Rewind with Iann Robinson, 6/3/04

Iann Robinson

We first talked to Iann on July 30, 2002, and the outpouring of emails we got on his 20 Questions said it deserved a Super Balls Award. So on August 5, 2002, we gave Iann a Super Balls Award! This time though we’re not going to need any emails to tell us that this Rewind deserves a Super Balls Award, because it does!

Some of you are going to love this Rewind, and some of you are going to want Iann Robinson’s head on a platter. And that’s what makes this Rewind great! It’s also why Iann is getting his 2nd Super Balls Award!

Metal Sludge Super Balls Award

If you’re a Sludgeaholic, then after reading this Rewind you’ll see why Iann got a Super Balls Award. There are some seriously great one-liners and shit talking going on here, but it’s also his opinion and he’s not afraid to share it. Iann Robinson gives no fucks! It’s his honest opinion and that’s all we ever ask for. He’s not pulling any punches here at all. The answer to Question #13 is Super Balls Worthy enough because we don’t think anybody has ever really given an answer like that. Be prepared to be entertained!

1. What are you currently up to?
As of right now I’m taking the summer off to actually enjoy my life. I spent most of the last three years with my nose to the grindstone, so it’s nice to be able to take a breath and relax. I’ve been doing some writing, probably not as much as I should, hanging with my wife and raising our pug puppy Lemmy, who rules. I’m trying to figure out this Heavy Metal documentary I want to do. Kind of like the 8 part documentary done on NYC but capturing all of the metal world. From Sabbath to Lamb Of God and everybody in between. I haven’t really seen a seriously well done documentary on Metal in a long time. I’ve also been catching up on my Law And Order, reading and playing video games.

2. We understand you left MTV. Did you willingly leave, did they try to make you leave, what exactly happened and how happy are you to be out of that hell hole?
What can you say about MTV? It’s a seriously flawed organization but on the flipside nobody forced me to work there. I got to meet heroes like Lemmy, Ozzy and George Lucas, I helped out smaller bands like Fireball Ministry, Lamb Of God, Mastodon and I was a huge part of bringing back the Headbanger’s Ball-so I did some good work there. Was it all candy canes and gum drops, no, but that place isn’t an art house, it’s a money machine and I was a cog in that machine. I guess I tried too hard to change the machine and it started to gum up the works. When that happened the cog had to be replaced, that’s just how it goes. I wouldn’t say I was forced out, there were definitely things at work bigger than myself to drive me out of that place and I could’ve put up a fight to stay there but by that time I didn’t care, I don’t like being where I’m not wanted. The people that were part of that power play know who they are and I’ve lived long enough to know karma works, so I hope they enjoyed this round. Hey, I got out of MTV with my soul and my integrity intact, not many people can say that.

3. What are you thoughts on MTV 2′s Headbanger’s Ball? How would you improve the show?
Hard to say because I don’t ever watch it. I’d probably bring in some more smaller budget videos from bands trying to make it, maybe not repeat the videos so much. People give Jamey a hard time but I think he’s stiff because they can be so over-your-shoulder there. When you talk to Jamey he’s totally loose and flows and he’s getting better on camera, I just wish they’d let him be more of himself, because he’s a really great human being and very personable. I’d worry more about MTV taking Headbanger’s Ball off the air for the 4 billionth hour of hip hop videos.

4. Any chance of you going over to FUSE/Much Music since they seem to back metal?
I’ve learned in this business to never say never, so maybe it will happen, who knows. As far as metal goes they have Juliya, who I don’t know but seems to be there flagship VJ. I’ve heard from people that she’s an awful combination of ego and ignorance but I’ve never hung out with her so who knows. She is young enough to still think the "metal horns" matter, she digs the metal catch phrases and youth has allowed her to believe that metal is all there is in life, so she seems better suited for it. If you’re going to interview Audioslave, Godsmack, Disturbed and bands like that, it’s better not to think they suck like I do, makes it easier to seem genuine when dealing with them. Besides, I’ve already walked the path she’s on, I want to do something else, something bigger.

5. Rank the following CDs on a scale of 1 to 10. 1 being not worthy to be used as a beer coaster, and 10 being something that you would hold in the highest regard.
Metallica – "St. Anger" = -1, they’re a joke, have been for a long time. Cliff Burton’s probably spinning in his grave.
Probot – "Probot" = 6 or 7, some of it is great and some of it is average.
The Darkness – "Permission to Land" = -1, fuck them and their ironic rock. I know, we’ll wear silly costumes and sing in an over the top falsetto, that’ll be funny and ironic-blow me. That may be what rock n roll means to the indie kids that embrace Spin Magazine and The Strokes, but it ain’t real rock.
The Haunted – "One Kill Wonder" = 7, not as good as "Made Me Do It" but a solid effort all around.
The White Stripes – "Elephant" = 4, Jack White is a great guitar player but he needs to get over the whole novelty act thing. As of now, they are the great rock n roll swindle.
Alien Ant Farm – "Truant" = Never heard it and never will. I wish that guy had broken his vocal chords instead of his back.
Premonitions of War – "Left In Kowloon" = 8, good solid metal record. I think these guys have a huge future if they can reel in some of the boring parts.
Fireball Ministry "The Second Great Awakening" = 9 (because 10 is for Maiden and the like). I know people think I jock them but I don’t care, they are the fucking shit, the best new rock band out right now.
Puny Human – "It’s Not The Heat, It’s The Humanity" = I can’t put a number to this, too high and I’m an egomaniac, too low and I have no confidence. We’re a good band, we put on a great show, that’s all you need.
Motley Crue – "Shout At The Devil" = 6 or 7, I never liked them but this is an ok record.

6. You play drums in your band Puny Human, which has released 2 albums to date and has appeared on a few tribute CDs. Any plans to put out an Iann Robinson solo album in the near future?
Well I don’t know how into a solo drum record anybody would be. I’ve been doing some spoken word stuff, ranting about this and that, maybe I’ll sell that shit and make some dough. I’d like to learn how to play guitar and do this mellow surf project I always wanted to do called Harada, named after my friend Paul’s last name. I don’t think I’d ever want to do too much away from Puny Human, that band is a huge part of my life and my family.

7. You’re a wrestling fan, plus you’re not exactly skinny. Any thoughts of doing something with WWE at all?
Who knows, maybe one day, I’d love it. I could be a great manager, I’m good at pretending to be a jerk, maybe go in there and screw up a match for Triple H, be part of Evolution. I’d also love to write for them, being that writing has always been my first love. I know people laugh at wrestling but fuck them, it’s a great thing to be part of with an amazing history.

8. What are your 3 highlights and 3 lowlights of your time with MTV?
Going to the Lucas Ranch and meeting George Lucas was amazing, especially having Josh and Jason there with me. Meeting Ozzy Osbourne and Geezer Butler was wicked cool and so was being a zombie extra on the remake of Dawn Of The Dead. I’d also have to throw in making friends with Elijah, Corey and Serj, three people who I’m still good friends with to this very day. As for low points, I guess one would be when I almost got into a fist fight with the lead singer of The Strokes and then all these British music mags made it out like the whole thing was my fault, that was bullshit. I also hated playing the "Hey you really don’t matter but let’s make a big deal about you anyway" game I’d have to play during awards shows and lastly it’d be dealing with people like Sully Erna, Fred Durst, Courtney Love and the like, people who have no sense of humor and take themselves way too seriously. Check the egos people, it’s just rock n roll.

9. How disgusted were you at MTV’s Metallica Icon show when Avril Lavigne performed as well as Fred Durst? Did you want to kill anybody?
At first I was pretty disgusted by the whole thing but once you look at what Metallica have become, it starts to make sense. Metallica were always timeless, until they started trying to be current, that’s when the douche chills started. That feeling when your dorkey Uncle or parent tries to "relate to you" by using hip lingo, it’s just embarrassing. Nobody at that show had anything to do with Metallica’s history on any level. No Motorhead, Exodus, Testament, Anthrax, nothing of the old school, it was just a ratings grab and a way for them to try and sell that god awful St. Anger album. When I met them they were all really nice, except for Lars-surprise, surprise, but you could just feel that the guys who wrote Kill’Em All, Ride The Lightening and Master Of Puppets have gone away forever. With lyrics like "My lifestyle, dictates my death style" you know it’s over. As for the show, Avril was a joke, so was Sum 41, they both brought a real High School Talent Show vibe to Icon. Limp Bizkit fucking butchered Sanitarium but was that really a surprise? Those chumps couldn’t sing happy birthday without fucking it up. Korn, who I actually think can make decent music when they really try, just destroyed One and even the segment I was in, it was so forced that it was embarrassing. The highlight was when Fred Durst cornered me with his whole band, his bodyguard and like six people and tried to get tough. Once he realized I wasn’t afraid of him he just seemed dumbfounded, as if he wanted to say "Yo yo everybody be all afraid of me yo". I feel bad for him because he’s become a punch line and for anybody as insecure as he is, it must tear him apart.

10. The Last of Iann Robinson:
Last book you read = Our Band Could Be Your life
Last concert you watched from the audience = I don’t go to shows much anymore, nobody really tours that I want to see.
Last movie you saw in the theatre = Shrek 2
Last video game you played = WWE Smackdown
Last band’s video you really dug = Couldn’t say, I don’t watch video shows anymore.
Last prank phone call you made = never made one
Last amusement park you visited = I haven’t been in ages
Last Puny Human gig you played = On May 20th with Dozer, Solace and Borgo pass.
Last drama you were involved with = A bunch of wanna be punk rock kids downtown in Manhattan, all done up in their punk rock uniform, gave me shit because of an article I wrote about there being no more punk rock scene. It’s funny because those kids were acting like a bunch of frat jocks, the thing that punk rock always stood against. I guess they proved me right after all.
Last time you talked to Ocean MacAdams = If MTV is a machine then Ocean is one of it’s many mechanics and mechanics don’t have time for parts that don’t work anymore. It doesn’t bother me, it’s not like Ocean and I were friends or anything, in fact I made sure to not become close with most everybody who worked there, it just didn’t interest me.

11. If you could go back in time and re-live any one year of your life, which year would it be and why?
The last year my father was alive, if I knew then that he was as sick as he was I’d have spent more time with him. My father was my whole family for a long time. I only recently made things right with my mother. When he died it almost destroyed me. He never told me how sick he was until it was near the end and had I known then what I know now I’d have made it a point to see him every day.

12. Of the following, which do you prefer & why:
VH1 or MuchMusic = Both get slapped by VH1 Classics. Where else can you see Flock Of Seagulls, Motorhead and Grim Reaper all in one day.
Alabama Thunder Pussy or Throttlerod = That’s a tough one. Throttlerod has more boogie to their songs but ATP is heavier. Let me hear the new ATP album and I’ll get back to you.
Sesame Street or Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood = Mr. Rogers no doubt. Sesame Street was never as creepy as Mr Rogers. Plus Mr. Rogers was featured on a Noothgrush album.
Scott Ian or Ian Hunter = Scott Ian, he’s the coolest guy ever. We disagree on things but he’s always totally cool to me. I have a lot of respect for that guy.
Mark Goodman or Alan Hunter = Mark Goodman, he always seemed like he knew what he was doing was silly.
Grand Theft Auto or Grand Funk Railroad = Grand Funk Railroad with out even thinking.
Black Flag or the Circle Jerks = I love the Circle Jerks but Black Flag is one of the end all be all bands of my life, when I hear that band the world stops spinning and I just go ape shit.
Robinson Crusoe or the Swiss Family Robinson = Neither because I had to hear jokes about both of those fucking titles my whole life.
Himsa or Black Dahlia Murder = I’d have to say Himsa because I like the vocals better but it’s a small margin that they win by.
Twinkies or Ding Dongs = Oddly enough I don’t eat either.

13. Who’s the most overrated band today and why?
It’s hard to pin this down to one band, there’s so much shit out there right now. Good Charlotte come to mind, a totally worthless band that hides behind an image they invented. If you’ve ever seen their first video they’re all clean cut and now they’re "punk" and dirty and it’s just a fucking crime that anybody takes that band seriously. I’d say Limp Bizkit but we all know it’s pretty much done for them. Godsmack are a silly bunch, especially Sully Erna, that guy has a Napoleon Complex like I’ve never seen. He actually takes what he does seriously, what a joke. I’ll grab some two bit singer from up north and have him do lame Alice In Chains type songs, it’s not that hard. Then you have bands like The Strokes, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Jet, and all those Spin Magazine type bands, who are boring, pretentious and look like they were built on an assembly line. There’s all this bad metal being passed off as HARDCORE, which is just a silly concept. When the fuck did eyeliner, faux hawks and wacky haircuts become part of hardcore? Let’s not leave out the pussy Emo and Screamo shit. I’d like to cut the hands off of everybody in Velvet Revolver to make sure they never make music again, ever. I’d like to snap the necks of the guys in Maroon 5 and throw each member of The Vines into the ocean. Radiohead are definitely overrated now. The Bends and Ok Computer are brilliant albums but all the shit they’ve done recently is just a joke. The Sounds need to be slapped until they promise never to make music ever again. Melissa Auf Der Mar-the prom queen of rock-should be locked in a cage with Courtney Love to fight to the death and the winner gets to be killed. It’d be fun to grab Avril Lavigne by the ankles and use her to beat Ryan Adams to death. Unfortunately most of the black and death metal I hear nowadays is fucking garbage. STOP WITH THE CRAP PRODUCTION, it isn’t underground, it’s lame. Any band where one of their members wears a tie to be cool, they should be shot in front of people they care about. God how can I say one band is overrated when most of them are.

14. Since you no longer do your column for MTV.com, why not just do it at rock’s biggest an most cutting-edge web site, Metal Sludge?
Just ask me. 

15. Yes or no, has Iann Robinson ever: Had monkey butt sex = nope Ran back and forth off the ropes in a wrestling ring = nope, but a man can dream. Thrown eggs at Carson Daly’s car = nope Shared a hug with Nina Blackwell = nope, but a man can dream. Rode a mechanical bull = Yes, it was cool until it threw me off and I missed the mats. Barfed in a drinking fountain = yes Pissed in a sink = yes Shit in a urinal = nope Jacked off in a taxi cab = What could I do, I was young and needed the money Killed a pigeon with your bare hands = nope

Interviewing some chick named Britney

16. Looking back at it all, of all the assignments MTV sent you on, what was your favorite and which one was just totally lame?
My favorite will always be the Lucas Ranch because it was a dream come true. I got to see Episode II with my two best friends at the ranch with George Lucas sitting next to us-I’ll carry that image to my death bed. Other than my marriage it was the greatest day of my life. As for lame, the worst was probably when they sent me to DC to interview Eminem. The idea was I’d spend several hours with Eminem touring Washington and talking about everything under the sun. Then ol’ Slim Shady got all pissy about doing press and I sat around for 13 hours doing nothing until the label deemed me worthy to walk to the stage with him for 12 seconds. Don’t get me wrong, I really like Eminem, I think he’s a seriously talented dude but rock star bullshit like that pisses me off because it’s part of their job. You don’t like press, don’t be famous.

17. Which of the following do you think will realistically happen within your lifetime:
a) A massive arsenal of biological weapons will be found buried in the Iraqi desert Doubtful, but if they do it’ll be-by a gosh golly coincidence-right around election time. Bush is a combination of incompetence, greed and egomaniacal tendencies-that’s a scary thing to behold.
b) Skid Row will reunite with Sebastian Bach and the resulting album will sell millions worldwide God I hope not. They’d have to change it to 118 And Life by now.
c) MTV will stop producing reality programming and will play mostly music videos Never happen and it’s not some grand conspiracy, you just can’t sell ad time as easily with videos and MTV is about money, not music.
d) KISS will stop touring and will retire once and for all One can only hope, I think Jim Rota put it best, when there’s more toys than rock, it’s time to hang it up.

18. Has Fireball Ministry ever charged you rent from swinging from their balls so much?
Nah, it’s mostly rent free. Besides, say what you want, they fucking rock. My one big piss off is that I wish I could’ve done more for them before the MTV thing fell apart. It’s hard for me to get stoked on new music because most of it is so bad, even from the "underground" where everything is supposed to be so great-it usually sucks. Fireball, Mastodon, Danko Jones and a very few others keep the hope alive, that’s why I go nuts to support them, because they’re trying to keep the dream from dying.

19. Are you one of those guys who played Dungeons & Dragons as a kid and know everything possible about Star Wars and Lord Of The Rings?
Oh yeah, I’m a geek. But I’m a real geek not a fashion geek or part of the geek chic bullshit. All the shit that it’s trendy or cool to be into now I actually got my ass kicked for liking, but that’s what the beautiful people do, they commodify the counter culture and strip it of it’s worth. One thing that helped me a lot during the MTV fallout was that I’ve always been a social outcast, never pretty enough or cool enough and always into things nobody else was into. When you live that way it becomes clear to you that the things you’re into and passionate about and the people you love ARE your life, nothing else. My wife Shelley, my band, my friends and my dog are my life and the rest of it doesn’t amount to a hill of shit in my opinion. So when I was working at MTV I never got into being down with executives or celebrities, being invited to private parties or being part of the Schmoozers Of America. When the MTV thing fell apart and all those people I met suddenly turned a cold shoulder to me, it didn’t affect me, not like it does some people. I actually feel bad for folks I meet who love being "celebrities" because when it goes-and it will go-it will devastate them. People can really leech when you have something they need and really vanish when you don’t, it’s human nature. So yeah I may be a big geek but my geek family is here with me no matter what happens.

20. Time for Metal Sludge’s Word Association. We mention a name, and you give us your thoughts:
Tommy Lee = Loser. Wife beating, hip hop one day-rock the next, bad tattoo having, loser.
Murderdolls = Not my thing but Joey’s a good guy so best to them.
Michael Moore = Genius, I wish more film makers were like him, instead of the shit factory currently running Hollywood.
Dave Grohl = Amazing drummer and great human being.
Josh & Jason Diamond = Two of the best musicians out there and two of the only people I trust.
Gideon Yago = Gideon, who’s 25, always referred to himself as an "old school punk kid", think about that statement and you’ll get a good idea of who he is.
Elijah Wood = a good guy and really down to earth for being a giant movie star. He’s part of my family now and I don’t let people into my family easily.
Kurt Loder = The man, a myth and a genius. He’s one of the best people I know and one of the few at MTV I trust.
Riki Rachtman = Good guy but he should let go the dream of being back on TV, it makes him seem old.
Zakk Wylde = Killer guitar player and fucking insane. I interviewed him once and he did the whole interview with a sack over his head that said "I just fucked your mother"-now that’s fucking rock.

That’s what Metal Sludge is all about! Brutal stuff! Let’s recap some of our favorite lines: "If you’re going to interview Audioslave, Godsmack, Disturbed and bands like that, it’s better not to think they suck like I do, makes it easier to seem genuine when dealing with them."

Iann drumming while wearing a Metal Sludge shirt!

"Metallica were always timeless, until they started trying to be current, that’s when the douche chills started. That feeling when your dorkey Uncle or parent tries to "relate to you" by using hip lingo, it’s just embarrassing."

"Limp Bizkit fucking butchered Sanitarium but was that really a surprise? Those chumps couldn’t sing happy birthday without fucking it up."

"Godsmack are a silly bunch, especially Sully Erna, that guy has a Napoleon Complex like I’ve never seen. He actually takes what he does seriously, what a joke. I’ll grab some two bit singer from up north and have him do lame Alice In Chains type songs, it’s not that hard."

"Melissa Auf Der Mar-the prom queen of rock-should be locked in a cage with Courtney Love to fight to the death and the winner gets to be killed."

"I’d like to snap the necks of the guys in Maroon 5 and throw each member of The Vines into the ocean."

"Any band where one of their members wears a tie to be cool, they should be shot in front of people they care about."

"It’d be fun to grab Avril Lavigne by the ankles and use her to beat Ryan Adams to death."

"I wish that guy had broken his vocal chords instead of his back." - On Alien Ant Farm

"Fuck them and their ironic rock. I know, we’ll wear silly costumes and sing in an over the top falsetto, that’ll be funny and ironic-blow me." - On The Darkness

"A totally worthless band that hides behind an image they invented." - On Good Charlotte

"Loser. Wife beating, hip hop one day-rock the next, bad tattoo having, loser." - On Tommy Lee

Now you might not agree with all of that, but you have to admit it’s some good, old-fashioned Sludge! Totally Super Balls Worthy!

Oh yea, if you liked this, then you’ll love his Metal Sludge Column, coming soon!