cigarette," he added; and he pushed
his case toward me.

I lit one, slightly surprised at the change for

THE CARAVANERS

297

the better in his behaviour, and he got up and
came and sat on the vacant camp-stool beside me.

"Hunger," said I, continuing the conversa-
tion, *'is the best sauce, and as I am constantly
hungry it follows that I cannot complain of not
having enough sauce. In fact, I am beginning to
feel that gipsying is a very health-giving pursuit."

"Damp — damp," said Menzies-Legh, shaking
his head and screwing up his mouth in a dis-
approval that astonished me.

"What?" I said. "It may be a little damp
if the weather is damp, but one must get used to
hardships."

"Only to find," said he, "that one's constitu-
tion has been undermined."

"What?" said I, unable to understand this
change of attitude.

"Undermined for life," said he, impressively.

"My dear sir, I have heard you myself, under
the most adverse circumstances, repeatedly remark
that it was healthy and jolly."

"My dear Baron," said he, "I am not like
you. Neither Jellaby, nor I, nor Browne either,
for that matter, has your physique. We are
physically, compared to you — to be quite frank —
mere weeds."

"Oh, come now, my dear sir, I cannot permit
you — you undervalue — of slighter build, per-
haps, but hardly "

298 THE CARAVANERS

"It is true. Weeds. Mere weeds. And
my point is that we, accordingly, are not nearly
so likely as you are to suffer in the long run from
the privations and exposure of a bad-weather
holiday like this."

"Well now, you must pardon me if I entirely
fail to see

"Why, my dear Baron, it's as plain as day-
light. Our constitutions will not be undermined
for the shatteringly good reason that we have
none to undermine."

My hearers will agree that, logically, the
position was incontrovertible, and yet I doubted.

Observing my silence, and probably guessing
its cause, he took up an empty glass and poured
some tea into it from the teapot at which
Frau von Eckthum had been slaking her thirst
in spite of my warnings (I had, alas, no right
to forbid) that so much tea drinking would
make her still more liable to start when suddenly
addressed.

"Look here," said he.

I looked.

"You can see this tea."

"Certainly."

"Clear, isn't it? A beautiful clear brown.
A tribute to the spring water here. You can see
the house and all its windows through it, 't is
so perfectly transparent."

THE CARAVANERS 299

And he held it up, and shutting one eye stared
through it with the other.

"Well?" I inquired.

"Well, now look at this."

And he took another glass and set it beside
the first one, and poured both tea and milk into it.

"Look there," he said.

I looked.

" Jellaby," said he.

I stared.

Then he took another glass, and poured both
tea and milk into it, setting it in a line with the
first two.

"Browne," said he.

I stared.

Then he took a fourth glass, and filled it in
the same manner as the second and third and
placed it at the end of the line.

"Myself," said he.

I stared.

"Can you see through either of those three?"
he asked, tapping them one after the other.

]|No," said I.

"Now if I put a little more milk into them" —
he did — "it makes no difference. They were
muddy and thick before, and they remain muddy
and thick. But" — and he held the milk jug
impressively over the first glass — " if I put the least
drop into this one" — he did — "see how visible it

»>

300 THE CARAVANERS

is. The admirable clearness is instantaneously
dinimed. The pollution spreads at once. The
entire glass, owing to that single drop, is altered,
muddied, ruined."

"Well?" I inquired, as he paused and stared
hard at me.

" Well ? " said he. " Do you not see ? "

"See what? "said I.

"My point. It's as clear as the first glass was
before I put milk into it. The first glass, my
dear Baron, is you, with your sound and perfect
constitution."

I bowed.

"Your splendid health.

I bowed

"Your magnificent physique.'

I bowed.

"The other three are myself, and Jellaby, and
Browne."

He paused.

"And the drop of milk," he said slowly, "is
the caravan tour."

I was confounded; and you, my hearers, will
admit that I had every reason to be. Here was
an example of what is rightly called irresistible
logic, and a reasonable man dare not refuse, once
he recognizes it, to bow *n silence. Yet I felt
very well. I said I did, after a pause during
which I was realizing how unassailable Menzies-

THE CARAVANERS 301

Legh's position was, and endeavouring to rec-
oncile its unassailableness with my own healthful
sensations.

"You can't get away from facts," he answered.
"There they are."

And he indicated with his cigarette the four
glasses and the milk jug.

"But," I repeated, "except for a natural foot-
soreness I undoubtedly do feel very well."

"My dear Baron, it is obvious beyond all
argument that the more absolutely well a person
is the more easily he must be affected by the
smallest upset, by the smallest variation in the
environment to which he has got accustomed.
Paradox, which plays so large a part in all truths,
is rampant here. Those in perfect health are
nearer than anybody else to being seriously ill.
To keep well you must never be quite so."

He paused.

"When," he continued, seeing that I said
nothing, "we began caravaning we could not
know how persistently cold and wet it was going
to be, but now that we do I must say I feel the
responsibility of having persuaded you — or of my
sister-in-law's having persuaded you — to join us."

" But I feel very well," I repeated.

"And so you will, up to the moment when
you do not."

Of course that was true.

302 THE CARAVANERS

^^ "Rheumatism, now," he said, shaking his head;
"I greatly fear rheumatism for you in the coming
winter. And rheumatism once it gets hold of a
man doesn't leave him till it ' .is ravaged each
separate organ, including, ;- e\ ;rybody knows,
that principal organ of all. M.f iietrt."

This was gloomy talk, u>f\ ver thr man was
right. The idea that a ho'i:fay, ii thin r planned
and looked forward to witl so n.u ., p asure,
was to end by ravaging my . r--nj Au' not lighten
the leaden atmosphere th. t s irr* unded and
weighed upon Frogs* Hole F ;rm.

"' cannot alter the weather," I said at last —
irritably, for I felt ruffled.

"No. But I wouldn't risk it for too long if
I were you," said he.

"Why, I have paid for a month," I exclaimed,
surprised that he should overlook this clinching
fact. ^

"That, set against an impaired constitution,
is a very inconsiderable trifle," said he.

**Not inconsiderable at all," said I sharply.

"Money *~ money, and I am not one to throw it
away. And what about the van? You cannot
abandon an entire van at a great distance from
the place it belongs to."

"Oh," said he quickly, **v/e would see to that."

I got up, for the sight of the glasses full of
what I was forced to acknowledge was symbolic

THE CARAVANERS

303

truth irritated me. The one representing myself,
into which he had put but one drop of milk,
was miserably discoloured. I did not like to
think of such discolouration being my probable
portion, and yet having paid for a month's cara-
vaning what could I do?"

The afternoon was chilly and very damp, and
I buttoned my wraps carefully about my throat.
Menzies-Legh watched me.

"Well," said he, getting up and looking first
at me and then at the glasses and then at me
again, "what do you think of doing. Baron?"

"Going for a little stroll," I said.

And I went.

CHAPTER XVII

THIS was a singular conversation.
I passed round the back of the house and
along a footpath I found there, turning it over in my
mind. Less than ever did I like Menzies-Legh.
In spite of the compliments about my physique I
liked him less than ever. And how very annoying
it is when a person you do not like is right; bad
enough if you do like him, but intolerable if you
do not. As I proceeded along the footpath with
my eyes on the ground I saw at every step those
four glasses of tea, particularly my one, the one
that sparkled so brilliantly at first and was
afterward so easily ruined. Absorbed in this
contemplation I did not not'Ve whither my
steps were tending till I was pulled up sud-
denly by a church door. The path had led [me
to that, and then, as I saw, skirted along a
fringe of tombstones to a gate in a wall beyond
which appeared the chimneys of what was no
doubt the parsonage.

The church door was open, and I went in —
for I was tired, and here were pews; ruffled, and
here was peace. The droning of a voice led me

304

THE CARAVANERS

305

to conclude (rightly) that a service was in progress,
for I had learned by this time that in England the
churches constantly burst out into services, regard-
less of the sort of day it is — whether, I mean, it is
a Sunday or not. I entered, and selecting a pew
with a red cushion along its seat and a comfortable
footstool sat down.

The pastor was reading the Scriptures out
of a Bible supported, according to the unaccount-
able British custom, on the back of a Prussian
eagle. This prophetic bird — the first swallow,
as it were, of that summer which I trust will
not long be delayed, when Luther's translation
will rest on its back and be read aloud by a Ger-
man pastor to a congregation forced to understand
by the simple methods we bring to bear on our
Polish (also acquired) subjects — eyed me with a
human intelligence. We eyed each other, in fact,
as old friends might who meet after troublous
experiences in an alien land.

Except for this bird, who seemed to me quite
human in his expression of alert sympathy, the
pastor and I were alone in the building; and I sat
there marvelling at the wasteful folly that pays a
man to read and pray daily to a set of empty pews.
Ought he not rather to stay at home and keep an
eye on his wife .? To do, indeed, anything sooner
than conduct a service which nobody evidently
wants? I call it heathenism; I call it idolatry;

3o6

THE CARAVANERS

and so would any other plain man who heard and
saw empty pews, things of wood and cushions,
being addressed as brethren, and dearly beloved
ones into the bargain.

When he had done at the eagle he crossed over
to another place and began reciting something else;
but very soon, after only a few words, he stopped
dead and looked at me.

I wondered why, for I had not done anything.
Even, however, with that innocence of conscience
in the background, it does make a man uncomfort-
able when a pastor will not go on but fixes his
eyes on you sitting harmless in your pew, and
I found myself unable to return his gaze. The
eagle was staring at me with a startling expres-
sion of comprehension, almost as if he too were
thinking that a pastor officiating has such an
undoubted advantage over the persons in the pews
that it is cowardice to use it. My discomfort
increased considerably when I saw the pastor
descend from his place and bear down on me,
his eyes still fixing me, his white clothing flutter-
ing out behind him. What, I asked myself greatly
perturbed, could the creature possibly want? I
soon found out, for thrusting an open Prayer-book
toward me he pointed to a verse of what appeared
to be a poem, and whispered:

"Will you kindly stand up and take your part
in the service ? "

Even had I

THE CARAVANERS

known ho^

307

surely I had no part

nor lot in such a form of worship.

"Sir," I said, not heeding the outstretched
book, but feeling about in my breast-pocket,
"permit me to present you with my card. You
will then see '*

He, however, in his turn refused to heed the
outstretched card. He did not so much as look
at it.

"I cannot oblige you to," he whispered, as
though our conversation were unfit for the eagle's
ears; and leaving the open book on the little shelf
in the front of the pew he strode back again to
his place and resumed his reading, doing what he
called my part as well as his own with a severity
of voice and manner ill-suited to one presumably
addressing the Hebe Gott.

Well, being there and very comfortable I did
not see why I should go. I was behaving quite
inoffensively, sitting still and holding my tongue,
and the comfort of being in a building with no
fresh air in it was greater than you, my friends,
who only know fresh air at intervals and in prop-
erly limited quantities, will be able to under-
stand. So I stayed till the end, till he, after a
profusion of prayers, got up from his knees and
walked away into some obscure portion of the
church where I could no longer observe his laove-
ments, and then, not desiring to meet him, I

3o8

THE CARAVANERS

sought the path that had led me thither and
hurriedly descended the hill to our melancholy
camp. Once I thought I heard footsteps behind
me and I hastened mine, getting as quickly round
a bend that would conceal me from any one follow-
ing me as a tired man could manage, and it was
not till I had reached and climbed into the Elsa
that I felt really safe.

The three caravans were as usual drawn up in
a parallel line with mine in the middle, and their
door ends facing the farm. To be in the middle
is a most awkward situation, for you cannot speak
the least word of caution (or forgiveness, as the
case may be) to your wife without running grave
risk of being overheard. Often I used carefully
to shut all the windows and draw the door curtain,
hoping thus to obtain a greater freedom of speech,
though this was of little use with the Ilsa and the
Ailsa on either side, their windows open, and per-
haps a group of caravaners sitting on the ground
immediately beneath.

My wife was mending, and did not look up
when I came in. How differently she behaved
at home. She not only used to look up when
I came in, she got up, and got up quickly
too, hastening at the first sound of my return
to meet me in the passage, and greeting me
with the smiles of a dutiful and accordingly con-
tented wife.

THE CARAVANERS

309

Shutting the Elsa's windows I drew her atten-
tion to this.

"But there isn't a passage," said she, still with
her head bent over a sock.

Really Edelgard should take care to be spec-
ially feminine, for she certainly will never shine on
the strength of her brains.

"Dear wife," I began — and then the complete
futility of trying to thresh any single subject out in
that airy, sound-carrying dwelling stopped me. I
sat down on the yellow box instead, and remarked
that I was extremely fatigued.

"So am I," said she.

"My feet ache so," I said, "that I fear there
may be something serious the matter with them."

"So do mine," said she.

This, I may observe, was a new and irritating
habit she had got into: whatever I complained of
in the way of unaccountable symptoms in divers
portions of my frame, instead of sympathizing and
suggesting remedies she said hers (whatever it
was) did it too.

"Your feet cannot possibly," said I, "be in the
terrible condition mine are in. In the first place
mine are bigger, and accordingly afford more scope
for disorders. I have shooting pains in them
resembling neuralgia, and no doubt traceable to
some nervous source."

'So have I," said she.

<(i

310

THE CARAVANERS

"I think bathing might do them good/* I said,
determined not to become angry. "Will you get
me some hot water, please ? "

"Why?" said she.

She had never said such a thing to me before.
I could only gaze at her in a profound surprise.

"Why?" I repeated at length, keeping studi-
ously calm. "What an extraordinary question.
I could give you a thousand reasons if I chose,
such as that I desire to bathe them; that hot water
— rather luckily for itself — has no feet, and
therefore has to be fetched; and that a wife has
to do as she is told. But I will, my dear Edel-
gard, confine myself to the counter inquiry, and
ask why not?"

"I, too, my dear Otto," said she — and she
spoke with great composure, her head bent
over her mending, "could give you a thousand
answers to that if I chose, such as that I
desire to get this sock finished — yours, by the
way; that I have walked exactly as far as
you have; that I see no reason why you should
not, as there are no servants here, fetch your
own hot water; and that your wishing or not
wishing to bathe your feet has really, if you
come to think of it, nothing to do with me.
But I will confine myself just to saying that I
prefer not to go."

It can be imagined with what feelings — not

THE CARAVANERS 311

mixed but unmitigated — I listened to this. And
after five years! Five years of patience and
guidance.

"Is this my Edelgard?" I managed to say,
recovering speech enough for those four words
but otherwise struck dumb.

"Your Edelgard.?" she repeated musingly as
she continued to mend, and not even looking at
me. " Your boots, your handkerchief, your gloves,
your socks — yes "

I confess I could not follow, and could only
listen amazed.

"But not your Edelgard. At least, not more
than you are my Otto."

]]But — my boots ?" I repeated, really dazed.
^^ "Yes," she said, folding up the finished sock,
"they really are yours. Your property. But
you should not suppose that I am a kind of living
boot, made to be trodden on. I, my dear Otto,
am a human being, and no human being is another
human being's property."

A flash of light illuminated my brain. " Tel-
laby!" I cried.

"Hullo?" was the immediate answer from
outside. "Want me. Baron?"

"No, no! No, no! No, NO! ' I cried leap-
mg up and dragging the door curtain to, as though
that could possibly deaden our conversation. " He
has been infecting you," I continued, in a whisper

..I

312

THE CARAVANERS

80 much charged with indignation that it hissed,
"with his poisonous "

Then I recollected that he could probably hear
every word, and muttering an imprecation on
caravans I relapsed on to the yellow box and said
with forced calm as I scrutinized her face:

"Dear wife, you have no idea how exacdy you
resemble your Aunt Bockhiigel when you put on
that expression."

For the first time this failed to have an effect.
Up to then to be told she looked like her Aunt
Bockhtigel had always brought her back with a
jerk to smiles; even if she had to wrench a smile
into position she did so, for the Aunt Bockhiigel
is the sore point in Edelgard's family, the spot, the
smudge across its brightness, the excrescence on
its tree, the canker in its bud, the worm destroy-
ing its fruit, the night frost paralyzing its blos-
soms. She cannot be suppressed. She cannot
be explained. Everybody knows she is there.
She was one of the reasons that made me walk about
my room the whole of the night before I proposed
marriage to Edelgard, a prey to doubts as to how
far a man may go in recklessness in the matter of
the aunts he fastens upon his possible children.
The Ottringels can show no such relatives; at
least there is one, but she looms almost equal to
the rest owing to the mimge created by fogs of
antiquity and distance. But Edelgard's aunt is

THE CARAVANERS 313

contemporary and conspicuous. Of a vulgar soul
at her very birth, as soon as she came of age she
dehberately left the ranks of the nobility and
united herself to a dentist. We go there to be
treated for toothache, because they take us (owing
to the relationship) on unusually favourable terms;
otherwise we do not know them. There is how-
ever an undoubted resemblance to Edelgard in
her less pleasant moods, a thickened, heavier, and
older Edelgard, and my wife, well aware of it
(for I help her to check it as much as possible by
pointing it out whenever it occurs) has been on
each occasion eager to readjust her features
without loss of time. On this one she was not.
Nay, she relaxed still more, and into a profounder
likeness.

**It*s true," she said, not even looking at me
but staring out of the window; "it's true about
the boots."

"Aunt Bockhilgell Aunt Bockhiigel!" I cried
softly, clapping my hands.

She actually took no notice, but continued
to stare abstractedly out of the window; and
feeling how impossible it was to talk really
naturally to her with Jellaby just outside, I
chose the better part and with a movement I
:ould not wholly suppress of impatience got up
and left her.

Jellaby, as I suspected, was sitting on the

314

THE CARAVANERS

\iS

ground leaning against one of our wheels as
though it were a wheel belonging to his precious
community and not ours, hired and paid for.
Was it possible that he selected this wheel out
of the twelve he could have chosen from because
it was my wife's wheel ?

"Do you want anything?" he asked, looking
up and taking his pipe out of his mouth; and I
just had enough self-control to shake my head and
hurry on, for I felt if I had stopped I would have
fallen upon him and rattled him about as a terrier
rattles a rat.

But what terrible things caravans are when you
have to share one with a person with whom you
have reason to be angry! Of all their sides this is
beyond doubt the worst; worse than when the
rain comes in on to your bed, worse than when
the wind threatens to blow them over during the
night, or half of them sinks into the mud and has
to be dug out laboriously in the morning. It may
be imagined with what feelings I wandered forth
into the chill evening, homeless, bearing as I felt
a strong resemblance to that Biblical dove which
was driven forth from the shelter of the ark and
had no idea what to do next. Of course I was
not going to fetch the hot water and return with
it, as it were (to pursue my simile), :n my beak.
Every husband throughout Germany will under-
stand the impossibility of doing that — picture

THE CARAVANERS

315

Edclgard's triumph if I had! Yet I could not
at the end of a laborious day wander indefinitely
out-of-doors; besides, I might meet the pastor.

The rest of the party were apparently in their
caravans, judging from the sireams of conversa-
tion issuing forth, and there was no one but old
James reclining on a sack in the corner of a distant
shed to offer me the solace of companionship.
With a sudden mounting to my head of a mighty
wave of indignation and determination not to be
shut out of my own caravan, I turned and quickly
retraced my steps.

"Hullo, Baron,*' said Jellaby, still propped
against my wheel. "Had enough of it already .?"

"More than enough of some things," I said,
eyeing him meaningly as I made my way, much
impeded by my mackintosh, up the ladder at an
oblique angle (it never could or would stand
straight) against our door.

"For instance?" he inquired.

"I am unwell," I answered shortly, evading a
quarrel — for why should I allow myself to be
angered by a wisp like that .? — and entering the
Elsa drew the curtain sharply to on his expressions
of conventional regret.

Edelgard had not changed her position. She
did not look up.

I pulled off my outer garments and flung them
on the floor, and sitting down with emphasis on

3i6

THE CARAVANERS

[fi

the yellow box unlaced and kicked off my boots
and pulled off my stockings.

Edelgard raised her head and fixed her eyes on
me with a careful imitation of surprise.

"What is it, Otto?" she said. "Have you
been invited out to dine?"

I suppose she considered this amusing, but of
course it was not, and I jerked myself free of my
braces without answering.

"Won't you tell me what it is?" she asked
again.

For all answer I crawled into my berth and
pulled the coverings up to my ears and turned
my face to the wall; for indeed I was at the end
both of my patience and my strength. I had had
two days' running full of disagreeable incidents,
and Menzies-Legh's fatal drop of milk seemed at
last to have fallen into the brightness of my
original strong tea. I ached enough to make his
prophesied rheumatism a very near peril, and was
not at all sure as I lay there that it had not already
begun its work upon me, beginning it with an
alarming promise of system and thoroughness at the
very beginning, /. e.y my feet.

"Poor Otto," said Edelgard, getting up and
laying her hand on my forehead; adding, after a
moment, "It is nice and cool."

"Cool? I should think so," said I shivering.
"I am frozen."

i 1

THE CARAVANERS 317

She got a nig out of the yellow box and laid it
over me, tucking in the side.

"So tired?" she said presently, as she tidied
up my clothe;^.

"Ill," I murmured.

"What is it?"

"Oh, leave me, leave me. You do not really
care. Leave me."

At this she paused in her occupation to gaze, I
fancy, at my back as I lay resolutely turned away.

"It is very early to go to bed," she said after
a while.

"Not when a man is ill."

"It isn't seven yet."

"Oh, do not, I beg you, argue with me. If
you cannot have sympathy you tan at least leave
me. It is all I ask."

This silenced her, and she moved about the
van more careful not to sway it, so that presently
I was able to fall into an exhausted sleep.

How long this lasted I could not on suddenly
waking tell, but everything had grown dark and
Edelgard, as I could hear, was asleep above me.
Something had wrenched me out of the depths of
slumber in which I was sunk and had brought me
up again with a jerk to that surface known to us
as sentient life. You are aware, my friends, being
also living beings with all the experiences connected
with such a condition behind you, you are aware

3i8

THE CARAVANERS

what such a jerking is. It seems to be a series of
flashes. The first flash reminds you (with an
immense shock) that you are not as you for one
comfortable instant supposed in your own safe
familiar bed at home; the second brings back the
impression of the loneliness and weirdness of
Frogs' Hole Farm (or its, in your case, local
equivalent) that you received while yet it was day;
the third makes you realize with a clutching at
your heart that something happened before you
woke up, and that something is presently going to
happen again. You lie awake waiting for it, and
the entire surface of your body becomes as you
wait uniformly damp. The sound of a person
breathing regularly in the apartment does but em-
phasize your loneliness. I confess I was unable to
reach out for matches and strike a light, unable
to do anything under that strong impression that
something had happened except remain motionless
beneath the bed-coverings. This was no shame to
me, my friends. Face me with cannon, and I have
the courage of any man living, but place me on the
edge of the supernatural and I can only stay
beneath the bedclothes and grow most lamentably
damp. Such a thin skin of wood divided me from
the night outside. Any one could push back the
window standing out there; any one ordinarily tall
would then have his head and shoulders practically
inside the caravan. And there was no dog to

THE CARAVANERS 319

warn us or to frighten such a wretch away. And
all my money was beneath my mattress, the worst
place possible to put it in if what you want is not
to be personally disturbed. What was it I had
heard? What was it that called me up from
the depths of unconsciousness .? As the moments
passed — and except for Edelgard's regular
breathing there was only an awful emptiness
and absence of sound — I tried to persuade my-
self it was just the sausages having been so pink
at dinner; and the tenseness of my terror had
begun slowly to relax when I was smitten stark
again — and by what, my friends ? By the tuning
of a violin.

Now consider, you who frequent concerts and
see nothing disturbing in this sound, consider our
situation. Consider the remoteness from the high-
way of Frogs* Hole Farm; how you had, in order
to reach it, to follow the prolonged convolutions
of a lane; how you must then come by a cart
track along the edge of a hop-field; how the
house lay alone and empty in a hollow, deserted,
forlorn, untidy, out of repair. Consider further
that none of our party had brought a violin and
none, to judge from the absence in their conversa-
tion of any allusions to such an instrument, played
on it. No one knows who has not heard one
tuned under the above conditions the blankness
of the horror it can strike into one's heart. I

320

THE CARAVANERS

III

listened, stiff with fear. It was tuned with a care
and at a length that convinced me that the spirit
turning its knobs must be of a quite unusual
musical talent, possessed of an acutely sensitive
ear. How came it that no one else heard it?
Was it possible — I curdled at the thought — that
only myself of the party had been chosen by the
powers at work for this ghastly privilege ? When
the thing broke into a wild dance, and a great and
rhythmical stamping of feet began apparendy quite
near and yet equally apparently on boards, I was
seized with a panic that relaxed my stiffness into
action and enabled me to thump the underneath of
Edelgard's mattress with both my fists, and thump
and thump with a desperate vigour that did at last
rouse her.

Being half asleep she was more true to my
careful training than when perfecdy awake,
and on liearing my shouts she unhesitatingly
tumbled out of her berth and leaning into
mine asked me with some anxiety what the
matter was.

"The matter? Do you not hear?" I said,
clutching her arm with one hand and holding up
the other to enjoin silence.

She woke up entirely.

'• Why, what in the world " she said. Then

pulling a window curtain aside she peeped out.
"There's only the Ailsa there," she said, "dark

THE CARAVANERS 321

and quiet. And only the Ilsa here," she added,
peeping through the opposite curtain, "dark
and quiet."

I looked at her, marvelling at the want of
imagination in women that renders it possible
for them to go on being stolid in the presence
of what seemed undoubtedly the supernatural.
Unconsciously this stolidity, however, made me feel
more like myself; but when on her gxmg to the
door and unbolting it and looking out she made
an exclamation and hastily shut it again, I sank
back on my pillow once more hors de combat, so
great was the shock. Face me. I say, with cannon,
and I can do anything but expect nothing of me
if it is ghosts.

"Otto," she whispered, holding the door, "come
and look."
I could not speak.

"Get up and come and look," she whispered
again.

Well my friends I had to, or lose forever my
moral hoW of and headship over her. Besides,
I was drawn somehow to the fatal door. How
I got out of my berth and along the cold
floor of the caravan to the end I cannot con-
ceive. I was obliged to help myself along, I
remember, by sliding my hand over the surface
of the yellow box. I muttered, I remember, "I
am ill — I am ill," and truly never did a man

322 THE CARAVANERS

feel more so. And when I got to the door
and looked through the crack she opened, what
did I see?

I saw the whole of the lower windows of the
farmhouse ablaze with candles.

CHAPTER XVIII

MY hearers will I hope appreciate the frank-
ness with which I show them all my sides,
good and bad. I do so with my eyes open, aware
that some of you may very possibly think less
well of me for having been, for instance, such a prey
to supernatural dread. Allow me, however, to
pomt out that if you do you are wrong. You
suffer from a confusion of thought. And I will
show you why. My wife, you will have noticed,
had on the occasion described few or no fears.
Did this prove courage? Certainly not. It
merely proved the thicker spiritual skin of woman.
Quite without that finer sensibility that has made
men able to produce works of genius while wompn
have been able only to produce (a merely mechanical
process) young, she felt nothing apparendy but
a bovine surprise. Clearly, if you have no imagin-
ation neither can you have any fears. A dead
man is not frightened. An almost dead man does
not care much either. The less dead a man is
the more do possible combinations suggest them-
selves to him. It is imagination and sensibility,
or the want of them, that removes you further or

3*3

3*4

THE CARAVANERS

brings you nearer to the animals. Consequently
(I trust I am being followed ?) when imagination
and sensibility are busiest, as they were during
those moments I lay waiting and listening in my
berth, you reach the highest point of aloofness
from the superiority to the brute creation; your
vitality is at its greatest; you are, in a word, if I
may be permitted to coin an epigram, least dead.
Therefore, my friends, it is plain that at that very
moment when you (possibly) may have thought
I was showing my weakest side I was doing the
exact opposite, and you will not, having intelligendy
followed the argument, say at the end of it as my
poor litde wife did, " But how ?"

I do not wish, however, to leave you longer
under the impression that the deserted farmhouse
was haunted. It may have been of course, but it
was not on that night of last August. What was
happening was that a party from the parsonage —
a holiday party of young and rather inclined to be
noisy people, which had overflowed the bounds of
the accommodation there — was utilizing the long,
empty front room as an impromptu (I believe
that is the expression) ball-room. The farm
belonged to the pastor — observe the fatness of
these British ecclesiastics — and it was the practice
of his family during the holidays to come down
sometimes in the evening and dance in it. All
this I found out after Edelgard had dressed and

THE CARAVANERS 325

gone across to see for herself what the lights and
stamping meant. She insisted on doing so in
spite of my warnings, and came back after a long
interval to tell me the above, her face flushed and
her eyes bright, for she had seized the opportunity
regardless of what I might be feeling waiting alone*
to dance too. '

"You danced too?" I exclaimed.
" Do come. Otto. It is such fun," said she.
"With whom did you dance, may I inquire?"
I asked, for the thought of the Baroness von
Ottnngel dancing with the first comer in a foreign
farm was of course most disagreeable to me
"Mr. Jellaby," said she. "Do come."
" Jellaby ? What is he doing there ?"
"Dancing. And so is everybody. They are
all there. That's why their caravans were so quiet
Do come."

And she ran out again, a childishly eager expres-
sion on her face, into the night.
"Edelgard!" I called.

But though she must have heard me she did
not come back.

Relieved, puzzled, vexed, and curious together
I did get up and dress, and on lighting a candle
and looking at my watch I was astonished to find
that It was only a quarter to ten. For a moment I
could not credit my eyes, and I shook the watch
and held it to my ears, but it was going.

326

THE CARAVANERS

as steadily as usual, and all I could do was to
reflect as I dressed on what may happen to
you if you go to bed and to sleep at seven
o'clock.

And how soundly I must have done it. But
of course I was unusually weary, and not feeling
at all well. Two hours' excellent sleep, however,
had done wonders for me so great are my recupera-
tive powers, and I must say I could not help
smiling as I crossed the yard and went up to the
house at the remembrance of Menzies-Legh's
glass of tea. He would not see much milk about
me now, thought I, as I strode, giving my
moustache ends a final upward push and guided
by the music, into the room in which they were
dancing.

The dance came to an end as I entered, and a
sudden hush seemed to fall upon the company.
It was composed of boys and young girls attired in
evening garments next to which the clothes of the
caravaners, weather-beaten children of the road,
looked odd and grimy indeed. The tender lady,
it is true, had put on a white and cobwebby kind
of blouse, which together with her short walking
skirt and the innocent droop of her fair hair about
her little ears made her look at the most eighteen,
and Mrs. Menzies-Legh had tricked herself out
in white too, producing indeed for our admira-
tion a white skirt as well as a white blouse, and

1)1

THE CARAVANERS 327

achieving at the most by these eflForts an air of
(no doubt spurious) cleanliness; but the others
were still all spattered and disfigured by the
muddy accumulations of the past day.

Though they stopped dancing as I came in I
had time to receive a photograph on my mind's
eye of the various members of our party: of
Jellaby, loose-coilared and wispy-haired, gyrating
with poor Frau von Eckthum, of Edelgard, flushed
with childish enjoyment, in the grip of a boy who
might very well hate been her own if I had married
her a few years sooner and if it were conceivable
that I could ever have produced anything so
undeveloped and half-grown, and of, if you
please, Menzies-Legh in all his elderliness, dancing
with an object the short voluminousness of whose
clothing proclaimed a condition of unripeness
even greater than that of the two fledglings-
dancing, in a word, with a child.

That he should dance at all was, you will
agree, sufl^ciently unworthy but at least if he
must make himself publicly foolish he might have
done it with some one more suited to his years,
some one of the age of the lady, for instance —
singularly unlike one's idea of a ghost — standing
at the upper end of the room playing the violin
that had half an hour previously been so incom-
prehensible to me.
On seeing me enter he stopped dead, and

328

THE CARAVANERS

li ;

his face resumed the familiar look of lowering
gloom. The other couples followed his example,
and the violin, after a brief hesitation, whined
away into passivity.

"Capital," said I heartily to Menzie5-Legh,
who happened to have been in the act of dancin«;
past the door I came in by. "Capital. Enjoy
yourself, my friend. You are doing adir rably
well for what you told me is a weed. In a Gtrman
ball-room you would, I assure you, create an
immense sensation, for it is not the custom
there for gentlemen over thirty — which," I
amended, bowing, "I may be entirely wrong in
presuming that you are — for gentlemen over
thirty "

But he interrupted me to remark with the
intelligence that characterized him (after all, what
ailed the man was, I believe, principally stupidity)
that this was not a German ball-room.

"Ah," said I, "you are right there, my friend.
That indeed is what you English call a different
pair of shoes. If it were, do you know where
the gentlemen over thirty would be ? "

He spoiled the neat answer I had all ready of
"Not there" by, instead of seeking information,
observing with his customary boorishness, "Con-
found the gentlemen over thirty," and walking
his long-stockinged partner away.

"Otto," whispered my wife, hurrying up, "you

THE CARAVANERS 329

musi come and be introduced to the people who
are kindly letting us dance here."

"Not unless they are of decent birth," I said
firmly.

••Whether they are or not you must come,"

said she. "The lady who is playing is "

"I know, 1 know, she is a ghost," said I, unable
to forbear smiling at my own jest; and I think
my hearers will agree that a man who can make
tun of himself may certainly be said to be at
least fairly equipped with a sense of humour.
Edelgard stared. "She is the pastor's wife "
she said. "It is her party. It is so kind of
her to let us in. You must come and be
introduced."

''She is a ghost," I persisted, greatly diverted
by the notion, for I felt a reaction of cheerfulness,
and never was a lady more substantial than the
one with the violin; "she is a ghost, and a highly
unattractive specimen of the sect. Dear wife,
only ghosts should be introduced to other ghosts!
I am flesh and blood, and will therefore go instead
and release the little Eckthum from the flesh and
blood persistencies of Jellaby."

•;But Otto, you must come," said Edelgard,
laying her hand on my arm as I prepared to move in
the direction of the charming victim; "you can't
be rude. She is your hostess "

••She is my ghostess," said I, very divertingly I

MKROCOTY leSOlUTION TBT CHART

(ANSI and ISO TEST CHART No. 2)

1*1

lit
la

112

14.0

■ 2.2

IlinH

^ APPLIED IfVHGE

'65 J Eosl Main Street

rffewt"; ^"' ''°"' '♦609 USA
(716) *a2 - 0300 - Phone
(716) 288 - 5989 - Fax

Inc

330

THE CARAVANERS

thought; so divertingly that I was seized by a
barely controllable desire to indulge in open mirth.

Edelgard, however, with the blank incompre-
hension of the droll so often to be observed in
women, did not so much as smile.

"Otto," said she, "you absolutely must *'

"Must, dear wife,*' said I with returning
gravity, "is a word no woman of tact ever lets
her husband hear. I see no must why I, being
who I am, should request an introduction to a
Frau Pastor. I would not in Storchwerder.
Still less will I at Frog's Hole Farm."

" But you are her guest "

"I am not. I came."

"But it is so nice of her to allow you to come."

"It is not niceness. She is delighted at the
honour."

" But Otto, you simply can't "

I was about to move off definitely to the corner
where Frau von Eckthum sat helpless in the talons
of Jellaby when who should enter the door just
in front of which Edelgard was wrangling but the
creature I had last parted from on unfriendly terms
in the church a few hours before.

Attired this time from chin to boots in a long
and narrow buttoned-down black garment suj,'ges-
tive of that of the Pope's priests, with a gold cross
dangling on his chest, his eye immediately caught
mine and the genial smile of the party-giver with

THE CARAVANERS ^^j

which he had come in died away. Evidently he
had been there earlier, for Edelgard as though
she were well acquainted with h.n darted forward
(where, alas, remained the dignity of th- well-
born?) and very officiously introduced me to him
Me to him, observe.

And she did.

It was of course the pastor who ought to have
been mtroduced to me on such neutral ground as
an impromptu ball-room, but Edelgard had, as the
caravan tour lengthened, acquired the habit of
using the presence of a third person in order to do
as she chose, with no reference whatever to my
known wishes. This is a habit specially annoying
to a man of my disposition, peppery perhaps, but
essentially ban enfant, who likes to get his cautions
and reprimands over and done with and forgotten
rather than be forced to allow them to accumulate
and brood over them indefinitely.

Rendered helpless by my own good breeding —
a quality which leads to many a discomfort in life
-1 was accordingly introduced for all the world
as though I were the inferior, and could only

s1ffrni7 ''"''^^^"^ ^^ '^' ^^'' ^y ^ conspicuous

"Otto thinks it is so very kind of you to let us
come in, said Edelgard, all smiles and with an

332

THE CARAVANERS

I! I

\r'

augmentation of officiousness and defiance of me
that was incredible.

**I am glad you were able to," replied the pastor
looking at me, politeness in his voice and chill in
his eye. It was plain the creature was still angry
because, in church, I would not pray.

**You are very good," said I, bowing with at
least an equal chill.

"Otto wishes," continued the shameless Edel-
gard, reckless of the private hours with me ahead,
"to be mtroduced to your — to Mrs. — Mrs. "

"Raggett," supplied the pastor.

And I would certainly have been dragged up
then and there to the round red ghost at the top
of the room while Edelgard, no doubt, triumphed
in the background, if it Aiad not itself come to the
rescue by striking up another tune on its fiddle.

"Presently," said the pastor, now become
crystallized for me into Raggett. "Presently.
Then with pleasure."

And his glassy eye, fixed on mine, had little
of pleasure in it.

At this point Edelgard danced away with Jellaby
from under my very nose. I made an instinctive
movement toward the slender figure alone in the
corner, but even as I oved a half-grown boy
secured her and hurried her off among the dancers.
Looking round, I saw no one else I could go and
talk to; even Mrs. Menzies-Legh was not avail-

THE CARAVAN

333

able. There was nothing for it, therefore, but
unadulterated Raggett.

"It is nice," observed this person, watching the
dancers — he had a hooky profile as well as a
glassy eye — "to see young people enjoyinc
themselves." *

I bowed, determined to keep within the limits of
strict iciness; but as Jellaby and my wife whirled
past I could not forbear adding:

"Especially when the young people are so
mature that they are fully aware of the extent of
their own enjoyment."

"Yes," said he; without, however, any real
responsiveness.

* It is only," said I, "when a woman is mature,
and more than mature, that she begins to enjoy
being young."

"Yes," said he; still with no real responsiveness.

"You may possibly," said I, nettled by this
indifference, "regard that as a paradox."

"No," said he.

"It is, however," said I more loudly, "not one "

''No," said he.

"It is on the contrary," said I still louder, "a
rathei subtle but undeniable truth."

"Yes," said he; and I then perceived that he
was not listening.

I do not know what my hearers feel, but I
fancy they feel with me that when a gentleman of

334

THE CARAVANERS

jiii

birth and position is amiable enough to talk to a
person of neither it is particularly galling to Jis-
cover that that person is so unable to grasp the
true aspect of the situation as to neglect even to
follow the conversation. Good breeding (as I have
before remarked, a great hinderer) prevents one's
explaining who one is and emphasizing who the
other person is and doing then and there a sum
of subtraction between one's own value and his
and offering him the result for his closer inspection,
so what is one to <>? Stiffen and go dumb, I
suppose. Good b: ceding allows no more. Alas,
there are many and heavy drawbacks to being a
gentleman.

Raggett had evidently not been listening to a
word I said, for after his last abstracted "Yes,"
he suddenly turned the glassiness of his eye full
upon me.

"I did not know," he said, "when I saw you
in church "

Really the breeding that could go back to the
church and what happened there was too bad for
words. My impulse was to stop him by saying
"Shall we dance .?" but I was too uncertain of the
extent, nay of the existence, of his powers of
seeing fun to venture.

" -- that you were not English, or I should
not have asked "

"Sir," I interrupted, endeavouring to get him

•'*iL,-

THE CARAVANERS 335

at all cost out of the church, "who, after all is
English?" '

He looked surprised. "Well," said he, "I am."
"Why, you do not know. You cannot possibly
be certain. Go back a thousand years and, as I
lately read in an ingenious but none the less prob-
ably right book, the whole of Europe was filled
with your fathers and mothers. Starting with
your two parents and four grandparents and going
backward multiplying as you go, the sixteen great-
grandparents are already almost unmanageable,
and a century or two further back you find them
irrepressibly overflowing your little island and
spreading themselves across Europe as thickly and
as adhesively as so much jam, until in days a
trifle more remote not a person living of white
skin but was your father, unless he was your
mother. Take," I continued, as he showed signs
of wanting to interrupt — " take any example you
choose, you will find the same inextricable con-
fusion everywhere. And not only physically —
spiritually. Take any example. Anything at ran-
dom. Take our late lamented Kaiser Friedrich,
who married a daughter of your royal house. It
is our custom to regard and even to call our
Kaiser and Kaiserin the Father and Mother of the
nation. The entire nation therefore is, in a
spiritual sense, half English. So, accordingly,
am I. So, accordingly, to push the point a

336

THE CARAVANERS

step further, you become their nephew, and there-
fore a quarter German — a spiritual German
quarter, even as I am a spiritual English half.
There is no end to the confusion. Have you
observed, sir, that the moment one begins to
think everything does become confused.?"

"Are you not dancing.?'* said he, fidgetting
and looking about him.

I think one is often angry with people because,
having assumed on first acquaintance that they are
on one's own level of intelligence, their speech
and actions presently prove that they are not.
This is unjust; but, like most unjust things,
natural. I, however, as a reasonable man do my
best to fight against it, and on Raggett's asking
this question for all response to the opportunity I
gave him of embarking on an interesting discus-
sion, I checked my natural annoyance by realizing
that he was what Men^vs-TvCgh probably was,
merely stupid. Stupidi .learers will agree,

is of various kinds, and v i is want of interest
in what is interesting. ^. .ourse this particular
stupid was hopelessly ill-bred besides, for what
can be more so than meeting a series of, to put
them at their lowest, suggestive remarks by
inquiring if one is not dancing .?

"My dear sir," I said, preserving my own
manners at least, "in my country it is not the
custom for married gentlemen over thirty to dance.

h-A

A ,.-

THE CARAVANERS ^^y

Perhaps you were paying me the compliment
(often, I must say, paid me before) of supposing
I am not yet that age, but I assure you that I am.
Nor do ladies continue to dance in our country
once their early youth is past and their oudines
become — shall we say, bolder? Seats are then
provided for them round the walls, and on them
they remain in suitable passivity until the oasis
afforded by the Lancerr is reached, when the
elder gentlemen pour gallantly out of the room in
which they play cards all the evening and lead
them through its intricacies with the ceremony that
satisfies Society's sense of the becoming. In this

country, on the contrary "

"Really," he interrupted, his habit of fidgetting
more pronounced than ever, "you talk English
with such a flow and volume that after all you

very well might have joined *'

I now saw that the man was a fanatic, a type
of unbalanced person I have always particularly
disliked. Good breeding is little if at all appre-
ciated by fanatics, and I might have been excused
3f, at this point, I had flung mine to the winds. I
did not do so, however, but merely interrupted
him in my turn by informing him with cold
courteousness that I was a Lutheran.

"And Lutherans," I added, "do not pray. At
Tu ^^' »°^ ^"^'bly, and certainly never in duets.
More," I continued, putting up my hand as he

TH^. CARAVANERS

338

opened his mouth to speak, "more. I am a
philosopher, and the prayers of a philosopher
cannot be confined within the limits of any formula.
Formuk^ are for the undeveloped. You tie
a child into its chair lest, untied, it shoul . f.ill
disastrously to the floor. You tie the undeveloped
adult to a creed lest, untied, he should fall good-
ness really knows where. The grown man, of
full stature in mind as well as body, requires no
tying. His whole life is his creed. Nothing
cut and dried, nothing blatant, nothing gaudily
apparent to the outside world, but a subtle satura-
tion, a continual soaking "

"Excuse me," said he, "one of those candles
is guttering."

And he hurried across the room with an expedi-
tion I would not have thought possible in a man
so gray and glassy to where, in the windows, the
illuminating «'ows of candles had beer placed.

Nor did he jome back, I am glr d say, for I
found him terribly fatiguing; and I remained
alone, leaning against the wall by the door.

Down at the further end of the room danced
my gentle friend, and also her sister; also all the
other members of our party except Menzies-Legh
who, recalled to decency by my good-natured
shafts, spent the rest of his time sober y either
helping the pastor pinch off candle-wicks or turn-
ing over the ghost's music for it.

THE CARAVANERS 339

Desiring to watch Frau von Eckthum more
conveniently (for I assure you it was a pretty
sight to see her ^race, and how the same tune
that made my wife whiri moved her to nothing
more ruffling than an appearance of being wafted)
and also in order to be at hand should Jellaby
become too tactless, I went down to where our
party seemed to be gathered in a knot and took
ujp my position near them against another portion
of the wall.

I had hardly done so before they seemed to
have melted away to the upper end.

As they did not come back I presently strolle I
after them. They then appeared to melt back
again to the bottom.

It was very odd. It was almost like an optical
illusioL. When I went up, they went down;
when I went down, they went up. I felt at last
as one may feel who plays at see-saw, and began
to doubt whether I were really n firm ground
— on terra cotta, as I (amusi.gly, I thou|.*t)
called it to Edelgurd when we alighted frum
the steamer at Queenboro*, endeavouring *«
restore hei spirits and make her laugh. (Q »
m vain I may add, which inclined me to won
I remember, whether the illiteracy which is one ^
the leading characteristics of people*s wives harf
made it impossible for her to understand even so
simple a classical play on words as that. In the

340

THE CARAVANERS

ill)

Iti,

1 1 '

train I realized that it was not illiteracy but th
crossing; and I will say for Edelgard that up 1
the time the English spirit of criticism got, like
devasting microbe, hold of her German womanl
ness, she had invariably laughed when I cho!
to jest.)

But gradually the profitless see-sawing began 1
tire me. The dance ended, another began, an
still my little white-bloused friend had not one
been within reach. I made a determined effort t
get to her in the pauses between the dunces i
order to offer to break the German rule on h<
behalf and give her one dance (for I fancy she ws
vexed that I did not) and also to help her out ^
the clutches of Jellaby, but I might as well haA
tried to dance with and help a moonbeam. Sh
was here, she was there, she was everywher
except where I happened to be. Once I ha
almost achieved success when, just as I was sui
of her, she ran up lo the ghost resting at ths
moment from its labours and embarked in a
apparently endless and absorbing discussion v/i;
it, deaf and blind to all beside; and as I ha
made up my mind that nothing would induce n
to extend my Raggett acquaintance by causir
myself to be introduced to the psychical phen
menon bearing that name, I was forced to retrea

Moodily, though. My first hilarity was extii
guished. Bon enfant though I am I cannot j

THE CARAVANERS 34,

on l>eing bon enfant forever — I must have, so to
speak, the encouragement of a ' ctflc at ipiervals-
and I was thinking of taking Edel;: ,r j away and
givmg her, before the others returned to their
caravans, a brief description of what maturity com-
bmed with calf-like enjoyment looks like to by-
Slanders, when M-. Menzies-Lcgh passing on
the arm of a par n. caught sight of my face, let
her partner go, an^ .amc up to me.

"I suppose," she said (and she had at least
the grace to hesitate), "it would be no good
askmg — asking you to — dance?"
I stared at her in undisguised astonishment.
, a » ^?" "°^ dreadfully bored, standing there
alone? she said, as I did not answer. *• Won't
you — " (again she had the grace to hesitate) —
won't you — dance?"

P mtedly, and still staring amazed, I inquired
of r with whom, for really I could hardly
beheve " ^

"With me, if— if you will," said she, a rather
ame attempt at a smile and a distinctly anxious
look in her eyes showing that at least it was only
a momentary aberration.

Momentary or not, however, I am not the man
to smile with feigned gratification when what is
needed is rebuke, especially in the case of this
lady who of all others needed o le so often and
so badly.

342

THE CARAVANERS

it'

'Why," I exclaimed, not caring to conceal my
opinion, "why — this is matriarchy!"

And turning on my heel I made my way at
once to my wife, stopped her whirlings, drew her
away from her partner's arm (Jellaby's, by the
way), made her take her husband's and without a
word led her out of the room.

But, as I passed the door I saw the look of (I
should think pretended) astonishment of Mrs.
Menzies-Legh's face give way to the appearance
of the dimple, to a sudden screwing together of
the upper and lower eyelashes, and my friends
will be able to form a notion of how complete was
the havoc England had wrought in all she had
been taught to understand and reverence in hei
youth when I tell them that what she was mani*
festly trying not to do was to laugh.

CHAPTER XIX

PSSENTIALLY, as I have already pointed out,
-L/ ton en/ant I seldom let a bad yesterday spoil
a promising to-day; and when on peeping through
my curtains next morning I saw the sun had turned
our forbidding camp of the night before into a
bland warm place across which birds darted sing-
ing, a cheery whisde formed itself on my lips and
1 became aware of that inward satisfaction our
neighbours (to whom we owe, I franicly acknowl-
edge, much besides Alsace and Lorraine) have
aptly named the joie de vivre.

Left to myself this joie would undoubtedly
always continue uninterruptedly throughout the
day The greater then, say I, the responsibility
of those who damp it. Indeed, the responsibility
resting on the shoulders of the people who cross
one s path during the day is far more tremendous
than they in the thickness of their skins imagine.
1 will not, however, at present go into that, having
gradually in the course of writing this become
aware that what I shall probably do next will be
to collect and embody all my more metaphysical
side into a volume to itself with plenty of room

343

HI
Hi

344

THE CARAVANERS

in it, and will here, then, merely ask my hearers
to behold me whistling in my caravan on that
bright August morning, whistling, and ready, as
every sound man should be, to leave the annoy-
ances of yesterday beneath their own dust and
begin the new day in the spirit of "Who knows
but before nightfall I shall have conquered the
world?"

My mother (a remarkable woman) used to tell
me it was a good plan to start like that, and indeed
I believe the results by nightfall would be sur-
prisingly encouraging if only other people would
leave one alone. For, as they meet you, each one
by his behaviour takes away a further portion of
that which in the morning was so undimmed.
Why, sometimes just Edelgard at breakfast has
by herself torn off the whole stock of it at once;
and generally by dinner there is but little left.
It is true that occasionally after dinner a fresh
wave of it sets in, but sleep absorbs that before
it has had time, as the colloquialists would say,
so much as to turn round.

My hearers, then, without my going further into
this, must conceive me whistling and full of French
joie in the subdued sunlight of the Elsa's curtained
interior on that bright summer morning at Frogs*
Hole Farm.

The floor sloped, for during the night the
Elsa's left hind wheel had sunk into an

THE CARAVANERS 345

uncobbled portion of the yard where the soft mud
offered no resistance, but even the prospect of
having to dig this out before we could start did
not depress me. I thought I had noticed my head
smking lower and lower during my dreams, and
after having, half asleep, endeavoured to correct
this impression by means of rolling up my day
clothes and putting them beneath my pillow and
finding that it made no difference, I decided it
must be a nightmare and let well alone. In the
morning, on waking after Edelgard's departure,
I realized what had happened, and if any of you
ever caravan you had better see when you go to
bed that all four of your wheels are on that which
I called at Queenboro* terra cotta (you will remem-
ber I explained why it was my wife was unable to
be amused) or you will have some pretty work cut
out for you next morning.

Even this prospect, however, did not, as I say,
depress me. Dumb objects like caravans have no
such power, and as nobody not dumb had yet
crossed my path I was still, so to speak, untarn-
ished. I had even made up my mind to forget
the half-hour with Edelgard the previous night
after the ball, and since a willingness to ioxgn is
the same thing as a willingness to forgive I think
you will all agree that I began that day very well.

Descending to breaki ist, I experienced a slight
shock (the first breath of tarnish) on finding no

346

THE CARAVANERS

one but Mrs. Menzies-Legh and the nondescripts
there. Mrs. Menzies-Legh, however, though no
doubt feeling privately awkward managed to
behave as though nothing had happened, hoped I
had slept well, and brought my coffee. She did
not talk as much as usual, but attended to my
wants with an assiduousness that pointed to her
being, after all, ashamed.

I inquired of her with the dignity that means
determined distance where the others were, and
she said gone for a walk.

She remarked on the beauty of the day, and I
replied, "It is indeed."

She then said, slightly sighing, that if only
the weather had been like that from the first the
tour would have been so much more enjoyable.

On which I observed, with reserved yet easy
conversation, that the greater part still lay before
us, and who knew but that from then on it was
not going to be fine ?

At this she looked at me in silence, her head
poised slighdy on one side, seriously and pen-
sively, as she had done among the Bodiam ruins;
then opened her mouth as though to speak, but
thinking better of it got up instead and fetched
me more food.

At last, thought I, she was learning the right
way to set about pleasing; and I could not pre-
vent a feeling of gratification at the success

THE CARAVANERS 347

of my method with her. There was an unusually
good breakfast too, which increased this fe^Wne
— eggs and bacon, a combined luxury not before
seen on our table. The fledglings hung over the

'T Z t^''^ '^'"^^ preparing relays of it
under Mrs Menzies-Legh's directions, who, while
she directed, held the coffee-pot in her arms to
keep It warm. She explained she did so for my
second cup. I might and indeed I would have
suspected that she did so not to keep the coffee
but her arms warm, if it had not been such a
grillmg day. Heat quivered in a blue haze
over the hop-poles of the adjacent field. The
sunless farmhouse looked invitingly cool and
shady now that the surrounding ! ill-tops were
one glare of light. To hold warm coffee in one's
arms on such a morning could not possibly show
anything but a meritorious desire to make
amends; and as I am not a man to do what
the scriptural call quench the smoking flax, and
yet not a man to forgive too quickly recently
audacious ladies, I dexterously mingled extreme
politeness with an unshakable reserve.

But I did not care to prolong what was
practically a tete-^-t one moment more than
necessary, and could ot but at last perceive in
her persistent replenishings of my cup and plate
the exactly contrary desire in the lady. So I got
up with a courteously declining, "No, no — a

348

THE CARAVANERS

reasonable man knows when to leave off," mur-
mured something about seeing to things, bowed,
and withdrew.

Where I withdrew to was the hop-field and a cigar.

I lay down in the shade of these green promises
of beer in a corner secure from observation,
and reflected that if the others could waste time
taking supererogaiory exercise I might surely
be allowed an interval of calm; and as there are
no mosquitoes in England, at least none that I
ever saw, it really was not unpleasant for once to
contemplate nature from the ground. But I must
confess I was slightly nettled by the way the rest
of the party had gone off without waiting to see
whether I would not like to go too. At first,
busied by breakfast, I had not thought of this.
Presently, in the hop-field, it entered my mind,
and though I would not have walked far with
them it would 1 ve been pleasant to let the rest
go on ahead and remain myself in some cool
corner talking to my gentle but lately so elusive
friend.

I must say also that I felt no little surprise
that Edelgard should gad away in such a manner
before our caravan had been tidied up and after
what I had said to her the last thing the night
before. Did she then think, in her exuberant
defiance, that I would turn to and make our beds
for her f

THE CARAVANERS 3^,

. My cigar being finished I lav awhIU .k- u
■ng of d,e« things, fanned by I ge'd 'breeze"
Counter sounds, at a distance to make rm
agreeable, gradually soothed ear and b«in ?
cock crowed just far enough away A lark
sang muffled by space. The bells X inviS

I smiled as I hou^hf of R:'L„TndrhU:'"!'-
forced ,0 make the best of things by themi

my limbs relaxed; aXllUnt^lte'™''''''''

^ Jtfrr ^lelJ-rr o-anntj
once more become conscious th. • ™''

well advanced and th?~;e XTh^K:

Tr ^ori" s"' '"■" ^"""'^ -IklSlh oTgh

v".^thl rear t"^ '" """"^ *'™ ^ ^°""''

whici'-s'ji z. i.:^: £'w3u*;in^t'

M w. being doctored by Menzies-Lrjenal^y!

5;a;:dti5^;j--^^^^

been enjoying yourself ? " appeared,

saturnine brow. moisture on his

!■

350

THE CARAVANERS

Well, here my experience as an artillery oflfic(
accustomed to getting gun-carriages out of pr
dicaments enabled me at once to assume authorit;
and drawing up a camp stool I gave them direi
tions as they worked. They did not, it is tru
listen much, thinking as English people so invar
ably do that they knew better, but by not listenir
they merely added another half-hour to the
labour, and as it was fine and warm and sittir
superintending them much less arduous tha
marching, I had no real objection.

I told Menzies-Legh this at the time, but \
did not answer, so I told him again when we wei
on the road about the half-hour he might hai
saved if he had worked on my plan. He seeme
to be in a more than usually bad temper, for 1
only shrugged his shoulders and looked glun
and my hearers will agree that Mrs. Menzie
Legh*s John was not a possession for England
be specially proud of.

We journeyed that day toward Canterbury,
town you, my friends, may or may not have heai
of. That it is an English town I need not sa
for if it were not would we have been going ther(
And it is chiefly noted, I remembered, for i
archbishop.

This gentleman, I was told by Jellaby (
my questioning him, walks directly behind tl
King's eldest son, and in front of all the nobl

THE CARAVANERS

351
.n processions He is a pastor, but how greatly

of that which in the bud was only a curate. Every
Enghsh curate, like Buonaparte's soldiers are said

itlLT '"t"" ^" ^''' *^""^^^g ^he mitre of
ZV fu^' u^u'^" °"'y ^^^Sard it as a blessing

would find It difficult with this possibility in view
ever to be really natural to a curate. As it is I
am perfectly natural. With absolute simplicity
I show ours his place and keep him to it; and I
am equally simple with our Superintendents and
General Superintendents, the nearest approach our
pure and frugal Church goes to bishops and arch-
bishops. There is nothing glorified about them.
Ihey are just respectable elderly men, with God-
fearing wives who prepare their dinner for them

much be said for the wives of your archbishops .?"
Wo, said he.

"Another point, then," said I, with the jesting
manner one uses to gild unpalatable truth, "on
winch we Germans are ahead."

Jeilaby pushed his wisp of hair back and
mopped his forehead. From my position at my
horse s head I had called to him as he was walking
quickly past me, for I perceived he had my poor
gentle little friend in tow and was once again
mflicting his society on her. He could not, how-

352

THE CARAVANERS

ever, refuse to linger on my addressing him, ar
I took care to ask him so many questions abo
Canterbury and its ecclesiastical meaning that Fn
von Eckthum was able to have a litde rest.

A faint flush showed she understood and appr
ciated. No longer obliged to exert herself conve
sationally, as I had observed she was doing wh(
they passed, she dropped into her usual calm ai
merely listened attentively to all I had to say. B
we had hardly begun before Mrs. Menzics-Leg
who was in front, happened to look round, ai
seeing us immediately added her company to wh
was already more than company enough, and pui
stop to anything approaching real conversation 1
herself holding forth. No one wanted to he
her; least of all myself, to whom she chie
addressed her remarks. The others, indeed, we
able to presently slip away, which they did to t
rear of our column, I think, for I did not see th(
again; but I, forced to lead my horse, was helple

I leave it to you, my friends, to decide wl
strictures should be passed on such persisten(
I cannot help feeling that it was greatly to i
credit that I managed to keep within bounds
politeness under such circumstances. One thii
however, is eternally sure: the more a lady pursu
the more a gentleman withdraws, and accordinj
those ladies who throw feminine decorum to t
winds only defeat their own ends.

THE CARAVANERS ,„

re.d.„ and leapf.^g''Se™,.Tor''. ''"
administer the little le,«,r No ""iNh"'' '"
were tliin enough for her ,„ 1 ' ''°*«w,

instead of becoming „d a^d Ltd 'shT'.; T''
me through her eyelashe, wl.r/n':! tf pttn «
innocence and said "R..# n- "", °' P^tended

feminine decorum ?" ' ^™" ''"'' *•«" "

As though feminine decorum or m„-i. „
vrtue were thing, that could be exl^^"^ "

pJ?T;ea:ttl^f,\.t^^^^^^

down on it. and full of k mj- ^"" beating

one is told ;ne"lrbHo'n"S: fo^t rX'

ionXr^an^ 1 Va'^h'eT ^ f^' ^^^'^^
»me hy^ocrfticaratthui I ^°'"' '""'""'P' *«
Pa^^fhadS^^^^^^^^ o^ .He

on a slope just outsideM dfy wTth vllir""''

sT^vrd :'r '"-'^ '"Hab-unj ctw irr::

354

THE CARAVANERS

the hard straw remaining hurt one's weary fee
nor had it any auvantages that I could see, thoug
the others spoke of the view. This, if you pleasi
consisted of the roofs of the houses in the tow
and a cathedral rising from their midst in a ne
work of scaffolding. I pointed this out to them a
they stood staring, but Menzies-Legh was quit
unshaken in his determination 'o stay just on ths
spot, in spite of there being a railway line runnin
along the bottom of the field and a station with a
its noises within a stone's throw. I thought
odd to have come to a town at all, for till then th
party had been unanimous in its desire to avoi
even villages, bjit on my remarking on this the
murmured something about the cathedral, a
though the building below, or rather the mas
c -icaffolding, were enough to excuse the mo!
inconsistent conduct.

The heat of that shadeless stubblefield ws
indescribable. It did not possess a tree. At th
bottom was, as I have said, the railway. At th
top, just above where we were, a market gardei
a thing of vegetables, whose aim is to have ?
few shadows as possible. Languidly the part
made preparations for settling down. Languid!
and after a long delay Menzies-Legh dragge
out the stew-pot. In spite of the heat I was a
hungry as a man ought to be who, at four o'clocl
has not yet dined, and as I watched the droopin

THE CARAVANERS 355

caooage. and boiled bacon that I now knew .„
very thoroughly, ,hi, having been our ^'^
(except once or twice when wf had chickens or
in extremity, underdone sausages) since th^K.' ° '
nmg of the tour, a brilliant S;:iX „!&"
the gloom of my brain- Whv nnt r

DC served in the dining-room of an hottl with

hoSbbr°"'' ' "'^«' "^-'f ^™'» 'he hard
Casually I glanced at the view.

though .fetch some access';.;^?. h^tTU^

•'Dc you want anything, Otto?" askeH m„
officious ,nd tactless wife fitting after me -I

she had 1ft r' i'' '■"'' 'I^PP''^''^ ■'"' *« if

Wives are LT, f "?','' ^ ''^^' ^""ppedf
valves are great forcers of faults upon a man

uX^r'^l ''"d she departed, chidden. "'

the hnr- * *"" ?"' "P " «''« 'ky, and round
weather T'- '' •"«'' '"*'"' «" thought of
SUenSr^J 'S a'mr f
garden searching for slu^I sS a ::;-;",t

356

THE CARAVANERS

two conversing, and then, a backward glani
having assured me the caravaners were sti
drooping in listless preparation round the ste\
pot, I sauntered, humming, through the gat

Immediately I ran into Jellaby, who, a bucket (
water in each hand, was panting along the roa

"Hullo, Baron," he gasped; "enjoying you
self?"

*'I am going," said I with much presence
mind combined with the seriousness that repudiat
any idea of enjoyment, **to buy some matchc
Ours are running short."

"Oh," said he, plumping down his bucke
and fumbling among the folds of his flap]
clothes, "I can lend you some. Here you are."

And he held out a box.

"Jellaby," said I, "what is one box to a whc
— shall we call it household ? My wife requir
many matches. She is constantly striking thei
It is her husband's duty to see that she has enoug
Keep yours. And farewell."

And walking at a pace that prohibited pursi
by a man with buckets I left him.

I have had so many dinners in dining-roor
since that one at Canterbury, ordered repas
without grease and that kept hot, that the wond
of it has lost in my memory much of its fir
brightness. You, my hearers, who dine as I nc
do regularly and well, would hardly if I could st

THE CARAVANERS 357

found a cool room m an inn with the plealntlv

waiter who fell in at once with my views abouf
fresh a.r and shut all the windows. \ haTa news-

eX htnJ °'^"J'^ '^"y"''"8 on the list
except bacon, chickens, and sausages. I also
would not eat potatoes, and declined, as a vegetaWe
cabbage. I drank much wine, fdl-bodifd and

"""mZ' ^"i Vt'^'/^'" '"""^^ "> ''ri"k coffee

Filled and hallowed, once more in thorough

une with myself and life and ready to take any

further experiences the day might bring with

ILrtd T"'"k^' "^'' '°"^^<' dusk the fern;'
that had thus blest me (after debating within

myself whether it would not be prudenf having

regard to the future in further lanes and fields to

sup first, and regretfully realizing that I could not),

and leisurely made my way across the street ,0

?!:^itate"sS' ^''"' "^"^ ''""°""«'' ">'
My decision to peep cautiously in and see

com™f«- ''"r "^"^ ^'""^ ^<'^°" definitely
committing myself to a pew was unnecessary, first
because there were no pews but a mighty empti-
ness and secondly because, along the dusk of this
emptiness groups of persons made their way
to a vast flight of steps dividing the place into

1,7 I

358

THE CARAVANERS

two and leading up to a region, into which the
disappeared, of glimmering lights. Too cleve
now by far to go where there were lights an
praying might be demanded of me, I wanderei
on tiptoe among the gathering shadows at th
other end. It grew quickly darker among th
towering pillars and dim, painted windows. Th
bells left off; the organ began to rumble about
and a distant voice, with a family likeness to tha
of Raggett, sing-songed something long. It hai
no ups and downs, no breaJ s; it was a drawn ou
thread of sound, thin and sweet like a trickle o
liquid sugar. Then many voices took up the sing
song, broadening it out from a thread to a band
Then came the single trickle again; and so the
went on alternately, while I, hidden among thi
pillars, listened very well pleased.

When the organ began, and an endless sing
ing and repeating of the same tune, I cautioush
advanced nearer in search of something to sit on
To the right of the steps I found what I wanted
an empty space in itself as big as our bigges
church in Storchwerder but small in comparisor
to the rest, with immense windows full of th(
painted glass that becomes so confused and mean
ingless in the dusk, no lights, and here and then
a chair or two.

I sat down at the foot of a huge pillar in this
dark and unobserved corner, while the orgar

THE CARAVANERS 35^

above me and the singing voices filled the spaces

P etZarf ,"f ^'r ""-'"-'"S -P' Ss
do I frH T, ''i"'' """fo'f^bk man would

do, I fell asleep, and was only wakened bv the
subdued murmur jus, round the edge of the pil ar

0 two people talking, and I instantlj!^^ alrnos
before my eyes opened, recognized tha ftTas
Frau von Eckthum and Jellaby. ^'

1 had^'no'^l^ed'rT""^ ^'"'"« "" ^""^ ^h'""
1 nad noticed as I came round to the ereater

obscurity of mine. They were so dose fha^l
was practically into my ear that they spoke The
tZhad"'; '"'^''f''^"'' I fancy 'the' congrja!

ofSv .nd ?7?'''' ^°' *^ °^8='" *'•' Play-^8
Z ^'""'"" "^ "Sh^ had gone out.

My ears are as quick as any man's, and I was
grea ly atnused at the situation. "No<" Aough
I, I shall hear what sort of stuff Jellaby inflkts
on patient and inexperienced ladies " '
It iiiio occurred to me that it would be interest

whelher'the ".";, t ''"''' '" "'"'• -<* » ^"
wnether the libel were true that excent m «,

presence she chatted and was locular ']o ula"^

one admires? Of course she was not, and Mrs
Menz.es.Legh was only (very naturally) "Lou "

a.:!;T:nirarke.^''"' -' ^----e-y

They were certainly not laughing. That, how-

360

THE CARAVANERS

ever, may have been the cathedral — not that
men of Jellaby's stamp have even a rudimentary
sense of reverence and decency — but anyhow
part of the libel was disposed of, for the gentle
lady was serious. She was, it is true, a good deal
more fluent than I knew her, but she seemed
moved by some strong emotion wh'ch no doubt
accounted for that. What I could not account
for was her displaying emotion to a person like
Jellaby. The first thing, for instance, that I heard
her say was, "It is all my fault." And her voice
vibrated with penitence.

**Oh, but it wasn't, you know," said Jellaby.

"Yes, it was. And I feel I ought to take a
double share of the burden, and instead I don't
take any."

Burden? What burden could the tender lady
possibly have to bear that would not gladly be
borne for her by many a masculine shoulder,
including mine? I was about to put my head
round the pillar's edge to assure her of this when
she began to speak again.

"I did try — at first," she said. "But I — I
simply can't. So I shift it on to Di."

Di, my friends, is Mrs. Menzies-Legh, chris-
tened with prophetic paganism Diana.

"An extremely sensible thing to do," thought
I, remembering the wiriness of Di.

"She is very wonderful," said Jellaby.

THE CARAVANERS

Yes, I silently agreed, "most."

She IS an angel," said her (I suppose naturally)
partial sister, whose sentiments were beside? „n
doubt, at that moment coloured b? the surround
3 '" -"ich she found herself' BuTiZm

abL'btdn^f ^"""'""^'' 'y ""-^ -™P'e one"

"SO kindly. So unselfishly^'wha, can it b"
nice to have such a husband?"

"2t^'" ^T*" '• ^ "8'" """minating my mind
diey are talking of our friend John. NatS
his charming sister-in-law cannot bear him C
should she be called upon to do .« ?' i,

her husband is solely a ,^ife"saffat" ^° """

Eckim Tthl '''"^^r '^P^^'^'' Frau von
tcKtftum, m the voice of one vainly trvinir ,„

realize something beyond words bad ' ^

amusement soon palls, doesn't it?"
txtraordinarily soon," said Jellaby.

(

I : i

i--!

362

THE CARAVANERS

And she is really sorry for him," said Frai
von Eckthum.

"Indeed ?" thought I, entertained by the patron
izing attitude implied.

"She says," continued her gentle sister, "tha
his loneliness, whether he knows it or not, makei
her ache."

Well, I did not mind Mrs. Menzies-Legh aching
so thought nothing definite there.

"She doesn't want him to notice we get out 01
his way — she is afraid he might be hurt. Do yoi
think he would be ? "

" No," said Jellaby. " Pure leather. "

I agreed, though once again surprised at Jellaby's
baseness.

"I can't think," continued Frau von Eckthum
— "I suppose it's because I am so bad — but 1
really cannot think how she can endure him, and
in such doses."

"He is undoubtedly," said Jellaby, "a verj
grievous bounder."

"What," I wondered, "is a bounder?" But
I applauded Jellaby's sentiment nevertheless, for
there was no mistaking its nature, though his
baseness was really amazing.

" It must be because Di has such a vivid imagina-
tion," continued her sister musingly. "She sees
what he might have been, what he probably was
meant to be "

THE CA. iVANERS 363

"And what he would still be," put in Tellabv

"But John," thought I, "in that is rieht L«
us be fair and admit his good sides. A wife should

Th:„""''".r^''^'^"'"'"'""'' ^ allowed —"
hvTL / ■"'^. '""''' ^y «he point of view

womenfoTa'mal.-'^^'"''^''^'^ """'^ "«= ">'"^ "^
nriS • f / ''""8 "•"'"red to What he was

me a nasty trick (for I would have liked rnhf

lourchri^"" ' ^-"^ ™-'^ ^"X i^:

"What's ,ha, ?" exclaimed Jellaby, jumping up
He soon saw what it was, for I immediately Z
my head round the edge of the pillar. ^ ^

ing.' 'Ct rar/gt:;:'"^ ^^'•'' ^-'"-^ ---

They stared without a word.
"You look as though I mighi be."
1 ney went on staring

y^^t^^'^ '' ' -' ^-' ^--^ what

They stared as speechless as though they had
been caught killing somebody. ^

■sl

? .

364 THE CARAVANERS

"I really am not a spirit," said I, getting ut
"Look — do I look like one ?"

And striking a match I playfully passed i
backward and forward across my features.

But its light at the same time showed me a flusl
of the most attractive and vivid crimson on Frai
von Eckthum*s face, colouring it from her hai
to her throat. She looked so beautiful like that
she who was ordinarily white, that immediate!^
lighting another I gazed at her in undisguisec
admiration.

"Pardon me," I said, holding it very near hei
while her eyes, fixed on mine, still seemed full 01
superstitious terror, "pardon me, but I must as
a man and a judge look at you."

Jellaby, however, unforgivably ill-bred as ever,
knocked the match out of my hand and stamped
on it.^^ "Look here, Baron," he said with unusual
heat, "I am very sorry — as sorry as you like, but
you really mustn't hold matches in front of some-
body's face."

"Why sorry, Jellaby?" I inquired mildly, for
I was not going to have a scene. "I do not mind
about the match. I have more."

"Sorry, of course, that you should have
heard

»»

"Every word, Jellaby," said L
"I tell you I'm frightfully sorry — I can't tell
you how sorry "

THE CARAVANERS

be die""" ■" "'"*"•" "'" '' "*« I wi"

"Discreet, Jellaby. And it may be ^ r.v f
to vou tn IrnnxM, " T . ^ ^ ^ relief

lo you to know, I continued, "that I hearf.lv
endorse your opinion." heartily

Jcllaby's mouth dropped open.

i^very word of it."
Jcllaby's mouth remained open,
i-ven the word bounder, which T a;a
undersund but which. I g;,h„ d L^\Z
prevous remarks is a very fuiuble e^on "

Jellaby s mouth remained open
„n! r""*/ moment, then seeing that it would
not shut and that I had really apparently shawered
theirnerves beyond readjustment by so suddenlv
popping round on them in that ghLly place ?
thought It best to change the subierr L • •'
myself to return to it another time "' ' '"^

cha^r I hH'J'"^ "^"^ ,''" ''"'' '"^"^ from the

Pillar a, thl '"'' 7/*""''^ ^""'^ ™""<1 the

mouth stn S""°^ ^'"""''" ""•• his unshut
rr5 '"'' '•'"otmg unaccountable shock -
bowed, and offered my arm to Frau von PrM.
It is laf " .,•', ., '^""vontckthum.

"and 1 nt ' "* i .""'' '"<<" courtliness,
keys If we Ho '" °^"'^ approaching us with
Keys. It we do not return to the camp we shall
have your s.ster setting out, probably on angeh"

-f 1

^11 i

366

THE CARAVANERS

.*»

wings" — she started — "in search of you. L<
me, dear lady, conduct you back to her. Naj
nay, you need have no fears — I really can keei
a secret."

With her eyes fixed on mine, and that Strang
look of perfect fright in them, she got up slowl'
and put her hand on my proffered arm.

I led her away with careful tenderness.

Jellaby, I believe, followed in the distance.

CHAPTER XX

•^ 1 he day before, you think you know whaf
W.II happen on the morrow, and on the morrow
you find you did not. Light as you may the candle
0 your common sense, and peer as you may by
Ks shimng mto the future, if you see a^thine
atall ..turns out to have been, after all, some h "f

by fluidities. Even when the natural world
behaves pretty much as experience has ledTto

n^h- V l^" ''""■P""") human beings, does

fT"J°l'}' r- ^y "P« concluMon. ca«
fully weighed and unattackably mellow, is that aU
one s study all one's thought, all one's xperience
a" ones philosophy. lead to this: that you can

interrurr k' ''"'■^"^- °° y°"' "y Wend".

ut wZ " '""'^- ^y ""^^^ ">

The morning after the occurrences just des-

te^ot. r"''"' T^'f' ^"-^ °" emergilig al^«
ten o clock in search of what I hoped Would still
be breakfast I found the table tidily set out. I*e

367

36S

THE CARAVANERS

'it !
■wf-

Stove alight, and keeping coffee warm, ham i
shces on a dish, three eggs waiting to be tran5
ferred to an expectant saucepan, and not a singl
carayaner in sight except Menzies-Legh.

Him, of course, I now pitied. For to have i
treacherous friend, and a sister-in law of whon
you are fond but who in her heart cannot endun
you, to be under the delusion that the one i
sincere and the other loving, is to become a fi
object for pity; and since no one can at the same
time both pity and hate, I was not nearly so much
annoyed as I otherwise would have been at finding
my glum-faced friend was to keep me company
Annoyed, did I say ? Why, I was not annoyed
at all. For though I might pity I was also secretly
amused, and further, the feeling that I now had
a little private understanding with Frau von
Etkitam exhilarated me into more than my usual
share of good humour.

He was sitting smoking; and when I appeared,
fresh, and rested, and cheery, round the corner of
the Elsa, he not only immediately said good
morning, but added an inquiry as to whether I
did not think it a beautiful day; then he got up,
went across to the stove, put the eggs in the
saucepan, and fetched the coffee-pot.

This was very surprising. I tell you, my
friends, the moods of persons who caravan are as
many and as incalculable as the grains of sand on

THE CARAVANERS .^

the seashore. If vou rln..K» •.
Bu. you «„„„. rear„ab.y X. .faf^-jV" . «•
to the narrative. Have I n^, . u """ing
courw of it how the Mrrv'. ° ■ '"" y°" '" "«
.kie, one hour and do'? 'P!"" ^"' "P 'n the
how their Ze«Jr7" "" 8'°""<' 'he ne«i
childish in h, fo|,y?'T:/Z/' "-^kfast wa,
depressing; how thev nl! J "'"" °" °'^"»
at Blind 4nTBuffV tSl n.r-'^ ""^^ P'^y'""
afternoon dragged AeVL?™'?*' ""'' '" "«
through the mS how tL? -LllTed ?"' "'-•'"^"«
sometimes, and Aen whe^ r JV '°° """=^

but they soon became extineuished T. ? '
at Frogs' Hole Farm «,!,-„ ^ ^"'^' *'^°'

by means of°«taI'ss"shetTr '''';"« '^"*»

a;'::nirth'i?^^^^^^^^

, '

370

THE CARAVANERS

was astonishing. I was astonished. But my
breeding enabled me to behave as though it were
the most ordinary thing in the world, and I
accepted sugar from him and allowed him vo cut
my bread with the blank expression on my face
of him who sees nothing unusual or iireresting
anywhere, which is, I take it, the expression of ihe
perfect gentleman. When at length my plate
was surrounded by specimens of all the comforts
available, and I had begun to eat, he sat down
again, and leaning his elbow on the table and fix-
ing his eyes on the city already sweltering in
heat and vapour below, resumed his pipe.

A train puffed out of the station along the line
at the bottom of our field, jerking up slow masses
of white steam into the hot, motionless air.
"There goes Jellaby's train,'* said Menzies-Legh.
"Jellaby's what?'* said I, cracking an egg.
"Train," said he.

"Why, what has he got to do with trains?"
I asked, supposing with the vagueness of want of
interest, that Jellaby, as well as being a Socialist,
was a railway director and kept a particular train
as another person would keep a pet.
"He's in it," said Menzies-Legh.
I looked up from my egg at Menzies-Legh's
profile.
"What?" said I.
"In it," said he. "Obliged to go."

THE CARAVANERS 37,

nowlSub";/"""'" ^°"' ' ^'"'' Lord Sidge, and

Naturally I was surprised fnr I u^j 1. .
noticed nothing of thif Ali ,. '""' ""''

the other left withnm • ^ "^^ °"« ^ft"

me inconsdLT- ' Ti?r''-''^^ ^^^•"^•' «°

"Yes " said M • t' '?^'' P''°''»'''y more.

are ve,; so^ry " ^'"""■''^«''- "^^ =>■•«- we

sorrow over Mabv°"'""' ^°"""y ''"'" '" =>ny
party wrshSlf/g " '"""'' ^^"'^'''^<' «»>at th^

kZgLT" '^^"^'"■Legh. "that's rather our

"But why has Jellaby f "

And a^l' rhat'.'^°" '"°"' •"""'^ --• P-"ame„t.

;; Does your Parliament reassemble so shortly ?'•
^n, well, soon enout^h V«,. u *""'^"yf

z^'-- ^o«- ^- wirs:"a^r:h7r Of

•an^^u^ B^ht^mS'" iTdd 7 r •" '-'
frown, "have taken l^lv'f ''''' ""'•■ ^ ^''ght
customs of gLfs^er m"" """"""^ '° ">«
after all is s'aid anSe " """ '" '"^"""'''

TWe'^l'" " ^T* ''"''^•" '="■<> Menzies-Legh
He Cleared his throat aXtlu?:oryVor

37^ THE CARAVANERS

thing, but when I looked up prepared to list*
he continued his pipe and his staring at the cii
in the sun below.

"Where are the ladies?" I inquired, when t\
first edge of my appetite had been blunted an
1 nad leisure to look about me.

Menzies-Legh shifted his legs, which had bee
crossed.

"They went to the station with Jellaby to se
the last of him," said he.

"Indeed. All of them?"

"I believe so."

Jellaby then, though he could not have th.
courtesy to say good-bye to me, could take ,
prolonged farewell of my wife and of the othei
members of our party.

"He is not what we in our country would call
a gentleman " I said, after a silence ng which
1 finished the third egg and regrettc -re were
no more.

**Who is not?" asked Menzies-Legh.

* Jellaby. No doubt the term bounder would
apply to him quite as well as to other people "

Menzies-Legh turned his sallow visage to me.
He s a great friend of mine," he sai-' the famil-
iar scowl weighing down his eyebrows

I could not help smiling and shakinr my head
at that, all I had heard the night before so very
iresh m my memory.

THE CARAVANERS

I • •• _

"Ah, my dear sir," T saiH "u r . ^^^

trust your great friends 'do norif"'"* ^''••'
lavishly to confidence R.]Z.( • l ^"^^ *=y '°o
well, but it sliouIH L. J '" *™ " all very
reasin." ''' "°' 8° '''y°"<l the limits of

"He's a great friend of mine " „ j w
^•e8-r.egh, raising his voice ' ""^'"^ ^"'-

I vvish then." saiH I "
what a bounder is " ' ''°" "'""''1 tell me

ri'n>notasl„g"dlti"tr!c''"''«'^-
seriously." ^ "'cuonary. Suppose we .alk

and telegrams las, night." he sffd * °' '"'"^

^ How did you manage that?" I asked
They were waiting for me 3t ,hl »-

here. I had teleuranh^H V„ T '"* post-office
And I'm afra d i-/m . t™ .'° ''' ^o^arded.
we shall ha"e to be off -'"'' ''"' "'' "^^'^^^ -

■•-™it^.i:;i^i^s^---,:^emore

master. remamed for me to

"Oh '" "^'-^/f- "°°- Leave this."
ThisVmJJearZf's^V^K "-"-"'«•

of what ;ou^arb:;;g^r tTo "^^""

»««? Itrusttoapla/ewitht)!^si:.t""^

374

THE CARAVANERS

**You don't understand, Baron. We don't g
anywhere next as far as the caravans are cor
cerned. My wife and I are obliged to go home.

I was, of course, surprised. **We are, indeed,
said I, after a moment, "shrinking rapidly."

Then the thought of being rid of Mrs. Menzies
Legh and her John and Jellaby at, so to speal
one swoop, and continuing the tour purged c
these baser elements with the tender lady entirel
in our charge, made me unable to repress a smil
of satisfaction.

Menzies-Legh looked in his turn surprisec
**I am glad," he said, "that you don't mind."

"My dear sir," I said courteously, "of cours
I mind, and we shall miss you and your — er -
er — " it was difficult on the spur of the momer
to find an adjective, but Frau von Eckthum'
praises of her sister the night before coming int
my mind I popped in the word suggested -
"angelic wife "

He stared — ungratefully I thought, considei
ing the effort it had been.

"But," I continued, "you may be very sui
we shall take every care of your sister-in-law, an
return her safe and well into your hands o
September the first, which is the date my contrac
with the owner of the Elsa expires."

"I'm afraid," said he, "I wasn't clear. We a
go. Betti included, and Jumps and Jane toe

THE CARAVANERS „,

impossible for us togo on V^ '<■' ^' """'""'^
An.* he set his jaw! "„h u ?• "" 1"««ion."

Pnse, life has in store for onerZ • i*" '"'■
what do you think of human nafure'^ '"es:"'?^
of human nature when .v "'^*- Especially

•»ore especially of hum^'/""^""*- And still
English f*^ Not without ?e. "T" """ '* ^'^^
'abel the accursrali™/; ^^ "t"?"""-
I am not clear about theTlt L r '"' '"•''«
clear about th p°"" '^""°"- ''"» ^ am very

"Do you mean to tell me" 1 -j .
toward him across the tablT Ih V"- ' '.'""'"^
meet my gaze "that vo. • ^ '^"'""e hi - to
go with your- ^°"' s'ster-.„-law ^„i„ ,„

'•She does," said he.
Then, sir " r l.

indignation struggling togX'wSme"" '"'
1 tell you. Baron " L • '^*""" "^e.

;e^ sorryl;,fC tu^ed T K^ ^'
se'es.Lr;oS;^'i„t« B^^^^^
demand we should g^ horned' '" '"""Pl'^^'ons
" I again began.

<< .

376 THE CARAVANERS

"My dear Baron," he again interrupted, "it
needn't in the least interfere with you. Old
James will stay with you if you and the Baroness
would like to go on."

"Sir, I have paid for a month, and have only
had a week."

"Well, go on and finish your month. Nobody
is preventing you."

"But I was persuaded to join the tour on the
understanding that it was a party — that we were
all to be together — four weeks together "

"My dear fellow," said he (never had I been
addressed as that before), *'you talk as if it were
a business arrangement, a buying and selling, as
if we were bound by a contract, under agree-
ment —

"Your sister-in-law inveigled me into it," I
exclaimed, emphasizing what I said by regular
beats on the table with my forefinger, "on the
definite understanding that it was to be a party
and she — was — to be — a — member of it."

"Pooh, my dear Baron — Betti*s definite under-
standings. She's in love, and when a woman's
that it's no earthly use "

"What?" said I, startled for a moment out of
all self-possession.

"Well?" he said, looking at me in surprise.
"Why not? She's young. Or do you consider
it improper for widows '*

THE CARAVANERS „-

^^Jmproper? Natural, sir - natural. How

at all. but to a la J^ab 5L n,? "^ /'" ^"^ *'» ""^
as I know myserr to bfn/a •''".'"•' °''J^"'^«
know me too such ^nin -^ ■''°" ^^ "o* must
could no, °n°'any t " 'aferoV'r:^'' '""^"-''-
Strictly Menzies-Legh was tou" ""' ™"''"«-
mentioning it; however haT 1 r"""' ^°'
what Jellabv called ,K. k J "uppose, was

him, and I pe c ivedt., K*^" ""■'"« °"' m
may be bouXThtf ^U^^r f^ "^
make no attempt to denv th;., ;, . 'P^^*' '

incident, and ^Uthough [ am allr' I '''T""''''^
never liked her fchieflv T 2^ Tl ^torchwerder

i I!

37^ THE CARAVANERS

the least little lapse from complete self-possession.
Immediately I became and remained perfectly
calm. Edelgard; duty; my position in life; my
beliefs; I remembered them all. It also occurred
to me (but I could not well tell Menzies-Legh)
that having regard to the behaviour throughout
the tour of his wife it was evident these things
ran in families. I could not tell him, but I felt
myself inwardly in every way tickled. All I could
do, indeed all I did do, was to say "Strange,
strange world," and get up from my chair because
I found myself unable to continue sitting in it.

"But what do you propose to do?" Menzies-
Legh asked, after he had watched me taking a
hasty turn or two up and down in the sun.
^^ "Behave," said I, stopping in front of him,
"as an officer and a gentleman."

He stared. Then he got up and said with a
touch of impatience — a most unreliable person as
regards temper: "Yes, yes — no doubt. But
what shall I tell old James about your caravan .?
Are you going on or not .? If not, he'll pilot it
home for you. I'm afraid I must know soon. I
haven't much time. I must get awav to-dav "
"What? To-day?"

"I must. I'm very sorry. Obliged to, you
know "

"AndtheAilsa?"

"Oh, that's all arranged. I telegraphed last

THE CARAVANER*-
night for one of the grooms H^'il u a •
hour or two and take rhlr' r • \^ '^°'^" '" ^n
thcrs." ^^^ *^^^'fi« ^f « back to Pan-

**And the Ilsa?"
"He'll take that too."

,, t;°» !"y ^car sir," said I firmlv "V« i
the Ilsa in our charge - it ^nA^. ^°" '^^^^

"Eh ?» said he "' contents."

<^o with J^nA76\^;^^^
to town with me by t^ai^ a 7 '' ^^'"^ "P
Betti ^ oh, yes hv thl ^""^ '">' ^^'^^ ^nd

instruction trtell you howT* ""' ^'^' ^^^ "^^
to be able to say^o^ Z^rit "^^ "^^
she was really ereaflv :ri- * . ^ ^^^"'"^ yo"

ought to start as ef rr/as'^sTbt"-!"'.. '^" '"^^
tothTltr-^'""'^- ^°" -'"" «'-y had gone

wei^';&:fp bJ a^r n "'' "-<' ">-

last night in the town i ' "'•'"'"'' ^°^ ""en,
there -1^ " °"^"' ^"'' "'<'« straight from

-0.era<i^:^lJ;Xtti7fZr.X

38o

THE CARAVANERS

with the indiflFcrent trickling of water when one is
not thirsty. At first anger, keen resentment, and
disappointment surged within me, for why, I
asked myself, did she not say good-bye? I
walked up and down on the hot stubble, my
hands deep in my pockets and myself deep in
conflicting emotions, while Menzies-Legh sup-
posing I was listening regretted and advised,
asking myself why she did not say good-bye.
Then, gradually, I could not but see that here
was tact, here was delicacy, the right feeling of the
truly feminine woman, and began to admire her
all the more because she had not said it. By
degrees composure stole upon me. Reason
returned to my assistance. I could think, arrange,
decide. And before Edelgard came back with the
two children, mere heated debris of that which had
lately been so complete, what I had decided with
the clear-headed rapidity of the practical and
sensible man was to give up the Elsa, lose my
money, and go home. Home after all is the best
place when life begins to wobble; and home in
this case was very near the Eckthum property —
I only had to borrow a vehicle, or even in extremity
take 3. droschkey and there I was. There too
the delightful lady must sooner or later be, and
I would at least see her from time to time, whereas
in England among her English relations she was
entirely and hopelessly cut off.

THE CARAVANERS

"?r"« came .o anCimel" d" """ ""'

reflect as the "educed trt'h P*? '"^P'''-' would
heat and glare of "he sum? '"'"''y.P''^''ed, i„ ,he

they had unpacked a Zt '"°'" ^^' """ ""^''^
ing winds and hanthowrr,''T"'"''>' ""•'<' h"*'-
Nature then ha"' tS" t/t'' T ^''"•'■"'■
merriment. Nature nTw 'was s.^;"'''' °» our
vainly on our fragments 0„e I ^' """'">'
what had happened? R,,hT ^["^ "'"''•' ^n^
had no, happS """• ' ''•°"'<' ^y. what

in°eV«U'?hnekf 1 7 ^^ ">-" 'o"

I thought, bur/'did ior;a;e'';r''.^°''^'°"''y

by Menzies-Legh, stufferf" T?^*" '" '"'"<')
bags. She had a Iced „n „ • ''''°"Si"g» into
I would not have ,„ ''""''ons. If she had

in the mo^'as you car^t"'""' ^""^ ""'e
wives. I just told her n„T^'"' '° P"' "P with
Jellaby off! of ^t'deSI" t^^r b^ t? T.«

*' ""' 3f once began to nart cl
did no, even inquire why we ,f^"e 1? •- ^^'

:.i

382 THE CARAVANERS

With reference to that city it can best be described

oy the single monosyllable Tcha.
I will not linger over the packing, or relate

how when it was finished Edelgard indulged in

a prolonged farewell (with embraces, if you please)
of the two uninteresting fledglings, in a fervent
shaking of both Menzies-Legh's hands combined
with an invitation - 1 heard it - to stay with us
in Storchwerder, and the pressing upon old James
m a remote corner of something that looked
suspiciously like a portion of her dress-allowance-
or how she then set out by my side for the station
steeped in that which we call Abschiedsstimmung,
old James preceding us with our luggage while
the others took care for the last time of the camo-
or with what abandonment of apparent affectionate'
regret she hung herself out of the train window
as we presently passed along the bottom of the
field and waved her handkerchief. Such rankness
of sentiment could only make me shrug mv
thou htr* ^"^^ ^« I ^as by my own absorbing

I did glance up, though, and there on the
stubble, surrounded by every sort of litter, stood
the three familiar brown vehicles blistering in the
sun, with Menzies-Legh and the fledglings knee-
deep m straw and saucepans and bags and other
torlorn discomforts, watching us depart.

Strange how alien the whole thing seemed

THE CARAVANERS

how little connection it »e.m.jTt ^'^

now that the .parlcUng ZZVluT """ ?'
toFrau von Eclctlium as bubble,^ ILl- "^ "^"
and only ,|,e dregs were left i f'^P'""^
feeling glad, as I rai/Jd J ""'"^ "« h^'P

acknowledgment of 2 ft, ^. """ '" '°"""u,

fledgling, that I ^a'sirof^ir^^^^^ "' '"^
Menzies-Leeh irravrlv ,.. ? '"" ™"s.

train rounded a c^^'h"''' "^ *='''"^: <>•"
disappeared at onc7and fl " •""'' "«vaners
callable past. ^ '^°''''" '"«<> 'he unre-

til

CHAPTER XXI

THUS our caravaning came to an end.
I could hardly believe it when I thought
how at that hour of the day before I was lying
beneath the hop-poles of Frogs* Hole Farm with
the greater part, as I supposed, of the tour before
me; I could hardly believe that here we were again,
Edelgard and I, tete-a-tete in a railway carriage
and with a future of, if I may coin a word, tete-a-
titeness stretching uninterruptedly ahead as far as
imagination could be induced to look. And not
only just ordinary tete-a-teteness, but with the com-
plication of one of the tetes, so to speak, being
rankly rebellious and unwifely. How long would
it take, I wondered, glancing at her as she sat in
the corner opposite me, to bring her back to the
reason in which she used before we came to
England to take delight ?

I glanced at her, and I found she was looking

at me; and immediately on catching my eye she

leaned forward and said:

"Otto, what was it you did .?"

They were the first words she had spoken to

me that day, and very naturally failing to see any

384

THE CARAVANERS

were, and thereforeTas tot as t"" k"""«^ """^
would otherwise have been., ?K u"*" P"' °"' ^'^ I
wifely fashion of 'rote 1-. k''"*""''^"^
to be going wrong attZing t ,o het'sb"?''
1 therefore good-h..,„« ji husband.

Bockhugel rem^ toT '^'PP"*<^ *' Aunt

•eaveitit.har.Y'L'w";t^' "|Lt'""« "
preferred to quarrel \V^i I "'• however,

to change theZSugeTfene 'T^.T"''''
p«o-poor Aunt Bocl^hag , W^l w ^'^^
ner in peace ? Riit t^u l " ^ ^^ ^eave

The/ 1 became v^idf" I ""' y°" ■^^•"
tion of superiorTt^ nffh ■ u''">' ** =''^'"np-
blame, wem Sr 1*' "^'" '" ""'"^'^« and
permit. What I ad "sw""""'' '"'" """

London I win not hferprf7t"K "" '"
before and will he J:/ c ™^ '•*^" sa'd

long as husbands ha etotr '"°"^'' ^«="" ^°
about the responsibih^ ^tinTorr" ■"' ^^
remembered the cheerful mool I ha5 b^r"' ^

-•Pe.-t0ut. GivettZntar/an':

386

THE CARAVANERS

kindest of men; take away my chance, and wha
can I do ?

And so, my friends, as it were with a wrangl(

ended our sojourn on British soil. I lay dowi

my pen, and become lost in many reflections as ]

think of all these things. Long ago have w<

settled down again to our ordinary Storchwerde]

life, with an Emilie instead of a Clothilde in th<

kitchen. Long ago we paid our calls announcing

to our large circle that we were back. We hav(

taken up the threads of duty, we have resumed

regulated existence; and gradually as the weeks

melt into months and the influence of Storchwerdei

presses more heavily upon her, I have observed

that my wife shows an increasing tendency once

more lo find her level. I need not have worried:

I need not have wondered how I could bring

her to reason. Storchwerder is doing it. Its

atmosphere and associations are very potent.

They are being, I am thankful to say, too strong

for Edelgard. After a few preliminary convulsions

she began to cook my meals and look after my

welfare as dutifully as before, and other effects no

doubt will follow. At present she is more silent

than before the tour, and does not laugh as readily

as she used when I chance to be in a jesting mood;

also at times a British microbe that has escaped

the vigilance of those beneficent little creatures

Science tells us are in our blood on the alert to

r' I

THE CARAVANERS ,g-

•5 '- Mrs. M^ZuT^n" '°T ""h"
or apply the Aunt Bockhu«l a„rf *" ^'l ''°*"
months I trust all will h. ' ? '" ^"°*er few

outspoken, patriotic ChrL- ° .''* ~ ' P'^'n.

readily alon^ theTath'^o " ;" hSTo^ "«
Ae nght nor to the left (if T i- j r l 'ookmg to
Fmu von Eckthum fo he is t ll''°"t'' T "'
and using my humble abM to do" f "^'x'"*'
for the glory of mv countrv? j i^ ^^" ^ «^n

/nd now havZ Z^H v."^ ^"'P''™'-
i» nothing moretodo b^r , ►.*' "'""''^^ *ere
put marks on i Ma"! , "^ " '^^..P^ncil and

marks. Unfortunate^r^ fee? IT" '^ *°"
be sincere without at the same timA^-" '?"""*
creet. But I tni« ,h,. l *"* ''*'"8 md's-
treated by my CreMi''';: '^""'"^ *'" be
to a man^who has on v h ; "''"'S"" «"«
the whole tru°h orTn'^ni '''T"' "^ 'filing
amount, I take (^ L V *°"''' (^'"' "-Wch

concealing ^o'Ug' "'^""'^ *^ -"-e thing) of

I
1,1

POST SCRIPTUM

A TERRIBLE thing has happened.
-^^ Finished a week ago and the invitation
to come and listen already in the post, with the fla
being cleaned in preparation and beer and sand
wiches almost, as it were, on the threshold, I hav
been obliged to take my manuscript once mor
out of the locked drawer which conceals it fron
Edelgard's eyes in order to record a most lament
able occurrence.

My wife received a letter this morning fron
Mrs. Menzies-Legh informing her that Frau vor
Eckthum is about to be married to Jellaby.

No words can express the shock this has giver
me. No words can express my horror at such a
union. Left to herself, helpless in the clutchej
of her English relatives, the gentle creature's verj
virtues — her pliability, her tender womanliness —
have become the means of bringing about the
catastrophe. She was influenced, persuaded, a
prey. It is six months since she was handed over
entirely to the Menzies-Leghs, six months of no
doubt steady resistance, ending probably in her
health breaking down and in her giving in. It

388

THE CARAVANERS ,g_

hardly bears thinkine of A Rr;,„ a o
A man in flannel. No Luv N ^ SocWist.
A« mos. terrible opin?onr'L t^, '''"
are so great, so profound that T k ''°"'°'"

the invitations and will itk th ' ' ?""""'
ever, certainly for sZe weeK r''^''"'"'P' '""'^
possibly read aloudX s»^ of "' ^^ """ ^
and delightful interJurs Jth r', •"T™""'""'
public knowledge ? ** ''^S'^ '^e'!''*'

And my wife, when she read the letter « k i
fast, clapped her hands and cried "itT, ^"^}-
-oh. Otto, aren't you glad " * " 'P''"*''

THE END

Internet Archive Audio

Featured

Top

Images

Featured

Top

Software

Featured

Top

Texts

Featured

Top

Video

Featured

Top

Mobile Apps

Browser Extensions

Archive-It Subscription

Save Page Now

Full text of "The caravaners [microform]"

See other formats