Dear Richard Madeley: I hate the expensive watch my girlfriend bought me

Dear Richard,

My girlfriend has bought me a beautiful and fairly expensive watch for my birthday. It’s a very generous gesture – but one that fails to take into account the fact that I never wear a watch. Had she asked, which I know would have spoiled the surprise, I might have said that I wore a watch when I was younger because there were no mobile phones, but I found it itchy and sweaty and got rid of it happily as soon as I was able to do so.

Nevertheless, I responded with delight when I unwrapped my watch, because gifts are all about the giver, and I’ve been wearing it ever since – it’s no less uncomfortable than the other one for being more high-end, but I haven’t actually come out in a rash yet. Short of arranging a mugging, which is distinctly on the cards as I work in quite a sketchy area, is there any way I can ease myself out of this horological quandary?

— P, London E5

Dear P,

Just to be clear, this is what’s known as an “agony” column. Your letter – amusing and entertaining as it is – can hardly be seen in that context. Agony? Wearing a designer watch gifted by a loving girlfriend? That’s agony?  

Hmm. I think not, P. I don’t think it even qualifies as “discomfort”. It’s mild awkwardness at most, which you’ve made worse by not grasping the nettle and telling your girlfriend you didn’t want this gift straight away, when presumably it could have gone back to the shop. So I have no clue what I’m supposed to advise. Stage a mugging? (Yes, I do realise you’re joking.) “Lose” the watch and presumably claim on the insurance? (Probably a crime, btw.)

I suppose I’ll get letters/emails about this, but never in my 68 years on this planet have I encountered anyone with an aversion to wearing a watch. Never. It’s weird, P, to be honest. In fact I’m beginning to wonder if your letter is a wind-up (pun intended). 

But taking it at face value (again, pun intended) I’d advise simply sucking this situation up. You’ll get used to wearing a watch. You might even like it. You could use it as an excuse to leave your phone at home sometimes; or put it on when you’re going out with your girlfriend in the evening (you’d be pleased if you saw her putting on some earrings you’d bought her before some special occasion, wouldn’t you?). In fact, you’ll probably become dependent on it, in time. No pun intended… this time.

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