Burn Notice 1x01

Michael: (voice-over) It doesn't matter how much training you have. A broken rib is a broken rib.

Michael: (voice-over) People with happy families don't become spies. A bad childhood is the perfect background for covert ops. You don't trust anyone. You're used to getting smacked around, and you never get homesick.

Michael: (voice-over) For a job like getting rid of the drug dealer next door, I'll take a hardware store over a gun any day. Guns make you stupid. Better to fight your wars with duct tape. Duct tape makes you smart.

Fiona: A spy is just a criminal with a government paycheck.

David: Are you a soldier?
Michael: Uh... no. Sort of.
David: My dad says you're here to help us.
Michael: Yeah, I might be. I just need to talk to your dad about some money first.
David: Then are you gonna shoot the people that robbed Mr. Pyne?
Michael: No, no. That shouldn't be necessary.
David: What if they shoot at you?
Michael: Well, in that case, it would be necessary, so yeah.

Oleg: You're real Michael Westen, yes?
Michael: Yeah.
Oleg: Back home, your story Russian Intelligence tells to scare. They say you're one name for many people. Special Operations team. They think, one person cannot make so much problems.
Michael: Nope. Just me.

Michael: (voice-over) Airbags save a lot of lives, but they also put you out long enough to get your hands cable-tied to the steering wheel.

Fiona: Any thoughts on to why you're so unpopular? Why didn't they just kill ya?
Michael: I might be a lesson, a warning. Maybe somebody wants to offer me a job, but they want me desperate, before they make the offer... It could be a lot of things. I don't know.

Fiona: That sounds like fun.
Michael: I'm glad you think so. I haven't worked so hard for so little money since Afghanistan. Afghanistan... But at least there my mother wasn't calling me 30 times a day! Thank you for giving her my number!
Fiona: You're welcome.

Madeline: The two of you were so much alike! I don't know why you antagonised him!
Michael: Mom, we were nothing alike! Everything I did antagonised him. Being alive antagonised him. Everything I did was a reason for him to slap me around.

Michael: (voice-over) Most people would be thrilled to be dumped in Miami. Sadly, I am not most people. Spend a few years as a covert operative, and a sunny beach just looks like a vulnerable tactical position with no decent cover. I've never found a good way to hide a gun in a bathing suit.

Michael: (voice-over) If you are going to collapse on a plane, I recommend business class. The seats are bigger, if you start convulsing. Although once you pass out, it really doesn't matter.

Michael: (voice-over) Sleep through an aerial bombing or two, and noise isn't an issue. You just need some privacy and a bed. In a pinch you can lose the bed, but the privacy's important for projects like this one. With everyone x-raying and chemical testing their mail these days, a box of wire and pipe and batteries sprinkled with chemical fertilizer is a great attention-getter.

Michael: (voice-over) With this much money, things get complicated. Change a light bulb in a place like this, and a week later you are on a speed boat on the Cayman Islands with someone shooting at you.

Sam: You know spies, a bunch of bitchy little girls.

Michael: (voice-over) Need to go some place you're not wanted? Any uniform store will sell you a messenger outfit, and any messenger can get past a security desk.

Michael: (voice-over) Sometimes the truth hurts. In these situations, I recommend lying.

Michael: (voice-over) Actually, losing a tail isn't about driving fast. A high-speed pursuit is just gonna land you on the 6:00 news. So you just keep driving like an idiot, until the other guy makes a mistake. Again, all of this is easier without a passenger yelling at you for missing a decade's worth of Thanksgivings.

Michael: (voice-over) I don't like stealing cars, but sometimes it's necessary. I have rules, though. I'll keep it clean, and if I take your car on a work day, I'll have it back by 5:00.

Michael: (voice-over) If you're going to put prints on a gun, sticking in someone's hand isn't going to do it. Any decent lawyer can explain prints on a gun. But try explaining prints on the inside of the trigger assembly.

Michael: (voice-over) Blackmail is kind of like owning a Pitbull. It might protect you or it might bite your hand off.

Michael: (voice-over) Fighting for the little guys is for suckers. We all do it once in a while, but the trick is to get in and out quickly without getting involved. That's one trick I never really mastered.

Michael: (to two kids) See that cop? I'll give you guys five bucks each, if you go over there and tell him, that the man in that car over there tried to make you sit on his lap.

Michael: (voice-over) I will say this for Nigeria though, it's the gun running capital for Africa, and that makes it a bad place to drive a passenger Sedan in a crowded market.

Michael: (voice-over) When you're being watched, what you need is contrast, a background that will make the surveillance stand out. An FBI field office is full of guys in their forties. At most south beach business hotels, it would be tough to tell, which middle-aged white guy was watching you. So you stay in the place where everyone is a Jell-O shot away from alcohol poisoning. If you see someone who can walk a straight line, that's the Fed.

Madeline: You know you missed your father's funeral by eight years.
Michael: Well, last time I talked to him, he said, I'll see you in hell, boy, so I figured we had something on the books.

Michael: (voice-over) 30 years of karate. Combat experience on five continents. A rating with every weapon that shoots a bullet or holds an edge. Still haven't found any defense to Mom crying into my shirt.

Michael: (voice-over) Figuring out, if a car is tailing you, is basically about driving like you're an idiot. You speed up, slow down, signal one way, turn the other. Of course, ideally you're doing this without your mother in the car.

Michael: (voice-over) When a spy gets fired, he doesn't get a call from the lady in H.R. and a gold watch. They cut him off. They make sure he can never work again. They can't take away his skills or what's in his head, so they take away the resources, that allow him to function. They burn him.

Michael: (voice-over) Southern Nigeria isn't my favorite place in the world. It's unstable, it's corrupt, and the people there eat a lot of terrible-smelling preserved fish.

Michael: (voice-over) In a fight, you have to be careful not to break the little bones in your hand on someone's face. That's why I like bathrooms. Lots of hard surfaces.

Michael: (voice-over) Covert intelligence involves a lot of waiting around. Know what it's like being a spy? Like sitting in your dentist's reception area 24 hours a day. You read magazines, sip coffee and ever so often, someone tries to kill you