I’ve been looking after my grandson for three weeks straight – I’m delighted school is back again

I’m sure some grandparents have an idyllic time with their grandchildren. They are probably retired, with good finances and in good health, and see the children once a week to take to the park for a picnic and a ball game. But that’s not the case with me. 

I’m 58, and have five grandchildren under the age of seven. I work three days a week as a safeguarding consultant for schools and colleges across the UK. I’m also a published crime writer under the name of FE Birch, and I walk with a stick due to having Ehlers-Danlos, a genetic connective tissue disorder.

Despite these commitments and restrictions, I regularly look after my grandchildren – especially the eldest, Matthew, who is seven. His dad – my son – works full-time and is often away, while his mother has epilepsy, so can’t look after him alone in case she has a fit. So this summer, myself and the other grandma have shared him out for most of the time. 

My husband, Steve – their grandad or “Pops” – and I have just had him for three weeks straight. He has his own bunk-bed at our house and is a boisterous, active boy. He loves playing Spiderman and jumping about or kicking a ball. But he also loves reading, drawing and history, and he listens to me more often than not.

I try to limit his iPad use to one hour a day, which works for most of the time. But it means having to take him out of the house to the beach, for instance, to keep him entertained. It didn’t help this summer that he broke his arm right at the start of the holidays, so has found doing activities difficult because of his cast.

What this has meant for my husband and I is that our lives have been put on hold. I managed to take time off work this summer to look after him, but I haven’t had time to do any of my own writing, which is my passion. All I’ve managed is to take Matthew on a research trip to Felixstowe for the day. I’ll return to my writing when he goes back to school.

On the odd days I’ve had to work, I’ve just had to close my office door and make sure his grandad keeps him entertained. It’s like being a parent again, doing a juggling act. But I don’t want to be a parent again. I myself had three children under the age of four and it was tiring then, but I’m 58 now. 

Saying that, I do love having Matthew, and my other grandson Toby, five, who also came over lots in the summer. We regularly have them both after school, picking them up about three days a week, so they are used to coming here. 

I don’t feel special for helping out so much, though. I know plenty of grandparents who do it. Most are still working, or have even had to quit their jobs so they can do more childcare. 

It seems to be what’s expected of us now as finding childcare cover in the holidays is a nightmare. We live in Hartlepool in the north-east and there is a complete lack of holiday clubs. All the local authority offers is very sparse provision, with numbers capped due to staff shortages.

I used to run a nursery with a holiday club attached, but when I retired from that a year ago, the new owners cancelled the club. I wish I had known that would happen and I might have thought twice about quitting. There’s also barely any childminders who will do full days, and even if they did, it would be too expensive for parents. 

With this lack of choice, it’s no wonder grandparents like me are picking up the slack. There are positives, of course. I do feel it’s good for a child to have a strong relationship with their grandparents. We love seeing them and I know we are very lucky to have them, even though I know Mathew really misses his parents when he is away for so long.

But let’s be clear: it’s exhausting. And I do wonder what will happen when my other younger grandchildren grow up a bit. At the moment they go to nursery all summer but what happens when they need care in the school holidays? I can’t look after five of them and neither can their grandad. He is 67 and retired, but he says he can’t get on with anything he wants to do because of the commitment to the children.

It sounds awful but we now dread the holidays and are both really looking forward to school starting again. We have booked a weekend away to Newcastle, and are going to watch the band Fisherman’s Friends and enjoy ourselves.

We need a break and to get our lives back as best we can – before the next set of holidays come around.

As told to Gwyneth Rees